defensiveend96 JOURNAL

[amazingswayze]

It might help, but she would be even more interested if she saw you with other girls.. What I'm saying is, don't work on her anymore, if its meant to be it will happen

 

[defensiveend96]

It might help, but she would be even more interested if she saw you with other girls.. What I'm saying is, don't work on her anymore, if its meant to be it will happen

Thanks again swayze. I think I'm gonna talk to her again, I wanna fuk her and she's single so I might as well go for it.

Planning a small party at my place soon. Probably gonna have like 10-20 good friends. I already have a good amount of friends who are coming but I want to get some girls to come too. I'm gonna ask around and see who's free.

I wanna start talking to some girls around school again. Tbh I haven't done that in a while, I've been focusing on myself. I really wanna stick my penis in some vagina if you know what I mean.

Anyway that's pretty much it for now...

 

[defensiveend96]

Not much new going on but I felt like writing.

Workouts are going great and I'm in the best shape I've ever been. Feels awesome.

I need to do better in school but it's hard for me to be motivated. It seems like most of the work we do is mindless busy work and things that won't matter in the real world so I tend to half ass my projects.

 

[defensiveend96]

Hey dudes...

Met a new chick yesterday but it didn't end the way I wanted. I didn't even really approach her. I was in the cafeteria and I went to talk to one of my friends and I didn't even notice the girl. I start telling some stories and jokes to my friend and the whole table starts listening in and laughing along. Me and the girl end up talking and joking around a bit, and she seemed like she was being pretty flirty. And then she drops the boyfriend line. Ruh Roh. I joke with her that she doesn't actually have a bf but then she shows me a picture. It was some 95 pound twink lookin guy. I made a joke about him but she seemed kind of offended so I bailed. Sucks that she had a bf cuz she was fiine.

I was mirin this girl at my gym yesterday. I think she was a college girl but she was really hot. I went over and asked her if I could share the machine she was using and she said she just finished so I said never mind. Still, at least I talked to her, cuz she was really cute and I was nervous to talk to her but I said phuck it.

Workout was great today but thats pretty much all I did.

I've been wondering what I can say as an opener to girls in the halls around school that arent in my grade or classes, cuz most of my classes don't have any hot girls. If anyone has any tips, it would be much appreciated.

 

[defensiveend96]

Oh man I had a lot of fun approaching random girls at my school.

Just go up and be spontaneous. Goof off, be funny. Don't be serious or act like a PUA, because that's just weird at school. Make sure you have a buddy by your side though, if you're alone that can look a littl creepy.

Oh. And as far as the girl with the bf, dont be fooled! I've had many a time fun with girls who were "taken". It's only hs, don't worry about ruining the relationship.

Thanks for the great advice man. I don't think I'll go with a friend though, knowing my friends I'd probably get ****blocked or they would just stand there looking stupid.

Updates....

Invited a bunch of girls to my party and most said they are coming. Did I mention I was having a party before? Idk if I did but yeah I am. I think its close to 2 girls for every guy so far. Gonna be a lot of fun.

Workouts are going great and I've gotten a lot leaner but I'm at a crossroads. On one hand, I'm tired of tracking my calories and worrying so much about gettting shredded and I just wanna be a kid and eat when I want and exercise a ton. On the other hand, I feel like I won't get as lean as I want to without counting calories and being strict. I hear all these people who eat whatever they want and still get the physique that they want and I want to be able to do that. I'm starting to do a lot more biking and running now that the weather is nicer, along with lifting. I'm considering forgetting about counting calories and sh!t and just working out a ton and eating clean and when I feel like eating. But I'm also afraid I'll get fat if I do this. Let me know your guys opinions. I might post this in the fitness section too.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I'm on NoFap, too.

NoFap doesn't really benefit me in any way. I can jack off every single day and still feel like I'm the king of the world.

I don't think NoFap grants you superpowers, but I just do it anyway because the more I masturbate, I feel less of a desire to approach/talk to females.

