did a great pick up last weekend in bookstore, arranged date, now she flaking low IL?

[big weezy]

i picked up this HB in a bookshop last weekend, DHV'd did very well etc. text her on wednesday to meet up
me: hey HB, i was going to suggest we go to this dessert place that does the best desserts but u said u were dieting so let's go for a drink instead. im busy fri but could do tonight or tomorrow at 8, how's then? x
her: Hi, it was nice to have a chat with you at the bookstore. hope you had a nice weekend i am very busy this week with work and going out almost every night. can meet only on Sat around lunch time, maybe for dessert if its the best. x
(i wait 24 hours before replying)
me: hey, yes it's 1 of the best dessert places in town. im busy Sat till 1 so meet me at 1.30pm at x place ok? see u then. x
her: hi, see you at 1.30pm on Sat x
me: cool see u then. x
(come Sat this morning at 11am she cancels)
her: Hi, how are you? hope you had a good week i apologise, but i wont be able to meet you today as i am not feeling well. can i get back to you in a couple of days and we will arrange to meet then? x

tbh i sensed originally her IL was high BUT she has a busy social schedule that she wouldn't sacrifice a night to meet up with some stranger she met in a book store and the fact she counter offered with a time was a sign of interest. now she's cancelled it sounds like a typical flaky BS excuse with no firm counter offer. maybe she's genuinely sick but girls use this excuse TOO often for us to give them the benefit of the doubt. obviously i'm annoyed now but i have to not show it but at same time show disapproval. should i just send back: 'ok hope u feel better' (with no kiss at the end to show i disapprove? (she'll definitely notice that) or should i just play along acting all easy going like, 'that's a shame i was looking forward to seeing you today. hope you feel better. x' what would you suggest?

i reck she's hungover from last night or has been invited to do something else exciting she doesn't want to give up on. typical spoilt girl behavior. opportunity cost and all that.

 

[Atom Smasher]

This is why I hate texting. It's so impersonal and it paves the way for excuses since it's so remote. I do understand, though, that it must be used in cases like this. It just makes it way to easy for a girl to flake.

I think waiting 24 hours was way too long. I would have waited 1 or 2. Any more than that would implant in her mind that I am not that motivated.

Not a fan of the "x"s. That seems like stuff girls do, not men.

I think a simple "Hope you feel better" is best. This one is probably lost, but I would give it one more attempt before writing her off.

 

[big weezy]

This is why I hate texting. It's so impersonal and it paves the way for excuses since it's so remote. I do understand, though, that it must be used in cases like this. It just makes it way to easy for a girl to flake.

I think waiting 24 hours was way too long. I would have waited 1 or 2. Any more than that would implant in her mind that I am not that motivated.

Not a fan of the "x"s. That seems like stuff girls do, not men.

I think a simple "Hope you feel better" is best. This one is probably lost, but I would give it one more attempt before writing her off.

yeah you're right, however i offered her 2 nights, she couldnt and said she could only do it sat lunchtime, i guess i could have said the same thing and offered a time but i think she still woulda flaked anyway.. not that her interest is necessarily low but not extremely high enough she'll drop everything to see me. its sunny today here surely she has other offers of things to do/go and thinks i'll be happy to meet her another time.

i was thinking to be less blunt like what you wrote and send:

hi,sorry for late reply i was out all yest, ok hope u feel better soon

or hi,sorry for late reply i was out all yest, hope u feel better soon

i was gona send this tomorrow i.e make her sweat a bit about why i not responded yet.

should i not agree to her 'let me know in a couple days to arrange a time'? i.e. make no mention of it at all.

yes the kisses p1ss me off, it is something girls do and i generally try to avoid it cos i feel like a girl but sometimes it's useful for conveying u disapprove of her behavior, i.e. if i leave out a kiss now she'll notice it, but i dont want to sound butthurt.. just less interested now she's flaked.

do u think a 3 worded reply like u said would be better than what i've suggested?

 

[Renegade357]

Man, nice job getting the number. I think waiting a 24+ hours to contact her would be fine. No need to go after her like a hungry dog and text her a few hours later. I do think you should have called her straight up though instead of texting. It would have shown confidence and hopefully made her feel more comfortable about the whole situation. I know you're trying to be playful but that text convo wasn't very smooth and could easily be misinterpreted.

I think I have about a 90% success rate when I ask girls out over the phone. Something like 40-50% when I do it via text. They tend to flake often. Not sure why that is. If I were you I'd wait a week and actually CALL her. Your date idea was pretty good. Keep it simple. Make sure you ask her out for a boring day like a tuesday and give her a few days notice. See if you can get her on the phone and have another shot at it. I think if you can get her to become more comfortable with you you'll at least get the date.

 

[Renegade357]

i was gona send this tomorrow i.e make her sweat a bit about why i not responded yet.

Nope. Don't send her anything. geeze. When you contact her it's for the purpose of asking her out. You can tell her you hope she feels better while you're asking her out. You're not her boyfriend. You don't need to coddle her or appologize for not getting back to her.

