Did I do good or mess up?

[jnMissouri]

Here is one of the girls I'm dating. The others no issues really. I actually bang this girl in the bathrooms at my work... https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/how-to-keep-the-girl-i’m-dating-for-just-casual-sex.254439/ Here is my post about how I'm dating multiple other women (I've since started dating an additional one): https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/preventing-oneitis.255707/#post-2608251 Actually while looking through my threads about what some goofs think are my imaginary dates, I found this gem, I was in the exact same position at a different job with a girl years ago and this first response in the thread was the right answer to the same situation. Basically according to this guys post what I'm doing now is the exact right thing. Texting her again talking about how I'm just interested in her i was and being direct was what I did back then and it released the tension. I need to follow THIS guys advice and wait a while before reaching out again I think. https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/is-she-playing-hard-to-get-what-to- For some reason I've noticed, this always happens to me with women at work or school (places I Frequent)

 

[jnMissouri]

^This should be her describing you, to her friends, more or less.

Then to get her to stop playing hard to get every other time, I also texted her minutes after inviting her out this weekend that it's not a problem if she can't come, I would make other plans. English is her second language but I presume she understood the subtext...


You may think you're pulling a DHV here, but you're doing the opposite. You're saying to her, "if you don't want to come, it's okay." It's equivocating. You should always know and tell yourself that it's okay and you'll have backup plans, but you don't need to verbalize that. It probably made her simultaneously think she wasn't a priority, and that you were expecting or are used to being flaked on (low value). I hope that makes sense.

I do see your point that my last text to her was wrong. I pulled away too hard by saying that. At this point I'm just trying to fix it. I think you said that I'm better off NOT sending a follow up text, at least not yet?

 

[jnMissouri]

Haven't had a chance to read new responses, typed this on my phone.
Alright, so it should not be verbalized that you have other options. I know a lot of dating guru's say that it should be, at least IF the woman is pulling away. I've had a lot of success with the advice of those gurus, including doing this with a girl once ling ago, but a girl I did this with recently stopped texting suddenly.

She almost always texts me back within minutes or hours same day, only once or twice that she has not. We are colleagues and have been flirting at work for a while. We finally went out. It took a while because I think she thought I was playing hard to get because I told her I had been really busy, not texting too much, etc. So she started kind of being like, Oh, I've been busy too, etc.

In any case, it's always two steps forward, one step back. She says yes enough to move things forward, then after they move forward there is always an obstacle. But each time the obstacle is overcome and we move forward. For example. after our first date, she texted me and I suggested she cook us dinner at her place. She agreed within minutes. Long story short, I ask her a few days later if she has anything good to eat yet and she said not yet. I teased her about this. She said she had been very busy with exercise, English classes, etc. I joked that I could get her a workout. She laughed and asked about the details.

A few days go by (I was legitimately busy). So yesterday I text her that I wanted to watch a movie together. She asked which movie. I told her it would be a surprise, etc. Then I texted her a minute later that it's no big deal if she can't make it because she is too busy, I'll make other plans. I didn't say other plans with women or anything but I implied it, though the statement could be interpreted in many different ways.

So she didn't text me back after that, which is unusual. I think the concesus is that I should NOT have said that. But now what? Should I text her that I didn't mean to come across like that and that I'm just trying to get to know her better or wait for a text or some kind of sign (we see each other at work here and there) before I contact her again?

I was in a similar boat, slightly different situation but similar with a girl at work years ago, different job, and I ended up caving and being direct. It back fired.

One of the guys in that thread at the time said that I should have stayed silent, as it was probably driving her nuts that I was not in the palm of her hand anymore. That could be what's going on here with her now, she's not sure how to respond because she hasn't been challenged like that before, but who knows, each woman is slightly different in how she responds to these things. So what should I do with this girl now?

 

[jnMissouri]

I agree I shouldn't have sent that last text. How do I fix now though? And I'm not sure who's right or wrong. A guy in a thread from 5 years ago, similar situation said to let it sit. That I did well and that this drives women wild.

I didn't. Instead I went direct with my messages. Backfired.


I was about to do same here, be direct and show interest, apologize, etc. because everyone is telling me I went too far. But the guy from 5 years ago said not to worry and that I did right in similar situation. So starting to think it could be a mistake to try to apologize and be direct now Each woman is different. For all I know she is trying to figure out how to respond.

 

[guru1000]

"Did i do good or mess up"

Wrong frame. Hence, your predicament.

1) Lose the pedestal;
2) Now look downward toward her.

