DEVELOPING SOCIAL PROOF

[Stringz]

Guys,

We all agree that social proof is important in both attracting women and in building a more complete lifestyle. I'd quite like to discuss this topic and come up with ideas on improving social proof.

I don't know how many of you can relate to what I'm going to say, but I expect quite a few since I've read similar stories on this site. Eg, check this link by "Gettingthere":
Close Male Friends This really made sense to me and I wanted to elaborate and discuss the matter in more detail.

But here's my basic picture. Hopefully, some of you can relate to it or similar situations and we can start digging out some decent ideas on social proof:

- I'm a social guy and people generally around me think that I'm always happy and jokey. In general, my appearance is of confidence and even more so because of being a DJ. This is all quite flattering, but the thing is, inside, I don't always feel it - I'm human! To me, people's nice comments often seem like just words. Reason: if I ask people to hang out for drinks after work or the weekend, they're always busy. If I'm thinking of going on holiday, there's no-one to go with etc etc. I have some good friends, and have arranged some good parties, but when I sit and think about it, it's always me that's calling the "lets go out" shots and it's me that keeps in touch. I don't see much or get little effort from others. If I don't call them, I rarely get calls/emails/texts from them. I do, but it's not often as I think "friends" would tend to. I'm fed up of that.

- I don't feel that I get the same support from my male friends as I'd like. I just want to build up friendships with other guys that I get on with on the same wavelength: who have wide interests, enjoy socialising, have got guts, energy, brightness and are successful/ambitious etc and yet not stuck up their own ar$e; people who will make the effort with me too.

- Sometimes I think people don't take me seriously because I'm always coming across happy, confident and loud, like: "There can't be anything wrong with him. If there is, I'm sure it's not serious". Well, sometimes there is. Maybe cuz I call them, I come across too desperate or needy or something. If I feel like discussing a problem I have, then it's like there's nobody there to REALLY listen.

- I'm not talking about 1 or 2 people here. I'm talking about maybe a dozen or more - friends from different arenas of my life: work, university, hobbies, cultural events, ex-girlfriends, other friends I've known my whole life since I was a foetus (you know, the kind you cannot ever recall having met) etc etc. I seem to get the same response from all.

Well, that's the basic lo-down.

It might just be a matter of rebuilding friendships, or just maybe having the "don't give a fvck" attitude. I don't know. But that's just it. What if you DO give fvck and it's important, and you feel like your social proof is not as REAL as you want it to be? What do you do about it?

I really don't know, hence the reason for this thread. But there must be a way out of sifting the cr4p out of your life and building a circle of decent friends who actually give a shyt about you and vise-verse.

Anybody got any experiences/thoughts/ideas on how to go about developing great social proof?

Thanks,
Stringz

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

I wish i KNEW the answer. I have all the same friends I have had since high school. I've known all my *iggas for about 12 yrs. My clique is only 5 deep w/ a few add ons.

My only advice is advice that I don't really follow. Make more friends and expect less from them. Guys aren't really into the all night b**** fest, where u cry and complain about ur problems.

 

[Alpine]

What about deciding to do new hobbies, but without your current mates.

Two words boys, comfort zone.

 

[Big Pappy]

In a sense, I think I know what you're talking about. In every group, there's one guy who's considered "the hub" or "the glue" and that's you. Most of your buddies wouldn't even get together if you didn't call them.

Don't sweat this. If you want to test your buddies, go ahead. Just stop calling them and wait for them to call you. Most will call you before two weeks have passed.

Currently, I'm building a lifestyle with my new job that takes me out of town frequently. I'd invite my buddies but they are either too bust or can't afford the cash. So be it.

They still call and wonder what I'm up to and why I dropped off the face of the earth. It's not everyday, but they do care. They just get busy with their own stuff. It's all good.

 

[Snatchmaster]

People approach when they want something.... it could be that your friends are conditioned for you to call them with the events, but you should consider what you have to offer.

Some of my "friends" never call, they just see me when I join the group activities. Other male friends have a good call reciprocity - these are the one's I am closer to, who in some way benefit from spending time with me (I benefit from them as well). They find my stories entertaining and my advice and insight to be pretty solid.

I think the key is:

Accept: who they are
Approve: what they do or think
Appreciate: How they act.

If you can bring out the best in the other person, and show a genuine interest in them, they will want to spend time with you. Remember, everyone's favorite subject is themselves. If you are interested in them, they will be more interested in you.

So, are you showing your friends the interest you wish they would show in you?

