dealing with verbal abuse

[Obsidian]

This may be too complex a question to allow a simple answer, but nonetheless...

How do you stop people from f*cking with you? Especially if you're in a group situation that you can't really get out of. I'm not a particularly unpopular person, but there were several people being serious assh0les to me today during a group dynamic.

I'm a pretty patient person and I rarely retaliate so it's gotten to where I'm not real good at responsive insults. It kinda sucks. It seems like I may be too nice with other males.

 

[stinkyape]

Really you probably already know what to do - dominate the other little boys. Easy for me as I'm very well built, but there's no reason a smaller guy can't have dominant body language, mannerisms and such also. If someone else is trying to dominate you, don't be afraid to call them on it - Get in his face. If you do it right, he's almost guaranteed to back down. Perhaps read some of Geoff Thompsons books - He's a master at dominating other agressive males, both physically and (much more importantly) mentally.

Try this one - http://www.geoffthompson.com/detailProduct.asp?id=26

 

[stinkyape]

Oooh, actually this is the book I was looking for - http://www.geoffthompson.com/detailProduct.asp?id=22

Well worth a read for developing the ability to control the situation with other guys.

 

[Obsidian]

I'm honestly not afraid of any of these guys physically, even though one of them is more muscular than me. The trouble with getting in someone's face is that it seems senseless if you're unwilling to actually fight. Like I said, I'm not afraid of them, but I just don't believe it's right to kick the crap out of someone just because they're a jerk.

We were all having to work together as a group for the student government (about a dozen people in all), and a couple of *******s were really loading on the sarcasm and disdain. The chairman of the group wasn't restraining them at all, and he was even a little obnoxious to me, too. These guys were all Greek frat guys, fairly alpha-ish I guess.

I guess maybe the problem is that I was just outnumbered by "enemies" somewhat.

 

[jigga23]

Im not tall like 5"7 pretty jacked though. Ive had people talk sh!t to me a lot not that much anymore though. its about how you carry yourself.if people try to step up to me i just talk sh!t back. some dude the other day at the school rec center started running his mouth at me cause i was calling him out about how he cheated. i just started runnign my mouth back and he didnt do sh!t. what kind of music do you listen too? Ive listen to rap ever since i started to listen to music. I dont dress like a thug or anything i typically wear preppy clothes. but when im put in situations something just comes out of me and i just know how to talk sh!t. i think it comes from listening to rap music so much. basically just talk sh!t back. if you show fear theyll still come at you and if youre quiet and a pushover theyll keep coming at you. ive had bigger people come at me at bars cause maybe i stepped on their foot or whatever and they start to talk sh!t and i just get right back at them. you fight you fight. ive never gotten in a fight yet with a random person but i have been in many sh!t talking matches

 

[Hitman10000]

I don't recommend you do what stinkyape does, what he does is what a lot of insecure boys do. Stand up for yourself but know the right words that come out of your mouth. Remember this though: The first person that raises their voice or starts screaming has lost the argument.

 

[FrancoPUA]

This may be too complex a question to allow a simple answer, but nonetheless...

How do you stop people from f*cking with you? Especially if you're in a group situation that you can't really get out of. I'm not a particularly unpopular person, but there were several people being serious assh0les to me today during a group dynamic.

I'm a pretty patient person and I rarely retaliate so it's gotten to where I'm not real good at responsive insults. It kinda sucks. It seems like I may be too nice with other males.

Pretend to be friend with them and at the same time bust them with C&F. The core of group dynamics is that the guy who demonstrates more impudence and has the others to submit psychologically ( without violence ) wins. Of course a war would be another story but this applies to normal group dynamics in time of peace.

For example:

Other guy:"Hey.. you look pretty short"
You:"Touch me. I am going to erect pretty soon" ( smile to the group )

Other guy:"Where did you buy those jeans? They look awful"
You:"I am sorry, if that is an excuse to have me undressed better you invent something new"

Some of them will collapse already at the first one. Some other are tougher and will offend you more but then you C&F them more and repeat it until they collapse.

When you bust them with your jokes smile to them, put your arm over their shoulder and use the most common dominant gesture in primates: to hug the other, to tap the shoulder and so on.

In a shor time you will have all the group behind you.

Don´t do this with guys who are psychopaths and under heavy drugs or alcohol or have a criminal precendent. They may use the last resource: violence. If you notice that in the group there is a guy who is clearly psychologically disturbed and/or under heavy drugs or heavily intoxicated simply change the group. It is not worth it because you do not get any money out of it anyway.

 

[stinkyape]

I don't recommend you do what stinkyape does, what he does is what a lot of insecure boys do. Stand up for yourself but know the right words that come out of your mouth. Remember this though: The first person that raises their voice or starts screaming has lost the argument.

What I said to do was exactly what you said to do :moon:

I didn't say anything about screaming, I said dominant body language and dominant speech - that on its own (when done right) puts you firmly in the other dudes face, and will have him on the back foot. Like Geoff Thompson, I worked on the door for several years - his ideas are spot on. Treating threats like Geoff Thompson suggests won't get you in more fights at all - it has the opposite effect, and keeps you out of them by 'winning' the confrontation at the verbal stage... Which is what I thought Obsidian probably wanted to do in this situation.

 

[Obsidian]

Pretend to be friend with them and at the same time bust them with C&F.

some of the specific lines you suggested sound kind of gay, but overall I suspect this may be a good idea. Along with body language and stuff.

The listening-to-rap idea to help me build up my sh!t-talking skillz is an intriguing possibility as well.

 

[FrancoPUA]

some of the specific lines you suggested sound kind of gay, but overall I suspect this may be a good idea. Along with body language and stuff.

The listening-to-rap idea to help me build up my sh!t-talking skillz is an intriguing possibility as well.

True, a man who is sure of himself will never try to AMOG me in front of chicks. He has to be attracted to me somehow and admire me for wanting to do something like that. I play with his fears when I respond like this.

In my sarges I never AMOG other guys. I don´t need to. It is enough to go straight to the target and talk to the group. No need to AMOG anyone.

 

[BoredDude]

Well as a smaller guy (5'8 135-140 depending on the day) I get picked on alot, but I'm not afraid of other guys. I used to be a big pvssy and would just cower away from the attacker, but not anymore, I approach them and talk to them and they eventually just back down. I am getting bigger though I can finally bench more than my body weight .

Although I usually stand up for myself this last Saturday I went to a friends house for a kegger and there were a bunch of unkown people there. A lot of these guys were hicks beyond belief and one eventually said "You sure do look like a fag" in the biggest hick voice I've ever heard, but to my surprise three girls came to my rescue and told him how he would never be as cool as me and what not. Obviously I found this quite funny because his methods of impressing them back fired.

 

[smackler]

There's one guy who, whatever I say, he says to me "Oh just **** yourself". Sometimes i'm not even done talking and he is already saying that, and everyone laughs and I feel kinda bad... altough sometimes he fails and no one laughs.

Any advice? An example:
-Hey man, look at th-
-Just **** yourself dude

How to deal with that? I don't think that other technique would work. This guy has hilarious comic too but he's such a jerk sometimes.

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

I come from a town where if you look at the guy the wrong way, or wear a certin color hat/shirt you will get your a$$ beat. Now, If I was in your situation I would of started throwing fist at off all of them. And if I lost I would of called up my dudes to come get them.

But, thats my lifestlye.... Probably because I grew up around gang related areas...

I think you made the right choice and just ignored it.

 

[Answers]

Who cares what anybody says? I've news for you, if you don't react to them they'll leave you alone because they know you're a strong character.