defensiveness of the rAFC

[Technical1]

Do you guys find that as you move from rAFC to DJ, you shed layers of defensiveness and combativeness?

Realizing that no one can hurt me unless I let them, I am letting go of a lot of my old defensive mechanisms and "walls" I used to put up. This is easing my interactions with others alot.

I guess one benefit of being emotionally independent and autonomous, i.e. not requiring others for validation, is that you dont need to protect against others invalidating you or failing to validate you. You can be alot more fearless and carefree with people. The damage they can do to you decreases with each step towards self-awareness.

In particular, I used to have a need to telegraph to women, "I think you're sexy but YOU CANT CONTROL ME!", even if it meant freezing them out or suddenly going all cold on them. The truth was, I loved pvssy and secretly wanted to worship it, and their tiniest efforts sent big waves rippling through my mental pool. But I didnt want to reveal their power to them.

Becoming emotionally independent along the lines described in this forum, and no longer "living and dying by the pvssy" as LMS put it, really means that the woman actually cant control you, full stop. No scarcity mentality, no compromising your dreams, no LTR/Marriage-as-Goal mentality, getting in her pants is a pleasant thing but not a divine or necessary one.

This defensiveness happens most with girls that I dont "gel" with yet still find attractive. Our personalities dont match up but their looks give them some raw sexual power over me. I freeze them out and treat them as if I were a cyborg. Its not smooth and it gets me nowhere– even when I dont want to fvck them, I don't want to be uncool around them, and freezing girls out is a sign of weakness. You only do it out of fear that they will gain a foothold in your heart.

If you have any thoughts on this kicking around in your head, by all means post them.

 

[reset]

I think it's a fine line. It depends on how you're coming off. When you grow more aware and lose some of your AFC attitudes, you're going to see women in a new way. You will naturally be more protective of your heart, which you SHOULD be doing. It's just that it's new, so until you learn to trust yourSELF more, and rely on your own discernment and judgement, you're going to overcompensate. That's totally fine. When your confidence increases, you will be more outgoing, but you'll trust that you can do that without being emotionally vulnerable. That's when your real personality starts to shine through. I'm entering this phase now.

On a sidenote, women that notice your detachment/aloofness, can be attracted to that. They know that you know that they can be hot to handle. Doc Love says something like, handle a beautiful woman as if she were a poisonous rattle-snake.

AFCs walk right into the snake's presence without realizing there's a rattle there and get bit, and often because in a messed up way they end up provoking the snake by being so feminine and weak.

The more aware you become, you know there's a rattle there, so naturally you're on the lookout for it, but since you know what to look for, you have more confidence to stay with the snake for longer periods of time. The woman senses this, knows you know, and then begins the process of trying to prove herself to you, to qualify herself to you. Not to get too weird, lol.

So anyway, today I passed a chick outside who works in my office complex who I've never spoken to and made some sort of ****y/playful remark, so maybe it's starting.

 

[Booblepook]

The more you learn, the more you become aware.. However, awareness is just that. Awareness is different from playing or manipulation. Awareness is sitting quietly in the corner and knowing what's going on, it has nothing to do with participating..

The idea is to have control over how people perceive you.

This is accomplished by being aware, applying things, and ultimately achieving control over how people (women) perceive you. It's an art form.. Woman is a rattle snake.. i.e. proceed with caution, execute your steps precisely, and always be confident.. Snake charmer that is afraid of getting bitten compromises his success simply by thinking failure.




We do things. Such as say something when asked a question. We always do something. Ask WHY you do something, before you do it, always.

 

[reset]

snake charmer, lol. I like this image. And snake charmers kiss snakes.

 

[Technical1]

The idea is to have control over how people perceive you.

Really, Booblepook? I dont understand.

I thought the whole idea was to embrace the fact that I cant really control how people perceive me, beyond things like table manners, grooming, not being obnoxious, and that I have to get outside of this matrix of thoughts that tell me... "Do this so she doesnt think this".. which is death, or not?

Whenever I start thinking about what other people *might* be thinking, my game is ruined, almost immediately.

 

[MooseGod]

You can't think about what people are thinking about you... Example: If somebody gives you a ****ty look, that doesn't mean that you are ugly, short, weird, whatever. They're probably just having a ****ty day.

The only time it matters is if somebody calls you on it. In which case, you give them a smart ass remark in turn. Don't live your life walking on eggshells. You think the greats got great by caring what people think? Lots of people despised JFK, Ghandi, Clinton, MLK Jr., Lincoln, and countless others. Hell, all but one of the ones I mentioned were SHOT because of their beliefs.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Really, Booblepook? I dont understand.

I thought the whole idea was to embrace the fact that I cant really control how people perceive me, beyond things like table manners, grooming, not being obnoxious, and that I have to get outside of this matrix of thoughts that tell me... "Do this so she doesnt think this".. which is death, or not?

Whenever I start thinking about what other people *might* be thinking, my game is ruined, almost immediately.

Yeah, I'd like to hear that concept explained too.

 

[Technical1]

You think the greats got great by caring what people think? Lots of people despised JFK, Ghandi, Clinton, MLK Jr., Lincoln, and countless others. Hell, all but one of the ones I mentioned were SHOT because of their beliefs.

So if my game gets so tight that someone tries to assassinate me, then I'm officially no longer an AFC? I'm just trying to understand where you're going with this.

 

[Booblepook]

I thought the whole idea was to embrace the fact that I cant really control how people perceive me

That's stage one, acquiring confidence.


Clowns and side show freaks probably don't care how people perceive them. They are entertaining and people pay to see them perform.


Once there is enough confidence to execute training, and to totally ignore other people's reality projected onto you by laughs, stares, or via other means, you begin to acquire control over how others perceive you.. That is, you become to them a leader, someone they look up to and follow. In other words, you draw them into your own reality (because their's is weak); you acquire control over how they perceive you.