Now you tell me:

What is your best action now?

 

[ohrein]

I am dating four women....I'm not faking it.

Well I'm confused as to why you're putting so much thought into this one then. If you have four women, then see them if this one isn't playing ball. Silence and distance is a powerful weapon. A woman's currency is sex, a mans is attention and time.

"Did i do good or mess up"

Wrong frame. Hence, your predicament.

This is it in a nutshell. You care if "win".

 

[jnMissouri]

Well I'm confused as to why you're putting so much thought into this one then. If you have four women, then see them if this one isn't playing ball. Silence and distance is a powerful weapon. A woman's currency is sex, a mans is attention and time.

Hmmmm...finally a post that actually teaches me something. That last sentence was dynamite. Good perspective.

The reason I'm putting so much time into this one as I may have noted is because of exactly that; she is less available than the other women. Not just that but she knows how to give me just enough to get me to move forward again.

I still have not heard from her. I think I hurt her feelings. Tomorrow I may text her that my last text came out wrong, etc.

Suggestions?

 

[ohrein]

The reason I'm putting so much time into this one as I may have noted is because of exactly that; she is less available than the other women. Not just that but she knows how to give me just enough to get me to move forward again.

This is bad thing. I don't know about you, but my time is valuable. Too valuable to be wasting time with games.

Suggestions?

Ask her out. If she declines, go no contact until she reaches out again. If she reaches out again, repeat. If she doesn't reach out then the problem solves itself.

 

[jnMissouri]

This is bad thing. I don't know about you, but my time is valuable. Too valuable to be wasting time with games.



Ask her out. If she declines, go no contact until she reaches out again. If she reaches out again, repeat. If she doesn't reach out then the problem solves itself.

Would you suggest I stick with the same activity or bring up "hey, I forgot we were going to do dinner at your place, let's do that Saturday instead"

Also, should I say that my last text came out wrong and I'm interested in getting to know HER better, some variation of that or leave all that alone?

You're right though, this will settle it once and for all.

 

[jnMissouri]

That's my opinion. As a rule of thumb, less is more. You won't fix it with another text explaining yourself again. That would work with a man, but women have a perception gap. Men hear a logical explanation, women just see a man equivocating and interpret that as uncertainty.

Don't beat yourself up too much - it's not a huge deal. You didn't insult her, and she might still want to see you on Saturday. I haven't read all your subsequent posts. You might need a reset text, but that would require waiting a day or two.

What you want is her (or any girl) in the seat you're in. That is, she should be the one who's unsure, and who's wondering why you haven't responded, etc. Other guys are saying "low interest," that's harsh, but she sounds like her interest is about even with you. Obviously you want to get her out, or in as it were, with you, too. Has she responded?

Thanks! That's the thing though, for all I know she IS in the seat I'm in now. She has never taken so long to respond. Either she is...

-waiting for other plans (I doubt it, she always suggest hanging out Saturdays instead of after work, as if she has nothing going on. And she tells me all the time how lonely she is...). When you look at the totality of the interaction, I don't think she is waiting on other plans.
-off balance since I said that I would make other plans if she can't make it and unsure how to respond. I know I would be...
-or she is now viewing me as some player and not interested now. I don't think this is it because she has not responded yet. She didn't say no. She didn't say buzz off. Remember this is a girl who got her friend to introduce us over lunch, got my number from that friend, then comes talk to me at my desk if I stop texting her (first having her friend come talk to me, then SHE joins the conversation and her friend immediately leaves the convo...). This was also a girl who texted me minutes after our first date and agreed to cook us dinner at her place. This doesn't sound like low interest so much as high interest and trying to game me to get me more interested in her since I wasn't initially.

They say creating doubt amplifies attraction. But creating too much doubt kills it just as fast as no doubt. I know her well enough I think I created too much doubt.

Next text or move suggestions welcome.

 

[ohrein]

Would you suggest I stick with the same activity or bring up "hey, I forgot we were going to do dinner at your place, let's do that Saturday instead"

Also, should I say that my last text came out wrong and I'm interested in getting to know HER better, some variation of that or leave all that alone?

You're right though, this will settle it once and for all.

I would calmly but bluntly ask for a reply.

"Ignoring me is rude. I'd love to have dinner and a movie with you on Sunday. If you're not interested then please don't waste my time."
"Hey, you haven't replied. I'd like to see you on the weekend if you're free, otherwise I will make other plans."

Or you could try c0cky/funny.

