Dealing with male aggression

[NeoKortex]

Hi,

i ask this in the pua forum because i guess its somewhat a social relevant topic.
On saturday i brought my girlfriend around my two brothers when they start "acting"
again. They try to insult me and make fun of me in a passive aggressive way. They
only do it when my girlfriend is around though.

My younger brother even made stupid jokes like touching my belly asking if i got fat
or when my mom asked my girlfriend and me if we are meeting other couples he was
like: NeoKortex doenst even have friends.

I didnt respond but acted like i didn't hear him insulting me and that pisses me
off even more right now. I tried to call him 3 times by now to tell him how he ****ed
up but he doesnt respond.

Anyway driving to my parents i already knew what i would have to expect.
Kind of intuition or experience based.
The thing is iam close to 30 and i still have this problem building friendships with
other men. I actually think i can be super funny and witty as long as i think everyone
is joking and likes me. I dont even think many people do think that i feel hurt.
However If i feel my brothers are trying to put me down in front of my girlfriend it hurts me deep inside. And with this hurt i become motionless.

I dont understand why everyone cant just chill and be themselves. Why does there
always have to be some kind of **** comparison in male groups? I wonder if there
is something i didn't learn while growing up. Am i autist in some way? Everyone
seems to either pull them self up with hurting others or making fun at there expense.
I dont really get it.

I dont know if iam suffering to social anxiety in a weird way. Nobody would declare me as
socially weird. I think iam handsome and pretty good with girls if i find my balls.
However i feel totally out of place as soon as there is a group of people. I cant enjoy
myself being with many people. I always feel like i will become the victim of their jokes.

While growing up i had numerous experiences of other man trying to disrespect me
in front of others. Noone would try physically since i go to gym for ages and iam huge.
On the other hand i think maybe its just perceived as "fun" and "social" to be like that
and since i dont consider it fun people pick up on that.

I wonder why so many people hurt others with no shame or remorse. I wonder while male
groups gang up on me. Do i need to toughen up? Do i need to play the game?
I cant really hurt other people verbally, but when i was really mad at someone i destroyed
them verbally and made fun of them in front of everyone. However it takes a lot for me to go that
far.

My girlfriend said: Ur family is mobbing you.
And it hurts me. Why does this have to happen again. With people who raised me.
I dont want to look weak in front of my girlfriend.

How can i find the pattern or the "thing" that i do which repeatedly puts me into that
position? How can i best counter someones stupid jokes at my expense? Do i need
to see them as "enemies" to get my testosteron going or do i just need to put
myself in a super good mood to let my brain do run them over?

 

[speed dawg]

Two fold problem. You need to get a sense of humor for one, and learn the art of verbal self defense. Secondly, you have to evaluate if your brothers are really trying to hurt you or not.

 

[Alvafe]

welcome to the world when you are looking high, others will try to pull you down, that is called jealousy, I have a to deal with it a lot, best thing you can do, make fun of then the same way open a new hole on then with your words the same way they do, like this one dude is a personal trainer who love to look big when there is woman around, but he is balding, so I use that a lot, other I toss on his face heis too jealous and he should get over it, all with a smile and having fun, this sure make him stay quiet for sometime til he try again and a make fun out of him again in another way

 

[speed dawg]

best thing you can do, make fun of then the same way open a new hole on then with your words the same way they do, like this one dude is a personal trainer who love to look big when there is woman around, but he is balding, so I use that a lot, other I toss on his face heis too jealous and he should get over it, all with a smile and having fun, this sure make him stay quiet for sometime til he try again and a make fun out of him again in another way

That's a good way to get smoked in the face by some jealous beta. Just sayin'. If you're going to go that route I suggest staying around people smaller than you.

 

[Prime_Beef]

Hmm..
You can give a snarky response back that should be on point. If you don't have a good come back or can't come wipe with one quick, you should just smile, look at your girl and say "that's my brother /friend! Always like that!."