Sorry, don't mean to sound harsh. I've just been in your position many times before. I got the scars to prove it

 

[ARrocket]

hi,sorry for late reply i was out all yest, ok hope u feel better soon

or hi,sorry for late reply i was out all yest, hope u feel better soon

Haha this is kinda dumb. You were out? While you were getting ready to meet up with her when she canceled? Obviously you saw the text, otherwise you would have gone to the dessert place and seen her not there...at which point you would have THEN seen the text. It's obvious you just didn't reply right away on purpose. Silly games are silly.

I would go with the short reply, and try again in a week or 12 days. Maybe even call next time if you feel it's right.

 

[goblin123]

you are playing way to hard to get ... waiting for a day in between texts .... who wouldn't lose interest. I would send something like "sure, hope you get better soon" than the ball is in her court, not much more you can do.

 

[VladPatton]

That's the thing with picking up a chick in public. You are a stranger for X amount of time. Even just meeting a new girl in a group, you are still just some strange guy for an unknown amount of time. You need to get her to be comfortable with you, yet she doesn't wanna come out. Quite the dilemma. I hate that shyt. If they are so scared we are a potential criminal, why do they make cutesy eyes then give us a number??

The dating game sure sucks gorilla ballsac, but hey, all you can do is try, so give it one more go with one or two short texts and see what happens. I don't think it matters if it is a text, a call, Morse code, or a smoke signal, if they don't wanna go, they don't wanna go.

Good luck.

 

[BeDJ]

If you did not exchange text before you asked her out, you will get flaked on most of the time. Especially for cold approaches, even chicks that show high interest.

Hey HB, it's BDJ. Hope your day is as lucky as mine!
3-4 exchanges later, give them a call. Ask about how they are/fact finding and end it with a date offer. If they don't pick up and don't call/text back. They're done, not worth your time.

 

[backbreaker]

2 things that i feel i need to state for the OP


1. i will get nailed to the cross for saying this here, but fvck sending text messages. there are 2 things you are trying to accomplish with every girl you meet. The first, is to well, attract her. The second, and just as important, is to weed out the uninterested ones from the ones who are interested in only wasing your time.

the phone cuts right through the chase. I don't care how many guys that will respond saying that phone game does not work, they aren't going at it wholeheately. the phone works. i have been on a LOT of first dates, i have never lost a date with a chick beucase i wouldn't text her. ever. it own't happen.

all you are really doing is, going further a long in the hopes of not finding ut that she isn't into you by not calling. it's a buffer.

call. if she picks up the phone, good. if she doesn't, fvck it. but at least you know off the bat what the deal is. and contrary to belief, most women will pick up the phone. hell you could be someone from work or someone from her kid's school she won't know, not like she has an anti ****ty date detector caller ID installed


2. working with the point above.. you have to frame the date. what i mean by that is, you call a girl up, you tell her you want to go out to eat with her.. in her mind, even if she is interested in you, it's not really anything.. exciting about the prospect of what you are trying to do. when you take this approach, calling a girl up and just saying hey i want to pick you up and take you here, even girls that are interested in you will be hesitant, not even because they don't like you, but because.. well it just doesn't sound all that fun. does that make sense?

a girl i ended up dating for a year and a half, stood me up 3 times in a row on our first date. i eventually got her to go out with me by showing up at her job and telling her she's got one more chance or i'm gone, but it never should have came to that.

keep in mind, first and foremost, we aren't screening for girlfriends or looking for wifes, we are trying to just go out and have fun. that's first and foremost. the other **** will come in due time. most guys sound like they are giving GF interviews when they approach or try to setup dates.

this is what i am trying to say. do this; be vauge.

You: hey this is BB, i got some free time tonight, be ready in 2 hours i'll come pick you up

her: where are we going?

you: you'll see, just dress causally/dress up/bring tennis shoes/whatever

her: why won't you tell me what we are doing?

you: beucase you'll see when we get there, talk to you later


if she tells you no don't reschedule and dont' call back. she'll call.


9 out of 10 times, you aren't going to have a problem at all getting her to be ready.. if for anything, she wants to see what you have planned. **** i want to see what i have planned lol. I mean, have something planned. you want her to associate with you with spontaneous, exciting, having fun, not boring, mundane, etc.

text, phone, brile, smoke signals, doesn't matter how you communicate with her if you are being a drag/boring.

 

[Atom Smasher]

One thing I know, OP, is that you're thinking of her A LOT more than she's thinking of you, if she is even at all. You gave it a good try but it might be time to cut bait. She knows you're more invested than she and that's the kiss of death.

 

[flashpoint]

i am very busy this week with work and going out almost every night. can meet only on Sat around lunch time

that is basically all you need to know about this situation. if she has so much trouble finding the time for a get together, the whole thing is a waste of time. call it buyers remorse or whatever but her interest level has dropped close to zero already when this first exchange happened. her flaking was like a 95% sure thing.

you should have stopped it right there telling her that she seemed like a cool person to hang out with and get to know better but obviously she was not very interested and you dont want to waste anyones time here. so she be good and maybe if she has a change of mind she could give you a call. but you wont hold your breath for it.

your life is simply to short to waste it on people who dont show a certain level of commitment. so forget about her. the important thing is you had the nerve to pick up a girl in a public place and you can be proud of yourself. now go out and do some more of it until you find someone who is more promising that this one.

