defensiveend96 JOURNAL

[defensiveend96]

Hey GetBetter thanks for the advice. Thats an interesting theory. Now for some updates.

This is the 100th post in my journal. I feel like I've improved a lot since the start. I know a lot more people around school and have a larger social circle. I can talk to girls no problem and flirt and get numbers. Also, I am in the best shape I have been in my life. I feel like I have improved a lot in football too. So life is good.

I just got back from a killer leg workout. I did a lot of running and leg exercises. I'm pretty exhausted right now haha. My teams first football game is in a few weeks. It should be great and I am very excited.

Good stuff today with girls. This girl I mentioned at the start of my journal, HB Samantha, came and sat with me at lunch today randomly. We had a good conversation about how todays music is crap. I think she is funny but probably nothing more than a friend. Still, its good practice just to talk to any girls. I talked with Hannah today in the hall on our way out of class. She was telling me about this movie she is watching in a different class. I had seen the movie before so I mentioned a couple of the jokes in it and we had a good laugh. It was a good but short convo as we both had to go different ways for class. I'll talk to her again next class, she seems fun. I met a new girl in class today, her name is Jasmine. She had to mark one of my tests and I totally bullsh*tted my way through the entire test which she thought was funny. I actually convinced her to give me some bonus marks because she thought what I wrote was funny. I'm not sure if I mention Erin before but we talked today. We have a few inside jokes together so whenever she sees me she mentions them. Today I fell asleep in class as I was dead tired and she took a picture of me. It was kind of weird to be honest haha. When I went for a run today I passed by this group of girls and one of them said Hi to me. I waved at her but I didn't stop to talk as I was really trying to push myself while running. Now that I think back I kinda wish I did stop just to introduce myself but oh well whats done is done. I didn't try to talk to Crystal this week but she talked to me a couple times. One time was her asking for help but she was smiling and blushing while she was asking and another time was kind of weird and I could use someone elses take on it. Here is how it went: It was science class and she was sitting in the desk in front of me. I didn't have my textbook so I had to share with the guy next to me. Me and this guy get into arguments sometimes, I always win. Anyway I start working with him and Crystal sees this and turns around and says "Hey I thought you guys hated each other" and I said "Yeah we do, but I need his textbook" and then I jokingly steal his book and use it for myself. Then Crystal says to the guy "You shouldn't let him do that haha" and that was it. I normally wouldn't post random convos like that one but its really confusing me. What did she mean? Now I know some of you guys are gonna be like "Hey DE96, I thought you didn't want Crystal no more". Well guys, I have been thinking lately and I have decided that if she puts some effort in and tries to talk to me and not be so goody two shoes, then I will consider going out with her. I notice her staring at me in class still and trying to get my attention. Anyway thats all that happened today with girls. It was actually quite a bit and they were good convos. I am proud of how much I have improved but like I always say, keep improving!

Little bit of a sidenote here. I want to thank everyone here at sosuave who has helped me and given me advice. I have only been here since August but I feel like it has changed my life. Again thanks to everyone. I will update this tomorrow because I am most likely planning to go out around town.

 

[defensiveend96]

I'm pretty mad right now so I need to vent here. I've been doing this journal since September and its May right now. Thats 8 months. I've trying to get girls for 8 months and I've got nothing to show for it. I can get girls to like me easy but I can't escalate any further than that. Its been 8 f*cking months. 8 f*cking months and I haven't even been on a date yet. I haven't done anything except 2 number closes and I don't even text girls anymore. I haven't kissed a girl, haven't ask a girl out, haven't done anything. I don't want to go through the summer without any plates. I wanted to ask out Crystal today because she is the best quality girl who has shown consistent interest in me. But guess what? I pussied out and didn't ask. What the f*ck is wrong with me? Its so damn simple to ask out a girl and yet I can't do it. I've been pursuing Crystal for a few months now and she has shown high interest throughout that time. But I am still too f*cking stupid to ask her out. I'm so pissed off at myself, I want to punch a hole in a wall. 8 god damm months and I haven't got anything. A lot of people I know have girlfriends and there all so happy with them and there lives seem so great because they have girls that love them. They get to hug, touch, and kiss their girls everyday. I haven't done any of that in 8 months of trying. All these guys I know are always saying how great it is to be with a girl and to have a girlfriend. Its pretty hard not to think how good it would be to have a girl. I always convince myself that I am going to ask her out the next chance I get but I always chicken out right before. I try to tell myself to just do it. But I can't. I think I might just give up on girls. I really don't want to, but I can't get a girl. Its gonna be summer break soon and school will be over and I will have absolutely nothing to show for myself after pursuing so many girls this year. My friends will be going off with their girls to have great summer vacations while I will go off on my own and wonder what could have been. It f*cking sucks.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Whatchu gonna do about it