"You playing hard to get? It's working, you're all I can think about. We hanging out this weekend or what?"

You can change that to suit your personality, but just be very matter of fact, no games, no bullsh1t. Tell her you'd like to see her, just don't be desperate for it. Like, hey, it'd be fun to see you but if not I'll have a boys night. You want it to have that sort of feel to it. No pressure.

But the problem here is her interest level doesn't seem that high. You claim it is, but it's more like it was. After one date with my girlfriend, I think she canceled plans once in the first six months of dating. I would say what night are you free this week, she'd say x, I'd say, let's go do this, she'd say yes! I only ever got enthusiasm and I didn't need to think, wonder or play any games. Text, meet up, repeat. I never had any doubt that she was interested in dating me after our first date and she made it very easy to spend time with her.

 

[jnMissouri]

By the way I appreciate everyone weighing in here. This girl is not LI IMO. If you actually read the details I post. I think she is making it not so easy. When I get discouraged and back off, she engages me again. At least she used to. After my last text, I may have ruined it...

 

[jnMissouri]

I would calmly but bluntly ask for a reply.

"Ignoring me is rude. I'd love to have dinner and a movie with you on Sunday. If you're not interested then please don't waste my time."
"Hey, you haven't replied. I'd like to see you on the weekend if you're free, otherwise I will make other plans."

Or you could try c0cky/funny.

"You playing hard to get? It's working, you're all I can think about. We hanging out this weekend or what?"

You can change that to suit your personality, but just be very matter of fact, no games, no bullsh1t. Tell her you'd like to see her, just don't be desperate for it. Like, hey, it'd be fun to see you but if not I'll have a boys night. You want it to have that sort of feel to it. No pressure.

But the problem here is her interest level doesn't seem that high. You claim it is, but it's more like it was. After one date with my girlfriend, I think she canceled plans once in the first six months of dating. I would say what night are you free this week, she'd say x, I'd say, let's go do this, she'd say yes! I only ever got enthusiasm and I didn't need to think, wonder or play any games. Text, meet up, repeat. I never had any doubt that she was interested in dating me after our first date and she made it very easy to spend time with her.

Pure gold, thank you. The thing is your story about your gf is ONE sample out of the population. You can't extrapolate a pattern from ONE experience with one girl.

Thanks much for the lines above. They are gold.

 

[jnMissouri]

That's my opinion. As a rule of thumb, less is more. You won't fix it with another text explaining yourself again. That would work with a man, but women have a perception gap. Men hear a logical explanation, women just see a man equivocating and interpret that as uncertainty.

Don't beat yourself up too much - it's not a huge deal. You didn't insult her, and she might still want to see you on Saturday. I haven't read all your subsequent posts. You might need a reset text, but that would require waiting a day or two.

What you want is her (or any girl) in the seat you're in. That is, she should be the one who's unsure, and who's wondering why you haven't responded, etc. Other guys are saying "low interest," that's harsh, but she sounds like her interest is about even with you. Obviously you want to get her out, or in as it were, with you, too. Has she responded?

Are you saying she is about as interested in me as I am with her when you say even?

What would you put in a reset text?

 

[jnMissouri]

Pure gold, thank you. The thing is your story about your gf is ONE sample out of the population. You can't extrapolate a pattern from ONE experience with one girl.

Thanks much for the lines above. They are gold.

Another thought. I dated girls like that before. They were usually 7s though, either that or insecure about something.

 

[jnMissouri]

There's no way for me to know, that's just a guess based on your report. Honestly I think @guru1000 gave the best, and most succinct advice.

Has she responded was my question...if not, just put the phone down for a few days. You're analyzing and hamstering, it's an easy trap to fall into.

No I get that, I just wasn't quite clear on what you meant. No, no response yet, sorry I thought that was explicit based on my other posts so far, but no she has not responded yet. I view that better than a negative response. Or maybe no response IS the response. I don't know.

 

[BeExcellent]

Um. You are overthinking. A wee bit. Relax...chill out...breathe.

The fate of the world does not hang on what she does. Nor does it hang on your text.

You are spinning this all around in your head and creating a fantasy expectation and then getting disappointed. All from over thinking and creating a script you want her to follow.

Stop it. Just. Stop.

Now go on about your business. You've gotten some good, simple solid advice here. Read it; do it.

 

[jnMissouri]

Um. You are overthinking. A wee bit. Relax...chill out...breathe.

The fate of the world does not hang on what she does. Nor does it hang on your text.

You are spinning this all around in your head and creating a fantasy expectation and then getting disappointed. All from over thinking and creating a script you want her to follow.

