Did I Do The Right Thing By Calling Her Out?

[soulforge]

Guys this chick I have been seeing for 2 months, disrespected me at the weekend..


I have mild OCD, and she decided to mock me and exaggerate my condition..


I simply told her to quit making a drama out of nothing, I dont appreciate it.. I felt she was bieng rude to me and mocking me..


We are always taught on here, never to put up with bad behaviour or disrespect... I didnt shout or scream at her, was firm and to the point.

She gave me the cold shoulder for about an hour then, started to accuse me of making her feel uncomfortable and not welcome as my guest..


She started playing the victim and using shaming tactics to make me feel bad about myself..


I told her straight that she was out of order, and if she is feeling bad, then it was her own doing not mine..


Anyhow she asked me for a cuddle later, and seemed to be acting ok.. but since she went home, she has gone cold on me...


In my other post you will see, she has not bothered to contact me.. she is playing games, and probably wants me to chase her or kiss her ass..

Or she is trying to shame me...


I was getting serious with this chick, but now I am sensing danger. . She could be a manipulater!!!


even if I did get back together with her.. what about the next time she is rude to me, or says something disrespectful?

If I call her out, this whole drama and manipulation could start all over again.


How should I proceed guys? Need your advice bros

 

[MillionBillionaire]

She sounds like a cold condescending b1tch.. this will only get worse as her il fluctuates. I say get out now before she poisons your heart.. mind and soul.

 

[mikey2012]

Man, imagine if you married her..she be giving you crap, and snide comments like you are a beta dog...until you can't take it anymore and divorce her.

She sounds like at bitcvh. if she was high quality she should have apologized and promise not to do it again. Instead she's turning the tables on YOU. She's going for a POWER play here by ignoring you. If you go groveling to her she would have won because she knows even though she dissed you, you do not have the guts to walk away. Sooner or later your relationship with her will end because she will continue to disrespect you.

This is a turning point in the relationship. It could have all ended with her apologizing but she's escalating matters. You could chose to ignore this and put it down to a one off but for me this is a red flag. You should SOFT NEXT HER AND NC FOR A WEEK. If she still doesn't get the message then you need to kick her to the curb, otherwise you will get in deeper and deeper and then it will be harder to get out.

 

[Zion]

It's fine to have boundaries but talking to people is an artform. You should always be clear in what you will or will not tolerate, but that doesn't mean you can't do it in such a ways that you don't make her feel like sh!t.

 

[soulforge]

I also feel like this is a power play.. she is holding out for me to come grovelling, so she can shame me

 

[soulforge]

Still not heard anything from this chick.. how long should i wait before I delete her off my whatsapp and move on?

The funny thing is.. she asked me to hug her that night and we made up... then the next day, she has decided to escalate things!


This is a power struggle now.. if I get back together with this chick, then if she disrespects me again, she will only do this same ****t all over again..

Is this a lost cause? We had some good times together and great sex.. but seems like her true colours are showing...

 

[Suspens]

Next time don't develop feelings for a hooker.

 

[soulforge]

Next time don't develop feelings for a hooker.

Why is she a hooker? Wtf dude

I developed feelings for her because she seemed like a nice chick.. I wanted to try make it work..


Didn't realise it would turn into a ****king game..I know I don't have much of a choice other than to drop this girl..

 

[soulforge]

So what's my next move guys? If I dont hear from her by the weekend, should I dump her? Or just delete her from my whatsapp, and say nothing..

Just go ghost on her? Whats my best option?


I really cant text her, and ask her what is up? Because this feels like a power play by her

 

[Yorkex]

How old are both of you ?

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

You didn't really call her out, you just told her not to mess with you like that. I am not exactly pro-boundaries because every girl knows how to act in a relationship, but this specific situation is personal to YOU, so its alright to set a boundary in this case.

You handled it perfectly (at least I would say), and of she is playing games and wants to win it, then she is gonna be the one doing all the work . That means have her chase you. Have fun with this one, but nothing serious. Good luck.

 

[soulforge]

You didn't really call her out, you just told her not to mess with you like that. I am not exactly pro-boundaries because every girl knows how to act in a relationship, but this specific situation is personal to YOU, so its alright to set a boundary in this case.

You handled it perfectly (at least I would say), and of she is playing games and wants to win it, then she is gonna be the one doing all the work . That means have her chase you. Have fun with this one, but nothing serious. Good luck.

But she isn't chasing me.. not heard from her in 2 days now...


She might be thinking about going ghost on me... if I dont hear from her in the next 3 or 4 days..

I am considering, deleting her from my whatsapp, and just go complete ghost on her..

I don't see the point in dumping her.. only been seeing her 2 months

 

[Mr_Maximus]

How has she gone cold on you? It has been two days since you had contact and you have only been seeing her for two months.

If you have made up then proceed with her like that scenario is in the past.

Lead.

 

[soulforge]

How has she gone cold on you? It has been two days since you had contact and you have only been seeing her for two months.

If you have made up then proceed with her like that scenario is in the past.

Lead.

i thought we had made up on the night she was rude to me... she tried her best to shame me.. she tried her best to make me out to be the bad guy.. she tried her best make herself the victim..

i told her straight she is out of order.. so i just ignored her for an hour.. later that night she asked me to give her a hug..

before i gave her the hug, i told her, that i do not want a repeat of tonight again.. she agreed with me

she then went home the next day.. i heard nothing from her all day.. i then sent her a text saying, how her day has been..

she replied back, but i could tell from her messages she was bieng cold and distant..

so i backed off... i have not had a messgae from her since.. it has been two days now!!

anyhow my guess is, she either wants me to chase her, or she wants me to grovel.. or this is all a power play!

i get the feeling this chick is a professional victim.. and does not like bieng called out, even when she knows deep down she was rude or disrespectful

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

You get her to chase by not chasing.

