Some girls wan't a AFC with DJ qualities. It seems that although the info contained on this site is acccurate and helpful, it may diminish the chances of landing a smart sophisticated and sensitive girl. Use these techniques with caution brothers. You must Be confident (yes), self controlled (yes), and challenging (yes), but you must also be AFC at times.
Decent girls may not wan't a DJ
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Mr. Fingers
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Depends on what your idea of a decent girl is. To me a "decent" woman would not want a fellow that she can walk all over. The mistake that you are making is the classic sweetguy/a$$hole comparison. There is nothing AFC about being sweet, thoughtful and loving. As a DJ, you do these things out of sincerity and when they are merited. As an AFC you do them out of manipulation because deep down you feel you must "earn" the love. See the difference? Remember that AFC is Average Frustrated CHUMP! Decent, sophisticated and intelligent women don't stay with chumps! AFC's are by nature very clingy/needy and even if they get with the HB10, they eventually destroy any intrigue that will keep the relationship interesting. My attitude is to avoid AFC tendencies at all times. I still revert now and then, but I aim for 100% suaveness my friend!
Ashlee Angel
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I 100% agree with you.
MysteryWoman
Master Don Juan
I tell you what I really want in a guy is 50 percent DJ and 50 percent AFC. The perfect balance, for me being too much either way is off putting.
There was a good looking guy who I developed an intense infatuation on some time ago. He got my attention by whispering to his male friend about me whilst staring at me at the same time. This was DJ behaviour. I loved his confidence compared to other guys for having the balls to make his intention clear. But other times when I would see him he would appear so nervous and shy when I was around. Other times he would get upset and almost cry (If Ignored him sometimes-but I only did this through shyness). Because he had a girlfriend, nothing came off it (at least he had decency not to hit on me, but this may have been due to a fear of rejection). This is the guy that blatenly swung from DJ to AFC at times depending on the mood.
But this was very teenage behaviour, and I have vowed to never allow myself to get infatuated again with a guy without talking to him.
But if I had gotten to date him, I think this guy would have had the perfect balance of being an AFC and DJ. Although he was a bit weird, but when you are attracted you over look these strange things
There was a good looking guy who I developed an intense infatuation on some time ago. He got my attention by whispering to his male friend about me whilst staring at me at the same time. This was DJ behaviour. I loved his confidence compared to other guys for having the balls to make his intention clear. But other times when I would see him he would appear so nervous and shy when I was around. Other times he would get upset and almost cry (If Ignored him sometimes-but I only did this through shyness). Because he had a girlfriend, nothing came off it (at least he had decency not to hit on me, but this may have been due to a fear of rejection). This is the guy that blatenly swung from DJ to AFC at times depending on the mood.
But this was very teenage behaviour, and I have vowed to never allow myself to get infatuated again with a guy without talking to him.
But if I had gotten to date him, I think this guy would have had the perfect balance of being an AFC and DJ. Although he was a bit weird, but when you are attracted you over look these strange things
What an amazing post, MysteryWoman. That just displayed so many paradoxes synomymous with your gender, it ought to be framed or engraved in stone as a monument to womanhood. How true, though, love is blind.
Mr. Fingers
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Great point MW. Attraction overrules everything. The impression I get (and correct me if I am wrong) is that women love men whose power and confidence are tempered by undercurrents of vulnerability that only she can see. It's the hidden duality that intrigues her. However, I disagree that it is AFC to be vulnerable, feel insecure and cry. Average? Of course! Frustrated? Who doesn't get frustrated? But CHUMP? I doubt you ever want your man to be this way. But then again I am a guy, so feel free to blow my theory out of the water here. Also, we are assuming that you are a decent woman...a tough call considering your signature!
iqqi
Master Don Juan
what I'm reading here is excellent, I hope all men read this thread. It is SO true that women LOVE confidence, it is sexy as hell. but it is that vulnerability that hooks us. it makes us trust and like you because it proves you have feelings, too!
iqqi
Master Don Juan
you are RIGHT.
I agree with Fingers. A lot of hot babes I know are dating AFC's but half the time they end up cheating on them or dumping them. Most of these chix are LSE (Low Self Esteem) HBs so they dont fall under the category of "decency". I have personally had luck with some beautiful women but my AFCness would always scare them off. I don't have much trouble meeting women because I have the DJ minset naturally in the beginning. All mysterious and independent. But then we hook up and I totally puss out. Gotta work on that!
KiInCollege
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A DJ is an evolved AFC. He can't be one or the other - he's an AFC until he learns the trade.
With that said, a DJ can do anything an AFC does, but better (in terms of attracting women). Don't confuse a DJ with a player or jerk. A woman who is turned off by an arrogant jerk is not dealing with a true DJ!
A DJ knows what women want and respond to. He knows the advantages of being a "sensitive nice guy" as well as the strengths of a "masculine ladies man."