 

[defensiveend96]

Whatchu gonna do about it

I don't know man. I see all these happy couples everywhere I go. All these ugly ass guys with cute girls. Always kissing and holding hands. These guys have no game or charm or anything. They just went up to the girl and asked her out and it worked. And for some f*cking reason I can't bring myself to ask out this girl. I plan it, I rehearse in front of the mirror, I tell myself to do it, rejection is better than regret, live today like its your last I tell myself all these things but none of it works. I always chicken out at the last minute.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

You havent had any concrete ways to achieve any goals in your journal yet. How do you expect to make progress if you never spare a thought on how?

 

[defensiveend96]

You havent had any concrete ways to achieve any goals in your journal yet. How do you expect to make progress if you never spare a thought on how?

What do you mean concrete ways? I set goals at the start of my journal and I've been working towards them.

 

[narcissist]

Haha. I remember readng like 2 weeks ago you said something along the lines of "I dont like crystal anymore, Im not going to ask her out, she isnt for me" Something like that, obviously im paraphrasing.

But as I was reading that around two weeks ago I knew for SURE it was an excuse and justification that your mind let you make so that you wouldn't have to FACE YOUR FEARS. Don't worry, we have all been there man. People who dont want to confront their fears will justify to themselves A WHOLE BUNCH OF SH1T so they dont have to go through the pain and turmoil of fear facing.

You have approach anxiety when is comes to actually going up and asking a girl OUT. This is a fear THAT YOU MUST CONQUER if you want to be good with girls.

Look you even said it yourself. The other guys in your school arent slick and dont have any game yet they go up and just simply ask the girl out, and they get girlfriends. You would be HUGELY surprised at the fact that a girl loves a man with confidence who can just approach the women he likes and ask them out. Its better then absolutely doing nothing but muling around the main goal.

Not only that but you have pedestaled Crystal to the absolute maximum. Its evident. Im not sure how long you have talked to her and im not sure how long you have actually wanted to date her but i know that you like her so much that you actually told your parents about her and you get mad at yourself because you have so much fear of getting rejected by this one girl.

Look. The simple fact that she is now pedestalized is fvcking up your game. You fear getting rejected by her because you have built her up so much that it will be A HUGE let down if she says no. But that is your fault. You should have asked her out when she started showing a bit of interest. At least to gauge whether she likes you or not. And you would have an answer at least, as to whether to continue pursuing her or not, based on her reaction. But you have imagined so many different scenarios and have built it up so much that you are afraid of failing. You even said it yourself, You practice asking her out in front of the mirror. < THAT is putting tooooo must interest in this one chick. Just go up "hey, go out with me this weekend" CONFIDENTLY and BOOM! youll have fvcking answer.


So the mistakes that I have seen are twofold. You are justifying not approaching your fears, and you are pedestaling girls.

My advice.

You really need to approach your fears. Enter action with boldness. Dont let your ego get in the way. So what if you get rejected? Its a good thing. You want to get rejected because then that is a good indicator of interest. If a girl rejects you then you dont have to waste your time on her.

If you dont face this fear, you will perpetually pedestal women. And this pedestalization of girls is not a good thing. Because It perpetuates your fear. This is because you build it up so much in your mind that you fear failing.

They are in a reciprocal relationship. Your fear causes pedestalization, and that pedestalization perpetuates the fear.

You must get out of this vortex.

Next time you see crystal ask her out. If she says yes? cool. awesome. great. If she says no? Then bite the bullet, go back out there and ask another girl out. But no matter what, the second she gives you an answer you will lose the pedestalization of her, and you will have begun conquering your fears. Why? because 1) you will know whether she likes you or not, so you dont have to come up with these facades in your head and 2) you will have attacked your fear face first. which will begin your journey of eradicating that fear all together

You MUST do this. This is a HUGE detriment to your game.

If you can realize this then the NEXT 8 MONTHS will be EXTREMELY fruitful..