Stop it. Just. Stop.

Now go on about your business. You've gotten some good, simple solid advice here. Read it; do it.

You are right, but you're telling this to a person who is a C personality and is not only genetically programmed to analyze everything (based on employment psychological tests administered by PhD's), but who's career and education demand it/trained him for it. It's as natural to me as breathing. It's what I do.

 

[Glassguy]

You have some real critical thinking issues. You see one thread as if it's my only thread on here. I have other threads on here about other women. Most of those have few issues. I wasn't initially interested in this girl at work. She got my interested by gaming me. You really don't think women play hard to get? Lol. Yeah, I'm sure you're "spinning four plates".

I dont have any critical thinking issues and I will tell you why. I dont let women get me to the point of "critically thinking" about one particular woman because that would put me in her frame and not the other way around.

I wont take my time to read all of your other threads because I responded to this one. Women dont "game you" when their interest/attraction to you is high. I will promise you that.

Playing hard to get- medium to low interest. When the rubber hits the road you should be able to have her submit to your requests rather easily (meeting up for a drink all the way to sex). Sure some women MIGHT try to pull some game on me, but once they understand through my covert actions that I will not stick around if they do, those women do not try to "play games" for very long. Want to know why? Because I am spinning 4 plates and I have an abundance mindset. I will be dust in the wind when one particular woman tries to play games.

I will even tell you this: if she is playing games, she will certainly come right back with a game free attitude after I apply a little S&D, which takes zero effort to do.

I have options. I do not have to put up with things that someone with a scarcity mindset will put up with. That is the difference. If you dont believe that I am currently fvcking 4 women, I will gladly screenshot messages from each one that validate that. At the end of the day your opinion really doesnt matter. But I can easily prove the plates that I am spinning.

Pro tip-

If you have to start a thread about one particular woman, you are completely in the wrong frame and it is your mindset that needs to be adjusted. My recommendation would be to find more viable options.

 

[jnMissouri]

I dont have any critical thinking issues and I will tell you why. I dont let women get me to the point of "critically thinking" about one particular woman because that would put me in her frame and not the other way around.

I wont take my time to read all of your other threads because I responded to this one. Women dont "game you" when their interest/attraction to you is high. I will promise you that.

Playing hard to get- medium to low interest. When the rubber hits the road you should be able to have her submit to your requests rather easily (meeting up for a drink all the way to sex). Sure some women MIGHT try to pull some game on me, but once they understand through my covert actions that I will not stick around if they do, those women do not try to "play games" for very long. Want to know why? Because I am spinning 4 plates and I have an abundance mindset. I will be dust in the wind when one particular woman tries to play games.

I will even tell you this: if she is playing games, she will certainly come right back with a game free attitude after I apply a little S&D, which takes zero effort to do.

I have options. I do not have to put up with things that someone with a scarcity mindset will put up with. That is the difference. If you dont believe that I am currently fvcking 4 women, I will gladly screenshot messages from each one that validate that. At the end of the day your opinion really doesnt matter. But I can easily prove the plates that I am spinning.

Pro tip-

If you have to start a thread about one particular woman, you are completely in the wrong frame and it is your mindset that needs to be adjusted. My recommendation would be to find more viable options.

There you go again with this scarcity mindset stuff despite the fact that I've repeatedly noted with links that I'm already dating other women! It has nothing to do with scarcity. I want THIS girl precisely because she is doing all of this stuff! She is attractive as well but I wasn't really into her before until she started doing this stuff. I just let her go. Now I can't stop thinking about her. It has nothing to do with not having other options, I don't know why you somehow can't seem to read that when I post it with proof. It's that I literally want THIS specific girl now.

And what you say about HIL women not gaming is not accurate IMO. Even the gurus teach (David D. etc.) that women are biologically programmed to play hard to get. There is a science behind it. It's also why they chit test you.

If this girl wasn't interested then why did she get my number from her friend, why does she come engage me again when I stop texting her, why did she tell me she was busy x and y days with family stuff but was free that Saturday we went out? Why did she text me 20 minutes after the date telling me she had a great time and thanking me for it. Why did she agree to cook us dinner at her place after that when I asked her?

That's the thing, you and a couple others here talk about LI but you seem to not be able to answer these questions, I've posted them REPEATEDLY yet you have all ignored them....lol.

What is the S&D you mentioned? I usually don't hang out on the forums a lot (except now because of this girl) so I am not familiar with all the acronyms?