Defining Relationship with Girl in your Band

[wakingup]

Haha. Ya this chic does have me in somewhat of a trance. Not looking for any answer, I like what has been posted on here. Its a side gig but it's important to me so im gonna keep it platonic. Thanks all. Im going to focus on the other girls im seeing.

 

[wakingup]

Update

So I've been focusing on other plates and this girl's IOI has increased a lot. Last week she texted me again at 130am, saying how she was watching the rain and wished I could see it. Last night she calls me (she has never called me before, only texted) to tell me she decided she needs to break up with her boyfriend.

I didn't say much, just that 'relationships are hard' and that she should 'do what she needs to' but didn't get into it much more than that. I then told her I had to get off the phone.

Should I ask her why she's telling me this stuff? Or ask her not to talk to me about this? I ask because I want to continue playing music with her, and I don't want to hurt our music relationship, and I don't want to get involved with her boyfriend.

 

[sodbuster]

Either she has NO desire to f&ck you..... OR we both know why she's telling you about her BF troubles.... to either eff you or to Get you back on the line.... so she has a back up plan....

A married woman I know was texting me all about her marital troubles. We'd dated in the past.... as SOON as she found out I had a girlfriend and was serious, she stopped. I guess I wasn't the "fall back" guy anymore
SEEMS we weren't "friends" after all... she thought she was keeping me on the line

 

[WanderingMan]

Should I ask her why she's telling me this stuff?

She's trying to get a read on you. I wouldn't ask her why. She'd probably like to have that convo since you've been keeping your thoughts - emotions - feelings to yourself. Plus, by not previously trying to jump her bones, you've probably become a challenge to her. When she asks you what she should do she wants nothing more than for you to say: "Dump your boyfriend and date me! I love you!!"

Looking at the whole situation, I'd say just keep doing what you're doing:

I didn't say much, just that 'relationships are hard' and that she should 'do what she needs to' but didn't get into it much more than that. I then told her I had to get off the phone.

 

[Sonic1]

Sorry for the messed up format, my responses are in bold.

So I've been focusing on other plates and this girl's IOI has increased a lot. Last week she texted me again at 130am, saying how she was watching the rain and wished I could see it. You didn't respond did you? If so, why? To text you at that time is pretty disrespectful being that you guys aren't a couple. Last night she calls me (she has never called me before, only texted) to tell me she decided she needs to break up with her boyfriend.I didn't say much, just that 'relationships are hard' and that she should 'do what she needs to' but didn't get into it much more than that. I then told her I had to get off the phonePerfect! Good job! Would have been better if you had not answered the phone though, it's America, last time I checked you're under no obligation to take anyone's call..

Should I ask her why she's telling me this stuff?Nope Or ask her not to talk to me about this?Nope, don't let it bother you either because you're with other women and it's not your job to listen to her problems. That's why she has a mother! I ask because I want to continue playing music with her, and I don't want to hurt our music relationship, and I don't want to get involved with her boyfriend.

Perfect way to look at it...keep it professional, don't get sucked into these conversations like you were in the past because you were "hoping" something would happen. If you keep things professional, there is no reason she can get pissed off at you. If she confronts you, different story altogether. THEN you can tell her that you just want to play music, keep things professional,etc. If she doesn't confront you though, your only obligation is to provide feedback about how your music performances are going.

 

[wakingup]

Replies

Thanks all for the replies.

wanderingman I was thinking she was trying to get a read on me, she's continually doing things that seem slightly but not entirely inappropriate. She responded to my text about an upcoming performance at 4:30am today. She also "accidentally" sent a text meant for her boyfriend. Could be innocent, could not be.

Sonic1 I did not respond to her late night romantic texts. She sent four texts around 1:00 - 1:30am. The first one I forgot to mention, but it was something like "thank you for seeing me through tonight." Earlier that night she had taken a taxi to my house to practice. I drove her home after practice because she was having a lot of our mutual friends over to play music together. I don't know what this text meant. The next day, and I still hadn't responded, she texts me "just now reading my drunk texts from last night. haha. so when do you want to play music again?"

It's really interesting playing music (we play folky singer songwriter stuff, think Ryan Adams or Neil Young type songs) and talking about lyrics and past experiences because this is what I also do with men who I play this type of music with. In fact, my three best friends I've made in the past 10 years have been guys that I wrote and recorded music with. I really bond with people over music and this girl is just like my best guy friends in that regard, if that makes sense. The difference is she has a pvssy, is not bad to look at, and she comes on to me like crazy sometimes.

 

[LiveFreeX]

we are both 31 years old

You are a low status male.

My WIFE is 26 and 22 when I met her. Whats wrong with you!?!

Hitting a 31 y/o pvssy? Gross that would be like fvking my grandma! And she has a bf to boot... so you are getting sloppy second grandma-tang.

