Depressing NYE party...

[redbyte]

Just got home from New Years Party. An overall crappy night.
Little background: I’ve known this chick for about a year. She went out with a guy I’ll call, Adam. A month later she broke it up. Adam devastated, but not giving up continues hitting on her. Lisa finds attraction again and asks him out. A month later Adam breaks it off because he “doesn’t feel attracted to her anymore”.
I then took Lisa to the grade 12 formal. Now things are going great. She calls me often just to chat, she texted me twice to ask if I was going to the New years party. When my friends take off she decides to chill with me at home, she kinos/teases me heaps. She wrote a song about me and has made 2 wallpapers for me. So basically we are getting real close and I was planning on asking her out in the next few days. So the parties going great, we are sitting on the couch chatting, laughing. Then Adam walks in the door, who just got back from Sydney. I knew then that things would get weird, because, Adam apparently wants her back.

He is a real DJ and gets what he wants. So I knew it would get rough. I’m still talking to Lisa and he comes over and starts poking her being a real jerk, making rude remarks as usual. At first Lisa is like, “Adam stop it, please.” But after awhile the good memories of them dating seem to sink in and she starts laughing and hitting him.

So just like that, I went from being her crush to being an AFC best friend. I seriously didn’t know what to do. I froze. I avoided her, moved couch, and for about an hour watched them flirt, with his arm around her. When we entered the new year they got up and started dancing. I have never had a GF before, Adam has had about 9, so obviously far more experience.

At the end of the night, she came back to me and started chatting, asked if she could lie on my shoulder, I agreed. But still a little cut, we didn’t talk much. She’s left on a 3-day camp with her family, when she returns, our group of friends are planning on going to a restaurant (Adam with be present) so I assume more of the same will continue. The last 2 months have been great and I've been more happy than ever, and tonight I've hit a new low.

I don’t want to lose her! This is the closest I’ve gotten to asking someone out, and I don’t wanna blow it coz some ****y DJ suddenly wants her back.
How should I handle this situation?

Thanks

 

[Bible_Belt]

other women

You have done nothing correctly. Give up on this girl and go be a ****y DJ. If she has any feelings for you at all, they will become apparent if she is jealous. If you can find the strength within yourself, go and be Adam's best friend. He can teach you how to DJ. If you can't do so, just pretend that he does not exist and go find

other women

 

[Dante1a]

Well, you want to know my opinion?

This is an excellent opportunity to learn!

Try this (Could be your best shot):
Act like nothing is wrong (truly, to her..it should appear that there isn't.) If she tries to call you between now and the dinner, don't answer.

Get dressed up very nice when you go to this dinner. Show up late (so you can make an entrance). Everything you do should be smooth, decisive and done with amount of flair. Also, never stop smiling. If you do stop, smile in the middle of serious sentence and make everyone wonder why you are smiling.

BE THE MOST INTERESTING GUY IN THE ROOM!

When you come in, take over the damn table. Seriously important. Have some great stories, etc to tell them. Also, if anyone (especially Adam) starts talking privately, ask them a direct question about their life. Then, make fun of him: In a nice (I'm just busting your chops) way. In fact, make sure you do this to Adam.

The reason for this is to make Adam look like less of a man at YOUR table. With YOUR group. Don't be aggressive, don't be mean, but be funny. By the way, ignore Lisa. Not a single word to her..no "hi", no "hello" look..nothing.

Example: If he has some dumba** license plate that reads something goofy like Black Cobra..call him Black Cobra all night. (If there is nothing like that, call him something referring his appearence. Ask him if he bought his shirt at such and such a thrift store, cause you just took one that looks just like his and sold it there. (That's mean, but it's funny.) These are techniques you use on women, but they elicit an entirely different response in competitive guys.

See, girls "fight" each other in very different ways then guys do. They do it with implications or hints. Even just tones of voice. Do that and Lisa will start to get it.