Last but not least.

You wanting to give up on girl is a bullsh1t fvcking excuse and justification for not tackling your fears. If you give up on girls then you know in your heart you dont even DESERVE to be a DJ. Only betas give up on their dreams.

What type of person are you going to be?

A beta b1tch who gives up because he cant muster up the courage to face his fears?

or a fvcking boss who says "fvck you, fvcking fears" and goes out and gets WHAT HE WANTS.


Don't sell your self short. Im disappointed that you would actually say your about to give up. Come on man your better then that.

Set some goals. Go out and approach women and ask them OUT.

The fvcking second you see crystal you better ask her out. If not, im never reading this journal again. Tough love. My friend, tough love.

And NEVER EVER fvcking give up. EVVVVVVER.


Man the fvck up. THIS IS YOUR ONLY LIFE. Become the best man you can be, or become another sheepling who gave up on his dreams because he pissed his pants at the thought of facing his fears.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

What do you mean concrete ways? I set goals at the start of my journal and I've been working towards them.

I don't see you working on them and I think that's because you havent updated them nor elaborated on how you will go about taking consistent action towards them.

 

[defensiveend96]

Thanks narcissist for the advice. I took it and manned up and asked her out. Heres how it went:

I was walking to my locker at the end of the day and I saw Crystal alone at her locker so I went to talk to her.
Me: Hey Crystal
Her:Hi
Me: I'm going to (name of ice cream place by our school) do you wanna come?
Her: sorry I can't
Me: why not?
Her: I have to go home
Me: wow you arent any fun ( I said this in a joking way, teasing her.)
Her: I'm sorry (I walked away at this point)
Her: Have fun (She shouted this as I walked away)

So yeah, I got rejected. Oh well. She might actually have had to go home. I don't know if I should ask her out again. She was smiling and blushing when I was talking to her though. And when I teased her she laughed. Earlier on in the day we were siting really close to each other because she was helping me with an assignment. I kino'ed her while we were working. She was laughing and smiling and teasing me the whole time so I don't know what to think whether she likes me or not. Still, I feel good that I asked her out. I knew I could do it and I realize there was nothing to be scared of. I feel bad that she didn't go with me though because I was certain she would say yes. Ultimately I still feel good that I asked her. The main things I am confused about is if I should ask her again some other time or if I should just focus on other girls.

In other news, football is going great like always. I'm not sure if I mentioned this before but I am the starting defensive end and our first game is in exactly one month. I'm already really excited. Workouts are going good too. I've been wanting to improve my cardio and conditioning for a while and I have been working on it for a few months now and I see improvements. Strength training is going good too, I will do a legs workout today.

I've become a lot more social since last year. I've got a lot more friends and I know a lot more girls. I also noticed I can make conversation with anyone about pretty much anything.


That's everything for now. I'm gonna update this tomorrow.

 

[defensiveend96]

Some stuff that happened today:

I was working on one of the schools computers and that hot grade 9 girl I mentioned a few posts ago sat down at the computer next to me with her friends. I wanted to talk to her but I went completely blank when I was trying to think of an opener. I don't have many opportunities to talk to this girl but I see her looking at me occasionally. I gotta think of a good opener to start talking to her. Speaking of girls, I would appreciate some advice on what to do about Crystal. I think I got rejected but I am not sure because she seemed very interested. What do you guys think I should do?

Some news about football. I've been thinking about switching from DE to either running back or linebacker. Coaches say I don't have the length required for DE and running back seems like a lot of fun.

It's becoming crunch time to get my goals done before summer. I need to get more girls numbers and get at least 1 plate before summer. I also have to start studying hard for end of the year exams.

That's all for now.

 

[narcissist]

Dude she rejected you.

If she was into you she would have accepted to go out with you.

Do you think she would have rejected brad pitt? probably not.

Forget about her, you asked her out and she rejected you. If you invest anymore into you she will start becoming a detriment to your progress.

Maybe some time down the road ask her out again, but for now worry about bettering yourself.

You need to start cold approaching women ambitiously. From now until the end of the summer you should approach at least 10 thousand girls.

Believe me if you have that many girls on your nut sack then crystal will be all over you.

Another thing. It doesnt matter what you open with at this point. What matters is that you DO the approach. This is your mantra - Rejection is better than regret.