One thing I'll say is: I don't think NoFap should be used if you think you'll gain "superpowers". You have to gain those "superpowers" on your own by improving yourself. All NoFap really does (in my opinion) is just give you more free time instead of wasting your time on masturbation.

If you improve your life via working out, raising your confidence, meditation, etc etc, you'll still feel godly whether you masturbate every day or once a year.

If your getting quality poon and head when you want it you won't have much of an interest in fapping.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

I disagree with KingofPuss.

Firstly, innate metabolism, aside from the rare case, has been shown not to have a major effort on calories burned. To say that it has major impact, say more than 200 calories a day, is a bit drastic.

Diet by definition is what you eat. Definitions aside, the general consensus is that results are mostly due to diet, assuming you do enough activity.

I counted calories for a week or five. The benefit is that you now know roughly how many macros you get from your eating habits and you can look at labels and adjust accordingly. You can always be more specific and do some quick math. Strict diets are no place in the life of an average teenager. You'll see the results you want if you work hard, harder than you've worked before. Gains aren't restricted to how many reps you do and how much weight you lift. If you change your mindset and give it everything you have each day, you'll see improvements, so start there. We can always talk more advanced lifting, but do it smart, be aware, and let go of your mind.

Be mindful that exercise is not restricted to the gym. Want to be shredded? Do HIIT sprints at max capacity and a bit lower duration. That's what Mark recently recommended on Ferriss' podcast. It's hard science, but it's also just another opinion. You can't hit the gym 3 times a week and expect to be shredded and get huge. Change your program and go more, or engage in other activities.

For diet, do whatever you want man, just be aware of the impact you have on yourself. You are what you eat - you're comprised of billions of micro-organisms in several micro-environments inside you. You are but a result. Also be mindful of the inflammatory nature of the way most (aspiring) bodybuilders eat. Continuous insulin spikes resulting from overconsumption of refined grains, sugars - mainly those two.

Worry does no one any good. do wat u want

 

[yungballa]

If your getting quality poon and head when you want it you won't have much of an interest in fapping.

yeah thats true. the more i engage in sexual activities with real girls (like dancing with them, getting head, getting really touchy and physical with them) im discouraged to fap.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

yeah thats true. the more i engage in sexual activities with real girls (like dancing with them, getting head, getting really touchy and physical with them) im discouraged to fap.

You'll learn tapping is self defeating. It keeps you from the real.

 

[yungballa]

You'll learn tapping is self defeating. It keeps you from the real.

if i had fresh pvssy in front of me every single day, i'd never touch another porn video again or play with myself. obviously, that's never going to happen. its just unrealistic lol.

in reality, im still a virgin, but im only 15. i've got a whole life ahead of me. i dont see nun wrong with fapping IF you're unable to go out and game females. for example, you're in the middle of nowhere and you're on house arrest and no one can visit you. there's zero chances for you to hook up with a female. right then and there in a scenario like that, i dont see a problem with doing the job yourself.

but if youre a guy who likes to go out a lot and you have the opportunities to see females daily, you cant really make much excuses to not be diving in real pvssy, or at least try.

i've been on nofap since late dec. 2015. my goal is to abstain the whole 2016. im a virgin in high school and i've only had head. im scared to fvck a girl because i think ill get her pregnant. i rather not take chances, so i think fapping and getting head is a good substitute.

but i dont fap anymore because when i fap, i desire real pvssy less and less. and im tryna hook up with the girls at my school lol, so i dont fap.

the moment i start kissing up on a girl, feeling her, gettng touchy feely with her, and we're doing a lot of physical activity, i stray away from porn and i just get really focused on pursuing girls in real life. ill feel disgusted if i look at porn/beat off.

 

[amazingswayze]

i've been on nofap since late dec. 2015. my goal is to abstain the whole 2016. im a virgin in high school and i've only had head. im scared to fvck a girl because i think ill get her pregnant. i rather not take chances, so i think fapping and getting head is a good substitute.

Wear a condom.