That said, you better toughen up. Men bust each other's balls all the time. Some mean nothing by it; others are looking for your response. They want to see if you're playful or cool, unflappable, competitive, confident. Other men correctly or not are evaluating you on whether you're quick witted or not and if your memory is good enough to recall, evaluate and engage from the last verbal sparing session. Other men are also watching. A pecking order of sorts is being worked out as to your fit and possible work assignment. .

Make no mistake, women are watching the banter as well and working out the same...

If you get visibly angry or lash out physically you lose, can't control yourself.

When I was an Army officer insults were standard greetings and gallows humor very common. If you're thin skinned you had a very tough time indeed.

You're going to have to ". Lighten up, Frances" to use a movie quote.

 

[Bible_Belt]

They only do it when my girlfriend is around though.

All you had to do was point that out when it was happening. Turn to your gf and say, "awww, they must like you. That's why they are showing off."

 

[Chev.Chelios]

I know what youre talking about, youre probably just a normal happy guy that just likes to have friends
and has no intention of putting others down, not neccasarly a *****, just a dude that doesnt get off
acting like a **** or showing off, Im sort of the same way and when i find myself around such
people that treat me that way i just simply tell myself im around the wrong group of people.

If you give people the power to validate you, you give them the power to devalidate you.

When someone says some stupid sht and it upsets you, why the fck why? Iv dealt with this
problem my whole life, it ****ing sucks, being so fcking miserably vulnerable. litterly
to the point where anybody can walk up to you and say some rude sht it hurts down
to the core.. of course you love your friends, trust them, and invest an emotional
connection into them, they say some rude sht to devalue you and you let it slide.
everytime, get butthurt, and forgive them anyway because youre so nice, for them
to just do it again anyway.

Ever approach a really hot girl in a bar and the scared chode friends youre with follow you like
opportunistic little leech's and try to take over youre game? happened to me a few times,
standing back aghast of how pathetic they are, some people just want to fck your life up
to better theres. plain and simple

as for come backs.. theres a really simple way to fend off any bull**** thrown at you.
julien from rsd has a great way of answering stupid questions or insults.

Breaking rapport/tonality! read up on this!

- you dont have any friends..
friends are for faggots

- youre getting fat
fat haters are faggots

- buy me a drink
no drinks are for faggots..

 

[Alvafe]

That's a good way to get smoked in the face by some jealous beta. Just sayin'. If you're going to go that route I suggest staying around people smaller than you.

if you are that afraid of confrontation just look at him like he is nothing then ignore what he said and keep talking what you was talking, be afraid of things will not help your case

 

[derricklerrick]

if you are that afraid of confrontation just look at him like he is nothing then ignore what he said and keep talking what you was talking, be afraid of things will not help your case

Yeah, give them the thousand yard stare/a "wtf?" look whenever they do this again. It'll be enough to let them know you do not appreciate what they're doing.

if that doesn't work specifically tell them that sternly that while you're not too fussed about your behavior, you don't appreciate it as well.

 

[glass half full]

Hi,

i ask this in the pua forum because i guess its somewhat a social relevant topic.
On saturday i brought my girlfriend around my two brothers when they start "acting"
again. They try to insult me and make fun of me in a passive aggressive way. They
only do it when my girlfriend is around though.

My younger brother even made stupid jokes like touching my belly asking if i got fat
or when my mom asked my girlfriend and me if we are meeting other couples he was
like: NeoKortex doenst even have friends.

I didnt respond but acted like i didn't hear him insulting me and that pisses me
off even more right now. I tried to call him 3 times by now to tell him how he ****ed
up but he doesnt respond.

Anyway driving to my parents i already knew what i would have to expect.
Kind of intuition or experience based.
The thing is iam close to 30 and i still have this problem building friendships with
other men. I actually think i can be super funny and witty as long as i think everyone
is joking and likes me. I dont even think many people do think that i feel hurt.
However If i feel my brothers are trying to put me down in front of my girlfriend it hurts me deep inside. And with this hurt i become motionless.