Say that to your self 5 times before you approach a girl. If she rejects you at least you know. Where as if you didn't approach at all you wouldn't have known.

Imagine if that grade 9 girl really wanted you to talk to her? Well you didn't. You could be setting up a date with her right now. On the verge of making her a plate within two weeks. But because you didn't even say anything it is another OPPORTUNITY LOST. Right?

So who cares what you open with. Just saying "Hey whats up?" is better then absolutely nothing.

With time you will get better.



SUMMING UP

Forget about crystal (your oneitis) - she rejected you

Start cold approaching thousands of women - By the end of the summer you will have at LEAST one plate

Openers don't matter - simply approaching is all that matters right now in your phase of apprenticeship

Rejection is better than regret



Good luck

 

[The_411]

Defensiveend,

The rejection from Crystal was good but the biggest thing you should got from it was that you wasted all that time thinking about her before getting an answer you could have gotten at the beginning. The funny thing is that had you asked her out right after you started talking to her she probably would said yes.

Every single guy gets the same anxiety approaching women as you do. By asking out lots of women you lessen that anxiety because you learn to understand that no is a time saver and keeps a guy from living in that candyland dream world where you think might still have a chance and if you say the perfect thing.

I doesn't work that way. Next time you see a girl checking you out talk to her and invite her out do no think about either ask her out or don't. Try to imagine you only get one shot with a girl and if don't ask it will never happen.

You will fail a lot in the beginning but in honesty you'll learn what doesn't work and eventually you will become much better you'll lose the fear of approaching.

When a girl gives out signals she's interested they are only good for a short time like the meat you buy in the store. It goes bad quick and it is unedible.

The other thing is stop looking for a relationship at 16/17. There's no purpose you'll be out of each other's lives in 1 1/2 to 2 years anyway and at your age you should be basically hitting any girl that you think it cure for practice of your game and to practice kisssing, fondling, and all the other carnal desires.

Last point it good to examine screen a woman's value but only to the point as to decide when to get rid of her. If you think a girl is cute then ask her out go out and if you don't have a great time then you've taught yourself a lesson what you don't like and chances are you also learn how to behave in a relationship, which is to be indifferent for the most part.

Once you start getting googly-eyed with Crystal or the first chick your done with that chick. They know they have you whipped and they're going to take advantage of you while looking for a guy who doesn't give a F, or the guy who will dominate them sex them and then bail.

 

[defensiveend96]

Hey guys thanks for the advice. This past week has been alright.

Football and workouts are going strong as always. Coach is moving me to linebacker which is a lot of fun. I have to start doing bench press again. I haven't done it in a while. My conditioning and cardio is improving which is good.

It's been a tough week girl wise. I am trying my best to move on from Crystal and forget about her but it's really tough to do when I see her everyday. I still really want her but I know it's not going to happen. It would be easier for me to move on if she didn't seem so interested before she rejected me. I talked to some more girls this week and met some new ones but every girl I meet or talk to I can't help but compare them to Crystal. I know I am being a huge AFC and I don't want to be but I really can't stop thinking of her. I keep telling myself to forget about her because it's not going to happen but it's not working. And the rejection really took a shot at my self confidence and has made me more of an introvert lately. I haven't cold approached any girls this week because my confidence is gone. Just today, this cute girl said hi to me in the hall and I just said hi back and walked away. Earlier on this week a couple girls were staring at me and giggling but I just kept walking. A few weeks ago, I would have talked to them but my confidence is gone. I want to get over her and forget about her but things keep reminding me of her and I keep thinking of her.

 

[defensiveend96]

Life's been kind of sh!tty lately. I need to vent.

Everything seems to make me so angry. Kids at my school are so annoying and immature. Teachers are f*cking asswipes. I'm not learning anything useful. I honestly don't see the point of class.

One of the main things that makes me angry is Crystal. She f*cking led me on for a long time, giving me all these signs of "interest" just to reject me straight up. I was just one of her f*cking orbiters. Just another guy who wasn't good enough. She's a f*cking attention ***** and no where near the quality I thought she was. The past few weeks she's been a total b!tch. Back when things were good with her she was so nice and caring and fun but now she's acting like her fat lonely b!tch friend. The teacher made me and her work together in class, and I told Crystal that I was going to be away the next class so I needed her to grab the work from the teacher so I could do it after. She never did. So now the teacher failed me on the assignment and gave Crystal a good grade. Crystal didn't even have the decency to give me the work I needed. All she had to do was grab an extra piece of paper from the teacher. F*ck I wish I never wasted so much time with this girl. I'm f*ckin pissed about it.

