Did I blow it off? Need some advice

[James184]

Hello guys,new member here!

So,my situation goes like this.An ex-girlfriend of mine reached out to me last week telling me she was thinking about me and that we should go out sometime.I agreed so we made plans to go out last Thursday.She was the one initiating this whole ordeal and I am also still into her so I agreed.

So,we meet up and go for a drink.She was pretty flirtatious throughout the whole date (we were teasing each other,she was leaning on to me,hugging me etc.) however I didn't seal the deal with a kiss,stupid of me I know.So after a couple of hours on the date she had to go,so we went to the bus stop so she could take the bus.The bus came instantly and the goodbye was really fast.We kissed on the cheek like right next to the mouth and she told me she was really happy to see me again.

I went home and texted her about a topic we had in our conversation and we sent a couple of texts back and forth,but nothing significant.I let a day pass and yesterday I text her to set up another date.Her replies were much sorter and colder,whereas before the date they were pretty warm.This kind of bugged me to be honest.So I went to the point immediately and asked her if she would like to go out again these following days.Her response went like this : (Yeah,but after Wednesday because my schedule up to then is full).I told her great,let me know when you can and she said sure.

Now,I know the only thing I can do now is wait for her to reach out to me again so we can set up the date details however she was too vague about when.Also,the fact that her responses after our date were different than before makes me think she may have lost interest.What do you think?Did I blow it off by not kissing her on the first date?Also,what should my moves be from now on?

 

[Maximus Rex]

She was using you for attention. Whatever issues you were having that initiated breakup are still there. She's a part of your past for a reason and she should stay there.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

How the situation should have gone when she first reached out to you:

Her: I've been thinking about you, and was thinking we should meet up
You: Honestly, I don't think that's a good idea - unless you're wanting to meet up at my place or yours for a post-date hook up, it's probably best not to see each other. Best of luck to you!

You probably think this sounds stupid, right? I've used it to hook up with and/or re-connect with at least 3 of my exes. I don't know why it's worked, but if I had to guess it's because (a) I'm showing them I could give 2 craps about what they want, (b) I'm setting the rules for how we are to spend time with each other, and (c) I'm banking on the fact that, if she's hitting me up, she probably hasn't had any in a while and actually WANTS to hook up with me.

As for what to do now in YOUR situation? She reached out to you first - you can't be the one to suddenly want to take her out again and act like you're in a relationship. Texting her right after the non-date was a HUGE mistake. You need her to be working hard to gain YOUR attention - this means letting HER reach out to YOU for dates, and letting her know that YOU are the busy one that's fitting her into YOUR schedule. Personally, I'd avoid contacting her so she can get the idea that you're not as desperate to get back with her as you appeared to be - that way, if/when she hits you up it'll act like a reset, and you can go forth doing the things previously talked about in this paragraph.

Hope this helps!

 

[James184]

Welcome to the boards. Look forward to seeing you around.

I stopped reading when I read the following:

So after a couple of hours on the date she had to go

--------

You never want to give a girl the impression that you have nothing better to do.

Remember this for when you start dating other women.

As far as your question, you did blow it by staying too long and not kissing her.

She reached out because she wanted to see if there was still something between you two.

After the date, she feels like there's nothing there.

Easier said than done, I've been where you are, but you have to put her behind you and move on.

I see your point,I always give women the benefit of the doubt and since she said yes on a second date I will assume she is indeed busy up to Wednesday.If she doesn't reach out until then,case closed
I guess,no point in stretching this out too much.

She was using you for attention. Whatever issues you were having that initiated breakup are still there. She's a part of your past for a reason and she should stay there.

I had told her a couple of months ago I am only interested in a relationship not a friendship or anything of the sort and not to contact me unless she changes her mind.Since she decided to reach out I am assuming she has changed her mind about us.If she indeed changed her mind she will be more than willing to see me again.Otherwise she was just looking for attention like you said and this is not worth it

 

[James184]

How the situation should have gone when she first reached out to you:

Her: I've been thinking about you, and was thinking we should meet up
You: Honestly, I don't think that's a good idea - unless you're wanting to meet up at my place or yours for a post-date hook up, it's probably best not to see each other. Best of luck to you!

You probably think this sounds stupid, right? I've used it to hook up with and/or re-connect with at least 3 of my exes. I don't know why it's worked, but if I had to guess it's because (a) I'm showing them I could give 2 craps about what they want, (b) I'm setting the rules for how we are to spend time with each other, and (c) I'm banking on the fact that, if she's hitting me up, she probably hasn't had any in a while and actually WANTS to hook up with me.

As for what to do now in YOUR situation? She reached out to you first - you can't be the one to suddenly want to take her out again and act like you're in a relationship. Texting her right after the non-date was a HUGE mistake. You need her to be working hard to gain YOUR attention - this means letting HER reach out to YOU for dates, and letting her know that YOU are the busy one that's fitting her into YOUR schedule. Personally, I'd avoid contacting her so she can get the idea that you're not as desperate to get back with her as you appeared to be - that way, if/when she hits you up it'll act like a reset, and you can go forth doing the things previously talked about in this paragraph.

Hope this helps!

So,what you suggest is that if she reaches out again I tell her to come at my place for a post-date hook up?I get the whole thing that she should be the one making the effort to see me.I don't plan to reach out again until she does anyway,my proposal already lies on the table,take it or leave it.

 

[TheProspect]

Regardless of what happens you should have the mindset that you will be good with or without her. Stop over analyzing the situation, it exerts time and energy you could be using for more productive things.