I dont understand why everyone cant just chill and be themselves. Why does there
always have to be some kind of **** comparison in male groups? I wonder if there
is something i didn't learn while growing up. Am i autist in some way? Everyone
seems to either pull them self up with hurting others or making fun at there expense.
I dont really get it.

I dont know if iam suffering to social anxiety in a weird way. Nobody would declare me as
socially weird. I think iam handsome and pretty good with girls if i find my balls.
However i feel totally out of place as soon as there is a group of people. I cant enjoy
myself being with many people. I always feel like i will become the victim of their jokes.

While growing up i had numerous experiences of other man trying to disrespect me
in front of others. Noone would try physically since i go to gym for ages and iam huge.
On the other hand i think maybe its just perceived as "fun" and "social" to be like that
and since i dont consider it fun people pick up on that.

I wonder why so many people hurt others with no shame or remorse. I wonder while male
groups gang up on me. Do i need to toughen up? Do i need to play the game?
I cant really hurt other people verbally, but when i was really mad at someone i destroyed
them verbally and made fun of them in front of everyone. However it takes a lot for me to go that
far.

My girlfriend said: Ur family is mobbing you.
And it hurts me. Why does this have to happen again. With people who raised me.
I dont want to look weak in front of my girlfriend.

How can i find the pattern or the "thing" that i do which repeatedly puts me into that
position? How can i best counter someones stupid jokes at my expense? Do i need
to see them as "enemies" to get my testosteron going or do i just need to put
myself in a super good mood to let my brain do run them over?

The highlighted remarks are the ones everybody here are overlooking, especially what your GF said. This kind of stuff will cause you problems with women eventually, and your family, etc. is disrespecting you. The men, you need to confront them with threats or violence. I've been there before. Some of them are looking for entertainment. So entertain them, violently if necessary and after its done, tell them the two of you will never hang with them again, and insult them as they deserve ("worthless idiotic coch svckers'). I've been there, some people just need to be confronted/physically corrected. If you're not in shape for it, get there. Take up boxing, something to give you fighting confidence. Also remember most fights go to the ground, watch some of that UFC shyt. Lift weights, total body, not just upper body. Also some running will help, wrestling takes a lot out of you.
Do NOT be concerned with size (height, anyway.) If they outweigh you by over 75lbs, you might need to fight dirty/use a weapon. Learn locks/pressure points. Knees and Shins are vulnerable targets. You have to show some idiots you mean business. Don't over do it either. Just enough to make your case.

 

[Fruitbat]

Brothers? Do you mean actual brothers or friends?

I too hate this bull****. It is normal for other men to do this. However, most normal people are useless ****heads who know the only way they can compete is through putting others down.

I would dissuade from learning violence as a way to solve issues. Name me a truly great man who is respected who flies to violence? None. Sure, there's feared men out there. Society does not promote feared men to real power.

Feared men, MMA dude, etc are big fish amongst other men and losers. If you have no other way to compete, your fists are all you have.

Some women will indeed wish to fvck that man, maybe most. In the same way all men want to fvck the dizzy blonde chick. Do we actually respect them? If ploughing as many vag as possible is your bag, so be it. I view men with big interests in fitness, muscles and fighting as women who obsess about tit jobs and make up - living a life for the approval of the opposite sex. Healthy balance is what's required.

Outsmarting people is what wins the real deal. Removing you from those situations before they develop.

I have a best friend who seems to have a penchant for flirting with women, often attached women. I'd invite him out to meet my girl IF he had HIS girl there. Never alone. Just don't meet these guys with your GF. Avoid. If they play up, just sigh and act like your dealing with little upstarts trying to knock out the champ. If you want women who are happy with you violently confronting people, good luck with those cluster B hags.