Understanding that an AFC is an evolved DJ, let's consider: why would a women still prefer an AFC? Because she's unattractive, insecure or intimidated by a true DJ.
With that said, a DJ can do anything an AFC does, but better (in terms of attracting women). Don't confuse a DJ with a player or jerk. A woman who is turned off by an arrogant jerk is not dealing with a true DJ!
A DJ knows what women want and respond to. He knows the advantages of being a "sensitive nice guy" as well as the strengths of a "masculine ladies man."
Understanding that an AFC is an evolved DJ, let's consider: why would a women still prefer an AFC? Because she's unattractive, insecure or intimidated by a true DJ.
I kinda got the impression that a DJ combines the positive qualities of both the Jerk and the AFC, while casting off the negative ones, to create a perfect hybrid that meets every womans requirements for any length of relationship - if it's done properly (still learning 
).
).That's kinda like my problem too, DJ Logic. I have gotten ahold of lets say a 9 girl being all DJish (for example because I don't think I have a chance), but then suddenly AFC-behaviour takes over when I realize I have a chance, and I blow it. Good thing I found this site.
About being both AFC and DJ… this is good. I like to believe that you shouldn’t overdo anything, a little of everything is good. I think perhaps AFC is a wrong term to use though because of what Mr. Fingers said. But let me give you an example:
We had this TV-show here where 5 women and 5 men enter a house for 100 days, and they can’t leave. One of the guys was going after this girl (prettiest one in the house). Now… this guy was being all macho, ****y, generally DJish in his behaviour. But when he was alone with her, he was all sensitive, sweet, thoughtful and loving. This way he was a little of both, it worked, and he got the girl and when they left the house they moved in together.
TV-shows like this has become a lot more interesting after reading up on the articles here. Like all the different dating-shows... you can sit there and point out their mistakes =)
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“How many times must I say I’m not sorry?
And how many times must I say I don’t care?” –Peter Steele.
About being both AFC and DJ… this is good. I like to believe that you shouldn’t overdo anything, a little of everything is good. I think perhaps AFC is a wrong term to use though because of what Mr. Fingers said. But let me give you an example:
We had this TV-show here where 5 women and 5 men enter a house for 100 days, and they can’t leave. One of the guys was going after this girl (prettiest one in the house). Now… this guy was being all macho, ****y, generally DJish in his behaviour. But when he was alone with her, he was all sensitive, sweet, thoughtful and loving. This way he was a little of both, it worked, and he got the girl and when they left the house they moved in together.
TV-shows like this has become a lot more interesting after reading up on the articles here. Like all the different dating-shows... you can sit there and point out their mistakes =)
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“How many times must I say I’m not sorry?
And how many times must I say I don’t care?” –Peter Steele.
trevjr
Don Juan
I disagree with the thought that women want a guy who is part AFC. We do the DJ rules to get a woman attracted to us. Once she is attracted AND we decide that she is the one, we can lay off some of the DJ techniques but not all. AFC=girlfriend. Once you show a woman that you are her girlfriend it is over.
I have a situation now with an Iranian woman and I know I cannot do things like I would with an American woman. Things that I could tell an American woman and laugh about this woman would find insulting. The cultures are too different. I can still be C&F but I have to temper it a little bit.
You can show your sensitive side once you are in the relationship.
A simple case; an AFC says to a woman on the 3rd date 'I like you'. A DJ shows through action that he likes a woman without saying it, therefore her IL stays high because she has not heard these words and he is not acting like every other guy.
I understand what Mystery Woman is saying but she might have her own problems ie. she is attracted to guys that have emotional problems. MW does not speak for every woman! Only herself.
A guy who is nervous, upset, shy and almost crying? Yeah guys, go out and act like that and see how many chicks will give you their number.
I have a situation now with an Iranian woman and I know I cannot do things like I would with an American woman. Things that I could tell an American woman and laugh about this woman would find insulting. The cultures are too different. I can still be C&F but I have to temper it a little bit.
You can show your sensitive side once you are in the relationship.
A simple case; an AFC says to a woman on the 3rd date 'I like you'. A DJ shows through action that he likes a woman without saying it, therefore her IL stays high because she has not heard these words and he is not acting like every other guy.
I understand what Mystery Woman is saying but she might have her own problems ie. she is attracted to guys that have emotional problems. MW does not speak for every woman! Only herself.
A guy who is nervous, upset, shy and almost crying? Yeah guys, go out and act like that and see how many chicks will give you their number.
KiInCollege
Senior Don Juan
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That's right, bugsquish and trevjr. I want our readers to never consider using the "AFC with DJ qualities" hypothesis hold you back from growing into a DJ. That was my point above.
I've read this site for years, studied the entire DJ bible, understood all of Doc Love's articles, and after years of dating and applying the DJ teachings have found my ideal girl.
