Young Rocketship
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2012
- Messages
- 22
- Reaction score
- 0
Greetings y'all,
I have a problem accompanied by a somewhat roundabout story.
So I've been seeing this girl for a month and a half. Started off as friends, then dated and started having sex. Everything was going well and I just naturally started talking to other girls less and less while spending more and more time with her (breaking the DJ code, I know). Eventually I decided that I wanted to be with her and planned a really romantic way of cuffing her. But found out close to the last minute by her that she's not quite ready to be in a relationship despite the fact that we'd been acting like we were in one for weeks. I was cool with her needing more time; I figured it was time I could use to get my flings out the way with other girls before choosing her.
Aside from her mentioning a while ago that we could still talk to other peopl, we've never had an official conversation on the boundaries of our "relationship" or what our "relationship" even is. I still talked to my exes/side girls but pretty much treated her as the main. I don't know the extent of who else she was talking to but I do know she was still being contacted by her ex.
Anyway, I'm the type of person who believes in clear, transparent stages in relationships- until we mutually make it official, there's no expectations of exclusivity. However, I really like this one and I've been breaking all kinds of rules for to the point where I've allowed things to progress to a relationship-like state without going through the stages I usually go through. We both went home for Thanksgiving break and I ended up messing around with one of my exes. I didn't think much of it at the time but it's been a few days now and I've been feeling really guilty. Despite never making things "official" or making any pledges of commitment to her, I feel like I cheated on her. Fooling around with my ex made me realize how much I really like this girl over all the others, and how I want to be with her.
So SoSuave, am I wrong for feeling this way? What should I do?
From a logical perspective I don't believe I am and if it was any other girl I wouldn't really care. From an emotional perspective, I feel like I violated in a major way. I'm debating my next course of action. Should I keep it to myself and move on with her? I feel regret and remorse for hooking up with my ex and it would definitely never happen again. Plus it's unlikely the girl would ever find out. However, this feeling of guilt keeps recurring and I doubt I could deal with simply keeping it a secret.
Or should I tell her? Putting myself in her shoes I'm not sure I would want to know what she's doing if we're not exclusive yet. But you know how women are. She could have assumed we're monogamous by now- which creates further issues.
I'm considering just taking a break from her to evaluate things. After all, if I cared about her as much as I feel I do then why feel the need to hook up with an ex. I thought I could use this week away to get my last hurrah from different girls but now I just don't know.
Any thoughts/comments/questions/advice welcomed.
I have a problem accompanied by a somewhat roundabout story.
So I've been seeing this girl for a month and a half. Started off as friends, then dated and started having sex. Everything was going well and I just naturally started talking to other girls less and less while spending more and more time with her (breaking the DJ code, I know). Eventually I decided that I wanted to be with her and planned a really romantic way of cuffing her. But found out close to the last minute by her that she's not quite ready to be in a relationship despite the fact that we'd been acting like we were in one for weeks. I was cool with her needing more time; I figured it was time I could use to get my flings out the way with other girls before choosing her.
Aside from her mentioning a while ago that we could still talk to other peopl, we've never had an official conversation on the boundaries of our "relationship" or what our "relationship" even is. I still talked to my exes/side girls but pretty much treated her as the main. I don't know the extent of who else she was talking to but I do know she was still being contacted by her ex.
Anyway, I'm the type of person who believes in clear, transparent stages in relationships- until we mutually make it official, there's no expectations of exclusivity. However, I really like this one and I've been breaking all kinds of rules for to the point where I've allowed things to progress to a relationship-like state without going through the stages I usually go through. We both went home for Thanksgiving break and I ended up messing around with one of my exes. I didn't think much of it at the time but it's been a few days now and I've been feeling really guilty. Despite never making things "official" or making any pledges of commitment to her, I feel like I cheated on her. Fooling around with my ex made me realize how much I really like this girl over all the others, and how I want to be with her.
So SoSuave, am I wrong for feeling this way? What should I do?
From a logical perspective I don't believe I am and if it was any other girl I wouldn't really care. From an emotional perspective, I feel like I violated in a major way. I'm debating my next course of action. Should I keep it to myself and move on with her? I feel regret and remorse for hooking up with my ex and it would definitely never happen again. Plus it's unlikely the girl would ever find out. However, this feeling of guilt keeps recurring and I doubt I could deal with simply keeping it a secret.
Or should I tell her? Putting myself in her shoes I'm not sure I would want to know what she's doing if we're not exclusive yet. But you know how women are. She could have assumed we're monogamous by now- which creates further issues.
I'm considering just taking a break from her to evaluate things. After all, if I cared about her as much as I feel I do then why feel the need to hook up with an ex. I thought I could use this week away to get my last hurrah from different girls but now I just don't know.
Any thoughts/comments/questions/advice welcomed.