Then, in the middle of one of Adam's answers, cut him off "Hey Lisa, I'm going to this (insert here: (cool activity like an art gallery opening on such and such a night) and I thought it would be your kind of thing." When she answers, don't respond (NO MATTER WHAT SHE ANSWERS). Act completely unaffected and return to Adam "So, Black Cobra, what were you saying?"

Before dinner is over, excuse yourself and say "Well, it's been great, but I have to (insert awesome (real) activity here..." Then look directly into Lisa's eyes (after you have stood up) and say slowly (as if to everyone) "Goodnight." Linger on her eyes, smirk in a (I want you) way, nod and leave. Don't break eye contact with her this whole time.

What you are doing here is this:
A. You are acting like the Alpha Male of the group. (1. You're late because you have better things to do and you're leaving for the same reason.) By having everyone pay attention to you and answer you, you are creating social proof to Lisa.

B.By making Adam seem like less of a catch then you (i.e. a AFC)..you are demonstrating control. Also, you are exhibiting the suprising (and infectious) confidence that women find so sexy when you ask Lisa out. You are making yourself more interesting to her and also letting her know that she needs to chase you to hang out with you.

C. You are asking her out and then suprising her by seeming to busy for her. This is important. If she calls you, don't answer. Call her back later.

When you go on the date with her (if she says yes), be ****y and funny..Poke her in the ribs, etc. Initiate a "points system". I have to run but will post more later...any thoughts other DJ's?

 

[wolfie]

He's not going to be able to 'out alpha' Adam, he's obviously a complete AFC who's in love with this girl, and Adam is the kind of guy he wants to become. A bunch of AMOG tips isnt going to change that, Adam is the kind of guy Lisa wants and he isn't that kind of guy yet. He needs to work on himself and go out and do other women. Forget Lisa, she'll either come to you or she won't.

 

[Distant Light]

Originally posted by Dante1a
Well, you want to know my opinion?

This is an excellent opportunity to learn!

Try this (Could be your best shot):
Act like nothing is wrong (truly, to her..it should appear that there isn't.) If she tries to call you between now and the dinner, don't answer.

Get dressed up very nice when you go to this dinner. Show up late (so you can make an entrance). Everything you do should be smooth, decisive and done with amount of flair. Also, never stop smiling. If you do stop, smile in the middle of serious sentence and make everyone wonder why you are smiling.

BE THE MOST INTERESTING GUY IN THE ROOM!

When you come in, take over the damn table. Seriously important. Have some great stories, etc to tell them. Also, if anyone (especially Adam) starts talking privately, ask them a direct question about their life. Then, make fun of him: In a nice (I'm just busting your chops) way. In fact, make sure you do this to Adam.

The reason for this is to make Adam look like less of a man at YOUR table. With YOUR group. Don't be aggressive, don't be mean, but be funny. By the way, ignore Lisa. Not a single word to her..no "hi", no "hello" look..nothing.

Example: If he has some dumba** license plate that reads something goofy like Black Cobra..call him Black Cobra all night. (If there is nothing like that, call him something referring his appearence. Ask him if he bought his shirt at such and such a thrift store, cause you just took one that looks just like his and sold it there. (That's mean, but it's funny.) These are techniques you use on women, but they elicit an entirely different response in competitive guys.

See, girls "fight" each other in very different ways then guys do. They do it with implications or hints. Even just tones of voice. Do that and Lisa will start to get it.

Then, in the middle of one of Adam's answers, cut him off "Hey Lisa, I'm going to this (insert here: (cool activity like an art gallery opening on such and such a night) and I thought it would be your kind of thing." When she answers, don't respond (NO MATTER WHAT SHE ANSWERS). Act completely unaffected and return to Adam "So, Black Cobra, what were you saying?"

