As much as I am impressed with Mystery's knowledge of personal motivation and interaction between people I am one of the first to question why he seeks to have such control over others. More times than not people seek to control external things/people because of a lack of control over themselves or their own lives.Booblepook said:..Take Mystery for example. He is liked by women not because what he does or the way he is, but because he has control over those women, the way they perceive them.. Achieved by manipulating what he is and the way he is....
Yea I agree. I think that is where many people (myself included in my journal, lol) abuse the 'nexting' process to perserve their egos. I think that the more a seducer progresses the more he realizes that he is just trying to reject others before they reject him and will start to focus on how he can TA these chicks or similar chicks in the futureTechnical1 said:Do you guys find that as you move from rAFC to DJ, you shed layers of defensiveness and combativeness?
How do you 'let' someone hurt you though? Are you not still putting up shields and walls by only 'letting' those hurt you who you allow to? Wasnt this what was insinutated in the overly-dramatic ending of the blockbuster movie 'Hitch'? This sounds similar to the modern women. They put up this huuuge b!tch shield and once you get around it, you find out that they are exposed and insecure and everything was just a front.Realizing that no one can hurt me unless I let them, I am letting go of a lot of my old defensive mechanisms and "walls" I used to put up. This is easing my interactions with others alot.
You should not solely seek validation from others but that does not mean you cannot revel in success or (temporarily) feel dejected at a rejection every now and then. I think in moderation it is great but when it is your sole source of emotions it becomes a problem. You are still human yaknow. What is the point of socializing with others if you do not get some kind of validation from it? Is that not the point of society?I guess one benefit of being emotionally independent and autonomous, i.e. not requiring others for validation, is that you dont need to protect against others invalidating you or failing to validate you. You can be alot more fearless and carefree with people. The damage they can do to you decreases with each step towards self-awareness.
Yea, I've been there too.In particular, I used to have a need to telegraph to women, "I think you're sexy but YOU CANT CONTROL ME!", even if it meant freezing them out or suddenly going all cold on them. The truth was, I loved pvssy and secretly wanted to worship it, and their tiniest efforts sent big waves rippling through my mental pool. But I didnt want to reveal their power to them.
To me, this begs the question of whether you are just substituting one idea of what it means to be a 'man' for another one. Is it really your dream to be polyamorous or is that what you have come to believe should be your dream through LMS and this website?Becoming emotionally independent along the lines described in this forum, and no longer "living and dying by the pvssy" as LMS put it, really means that the woman actually cant control you, full stop. No scarcity mentality, no compromising your dreams, no LTR/Marriage-as-Goal mentality, getting in her pants is a pleasant thing but not a divine or necessary one.
You are still trying to validate yourself to these girls that are hot. You feel like you need to prove to them that you are worthy of them even if you don't want them. Freezing out on girls is a sign of weakness if YOU deem it to be a sign of weakness. If you are content with it happening from time to time then it is okay. It happens to the best of seducer at some time or another even years into the game, just try and minimize it happening. The same goes for rejection.This defensiveness happens most with girls that I dont "gel" with yet still find attractive. Our personalities dont match up but their looks give them some raw sexual power over me. I freeze them out and treat them as if I were a cyborg. Its not smooth and it gets me nowhere– even when I dont want to fvck them, I don't want to be uncool around them, and freezing girls out is a sign of weakness. You only do it out of fear that they will gain a foothold in your heart.
Yeah, I noticed this is exactly what I have been doing. But oh well, we can deal with a year of "abusing" the NEXT priviledge, eh?Microphone Fiend said:Yea I agree. I think that is where many people (myself included in my journal, lol) abuse the 'nexting' process to perserve their egos. I think that the more a seducer progresses the more he realizes that he is just trying to reject others before they reject him and will start to focus on how he can TA these chicks or similar chicks in the future
Unfortunately I don't follow you 100% here. People can hurt me when I get my validation from them, because they can take it away even with a remark or a gesture. Recently Ive been trying to appreciate myself more and realize that – whatever fvckups I make – I've already achieved quite a lot in life and have every reason to be proud of myself. So people cannot phase me so much for "good" or bad. (Is it really good when my advisor praises me– ooh wooh! He praised me. I did the work because I WANTED to, his opinion only matters for strategic reasons...)How do you 'let' someone hurt you though? Are you not still putting up shields and walls by only 'letting' those hurt you who you allow to? Wasnt this what was insinutated in the overly-dramatic ending of the blockbuster movie 'Hitch'? This sounds similar to the modern women. They put up this huuuge b!tch shield and once you get around it, you find out that they are exposed and insecure and everything was just a front.