The only good things in my life right now are football and the fact that I look really really good. It doesn't really matter to me that I look really good though because I can't find a girl who isn't a total b!tch or one that turns out to be a total b!tch.

I wish I could meet a girl who isn't like every single damn girl in my school. A girl who isn't on her phone 24/7. A girl who doesn't lead people on. A girl who isn't a total f*ckin skank or attention *****.
There is a school dance coming up and I really want to bring a girl to it but I don't know who to bring. No girls seem worth it.

Anyway, thanks to everyone who's read all this. I would appreciate some advice.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Bring it up with the teacher. Sounds like you dont have to do much work to fix your grade.

And you'll find the girls.

 

[Maximus Rex]

No Offensive DE, but That's All on You, Bruh

Life's been kind of sh!tty lately. I need to vent.

Everything seems to make me so angry. Kids at my school are so annoying and immature. Teachers are f*cking asswipes. I'm not learning anything useful. I honestly don't see the point of class.

Schedule and appointment with your guidance counselor or a teacher you like to vent your frustrations, but don't come off as whiny. Construct a thoughtful well formulated argument. You also have to be open minded to criticism and brain storm some solutions on your own and present these arguments to whomever you're going to speak with. Also, talk about your frustrations which school in the main forum, you might get some useful advice.

One of the main things that makes me angry is Crystal. She f*cking led me on for a long time, giving me all these signs of "interest" just to reject me straight up. I was just one of her f*cking orbiters.

:nono: I've read your thread and quoting from, "The Game," "It's never the chick's fault," and it's true in this situation with Crystal. Dude, you NEVER pulled the trigger when she was interested. You can with every reason as to why you didn't holla, "I was tired from practice." "It was raining." "I'll wait till tomorrow "Crystal's a goodie goodie," and the thing that screwed you the most, APPROACH ANXIETY and OUTCOME DEPENDENCY . Basically, you were loitering around her hoping that she would give overt signs of her interest in you as some sort of green light for you to be more assertive.

Just another guy who wasn't good enough. She's a f*cking attention ***** and no where near the quality I thought she was.

Subconsciously were saying to yourself that you weren't good enough and she picked up on those negative vibes. I guarantee to you if you would have approached early and been more assertive and sure and decisive in your actions you would have had a different result.

It's like in football, (the refs probably closely monitor this and your coach probably frowns upon it) but I know you probably talk :cuss: to the opposing offensive lineman. I know that you probably look at dude like, "Yeah, I'm about to run your :moon: over and bury your QB." You approach the line of scrimmage face-to-face with the tackle with a look of pure intimidation. Your countenance says, "You can't stop me. You have no answer for me."

However, you allowed Crystal to get in your head. You pedestalized her and you ended up seeking her validation, respect, and approval. You weren't congruent with your on field persona and in the end result was you turning her off.

The past few weeks she's been a total b!tch. Back when things were good with her she was so nice and caring and fun but now she's acting like her fat lonely b!tch friend.

After reading what dear ole Rex wrote, is it surprising that she would act in this fashion towards you? You complain about being nothing more than one of "orbitors," but, DE, (and be completely and totally honest,) did you ever give Crystal a reason to think or believe that you were something "OTHER THAN AN ORBITOR?

You were afraid approach and when you did, having mundane and safe conversations about school. You never showed or displayed your interest. In the meantime, Crystal is thinking to herself, "Damn, I "told," DE that I like him and I want to do out on date, so what is he wanting on? The New Year?"

But Rex, Crystal never told me that she liked me.? Yes, she did potna. Her non verbal cues, were her indicators of interest. That was hers, (and all women by that matter,) way of telling you to come and holla. I tell you this from experience, ya boy Rex MISSED OUT on A LOT of opportunities to date and simply get to know a lot of chicks carnally because I misinterpreted or simply didn't up on the fact they were sending me subtle hints that they wanted me to approach and holla at them.

You're young and new to game, so you're going to make mistakes like this and it's cool, just as long as you LEARN from those mistakes and make the proper adjustments in your game as to when a similar situation arises, you'll act appropriately and more importantly, decisively.