Before dinner is over, excuse yourself and say "Well, it's been great, but I have to (insert awesome (real) activity here..." Then look directly into Lisa's eyes (after you have stood up) and say slowly (as if to everyone) "Goodnight." Linger on her eyes, smirk in a (I want you) way, nod and leave. Don't break eye contact with her this whole time.

What you are doing here is this:
A. You are acting like the Alpha Male of the group. (1. You're late because you have better things to do and you're leaving for the same reason.) By having everyone pay attention to you and answer you, you are creating social proof to Lisa.

B.By making Adam seem like less of a catch then you (i.e. a AFC)..you are demonstrating control. Also, you are exhibiting the suprising (and infectious) confidence that women find so sexy when you ask Lisa out. You are making yourself more interesting to her and also letting her know that she needs to chase you to hang out with you.

C. You are asking her out and then suprising her by seeming to busy for her. This is important. If she calls you, don't answer. Call her back later.

When you go on the date with her (if she says yes), be ****y and funny..Poke her in the ribs, etc. Initiate a "points system". I have to run but will post more later...any thoughts other DJ's?

^^^
Nice

I think you should try it i was about to post that you should AMOG him and all but this guy went indepth pretty nicely. I say you should try it. Even if your able to pull it off or not but it would be a nice learning experience of you working the room.

 

[backbreaker]

There are times when I go to the horse track, and there will be a race.. usually one of the first ones on the card, and it will be a low end claiming race, like 5 or 10k, the cheapest of the cheap.. where all of the horses, in the grand scheme of things, are horrible, but I mean.. you have to choose one, because regardless of how bad they are, they all can't NOT win.. right?

That's what this situtation is like.. she's in a position where she is settling for the lesser of two evils... An AFC who is so bad, that he can't even muster up enough courage to ask a girl to DATE him, or an on again, off again BF who she can only hope will stay around.

She choose the later.

I mean, in reality, Adam is the equilvant of a 2-1 favorate in a cheap claiming race.. compared to his compition, he looks like a Grade 1 stakes winner, when in reality, he is just heads and sholders above his current compitition. he isn't a DJ.. A DJ doesn't break up with a girl 2 times and comes back for more, he moves on with his life... Hell,I wouldn't do it once, when I break up with someone, it's for good, because I know she can be replaced.

However, if I was a betting man and I am, going in that situtation, you didn't stand a chance.

Well, you want to know my opinion?

This is an excellent opportunity to learn!

Try this (Could be your best shot):
Act like nothing is wrong (truly, to her..it should appear that there isn't.) If she tries to call you between now and the dinner, don't answer.

Get dressed up very nice when you go to this dinner. Show up late (so you can make an entrance). Everything you do should be smooth, decisive and done with amount of flair. Also, never stop smiling. If you do stop, smile in the middle of serious sentence and make everyone wonder why you are smiling.

BE THE MOST INTERESTING GUY IN THE ROOM!

When you come in, take over the damn table. Seriously important. Have some great stories, etc to tell them. Also, if anyone (especially Adam) starts talking privately, ask them a direct question about their life. Then, make fun of him: In a nice (I'm just busting your chops) way. In fact, make sure you do this to Adam.

The reason for this is to make Adam look like less of a man at YOUR table. With YOUR group. Don't be aggressive, don't be mean, but be funny. By the way, ignore Lisa. Not a single word to her..no "hi", no "hello" look..nothing.

Example: If he has some dumba** license plate that reads something goofy like Black Cobra..call him Black Cobra all night. (If there is nothing like that, call him something referring his appearence. Ask him if he bought his shirt at such and such a thrift store, cause you just took one that looks just like his and sold it there. (That's mean, but it's funny.) These are techniques you use on women, but they elicit an entirely different response in competitive guys.

See, girls "fight" each other in very different ways then guys do. They do it with implications or hints. Even just tones of voice. Do that and Lisa will start to get it.