Plus: agree with backbreaker on the text thing and telling girls what to do not asking them.

 

[big weezy]

2 things that i feel i need to state for the OP


1. i will get nailed to the cross for saying this here, but fvck sending text messages. there are 2 things you are trying to accomplish with every girl you meet. The first, is to well, attract her. The second, and just as important, is to weed out the uninterested ones from the ones who are interested in only wasing your time.

the phone cuts right through the chase. I don't care how many guys that will respond saying that phone game does not work, they aren't going at it wholeheately. the phone works. i have been on a LOT of first dates, i have never lost a date with a chick beucase i wouldn't text her. ever. it own't happen.

all you are really doing is, going further a long in the hopes of not finding ut that she isn't into you by not calling. it's a buffer.

call. if she picks up the phone, good. if she doesn't, fvck it. but at least you know off the bat what the deal is. and contrary to belief, most women will pick up the phone. hell you could be someone from work or someone from her kid's school she won't know, not like she has an anti ****ty date detector caller ID installed


2. working with the point above.. you have to frame the date. what i mean by that is, you call a girl up, you tell her you want to go out to eat with her.. in her mind, even if she is interested in you, it's not really anything.. exciting about the prospect of what you are trying to do. when you take this approach, calling a girl up and just saying hey i want to pick you up and take you here, even girls that are interested in you will be hesitant, not even because they don't like you, but because.. well it just doesn't sound all that fun. does that make sense?

a girl i ended up dating for a year and a half, stood me up 3 times in a row on our first date. i eventually got her to go out with me by showing up at her job and telling her she's got one more chance or i'm gone, but it never should have came to that.

keep in mind, first and foremost, we aren't screening for girlfriends or looking for wifes, we are trying to just go out and have fun. that's first and foremost. the other **** will come in due time. most guys sound like they are giving GF interviews when they approach or try to setup dates.

this is what i am trying to say. do this; be vauge.

You: hey this is BB, i got some free time tonight, be ready in 2 hours i'll come pick you up

her: where are we going?

you: you'll see, just dress causally/dress up/bring tennis shoes/whatever

her: why won't you tell me what we are doing?

you: beucase you'll see when we get there, talk to you later


if she tells you no don't reschedule and dont' call back. she'll call.


9 out of 10 times, you aren't going to have a problem at all getting her to be ready.. if for anything, she wants to see what you have planned. **** i want to see what i have planned lol. I mean, have something planned. you want her to associate with you with spontaneous, exciting, having fun, not boring, mundane, etc.

text, phone, brile, smoke signals, doesn't matter how you communicate with her if you are being a drag/boring.

i actually agree with you in regards to telling her what to do and get ready BUT what do you actually DO that is what you're telling her to get ready for in 2 hours??

i;ve thought about doing this before and unless its something really cool you're setting yourself up for something lame.

you haven't said what it would be which is critically important for this to work.

 

[big weezy]

ok in the end i replied 5 hours later with:

hi, sorry for late replyn,hope u feel better soon

i wrote it in a rush so it looked like as it was above (no response)

2 days pass still no response, she didn't come back to me to offer a time

so today i sent:

hey HB. let's get together this weekend. im busy the next couple days but how's sunday at 2?

i avoided putting kisses at the end of my texts on purpose like before.

no response (she always gets back to me at lunchtime)

what can be the explanation for how this turned out this way?

i suspect it was someone who has moderate interest and wanted to meet when it was convenient and then she flaked, more time passed interest dropped, i wasn't forthcoming with accepting her flakey response to get back to me so more time has passed plus im a random stranger, it's been too long since we met for the IL to still be there, is that probably the best explanation now?

im not sure if she thinks im playing games or whatever, or maybe she has buyers remorse. who knows, either way i wasn't going to accept for her to get back to me, i only accept definitive counter offers now

 

[pinkfl]

I'm going to agree with the texting thing. I don't like being asked out via text.

I will undoubtedly agree to a date if I'm called. If I gave you my number, and you never call me and ONLY text me, I will lose interest.

 

[thevilittletroll]

first of all let me say i'm no master at day game but i can tell where you messed up. first and foremost you did not build up enough or any attraction. attraction solves most flaking problems so work on that.

when she says to you that she's busy, what she's actually saying is, i have better things to do then hang out with some random guy that approached me in a bookstore that i'm not attracted to. i know its a hard pill to swallow, and i give you mad props for running day game on a HB, but work on more of your attraction material.

also for a girl like her, ice cream, coffee, and deserts is boring, not interesting, no fun, just as boring as dinner and a movie. have a specific event in mind to tell her about during the initial approach. build it up, then ask for her number. never say, "we should hang out sometime whats your number" you will get flaked on almost everytime. i like to use concerts for example, you dont even have to go to the concert, thats just your excuse to get the number.