 

[yungballa]

Wear a condom.

lol im a very paranoid boy. i rather not take my chances. i prefer to have NO risks of being a father. i might as well just wait til im an adult to fvck a girl.

plus, i heard condoms make the sensations feel not as good as fvcking raw.

 

[amazingswayze]

You probably won't knock up any girl by wearing a condom. It can happen, but you have nothing to be afraid of. Do you.

 

[defensiveend96]

Hey thanks to everyone for your replies and advice.

Updates...

My party went great last night. About 20 people showed up I think. Tons of fun. I got very drunk and high and passed out. Dont remember much, but I did have a lot of fun. My friends said it was great too and we all want to drink again together, but with less people. House took a while to clean up. I wanted to flirt with more girls at the party but I was hammered. Next party I'm sticking to just beer and just getting buzzed not piss drunk. But then again I always say that...

I've decided I am going to stick to my strict diet. I have seen great results from it and I look great, I was just getting tired of it and, really, I'm a fat kid at heart and have a huge appetite. I could eat all day. But I cant do that. I only need to lose a little more weight to be where I want to be for the summer. Also, I think I am going to take a little break from lifting, probably no more than a week. Lately when I've been at the gym I've felt unmotivated and bored, but when I'm outside doing cardio like running or biking I feel great. I also think my joints and muscles could use a break, I've read that a break from weight lifting is actually beneficial after a long period without a break.

Do you guys do anything when your stressed or upset that makes you feel much better? For me its going for a bike ride at night. When theres no cars, no noise, nothing and I can just pedal and think. I realize all my "problems" really aren't that big and that I should just ask that girl to prom or something...

Until next time boys...

 

[defensiveend96]

Hey dudes some updates...

Workouts going good. I'm taking a little break from lifting. Might go back to the gym tomorrow. I've been doing cardio outside still (biking, playing football with friends, running) and I'm having a lot of fun. Looking leaner this week too which is good.

I just got back from a long bike ride and I realized something and I want to get my thoughts down before I forget so forgive me if it comes out bad. All through high school I've been wanting a relationship with a girl. I see some of my friends and other people in high school with girlfriends and they seem really happy. Having a relationship in high school seemed like a great idea to me. I've seen some guys whose girlfriends absolutely love them and that seems like a a great thing to me, just to have someone who really cares about you in a strong way. I know I sound like a faggot right now but its just the way I've been thinking about all this. I always thought that I really wanted a relationship with a girl like that who really cares. I've disregarded other hot girls who've liked me a lot because I thought they weren't "relationship material". And now its May of senior year. All of a sudden high school is over. I didn't have the relationship I wanted and I didn't take the opportunities with the girls who showed interest in me. That is my biggest regret by far. A lot of girls, last year especially, showed strong interest and I did nothing about it. And now high school is done. I spent all of last year and this year lifting weights and getting a great body so girls would like me and I would have confidence but now I have no time to develop any sort of relationships with any girls. I almost feel like it was a waste of time. Sure, I look great, but there's guys who have never touched a weight in there life and they're banging hot girls and have great relationships. I'm sitting here counting my calories and working each muscle group, while Sammy skinny fat is banging 10/10's. I get that life isn't all about girls but I feel like I missed out on a lot of teenage experiences. Going on a date with a girl you really like, taking a girls virginity, having her at your football games, prom, all that sh!t I never did because I was too busy being insecure and lifting weights. The past 4 years went by very fast and I almost feel like I wasted it. I don't really know what to think. But I'm not trying to sound like I'm complaining or asking anyone to feel sorry for me, I just wanted to get these thoughts down and think about all this. Anyway I would really appreciate you guys thoughts/advice/criticisms on this too and I appreciate everyone who has read this rant.

 

[amazingswayze]

Hey dudes some updates...

Workouts going good. I'm taking a little break from lifting. Might go back to the gym tomorrow. I've been doing cardio outside still (biking, playing football with friends, running) and I'm having a lot of fun. Looking leaner this week too which is good.