Then, in the middle of one of Adam's answers, cut him off "Hey Lisa, I'm going to this (insert here: (cool activity like an art gallery opening on such and such a night) and I thought it would be your kind of thing." When she answers, don't respond (NO MATTER WHAT SHE ANSWERS). Act completely unaffected and return to Adam "So, Black Cobra, what were you saying?"

Before dinner is over, excuse yourself and say "Well, it's been great, but I have to (insert awesome (real) activity here..." Then look directly into Lisa's eyes (after you have stood up) and say slowly (as if to everyone) "Goodnight." Linger on her eyes, smirk in a (I want you) way, nod and leave. Don't break eye contact with her this whole time.

What you are doing here is this:
A. You are acting like the Alpha Male of the group. (1. You're late because you have better things to do and you're leaving for the same reason.) By having everyone pay attention to you and answer you, you are creating social proof to Lisa.

B.By making Adam seem like less of a catch then you (i.e. a AFC)..you are demonstrating control. Also, you are exhibiting the suprising (and infectious) confidence that women find so sexy when you ask Lisa out. You are making yourself more interesting to her and also letting her know that she needs to chase you to hang out with you.

C. You are asking her out and then suprising her by seeming to busy for her. This is important. If she calls you, don't answer. Call her back later.

When you go on the date with her (if she says yes), be ****y and funny..Poke her in the ribs, etc. Initiate a "points system". I have to run but will post more later...any thoughts other DJ's?

This is this sillist post I have ever seen.

Sometimes, you just got to know when to cut your losses and live to fight another day.

He ****ed up, he has a LOOOOONNNG way to go to be considered ****able in her eyes.

He has enough issues with himself... he doesn't need to be trying to make someone else look un DJish.

I have a personalized license plate.. I am imaging me stiting at a table with a chick and another guy.. and the guy taking shots at my license plate... Let's see how much sense this makes:

Me: * I take care of my body

* I work very hard and I accomplish alot of my goals in life

* I am very outgoing, naturally

* I am resoonably good looking

* I have other women that I can leave this.. situtation, and go be with anytime i feel like it

* etc, etc



HIM:

* He bashes my liscense plate all night long.



yeah... that's really getting her pants wet.


The point is to make the girl HORNY and want YOU. That's the end game.

If you really want to outshine someone, you never insult them, you do the exact opposite... you shed light on yourself. I mean, what did this guy do to you besides be attracted to a girl you happen to be attracted to?

Perfect example.. the other night, I ran into an old **** buddy at a club. She chased me down, and wanted me to sit with her and her 2, count em 2 guy friends that were in town visiting her because she was bored and well.. I'm me.

So I did.

Now, ovbiously they both wanted her, it didn't take me 1 mintue to realize that. however, I wasn't fighting with these guys over them. I was myself. I got to know both of them, one of them even bought me drinks and paid my way into another club we went too.. not that i needed him to, but he insisted.

By being myself and not getting into an egotisitcal pissing contest with two guys i know I have more going for myself then, I was just myself.. and I was the only one of the 3 to dance wiht her the entire night.

I work on myself enough to know, that as long as i am me, I will get at the very least, a woman's respect. The very least. Odds are she will like me. I don't have to worry about the other guys in the picture, just myself.

Same with you. **** Adam. Focus on YOU and what YOU want from her.

How I would have handled that situtation? After she started flirting with him, I would have excused myself from the party and went to kick it with another girl. At the VERY least, I would have gotten up and mingled with other people, makeing the best out of asour situtation.

Once Adam started hitting on my girl, and she made it kNOWN she didn't want him to, I would have given him the look... no need for words, she's with me, cut it out.. If she was really uncomfortable we could have left.

But I'll be damned if I am disrespected like that on a freakin DATE. That's a no no.

 

[Shiftkey]

Stop with all the bull**** group dates. You need to spend one on one time with her. Ask her on a date with just the two of you before you hang out with all of your friends.

