Herb
Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 9, 2016
- Messages
- 78
- Reaction score
- 18
- Age
- 34
I guess I am technically in the "Mature Man" category, at least age-wise, but just barely. I had a date with this 22 year old last night that started off very well but then devolved into a weird experience, especially due to the way she started testing me. The reason being that she was one of the bluntest, most unapologetically straightforward girls I've ever met or been on a date with, and she told me this from the start. For her age, she's very advanced and ambitious, already having finished grad school two years prior and on track for a lucrative post in the DoD. I'm six years older but my style is a lot more laid back, "go with the flow" and chill in some ways.
We had a good time for the first 45 minutes or so, exchanging witty banter back and forth, mostly in a sort of wry, semi-sarcastic and almost challenging way, with quick back and forth lines like you see in some movies occasionally... It was different from the standard "hey what do you like to watch on Netflix or do for fun" kind of thing. I was okay with this dynamic and kept up with it (in fact I usually do this with a lot of other girls), but she began taking it very far and suddenly started testing me really hard and basically trying to completely tear me apart, out of nowhere. Like implying I was lazy or entitled for taking a year off between undergrad and grad school to travel and do other things, or that I took so long deciding on my major and finishing a year later; she in contrast said she had to work extra hard for everything she did. I was the more immature one because I still liked to party and go to concerts and stuff. Also mentioned that I better not be some creep who still goes for girls her age in four years, and that at 28 I was the oldest age she could consider right now. She was very good at maintaining this deadpan kind of expression even in humor, and it wasn't easy to tell if she was joking or not. Despite that, I later realized she still always had this very subtle undertone like she wasn't completely serious but sort of giving me ****. But there was just no reference of a normal, "default" aspect to her to compare her current demeanor or attitude to, so it kind of threw me off.
In the middle of the date she had hinted, not so subtly, that her housemates were overseas and she had her place, nearby, to herself. I didn't immediately jump at this like some overeager puppy, but acknowledged and played it cool for the next few minutes. Then she started turning up her tests even more, telling me I seemed like a stuffy New Yorker and suddenly asking about how I'd figure out a way to invite myself over to her place, and saying I'd probably do it in a weird or awkward way, and that I came across as shy or insecure. This really threw me off, since I didn't think I seemed quite that way at this point in life, and I'd made progress in addressing that over time. There was never a moment of awkward silence in our date till then, and we were going back and forth rather well, and I definitely spoke my mind on things, so I'm not sure where that came from. She was saying how much she liked our server (a young lady) and how cool/nice she was, clearly implying a distinction between me and her just to screw with me. She then said something like, "I actually wanted to make out with you and wouldn't have minded a hook up, but now I think it will just be weird"... and that I'm likely the kind of guy to try making a pun in the middle of sex. How are you supposed to react to someone just blatantly saying that lol?? I've never had that happen. Being older than her, it was a weird situation to be put in, especially as she pointed out some kind of real issues with my own personality. I expected her to be this easy, bubbly, immature kind of sorority type girl from my initial impression (which I've dealt with fairly well in the past) but I was very wrong.
She told me that things weren't going too great now and that she'd probably just go home, but warned me that I'd have to try really hard if I wanted anything to happen. Said she'd rather just watch some show at home, and I made a netflix n chill kind of joke but she said she wasn't technically inviting me. She then asked me to give her a ride home and kept up the **** tests along the way, but in a kind of really harsh and critical way. I mostly brushed them off but at times made my retorts a little too harsh myself; she said I sounded butthurt and affected lol. I'll admit that last thing she said, questioning my makeout and sex skills before the fact kind of affected me since it caught me off guard. While we were almost back, she told me that she was originally actually very attracted to me, but the way she was talking now was as if that moment had passed.. she even questioned whether I was actually interested in her, and when I replied in a jokingly ambiguous way, she called out my "neg" (even using that terminology lol). There was honestly a chance to probably turn it around when we parked in front of her place. I should've just gone for a kiss then (I honestly think she was half-expecting me to based on what she was saying at the time), but the weirdness of the preceding half hour with all those challenges just affected me too much and kind of killed my confidence. Instead we had this odd sort of heart to heart about life and dating in general and where I went wrong and how this compared to other dates she'd been on (she said it wasn't any worse than some others and she managed to make some other guys even more uncomfortable), and she gave me some pointers. Obviously, by taking this route, I sealed myself out from any sexual prospect with her. Which was very disappointing since she was quite hot and it was almost there for the taking.