In Asia they call women over 25 (left-overs). Like the kind of left-overs that are brown, sloppy old stinky noodles in a white styrofoam container that you throw against the wall of the back alley of some leisure suit larry dive bar. The kind of leftover that rats and bums in their cardboard castles fight over.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

Thanks all for the replies.

wanderingman I was thinking she was trying to get a read on me, she's continually doing things that seem slightly but not entirely inappropriate. She responded to my text about an upcoming performance at 4:30am today. She also "accidentally" sent a text meant for her boyfriend. Could be innocent, could not be.

Sonic1 I did not respond to her late night romantic texts. She sent four texts around 1:00 - 1:30am. The first one I forgot to mention, but it was something like "thank you for seeing me through tonight." Earlier that night she had taken a taxi to my house to practice. I drove her home after practice because she was having a lot of our mutual friends over to play music together. I don't know what this text meant. The next day, and I still hadn't responded, she texts me "just now reading my drunk texts from last night. haha. so when do you want to play music again?"

It's really interesting playing music (we play folky singer songwriter stuff, think Ryan Adams or Neil Young type songs) and talking about lyrics and past experiences because this is what I also do with men who I play this type of music with. In fact, my three best friends I've made in the past 10 years have been guys that I wrote and recorded music with. I really bond with people over music and this girl is just like my best guy friends in that regard, if that makes sense. The difference is she has a pvssy, is not bad to look at, and she comes on to me like crazy sometimes.

Dude all she wants to know is if her pu$$y is cleared for landing on your c0ck, at least until better c0ck comes around. Or maybe moar c0ck in the form of a MMF threesome...you up for that??

Based on what you've written it seems like she wouldn't hesistate to do the same to you if you were her boyfriend and some new, better c0ck came along.

Just keep remaining aloof when she texts you and calls you about all this sh!t because she wants the attention, and she's used to getting it from plenty of betas who have obviously been in her life. I almost guarantee you that if you get some new woman who you're seeing on a regular basis, she'll suddenly drop all the texts and calls to you, or if some new guy comes lurking around and feeding all that attention she needs that same thing will happen too.

 

[wakingup]

calling saul

Saul, is this not the female imperative that Rollo talks about? How does one identify a female who would not act as you say this girl would. I am in complete agreement with your statements but I also have to think ANY woman will act that way. Its bleak out there man. Bleak and sad that these women exist

 

[BetterCallSaul]

Saul, is this not the female imperative that Rollo talks about? How does one identify a female who would not act as you say this girl would. I am in complete agreement with your statements but I also have to think ANY woman will act that way. Its bleak out there man. Bleak and sad that these women exist

You posted earlier that you have other plates, yet your updates seem to suggest you still have one-itis. You also stated early on you rate yourself an 8. I can't disagree with any of this, I don't know anyone here via the internet so I have to take your word for it. If you're an 8 and your game is at least reasonably good (which you've made it sound like it is), you should have NO trouble pulling early 20s tail even moreso because you play in a band. Young girls should be b!tch slapping each other for a turn just to talk to you. Of course if I were in that position I'd tell them to stop fighting, then take them back to my private room, break out one of those double-dongs that lesbians use and make them both play nice with one another...first one who cums gets me first.


........ok so that last part is just me fantasizing.

Anyway, you just posted that it's bleak out there. I don't know where you live...some rural area? Usually in rural areas around the U.S., yes, pickings are slim. But I assure you that pu$$y in indeed plentiful. I think you've got your mind wrapped too tightly around a couple of things, the first being that you KNOW that if you just say to this woman in your band 'let's bang right now', she'd do it, and that probably drives your d!ck nuts because you've got an easy lay right in front of you yet you're denying yourself.

So where are the plates you said you have? Why aren't they taking care of you? Or is it possible your plates aren't as reliable as you think or are there no plates at all? I just get the impression here that you're leaving out some info because if you're keeping your plates in regular rotation you'd have no issues handling this woman in your band.

If you live in a rural area or something, move to a larger city. There's no shortage of tail out there.

 

[wakingup]

Saul, I live in a top 10 city on the west coast. One of my plates is on the east coast (maybe she's not really a plate after all), one I dropped because I found out she's a drunk and my interest level dropped, another plate canceled a date on me and I've gone ghost for almost two weeks. Bottom line, my plates are falling and I need to get more going.

I'm new to the red pill $hit, and it sucks that now I view all women as cheap replaceable and dishonest. I know in the long run it will help me focus on my mission, myself as the prize, etc. but I'm still adjusting to this new mentality.

Your statement about denying myself is 100% spot on. It's been two months since my last lay and I'm starting to fiend for some sex. Right now its just me and this girl playing music, and she comes to my house twice a week for like 4-5 hours at a time to play music. It's incredible, there's an amazing music connection, and she's sitting there, staring at me, on my couch, all alone, and like you said, I know that at any moment I could slay the fvck out of her and get off. Sexual tension just keeps increasing.