I'm happier than I've ever been in life, so why do I still stop by here? To get guys that were once AFCs to stay on the path to becoming a DJ. Whether that's through positive motivation or debate, I want the students here to stay on the right path.
That means taking a hypothesis like "some women want AFCs" and understanding it for what it is: those same women would take a DJ over an AFC any day of the week.
I've read this site for years, studied the entire DJ bible, understood all of Doc Love's articles, and after years of dating and applying the DJ teachings have found my ideal girl.
I'm happier than I've ever been in life, so why do I still stop by here? To get guys that were once AFCs to stay on the path to becoming a DJ. Whether that's through positive motivation or debate, I want the students here to stay on the right path.
That means taking a hypothesis like "some women want AFCs" and understanding it for what it is: those same women would take a DJ over an AFC any day of the week.
InLawsHateMe
Master Don Juan
Women in general, don't know what the hell they want from one minute to the other..... it's best to tell them what you want, works with me.
hitop
Senior Don Juan
Yaw, you guys must stick with the DJ path and don't even think about hedging back to AFC'ness. Bad habits are meant to be broken, that's pure and simple. If you go thru the course of trying to break bad habits why would you try to intentionally be lax and allow the bad habits back into your life?
I have a friend that I introduced to this site and to DocLove, he seemed to really pick up on DJ principles for awhile and then he came up with lame excuses for why he needed to throw in doses of AFC here and there. Did his hairbrain tactics work? Let me put it this way, Ted C. was a chump, still is a chump and will forever be a chump. This poor guy is the classic wimpoid and can't see the writing on the wall in pure black and white, even in big block letters.
Avoid behaviors that will set you back and move forward.
I have a friend that I introduced to this site and to DocLove, he seemed to really pick up on DJ principles for awhile and then he came up with lame excuses for why he needed to throw in doses of AFC here and there. Did his hairbrain tactics work? Let me put it this way, Ted C. was a chump, still is a chump and will forever be a chump. This poor guy is the classic wimpoid and can't see the writing on the wall in pure black and white, even in big block letters.
Avoid behaviors that will set you back and move forward.
GirlCrazy
Master Don Juan
These are the traits that I believe differentiate a DJ from an AFC.
-- Self confidence
I have no doubts that I can get exactly what I want out of life, whether it be career, romance, or anything I put my mind to. The world is literally my oyster. Sure there may be setbacks along the way, but I learn from them and always strive to better myself. If I fail, the it's only a matter of time before before I succeed. Not if, when.
-- Inner Strength
I'm polite and respectful of and generous to everyone I meet and deal with. I'm a nice guy, but that doesn't mean I will ever be your doormat. I want what I want, and I make no apologies about it. If you love me, great, if you hate me that's ok too.
-- Charisma
I communicate effectively with other people. I have a good sense of humor. I'm sociable, witty and I love talking to all different sorts of people. I'm a good listener, and people feel comfortable around me.
-- Inner Fire
I've got gumption, moxxy, mojo, whatever you want to call it. There's a gleam in my eye that tells people that I'm passionate, driven, dedicated, persistent, intense.
Hitop is right, let's move forward, not backward. Changing who you are to land some hot babe is just plain weak. Be a man, be who you wanna be. Everything else, including romance, will take care if itself.
-- Self confidence
I have no doubts that I can get exactly what I want out of life, whether it be career, romance, or anything I put my mind to. The world is literally my oyster. Sure there may be setbacks along the way, but I learn from them and always strive to better myself. If I fail, the it's only a matter of time before before I succeed. Not if, when.
-- Inner Strength
I'm polite and respectful of and generous to everyone I meet and deal with. I'm a nice guy, but that doesn't mean I will ever be your doormat. I want what I want, and I make no apologies about it. If you love me, great, if you hate me that's ok too.
-- Charisma
I communicate effectively with other people. I have a good sense of humor. I'm sociable, witty and I love talking to all different sorts of people. I'm a good listener, and people feel comfortable around me.
-- Inner Fire
I've got gumption, moxxy, mojo, whatever you want to call it. There's a gleam in my eye that tells people that I'm passionate, driven, dedicated, persistent, intense.
Hitop is right, let's move forward, not backward. Changing who you are to land some hot babe is just plain weak. Be a man, be who you wanna be. Everything else, including romance, will take care if itself.
It depends what we mean by the terms "sensitive". AFC sensitivity = subservient, wussy, supine, obsessive when dealing with girls. DJ sensitivity = discreet, tactful, patient, unobtrusively considerate when dealing with girls. You can do all of the latter without once coming across as a wimp; you can do none of the former without avoiding looking like a wimp. AFC sensitivity always manifests itself as unmanly neediness and sticks out like a sore thumb to a girl. DJ sensitivity is more a matter of self-control and tends to be an ongoing exercise between you and yourself, but it manifests itself in a calm and non-ostentatious pleasantness in the company of girls. It is not in the least incompatible with the inherently virile act of playful teasing.