Well, socializing is actually more fun now because its more about joking around. It used to be this "Are you people judging me?" type affair, sometimes. I take things a bit more lightly now, thank god.You should not solely seek validation from others but that does not mean you cannot revel in success or (temporarily) feel dejected at a rejection every now and then. I think in moderation it is great but when it is your sole source of emotions it becomes a problem. You are still human yaknow. What is the point of socializing with others if you do not get some kind of validation from it? Is that not the point of society?
Polyamory doesn't have any meaning for me, though I'm sure I could find a definition on the net. Once I realized that many, possibly most LTRs are unpleasant balancing acts done to get pvssy, and realized how unhappy my friends were in LTRs and how many compromises they made with themselves to get them... plus the stuff on this board, I just see women for the dangerous bargain that they are. Its not always a good idea like I thought. In fact, most of the time its probably not. (starting an LTR, that is).To me, this begs the question of whether you are just substituting one idea of what it means to be a 'man' for another one. Is it really your dream to be polyamorous or is that what you have come to believe should be your dream through LMS and this website?
True. Thats all dead on correct.You are still trying to validate yourself to these girls that are hot. You feel like you need to prove to them that you are worthy of them even if you don't want them. Freezing out on girls is a sign of weakness if YOU deem it to be a sign of weakness. If you are content with it happening from time to time then it is okay. It happens to the best of seducer at some time or another even years into the game, just try and minimize it happening. The same goes for rejection.
Technical1 said:Unfortunately I don't follow you 100% here. People can hurt me when I get my validation from them, because they can take it away even with a remark or a gesture. Recently Ive been trying to appreciate myself more and realize that – whatever fvckups I make – I've already achieved quite a lot in life and have every reason to be proud of myself. So people cannot phase me so much for "good" or bad. (Is it really good when my advisor praises me– ooh wooh! He praised me. I did the work because I WANTED to, his opinion only matters for strategic reasons...)
I understand that you should not value other people's opinion too much, but IMO that does not mean there might not be truth to what they say. Personally I give a quick once over to negative comments for validity and I just take the positive stuff to be true, lol.
There is a difference between someone saying you are a c0cksucker and someone saying you are arrogant. One is just someone trying to insult and the other is an analysis of your character and how they think you come across. While it might not even be true, what I do is look into the arrogant statement to see if there is truth to it, and if so, and if I feel like changing it I will.
Well, socializing is actually more fun now because its more about joking around. It used to be this "Are you people judging me?" type affair, sometimes. I take things a bit more lightly now, thank god.
I see what you're getting at though. "Reveling in my success" was always a hollow feeling, I will admit that though. I did it today and after 10 minutes I was like – what was I even happy about? I think everything has to come from within.
Polyamory doesn't have any meaning for me, though I'm sure I could find a definition on the net. Once I realized that many, possibly most LTRs are unpleasant balancing acts done to get pvssy, and realized how unhappy my friends were in LTRs and how many compromises they made with themselves to get them... plus the stuff on this board, I just see women for the dangerous bargain that they are. Its not always a good idea like I thought. In fact, most of the time its probably not. (starting an LTR, that is).
Does that mean that a LTR is not worth trying for? I guess Im speaking to/for myself mostly, but personally, i feel like I am not ready for a LTR. I just want to have fun too much right now, but at the same time, deep down, I think I would have trouble trusting anyone in a LTR knowing what I know. I think this is something I need to work on most definitely because eventually I would like to have a family life with kids and settling down.
Writing off all women as untrustworthy and gate-keepers of pvssy seems like it is bound to lead down an spiteful path. Ask yourself this: of the couples who are getting controlled by women and only in it for the pvssy, how much of the guys are good at seducing? How many of them know what they want and how to get it like you and i do? How many of them have experienced what we will experience in a lifetime? I think that LTR should be nothing to be afraid of with the right woman and you just gotta have a little faith in her as well as your techniques.