The teacher made me and her work together in class, and I told Crystal that I was going to be away the next class so I needed her to grab the work from the teacher so I could do it after. She never did. So now the teacher failed me on the assignment and gave Crystal a good grade. Crystal didn't even have the decency to give me the work I needed. All she had to do was grab an extra piece of paper from the teacher. F*ck I wish I never wasted so much time with this girl. I'm f*ckin pissed about it.

DE, dear ole Rex is about to go on that paternal status right now. "YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR SCHOOL WORK! It wasn't Crystal's responsibility to secure your assignment, it was yours. You know damn well that before you left the class, that you were suppose to go to your teacher, explain the situation and make sure that you were squared away.

This lack of responsibility on your part shows how much you were committed to securing a good grade on this project. Again, using the football analogy, suppose the offensive calls an audible and you don't make the adjustment, you're not going to tell your coach, you missed your new tackling assignment because the captain of the defense didn't tell you.

Also, dude we're TALKING ABOUT WOMEN. The most self-centered, selfish, and irresponsible people on earth. You left your grades in the hands of person who doesn't give a eff about you and she's come to that conclusion about you by your previous behavior.

Here's a word of advise from ole Rex. Rex is assuming that you're 17 or 18 years old. You're an adult, a grown a$$ man. You have to assume full responsibility for yourself, especially when it comes things that effect your live, namely your grades and your money.) Don't expect people to care as much (let alone more,) about you, your well being, and your affairs than you do, and that includes your parents and grandparents, bruh.

That means as of today, you have to be on top of your :cuss: sh*t. Making sure your school assignments are completed, up to the teachers expectations, and they include what your teach wants in the assignments. Knowing when it's time to take the SAT and where the testing center is. Having RELIABLE transportation to the testing center and alternative travel plans. Researching your schools and knowing when the applications are due. Researching scholarships and financial aid opportunities.

You need to start washing your own clothes, learning how to cook, ironing your clothes, keeping your room clean, developing proper grooming and hygiene habits. At the end of the day, only defensiveend96 is responsible for the growth, maintenance, and well being of defensiveend96.

The only good things in my life right now are football and the fact that I look really really good. It doesn't really matter to me that I look really good though because I can't find a girl who isn't a total b!tch or one that turns out to be a total b!tch.

Women are the people you want them to be. If you project yourself to be a certain kind of man, then women will comply and be the woman you want to them to be if that means they have the opportunity to be with you. If a chick is showing you a "b*tch, that means somewhere along the lines, you implied that you'll tolerate a b*tchy attitude from them. Be willing to check these hoes early and often.

I wish I could meet a girl who isn't like every single damn girl in my school. A girl who isn't on her phone 24/7.

:crackup: That isn't going to happen in the Western World, bruh.

A girl who doesn't lead people on.

Don't put yourself in the position to get lead on.

A girl who isn't a total f*ckin skank or attention *****.

Dude, even the nicest most humble of women are attention fiends, it's in innate character trait. As far as being a stank, DE, this is reality you're going to have to accept and deal with. Watch this Youtube video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxWuREjuLAE

Your Girlfriend Is A Raging Slut! How Does That Make You Feel?

There is a school dance coming up and I really want to bring a girl to...

Then find a chick from another area.

it but I don't know who to bring. No girls seem worth it.

If you REALLY want to do some pimpin' :moon: sh*t, go by yourself, dressed in something like this.

http://properashell.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/img_3703.jpg

Anyway, thanks to everyone who's read all this.

You're welcome.

I would appreciate some advice.

Just gave it to you.

 

[defensiveend96]

Hey thanks again NorwegianDJ and Rex for your advice. Now for some updates:

Football is great as always. I'm playing great and the coaches recognize it. I have to get stronger over the summer.

School is going good. My grades are improving. Hopefully I won't fail any of the upcoming exams and I won't go to summer school.