 

[TooColdUlrick]

this is a very good question/point you are making...

this is long, but probably worth it. social proof is not about chicks. get that out of your head if it's there. like the movie says, "build it and they will come".

in a High School sense, it really is all about being "popular".

for me, a good 15 YEAR investment that has bookoo begun to pay off....

because of the nature of work that i do, teaching, consulting, public speaking, charity work, etc... i have a good 2,000 people on my contact list whom i know, or who know me. half are women. i would guesstimate that of these, 200-300, i could call up right now and get a lunch meeting nooooo problem. again, half would be women.

i keep in regular contact--a couple of times a year at least--with probably 50-75 people, because that's a manageable number. i have a system/schedule for doing this in fact. again, half women. i've chosen most of these people carefully over the years (and/or they have chosen ME), for they are the ones who are the "leaders" of their circles.

THESE ARE THE PEOPLE YOU WANT TO FOCUS ON!!! THESE ARE THE PEOPLE YOU WANT TO HAVE 'RELATIONSHIPS' WITH. ABOVE ALL, QUALITY OVER QUANTITY!!!

why? because i get invited to all the killer parties at killer companies with killer people! just bounce from group to group, chit chatting--either i'll know someone in most groups, the 'leader', or they'll know me. at parties/events such as these there are about five dudes who are doing this. you can tell--and everyone else can too. i'm dead serious, everyone wants a piece of us. that's the whole point!

a trick for example that i do religiously... neiman marcus x-mas cards, hand signed, with a short note to those whom i want to keep in regular contact with. people don't throw away red velvet neiman marcus x-mas cards! i do about 200 every year. for about 50ish people, they get the card AND a $100ish gift--killer wine, basket of ???, cigars, whatever ($5,000 bucks? hey, it's a business expense). the other 1,800 people? they get the Hallmarks x-mas card! some of the VIPs drop out for whatever reason. but also, some of the 1,800 get promoted if you will. thus, my VIP pipeline (e.g. social proof) is always full (50-75).

yes, this takes a sh!tload of time. but people know it, and it pays off in many ways--NOT JUST CHICKS!

managing relationships like this is hard. i make it a point to make five phone calls a day, to the VIPs, of the "hi, how u doing" type. and i get about five inbounds per day, of the same. i get about 20-30 legit emails a day from various people. i spend a good hour/hour 1/2 on emails alone. but now, business comes to me, not vice versa.

i have 5 or so dear friends whom i've known for over 25 years. these are the 'bro's before ho's' friends. these are the guys that NEVER set me up with ANYONE.

as a side note, my father recently passed away. there were over 500 people at the funeral services--standing room only. dude was a DJ all the way, as far as "social proof" in business/relationships. pretty amazing scene.

 

[Alpine]

Can I just get a handle on what social proof is, I'm thinking I may misunderstand some of the concepts.

Is it making friends with people who have a positive position within your community, and within that circle of friends you are held in high regard?

I know it's defined in scientific terms relating to acceptance in the light of no other evidence. But in everday terms is my thinking correct?

 

[TooColdUlrick]

Originally posted by Alpine
Can I just get a handle on what social proof is, I'm thinking I may misunderstand some of the concepts.

Is it making friends with people who have a positive position within your community, and within that circle of friends you are held in high regard?

I know it's defined in scientific terms relating to acceptance in the light of no other evidence. But in everday terms is my thinking correct?

you are correct.

on these boards, it seems to be centered around having a chick(s) at your side, in public, thus "proving" you are 'da man and in high demand. it could be just a friend, or a ho, or your sister. doesn't matter. either way, there's a lot to it. it shows that you can at least attract someone. which sets u apart from the chumps that do not have a chick at their side. plus for some women, there is the "i want what i cannot get easily" factor.

what i was saying in my long ass post, was that it works in the same, i would argue better way, with business colleagues, who are now my circle of friends. i get a social proof on the business end as well as on the chickee end by default. i know "important" people, and important people know me. just another example, i get hit up ALL THE TIME by people (MBA's mostly) who want me to pass their resume on to other people.

i'm an economist: high demand & low supply = high price (or value if you prefer). everyone would prefer a MBZ 600 SL over a toyota Camary, if given the choice. simple enough.

become the benz!

another angle: ive said it here before....i never go out on 'dates'...and i almost never therefore "next" a chick...and i wait wait wait as long as i can for a 'kiss close'. i go out and have fun with females! if i bag her, fine. if not, i've got a friend who has other hot friends. you will always be around chicks, and as long as they know you have a big c@ck, puzzy will cometh. this is the way i manage the social proof from the puzzy side of the equation.

the downside on this social proof is that some chicks will think you're a player--chicks don't dig players. DJ's yes, Players NO. but on the other hand, other chicks want to tame the wild beast.

and of course, i fvck up every now and again with the best of them. i fvcked up with Harvard chick last year and i'm still kicking myself. she had a BILLION HOT friends. i had oneitis with her, and i totally blew it, FVCK I COULD'VE HAD A HAREM!!! lol.

 

[Alpine]

Ok, so one skill that would be good is to have the ability to make friends with the social groups the type of girl you are after sees as being of high value.

Interestingly many of the skills to make friends-likability are opposite to those for attracting women.