Denied first request for second date; seeking advice on how to recover

[omega05]

Just because a woman doesnt counteroffer doesnt mean she's not interested all the time

 

[eddiedelgado]

Ugh, this situation blows.

What sucks is, since you met through a mutual friend, she can't just flat out reject you 'cause it might get back to said friend. But you have to really, REALLY read the wording in her statement:

"I'm sorry I missed your call yesterday." - So, she knows you called, but responds back via email? That means she got your call, heard your message, and didn't feel it was urgent enough to call you back. Very telling...

"I really appreciated you taking the time to have lunch with me on Saturday." - But she didn't say "I had such a great time," which is what most girls say when bringing up previous dates. Again, very telling...

"I actually have plans on Friday..." - But didn't give specifics to what the plans were? Saying she "has plans" is a generalization statement that she knows she can throw out there without being questioned about it. Plus, you hit her up on Tuesday - most people don't really have plans set up for Friday until about Wednesday or Thursday... but even if she DID already have plans...

"...but hopefully we'll be able to meet up some other time." - Hopefully?? As if the stars must somehow align in order for you two to get together again? She didn't give you an alternative date that WOULD work. Why? 'Cause she's not really trying to make future plans with you!

Unfortunately, sometimes the male ego will not allow us to accept this info right away, and thus needs further proof before moving on. My suggestion: wait a week, then call her up again. Don't invite her to a concert (if she said "no" to dinner, why take her to an even MORE expensive event??); instead, ask her to do something simple, like bowling or miniature golf. If she replies with "Oh, I'd love to go," then you've got a date; if she replies with "oh, I'd love to go, but I've already got plans... hope we can plan something another time though," throw the number away and move on to the next!

i think this is a very thorough answer. My advice: move on. You don't even need to call her again. She is obviously not interested.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Just because a woman doesnt counteroffer doesnt mean she's not interested all the time

True... but just because it's not 100% doesn't mean the odds aren't still showing that, more than likely, she's NOT interested.

Real talk, every girl I've dated, if she couldn't make a proposed date suggested by me would counter-offer. I had a girlfriend once who said she wanted to go out one weekend but couldn't because her cousin's dad had died and she needed to go comfort her... yet still managed to throw in, "but I'll be back in town next Tuesday if you wanna do something."

Bottom line: if they like you, they find ways to be with you; if they can't make a date, they will counter-offer because (1) they're interested, and (2) they know that, if they're not available, it makes it EASIER for the guy to know when she WILL be available by giving him a date.

Dating really isn't rocket science, people - it's simply being able to read the signs she's throwing that indicate her level of interest. Sometimes it's there, while other times it's not - and, if she's not counter-offering, her level of interest is either very low or not there. Either way, I want someone with HIGH interest, not someone who's just barely tolerating me.

 

[d0g]

Gentlemen:

Thank you.

Specifically, thevilittletroll: thanks for the tip. I need to practice and figure this out. On average, what do you find is "the limit"? (I have a good sense of the extremes: doing nothing, and doing something that'd get you sent to prison, but I have little sense of what happens in the middle ground.)

omega05: I will give this another try. I'm just pissed at myself for screwing this up, but I won't give up until I've at least thrown one last Hail Mary.

Pimp-sicle: your advice about not following-up a phone call with an e-mail sounds good. I'll remember that!

I do have one general question for everyone: let's assume that this girl isn't interested due to my failure at "attraction". Besides improving at kino/escalation, what suggestions do you guys have for what I should do to improve? I am certain I keep screwing this up, and just come off as the "nice guy".

Thanks again!

- d0g