I just got back from a long bike ride and I realized something and I want to get my thoughts down before I forget so forgive me if it comes out bad. All through high school I've been wanting a relationship with a girl. I see some of my friends and other people in high school with girlfriends and they seem really happy. Having a relationship in high school seemed like a great idea to me. I've seen some guys whose girlfriends absolutely love them and that seems like a a great thing to me, just to have someone who really cares about you in a strong way. I know I sound like a faggot right now but its just the way I've been thinking about all this. I always thought that I really wanted a relationship with a girl like that who really cares. I've disregarded other hot girls who've liked me a lot because I thought they weren't "relationship material". And now its May of senior year. All of a sudden high school is over. I didn't have the relationship I wanted and I didn't take the opportunities with the girls who showed interest in me. That is my biggest regret by far. A lot of girls, last year especially, showed strong interest and I did nothing about it. And now high school is done. I spent all of last year and this year lifting weights and getting a great body so girls would like me and I would have confidence but now I have no time to develop any sort of relationships with any girls. I almost feel like it was a waste of time. Sure, I look great, but there's guys who have never touched a weight in there life and they're banging hot girls and have great relationships. I'm sitting here counting my calories and working each muscle group, while Sammy skinny fat is banging 10/10's. I get that life isn't all about girls but I feel like I missed out on a lot of teenage experiences. Going on a date with a girl you really like, taking a girls virginity, having her at your football games, prom, all that sh!t I never did because I was too busy being insecure and lifting weights. The past 4 years went by very fast and I almost feel like I wasted it. I don't really know what to think. But I'm not trying to sound like I'm complaining or asking anyone to feel sorry for me, I just wanted to get these thoughts down and think about all this. Anyway I would really appreciate you guys thoughts/advice/criticisms on this too and I appreciate everyone who has read this rant.

there are still more things you can do if you look at every social opportunity possible, yeah, you may have regrets, but everybody does. Don't think too much about the girls, just practice.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

It happens to nearly all of your peers. We slowly realize as we grow older that insecurity and avoiding pain do you little good and remove you from situations where you feel alive.

This is some great stuff that you should keep writing here about, and I think you'll appreciate getting insight into your thoughts when you visit old entries.

I've desired a relationship since I started liking girls. The problem is that we are far removed from our goal due to other issues that need to be adressed. On that note, never put life on hold to adress such issues (think lifting to get attractive).

A personal pet-peve that I think has important implications is that you shouldn't relate being interdependent and in touch with your emotions to being a faggot. Or even being gay to the connotations of that word.

On a tangent: I'm realizing that I have a lot more negative self-talk than I thought. It's important to reframe these thoughts and ween yourself away from this habit. Like I said in my journal: the ability to self-administer punishment is powerful, but use it correctly.

You are enough in this moment and you should not exclusively seek love if you haven't found it within yourself.

Now, what did you get in the place of what you did not get? You have specific knowledge on multiple subjects in which most people only passively amass it. You have a solid foundation for being physically healthy. and an overall good basis for going out of high school.

The important lessons in life are generally philosophical in nature and learned through intra and extrapersonal interactions. Never think you know anything and don't lose your spirit. Become comfortable with who you are and on that journey, get comfortable expressing yourself deeply and openly. I'm not saying to simply speak your mind, rather to be unapologetic for who you are, while practicing the necessary self-insight to evaluate where you are and where you want to go.

I know we like to say other AFCs are socially conditioned, but realize that you are deeply conditioned as well, so are most of us. Think of how humans act and function - we can interact and exist and perform work in so many ways that we simply do not. Seeking to act high value is simply taking advantage of this social conditioning to appeal to primal instincts. It doesn't develop character and promotes stress and anxiety.

Building on that, behaviors that potentially lower your value are generally looked down on. One of these is showing affection, because you are making yourself vulnerable. Train yourself to increasingly express affection and kindness without intent. You'll get closer in all your relationships and perhaps someone will return your love.