Girls girls girls. I flirted a lot with HB Erin. Not sure if I mentioned her before but she is interested in me but I don't really want her for more than a FWB. She's hot but she's slutty. Anyway I flirted with her and talked about sexual stuff. It was fun and she laughed and said sexual stuff too. I met a new girl, HB Ashley. I practiced some kino on her, just light stuff like arm touching. I've been practicing kino a lot more recently on different girls and they seem cool with it. It's definitely something I enjoy doing so I will continue doing it.
My school had an end of the year award banquet dance thing and I went to it. I won an award for football which was pretty sweet. After I got off the stage with my award and I was walking back to my table I noticed a ton of girls staring at me. It was awesome so I held my head high and smiled.
I'm still really bummed about Crystal. A few months ago, she really liked me. She was very interested and I didn't do sh*t about it and now I'm stuck alone just thinking about what could have been. It really sucks. I wish I could go back just a few months and scream at my self and tell my self to ask her out. Now I lost her and there isn't anything I can do. I still really want her. I get cute girls looking at me and talking to me a lot but I can't stop thinking about Crystal. I honestly think me and her clicked really well but I was too much of a p*ssy to do anything about it. I am so mad at my self for this. I had a beautiful girl interested in me and I f*cking blew it.

 

[defensiveend96]

Some updates:

First football game was today. I played real well. Got 3 sacks and forced a fumble. Team won too which was good.

I forgot to mention this in my last post but last week there was this girl who kept staring at me and smiling at me every time I saw her during the week but I didn't do anything about it because I heard she had a boyfriend but I wasn't sure. I had seen her walking with a boy a couple times before that week. Anyway she was smiling and staring at me every time we crossed paths. And then today I find out she has a boyfriend. Wtf is all that staring and smiling about then? Is she just looking for attention? Her boyfriend is a real wimpy faggy type dude so I am not afraid to be seen talking to his girl but I don't know if I should talk to her or not considering she is in a relationship. And since she is in a relationship, why would she give these overt signs of interest? Plus when I saw her walking with her boyfriend once when she passed me she had a smirk on her face. Personally I think she is just an AW but what do you guys think?
I'm still trying to get over Crystal. It's really tough. All I can think about when I am alone is that I could be with her right now and I could be having fun with her instead of just sitting around alone.

The final week of school is coming up. I'm a little bummed about it because I really did enjoy the school year but summer gives me more time to lift and train for football so that's good. Plus I can learn some new stuff on guitar. Anyway I have to get studying so I will probably update this tomorrow

 

[defensiveend96]

Been better lately. One more final exam and then I am off for summer. It's gonna be rockin.

Football is great as always. I'm playing great as always. This whole summer is going to be about football. All football all the time. I gotta train like a mad man and get bigger stronger and faster for the fall. Lifting 6 days a week and doing sprints 5 times. It should be a ton of fun. Speaking of workouts, one of my friends wants to build some muscle and wants me to "show" him how to work out. I told him good job most guys are too lazy to work out so it's good you want to. We are gonna work out tomorrow. He's a skinny dude so he won't be lifting anywhere near me haha but still it's good he's improving himself.

That hot grade 9 Chick I talked about earlier talked to me. Yeah she talked to me first. I was pretty surprised. Anyway it wasn't that long of a convo because her b*tch of a friend dragged her away to study but I was being flirty and fun which is good. Strangest thing though, she took a picture of me. Weird I know, but she said I looked like someone she knew. Haha ok babe.
Nothing happened with Crystal. I won't see her tomorrow, so it's over. I gotta move on. She's my oneitis I know. I had my chance and I blew it. I have the whole summer now to try to move on from her. It still hurts but what can I do. I learned a lot at least. Today she gave me a stare like she used to do, one of those big eyed stares, kinda deer in the headlights look. Fvck it hurt me. I honestly miss her. But I fvcked it up so I gotta move on. I gotta get her out of my head.
That girl I was talking about in my last post who had a bf but still gave me ioi has stopped giving me iois. Should I have done something about it? She's really cute but she has a bf? What do you guys think?
I've been working on my text game recently. One line that seems pretty solid for me and has worked is "hey stop thinking of me". Girls so far have liked this one so I will keep using it. On different girls of course.

Well I guess that's all I got for now. I'm going to the gym tomorrow and them maybe I will hang around the mall if I have time and try to find some girls.

 

[defensiveend96]

It is officially summer for me. Today I'm planning to go out and try to meet some girls. I'm gonna lift weights too. I'm trying to plan a road trip with my friends some time in the summer but everyone is busy with summer jobs or school. Anyway, I really need to meet new girls. I've been refreshing my memory and reading a bit more game so I need to actually get some field practice.
I will update this only every few weeks now because it is summer and I will mostly just be working out and playing guitar. Unless something cool happens then I will update.