 

[reset]

But the ultimate place to take this is, you truly control how they MAY perceive you, if you stop caring how they perceive you. Them approving of you or admiring you or whatever, is a side effect of the freedom you feel when it really doesn't matter. They either will or won't, freedom is not caring.

 

[MooseGod]

So if my game gets so tight that someone tries to assassinate me, then I'm officially no longer an AFC? I'm just trying to understand where you're going with this.

No, I'm saying if you do what you gotta do (standing up for yourself and your views) then not everybody's going to like you. In fact, some may hate you. I don't think anybody is going to get shot because their game is too tight though, unless you go getting caught in bed by some chick's husband.

 

[reset]

When you start becoming your own man, you'll get two reactions. Respect from people who honor that sort of thing, and hating from people who resent that you have some personal power.

The former are the type of people you want in your life.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

That's stage one, acquiring confidence.


Clowns and side show freaks probably don't care how people perceive them. They are entertaining and people pay to see them perform.


Once there is enough confidence to execute training, and to totally ignore other people's reality projected onto you by laughs, stares, or via other means, you begin to acquire control over how others perceive you.. That is, you become to them a leader, someone they look up to and follow. In other words, you draw them into your own reality (because their's is weak); you acquire control over how they perceive you.

And the benefit of having control over those who are weaker is what? What can these weaker people offer you?

 

[Booblepook]

And the benefit of having control over those who are weaker is what?

Just like reset said, there are those who like you and those who hate you. That's rather cute, especially if those who hate you are those in power of hurting you. Such as at work, etc.. You can't control what they think per say, but you can control how they perceive you, since the way they perceive you depends on you and your actions..

By no means you subjugating yourself to anyone here. Instead getting what you want and in cases where you want it.

This is putting out into the world the game that is necessary in order to accomplish an objective. Ultimate control.


Mystery has ultimate control. Gunwitch, John Alexander, and other greatest have it..

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...This is putting out into the world the game that is necessary in order to accomplish an objective. Ultimate control...

And what does this ultimate control give you that you couldn't achieve by just having personal control? Why do you believe there is a need for a dependence of control over other people to achieve your personal goals?

 

[Booblepook]

And what does this ultimate control give you that you couldn't achieve by just having personal control? Why do you believe there is a need for a dependence of control over other people to achieve your personal goals?

You a little misinterpreted things.


Why would one control himself? To achieve goals and make things happen..

Why would one control someone else? To achieve goals and make things happen..


Essentially self control and control over others accomplishes the same thing. Except one is kosher and the other is dark, in our society. That said, you can't achieve control over others without control over yourself. Control over others is an extension to self control.


You, as in you personally, have tried to achieve control over others in this thread. By swaying the general consensus into one way, a way of perception you favor.. What personal goals does it achieve for you?? It appears that you despise the notion that controlling others is legitimate. Thus, this objective you have tried to achieve sways people from doing that, and in favor of doing things your way.


:nono: There isn't a single right way of doing things. Making people believe there is in fact a single right way of doing things, is achieving control over how people do things.

 

[reset]

You guys make crappy "yes" men.

 

[Technical1]

I dont believe in controlling other people, Bubblepook.

Not because I think its wrong, clearly the whole political class does it for a living and its the way the world works. Its simply not practical. Like Francisco implied, the people who you would want to control, usually cannot be controlled, they have gained positions of power precisely by enforcing their own wills. The people you could "control" are not able to be your equals, precisely because they are weak enough to be controlled. Unless we are engaging in pure manipulation for political advancement, how could this work? Society that isnt amongst your equals or near equals isnt worth having, those people you can "control" aren't fit society for you.

I'm afraid I've lost the thread of discussion as a result of the discrepency between "control" and "influence", in the meantime I'm sticking with the consensus perscription of SoSuave posters that I need to stay out of others peoples' heads as if my life depended on it.

 

[Booblepook]

Thus you have achieved control over others right now, by telling that you are not interested in controlling anyone.. Others now, pressumably, perceive you as kosher guy who's with a flow. In other words you want to be like everyone else, a sheep.

This idea of control over others will eventually prevails, as you get better and realize how things work and why.

Take Mystery for example. He is liked by women not because what he does or the way he is, but because he has control over those women, the way they perceive them.. Achieved by manipulating what he is and the way he is..

This is one step away from the notion that the way you are is the way you are, and either people like you or not, or in other words having no control over whether people like you or not.


Control over the way circumstances turn out to be is the ultimate goal. It is the difference between getting a girl, or not. Ultimately we all work toward controlling this dating aspect of our lives..

If you don't have control over your dating game, then indeed you are nothing but an AFC with enough self confidence to try to get yourself out there and leave everything to a chance.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...Not because I think its wrong, clearly the whole political class does it for a living and its the way the world works. Its simply not practical. Like Francisco implied, the people who you would want to control, usually cannot be controlled, they have gained positions of power precisely by enforcing their own wills. The people you could "control" are not able to be your equals, precisely because they are weak enough to be controlled. Unless we are engaging in pure manipulation for political advancement, how could this work? Society that isnt amongst your equals or near equals isnt worth having, those people you can "control" aren't fit society for you.

:yes:

Personally, I can get more of what I want and can get it faster when I'm not depending on the accolades or input from others. I haven't come to a definite conclusion that control over others is necessarily a bad thing because some people actually prefer to have someone else be in charge of the beliefs and their actions; to each their own. I've just seen more people get more of what they want by their own merit rather than trying to control other people to get it for them. More times than not the ones you are able to control do not have the capacity to truly give you what you want, at least not unless you lower your standards.