 

[Mr_Maximus]

i thought we had made up on the night she was rude to me... she tried her best to shame me.. she tried her best to make me out to be the bad guy.. she tried her best make herself the victim..

i told her straight she is out of order.. so i just ignored her for an hour.. later that night she asked me to give her a hug..

before i gave her the hug, i told her, that i do not want a repeat of tonight again.. she agreed with me

she then went home the next day.. i heard nothing from her all day.. i then sent her a text saying, how her day has been..

she replied back, but i could tell from her messages she was bieng cold and distant..

so i backed off... i have not had a messgae from her since.. it has been two days now!!

anyhow my guess is, she either wants me to chase her, or she wants me to grovel.. or this is all a power play!

i get the feeling this chick is a professional victim.. and does not like bieng called out, even when she knows deep down she was rude or disrespectful

No one likes being called out, especially if it is scolding.

You dont chase, you dont grovel, just lead and put this behind you. one text is nothing and it can be misinterpreted as being cold and distant. Its a text.

Just proceed and go about your relationship with her as if this did not happen. Try and do what you would normally do with her, set up a get together, whatever. This will allow you to better gauge her state.

If your gut then tells you that all is not well then go with your gut.

This is how I would go about it. Just so that I can get more information to make a better decision..

 

[soulforge]

i wasnt there so i dont know what her body language, facial expressions, tone etc was like but its also a possibility that she was just teasing you.

teasing can seem like a shlt test though its no where near as serious. its an invitation to banter, flirt, build tension and bond.

ex:

"you have ocd? thats cute!"

*smack a cheek* after she protests you grab her and smack the other one

"im OCD remember? i cant just smack one and not the other"

or something like that. use your imagination

she probably cuddled up to you because you made her feel shltty

Nope she has pushed my patient's quite a few times before, with me bieng a little ocd.. she keeps mentioning it, and bringing it up over and over again! I just wanted to say to her, yes I am a little ocd.. but do we have to keep mentioning it, or bringing it up over and over again.


I did explain to her, that I had no intention of upsetting her.. not intentionally anyway...

But I did tell her straight, that when you mock me about my ocd, you exegerate it more than I actually I am..

And by deliberately creating drama or by mocking me, it bothers me... she totaly went on the defence, and did her very best to make me out a insensitive uncaring idiot..


I have taken this girl out for meals, cooked for her every night she stopped at my house.. i ran a bath for her, bought her flowers and a valantimes card..

Made sure she was looked after and comfortable in my house.... took her to nice places, and to the coast. ..


But the one moment I get something slightly wrong... she totally writes out everything good I am doing for her.. and suddenly I am an uncaring nasty evil man!!!

I feel like I have to be 100% nice around her all the time.. if I am serious or if i don't tolerate crap, then she gets moody..


sometimes I,m a great guy, then suddenly I am just a evil uncaring man!!!


I, m think some bpd traits here...

 

[Yewki]

You've done well by maintaining your position and not trying reach out to her. But don't take the power struggle too seriously. You should now act as though you guys just started dating again... call/text her sometime soon to arrange a meetup to bang. Act like nothing has happened. If she declines to meet up and keeps playing her game, you know what to do. Act aloof and maybe try one more time in a week or so.

 

[G_Govan]

Nope she has pushed my patient's quite a few times before, with me bieng a little ocd.. she keeps mentioning it, and bringing it up over and over again! I just wanted to say to her, yes I am a little ocd.. but do we have to keep mentioning it, or bringing it up over and over again.

We all have flaws and insecurities but you have to realize that people, not just the women you're with, are going to exploit these chinks in your armor if you allow them to.

I wear my flaws out in the open where people can see them and I never let on that they bother me. People make comments and I laugh it off, sometimes join in to let them know I don't think it's a big deal.

The moment you get "overtly" upset about something like your OCD people will put this information in their back pocket. It can and does resurface when they want to take a jab at your self-esteem.

Don't give them this power.

You can also fight back by attacking an insecurity of theirs, that usually wakes them up and 9 times out of 10 they won't make another attempt.

This chick's frame is stronger than yours and she's been in the driver's seat up until you went NC, but then you broke down and contacted her which is exactly what she expected, throwing away all your progress. Walking away is the hardest thing for us to do and they know this.

I say move on. It sounds like you're young so you'll have many more opportunities to be with chicks who are more mature and respectful.

 

[soulforge]

You've done well by maintaining your position and not trying reach out to her. But don't take the power struggle too seriously. You should now act as though you guys just started dating again... call/text her sometime soon to arrange a meetup to bang. Act like nothing has happened. If she declines to meet up and keeps playing her game, you know what to do. Act aloof and maybe try one more time in a week or so.

This logic does not make sense to me... we already had a tiff once before, and I reached out to her, and we got things on again..

This is the 2nd time she has gone cold on me... again she is feeling victimised...

If I reach out to her, or ask her out again... what does she learn from this? She will only behave like this again, in full confidence, that I will keep reaching out to her.. for the 3rd time!!

She will consider me a walk over.. this idea seems very risky