My last point was that you must not neglect girls just because they aren't ideal. Many of my regrets involve not getting involved with girls that liked me. My tip is to act on what you desire, not on where that leaves you socially or how it impacts your ego. You may end up getting together with some of these girls and they'll surprise you with certain personality aspects, affection, and talents. Just experiencing this intimacy is a powerful learning experience. At the end remain true to yourself and don't play games - if you lose interest then figure it out or get out. No one loses.

 

[amazingswayze]

It happens to nearly all of your peers. We slowly realize as we grow older that insecurity and avoiding pain do you little good and remove you from situations where you feel alive.

This is some great stuff that you should keep writing here about, and I think you'll appreciate getting insight into your thoughts when you visit old entries.

I've desired a relationship since I started liking girls. The problem is that we are far removed from our goal due to other issues that need to be adressed. On that note, never put life on hold to adress such issues (think lifting to get attractive).

A personal pet-peve that I think has important implications is that you shouldn't relate being interdependent and in touch with your emotions to being a faggot. Or even being gay to the connotations of that word.

On a tangent: I'm realizing that I have a lot more negative self-talk than I thought. It's important to reframe these thoughts and ween yourself away from this habit. Like I said in my journal: the ability to self-administer punishment is powerful, but use it correctly.

You are enough in this moment and you should not exclusively seek love if you haven't found it within yourself.

Now, what did you get in the place of what you did not get? You have specific knowledge on multiple subjects in which most people only passively amass it. You have a solid foundation for being physically healthy. and an overall good basis for going out of high school.

The important lessons in life are generally philosophical in nature and learned through intra and extrapersonal interactions. Never think you know anything and don't lose your spirit. Become comfortable with who you are and on that journey, get comfortable expressing yourself deeply and openly. I'm not saying to simply speak your mind, rather to be unapologetic for who you are, while practicing the necessary self-insight to evaluate where you are and where you want to go.

I know we like to say other AFCs are socially conditioned, but realize that you are deeply conditioned as well, so are most of us. Think of how humans act and function - we can interact and exist and perform work in so many ways that we simply do not. Seeking to act high value is simply taking advantage of this social conditioning to appeal to primal instincts. It doesn't develop character and promotes stress and anxiety.

Building on that, behaviors that potentially lower your value are generally looked down on. One of these is showing affection, because you are making yourself vulnerable. Train yourself to increasingly express affection and kindness without intent. You'll get closer in all your relationships and perhaps someone will return your love.

My last point was that you must not neglect girls just because they aren't ideal. Many of my regrets involve not getting involved with girls that liked me. My tip is to act on what you desire, not on where that leaves you socially or how it impacts your ego. You may end up getting together with some of these girls and they'll surprise you with certain personality aspects, affection, and talents. Just experiencing this intimacy is a powerful learning experience. At the end remain true to yourself and don't play games - if you lose interest then figure it out or get out. No one loses.

Damn NDJ, what do they teach in Norway?!

 

[defensiveend96]

Thanks swayze and NorwegianDJ for the advice. I really appreciate it. Norwegian, you've given me a lot of things to think about. Is it cool if I pm you? I could use some more wise advice. Also in regards to your post, I know I shouldn't think of being in touch with my emotions to being a faggot, but I guess its just the way I was brought up. I don't usually complain or show strong emotion when I'm with other people. I've been trying to get away from negative thoughts and self talk too.

I've been biking a lot lately, as I've really needed to relax and think. I realized that dwelling on things in the past is stupid because I'm thinking about them with the knowledge I have now instead of the knowledge I had then. There's no point in me dwelling on the past when I'm only 17 and have so much ahead of me.

Anyway that's pretty much all I have to say. Things have been pretty normal lately.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Yeah, man, hit me up! I've brought many friendships from here and HSPUA onto Facebook and regular conversation.

I find myself to spend a lot of time being emotionally muted, but I've been fairly expressive in the same timeframe. It is especially in recent years that I've come more to terms with being myself and becoming more expressive, versus molding my behavior after my knowledge of high-value traits and actions.