 

[Radiator]

Originally posted by redbyte

I don’t want to lose her! This is the closest I’ve gotten to asking someone out, and I don’t wanna blow it coz some ****y DJ suddenly wants her back.
How should I handle this situation?

You shouldn't be afraid of losing her, you never really had her. Check this post for some good tips http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?threadid=83349

 

[white_hype]

let me guess, you are French

 

[redbyte]

Guess again white_hype. Aussie.

Lisa has just invited me to go camping with her sister and her sister's boyfriend for 3 days.

I leave in 15 minutes.

backbreaker, I did mingle with the other guests when he was hitting on her, I didn't just go sit in the corner by myself, that would be retarded. I did try to make the best of a sour situation.

I'm gunna try what Dante1a said, despite what some of you think, I reckon it could work. Better than what I'm currently doing, sitting back and watching. It's not about the teasing his license plate, it's about showing you've got balls to not be afraid of the DJ.

As for cutting the bullcrap and invite her on a date? Well she asked me on a date to go see Narnia, however I was up the coast so it never happened. But we have in the past.

This 3-day camp should be interesting. Either I get pushed way up the friendzone or I get some. I'll up my kino and report back wednesday.

See ya.

Thanks for all the help guys.

 

[Q-Pid]

There is going to be a point whereby you need to compete with Adam for her in frontof her. Check up on AMOG tips.

 

[redbyte]

Field Report:
Ok. Camping was good. Went swimming in the rock pool most of the 3-days, got some attempts at kino then. First night we went for a walk with glowsticks then lay in the grass and watched the stars. Stayed up late by the fire talking for around 4-hours used some kino.
Next day, pretty much the same, only we talked at night longer, and I gave her a back rub.
Then today we packed up camp then went back to her place, my friend called her which she blew off to "look after me". Meanwhile I covered her in pillows and generally had a kino fest whilst she giggled.
NOTE: We are both Christians and have strong moral values against sex before marriage.
She touched my face a lot as I did hers. She discovered I was ticklish and found it hilarious. We ended up on the floor, my head in her lap looking at each other. However... I've never been kissed or had a relationship, so this was new waters, and I did not initiate a kiss.
I would have liked to have asked her out. But she told me that a guy asked her out a few days earlier and she rejected him. This kinda made me wonder if she'd do the same for me.
So I dunno. I think I'm outta the friendzone... which is good, but haven't really progressed that much as BF material. She does a program called NOVA which means she'll be doing an extra year at school, I however am finished. So I got roughly 3 weeks to ask her.
Comments and crits

 

[The Nice Guy is Gone]

Originally posted by redbyte
Field Report:
Ok. Camping was good. Went swimming in the rock pool most of the 3-days, got some attempts at kino then. First night we went for a walk with glowsticks then lay in the grass and watched the stars. Stayed up late by the fire talking for around 4-hours used some kino.
Next day, pretty much the same, only we talked at night longer, and I gave her a back rub.
Then today we packed up camp then went back to her place, my friend called her which she blew off to "look after me". Meanwhile I covered her in pillows and generally had a kino fest whilst she giggled.
NOTE: We are both Christians and have strong moral values against sex before marriage.
She touched my face a lot as I did hers. She discovered I was ticklish and found it hilarious. We ended up on the floor, my head in her lap looking at each other. However... I've never been kissed or had a relationship, so this was new waters, and I did not initiate a kiss.
I would have liked to have asked her out. But she told me that a guy asked her out a few days earlier and she rejected him. This kinda made me wonder if she'd do the same for me.
So I dunno. I think I'm outta the friendzone... which is good, but haven't really progressed that much as BF material. She does a program called NOVA which means she'll be doing an extra year at school, I however am finished. So I got roughly 3 weeks to ask her.
Comments and crits

She told you she rejected a guy because she wanted you to initiate something--whether it be a relationship, or a kiss. Don't wait too long for this--because girls, like guys, don't wait around forever, unless they are desperate.