 

[Sonic1]

You posted earlier that you have other plates, yet your updates seem to suggest you still have one-itis.I agree! You also stated early on you rate yourself an 8. I can't disagree with any of this, I don't know anyone here via the internet so I have to take your word for it. If you're an 8 and your game is at least reasonably good (which you've made it sound like it is), you should have NO trouble pulling early 20s tail even moreso because you play in a band. Young girls should be b!tch slapping each other for a turn just to talk to you. Of course if I were in that position I'd tell them to stop fighting, then take them back to my private room, break out one of those double-dongs that lesbians use and make them both play nice with one another...first one who cums gets me first.


........ok so that last part is just me fantasizing.

Anyway, you just posted that it's bleak out there. I don't know where you live...some rural area? Usually in rural areas around the U.S., yes, pickings are slim. But I assure you that pu$$y in indeed plentiful. I think you've got your mind wrapped too tightly around a couple of things, the first being that you KNOW that if you just say to this woman in your band 'let's bang right now', she'd do it, and that probably drives your d!ck nuts because you've got an easy lay right in front of you yet you're denying yourself.

So where are the plates you said you have? Why aren't they taking care of you? Very valid questions. Well? Or is it possible your plates aren't as reliable as you think or are there no plates at all?I was thinking the same thing. I just get the impression here that you're leaving out some info because if you're keeping your plates in regular rotation you'd have no issues handling this woman in your band.

If you live in a rural area or something, move to a larger city. There's no shortage of tail out there.

I think Saul has some valid points here. Why do you keep circling back to this woman? Is it just because you know you could bang her if you wanted to? Of is there something else? From what you've described, she doesn't seem like a high quality woman. She has a BF and is calling/texting you at all hours of the night and according to you basically throwing herself at you.

WTF do you want? What is your goal? Do you want to complicate your life somehow by getting involved with this woman? Tell us about your other plates. If you're looking for some kind of relationship, why can't any of your plates fill this need?

From what you've said, you're not interested in getting involved with this woman. If that truly is the case then move on and stop worrying about what this girl is thinking and keep your current frame of being professional and deflecting her interests.

Bottom line with this type of woman is that if she'll go out of her way to cheat with you, she will in all likelihood do the same thing to you down the road should you decide you want to get with her. From what you've told us, her only "good" quality (other than being attractive and having working lady parts) is her musical talent. The rest of the package is low class. Good for a one night stand or pump and dump but the big difference is that you have to see her again because of your situation.

Look at if from this standpoint. If she was serious about being with you, she'd be an adult about it. She'd dump her BF, get her act together and present herself to you in such a manner that was respectful to you! Her sense of entitlement is disgusting! She's an attention wh0re screaming at you: "Look at me! I have tits and a vagina, I can do whatever I want and guys will fall all over themselves for me!"

Dude! Move on already and stop wasting brain bytes on something that will lead to no good for you and continue to allow women like this to continue to act this way.

 

[wakingup]

Revisiting this old thread....

Two months later and we're still playing music together, she's still flirting and I just call her out on it subtly and kind of make her face red, but nothing has happened, and the music is going great. Last week she really upped her flirting game and I had a talk with her, telling her that if I was her boyfriend I would not allow that behavior. She instantly respected that but then started telling me that her boyfriend is abusive, and pulled a knife on her a few days ago. I got really upset that she would stay with him and told her even more of a reason I don't want to get involved. She went on about how much she liked me, that she's got a plan to leave him, and that what we have could be so great. I told her she needs to focus on whats already on her plate, and there's no way I'm interested in someone whos in an abusive relationship, that its way too much drama for me.

The question, and this may not be the forum for such a question, is that I don't want to see her bf (he comes to all our events/gigs) because in the past I've been very friendly with him and I hate being fake. Mostly because I can't do it convincingly. I really want to keep playing with her but knowing what I know about her relationship, I really want no part in it. One it disgusts me, two it makes me fear a bit because he hates that we play together (he's a terrible musician and hes asked if he can play with us and I had to tell him no), and three, I do care about her.

Advice?

 

[wakingup]

Pair, not sure if ya read my post all the way, but the last five words are "I do care about her." It was a bit more complex than "just a classic case of oneitis" it was the result of 12 years of playing music semi professionally and finding one of the best people I've come across (musically speaking the best).

Physical attraction cannot be negotiated, she's attractive and hitting on me, you can relate right? You're a man with a **** and blood right?

Anyways, last update on this thread, about three weeks ago I told her I was done playing with her because she's created too much drama. She took it very well, said she understood and that she's sorry she's such a drama queen. No sarcasm or anger in her voice at all, just sad that we're done playing, and I am too. I've gone ghost for three weeks, ****ty part is that I'll have to see her in our circle of friends at an event tomorrow. I'll be cordial but won't get into long convos or talk about anything between us.

In other news, two new plates started spinning this week. Life is good!

Thanks everyone