Has anyone been tested this much in a single date? At least I learned a good bit from this experience and it caused me to kind of wake up. And again, to clarify, I'm not hung up over this particular girl; I just want to know how to avoid this kind of situation in the future, since it was unexpected.
We had a good time for the first 45 minutes or so, exchanging witty banter back and forth, mostly in a sort of wry, semi-sarcastic and almost challenging way, with quick back and forth lines like you see in some movies occasionally... It was different from the standard "hey what do you like to watch on Netflix or do for fun" kind of thing. I was okay with this dynamic and kept up with it (in fact I usually do this with a lot of other girls), but she began taking it very far and suddenly started testing me really hard and basically trying to completely tear me apart, out of nowhere. Like implying I was lazy or entitled for taking a year off between undergrad and grad school to travel and do other things, or that I took so long deciding on my major and finishing a year later; she in contrast said she had to work extra hard for everything she did. I was the more immature one because I still liked to party and go to concerts and stuff. Also mentioned that I better not be some creep who still goes for girls her age in four years, and that at 28 I was the oldest age she could consider right now. She was very good at maintaining this deadpan kind of expression even in humor, and it wasn't easy to tell if she was joking or not. Despite that, I later realized she still always had this very subtle undertone like she wasn't completely serious but sort of giving me ****. But there was just no reference of a normal, "default" aspect to her to compare her current demeanor or attitude to, so it kind of threw me off.
In the middle of the date she had hinted, not so subtly, that her housemates were overseas and she had her place, nearby, to herself. I didn't immediately jump at this like some overeager puppy, but acknowledged and played it cool for the next few minutes. Then she started turning up her tests even more, telling me I seemed like a stuffy New Yorker and suddenly asking about how I'd figure out a way to invite myself over to her place, and saying I'd probably do it in a weird or awkward way, and that I came across as shy or insecure. This really threw me off, since I didn't think I seemed quite that way at this point in life, and I'd made progress in addressing that over time. There was never a moment of awkward silence in our date till then, and we were going back and forth rather well, and I definitely spoke my mind on things, so I'm not sure where that came from. She was saying how much she liked our server (a young lady) and how cool/nice she was, clearly implying a distinction between me and her just to screw with me. She then said something like, "I actually wanted to make out with you and wouldn't have minded a hook up, but now I think it will just be weird"... and that I'm likely the kind of guy to try making a pun in the middle of sex. How are you supposed to react to someone just blatantly saying that lol?? I've never had that happen. Being older than her, it was a weird situation to be put in, especially as she pointed out some kind of real issues with my own personality. I expected her to be this easy, bubbly, immature kind of sorority type girl from my initial impression (which I've dealt with fairly well in the past) but I was very wrong.
She told me that things weren't going too great now and that she'd probably just go home, but warned me that I'd have to try really hard if I wanted anything to happen. Said she'd rather just watch some show at home, and I made a netflix n chill kind of joke but she said she wasn't technically inviting me. She then asked me to give her a ride home and kept up the **** tests along the way, but in a kind of really harsh and critical way. I mostly brushed them off but at times made my retorts a little too harsh myself; she said I sounded butthurt and affected lol. I'll admit that last thing she said, questioning my makeout and sex skills before the fact kind of affected me since it caught me off guard. While we were almost back, she told me that she was originally actually very attracted to me, but the way she was talking now was as if that moment had passed.. she even questioned whether I was actually interested in her, and when I replied in a jokingly ambiguous way, she called out my "neg" (even using that terminology lol). There was honestly a chance to probably turn it around when we parked in front of her place. I should've just gone for a kiss then (I honestly think she was half-expecting me to based on what she was saying at the time), but the weirdness of the preceding half hour with all those challenges just affected me too much and kind of killed my confidence. Instead we had this odd sort of heart to heart about life and dating in general and where I went wrong and how this compared to other dates she'd been on (she said it wasn't any worse than some others and she managed to make some other guys even more uncomfortable), and she gave me some pointers. Obviously, by taking this route, I sealed myself out from any sexual prospect with her. Which was very disappointing since she was quite hot and it was almost there for the taking.
Has anyone been tested this much in a single date? At least I learned a good bit from this experience and it caused me to kind of wake up. And again, to clarify, I'm not hung up over this particular girl; I just want to know how to avoid this kind of situation in the future, since it was unexpected.