Detach yourself from your girlfriend in a relationship

[Purefilth]

http://www.adarkheart.com/2013/06/14/how-to-be-alpha-in-a-relationship-part-1-a-proper-beginning/

3. Everything ends, so appreciate what you have. Not to sound morbid, but we are all born and die alone. Barring a Notebook rerun, you won’t ‘fall asleep in each other’s arms’. The real life version is a 50 year hell marriage, divorce, ensuing identity crisis from investing your entire adult life in another person, and premature death or suicide.

By all means love, but be prepared to lose. It’s a natural fact of life. Enjoy your time with the object(s) of your affection, get the most out of it, and cherish each moment. When it’s time to move on, take a deep breath, thank whoever you believe in for the experience, and keep going. Some of my best, most memorable, warm relationships have been short-lived for a number of irrelevant reasons. What’s important is to be able to look back and smile at the good times.

Be practical. Be passionate.

 

[Capt.America]

I have no problem gettn feeling for a girl. have no problem falling in love. i just dont wanna fall too hard that i stop thinkin clearly. i dont wanna love her so much to the point where i wont be able to walk away if something happens. i dont wanna fall to where to the point where i cant concentrate on my goals or dreams. thats what i mean. and its seeming like thats whats happening. basically im in the water to deep and i just want to come up for some air

 

[WoodB]

There's nothing wrong with feeling attached, or having emotions in a relationship. That's kind of the whole idea.

Where it goes wrong is when you start taking shyt from the girl and not putting her back in her box when she steps out of line. Sometimes you have to think "Would I take this crap from anyone else?"
If the answer is no, then you have to deal with it straight away.

It's when she steps out of line too often that you start weighing up whether or not you keep her.

I agree with this approach. When you're in deep, it's hard to detach because you are essentially hooked in many ways. I read somewhere that your brain chemistry is affected and your logic is sliced.

But really, if you see red flags, you have to honestly ask yourself whether you would put up with the shyte from anyone other than your woman. I recently reversed the thinking and asked myself what if I treated her as poorly as she is treating me? I would be ashamed to treat her like that.

So you see, if you are truly honest with yourself, there are ways to pull away from the relationship while you take a look a hard look at the lay of the land.

 

[drellum]

IMO: Some men fall for a woman because they want to fall in love. The woman is almost irrelevant. Maybe it’s the need to love and be loved.

I used to think it was a problem if I didn’t fall for the woman! Ridiculous!

Don’t get me wrong, respect, manners and friendship are all important but attachment and neediness are dangerous. After a couple of relationship breakdowns I put some defence mechanisms in place and promised myself I wasn’t going to end up back on “The no contact challenge” thread.

It suits me this way and I’m generally much happier keeping an eye on my options.

 

[kaitracid2010]

I agree with this approach. When you're in deep, it's hard to detach because you are essentially hooked in many ways. I read somewhere that your brain chemistry is affected and your logic is sliced.

But really, if you see red flags, you have to honestly ask yourself whether you would put up with the shyte from anyone other than your woman. I recently reversed the thinking and asked myself what if I treated her as poorly as she is treating me? I would be ashamed to treat her like that.

So you see, if you are truly honest with yourself, there are ways to pull away from the relationship while you take a look a hard look at the lay of the land.

say for example the woman you fall in love with, is rather cunning... and you ignore a few of the red flags early on in the relationship...

but a year or two into the relationship, when you have fallen in love with her, then she starts giving you lots of shyte, disrespect etc etc

at this late stage, is it better to cut the chord & next her...

 

[JoeMarron]

say for example the woman you fall in love with, is rather cunning... and you ignore a few of the red flags early on in the relationship...

but a year or two into the relationship, when you have fallen in love with her, then she starts giving you lots of shyte, disrespect etc etc

at this late stage, is it better to cut the chord & next her...

Never put up with drama. If she's giving you chit disappear. She'll either learn from her mistakes or you'll have to disappear permanently.

http://www.pua-zone.com/showthread....tions-and-answers-to-questions&highlight=soft

 

[Sammo]

Easy.. imagine her taking a sh!t.... if that doesnt work.. imagine eating it.

problem solved

 

[kaitracid2010]

Never put up with drama. If she's giving you chit disappear. She'll either learn from her mistakes or you'll have to disappear permanently.

http://www.pua-zone.com/showthread....tions-and-answers-to-questions&highlight=soft

in my case she never learns from her mistakes... because she never aknowledges her mistakes NARCASSIST

her attiutude gets worse & worse... so had to next her

 

[kaitracid2010]

the problem is... i still love her

 

[BeingAndNothingness]

Way old thread, but maybe I can resurrect it...

My question is how do you do this when you're already in an LTR? Like years? I think anyone with any experience both dating and LTRs can verify that always being available and comfortable is bad, bad news.

Distancing yourself in an interesting way, as in to build attraction is a lot more tricky when the person knows you intimately. Any ideas on this?

 

[skinnyguy]

1) Have other things going on in your life that are more important than her. Goals, a career, hobbies, etc. It will keep you distracted from her and women find a man with a life incredibly attractive.

2) Have other women available to you. Personally, I'm against cheating in an exclusive relationship, but you should always be flirting and gaming other women. It keeps your game sharp and it reminds you that there are plenty of fish in the sea, plus women love a man that other women want to sleep with and she'll be less likely to act up if she knows you have 10 other women dying to take her place at a moments notice.

Yes, and yes.

I think the woman still needs to be chasing you in order for it to work. If she sees you talking to other women it will increase her interest.