Getting violent shows you have easily pushed buttons, you are easy to control and a tool for wiser men to exploit. Not a true leader or a decent man.

 

[BeExcellent]

What BibleBelt said.

Then change the topic and go on about the conversation. But you also have to get thicker hide.

Next to nobody gives a crap about anyone else. And part of showing your mettle is in the ability to laugh stuff off or genuinely let it slide, especially with family.

If you take yourself too seriously then no one else can.

 

[SuckItUp]

To answer your question it stems from physiology. Men since the beginning of time have tested each other's frame to establish a hierarchy. It's a crucible of sorts and once you establish dominance they tend not to f with you.

In actuality your brother is giving you a chance to show alpha state by Amog'ing him, which in turn will spike your girl's interest level. Of course if allow you brothers to get to you then she'll lose interest.

Ignoring works to a point but teasing them as BB indicated by saying that they never do this unless you're ( your girl) around, they must like you, is an implied statement to them to stop acting like knobs otherwise they look needy and pathetic towards women. It makes you look unaffected and will strengthen your woman's feelings toward you while conditioning your brothers to believe acting like jack holes in front of you and your woman is pathetic, needy, and weak.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Some dudes you can bring girls around and some you can't. Easy as that. Find friends that are all about backing each other up and making each other look good.

 

[NeoKortex]

Hey,

i still got this problem, now not with my brothers anymore because i approached them personally and talked with them about it one on one. Its cool now. Got this problem with coworkers i see everyday. They help each other to put me down and they dont put down each other so it doesn't even itself out. I wonder why this always happens again. Me being insulted/attacked by a group. And why does it not happen to other people?

I now start writing a log file. Write down offenses someone trough at me and try to find the best answer for it. I also try to find good literature to increase my knowledge. There has to be a way around the issue.

 

[fastlife]

Hey,

i still got this problem, now not with my brothers anymore because i approached them personally and talked with them about it one on one. Its cool now. Got this problem with coworkers i see everyday. They help each other to put me down and they dont put down each other so it doesn't even itself out. I wonder why this always happens again. Me being insulted/attacked by a group. And why does it not happen to other people?

I now start writing a log file. Write down offenses someone trough at me and try to find the best answer for it. I also try to find good literature to increase my knowledge. There has to be a way around the issue.

You're looking for external solutions to an internal issue. Honestly, bro, you sound overly sensitive & like a little bit of a wet blanket. WHY TF DO YOU CARE WHAT PEOPLE SAY? You're almost 30. Girls will give you sh1t to see if you can stand up to her & are worthy of sex. Guys will give you sh1t to see if you can stand up to them & are worthy of their companionship.

It's nothing personal--you're just so narcissistically stuck in your own head that you think it's all about you. Learn to laugh it off. People will realize that your opinion of yourself means more to you than their opinion of you; that demonstrates higher value; those people will respect you & begin looking to you for validation.

 

[Bible_Belt]

It happens for the same reason I told you months ago - because you let it. You have to snub that sh!t out the instant that it happens, or else you'll always be the victim, because you are easy prey.

 

[ManlyMichael]

What BibleBelt said.

Then change the topic and go on about the conversation. But you also have to get thicker hide.

Next to nobody gives a crap about anyone else. And part of showing your mettle is in the ability to laugh stuff off or genuinely let it slide, especially with family.

If you take yourself too seriously then no one else can.

I think the fact that we are all here communicating shows that we care,

You should learn to speak firmly. If you don't want to make a comeback or your not a humor guy, than reply straight or keep silent with no regards, the woman won't ever knock you for being silent, and if some one says you don't have friends you can say soooooo many things, you can say "I gave them away" or "your just mad YOUR not my friend" or "it's better to have no friends than a bunch of friends that use you"

Don't be so easily defeated! Where is your sense of lie detection? You should know any1 who does what your brothers are doing is living within many many lies and you can spot them and easily expose and embarrass them.

Wake up!

 

[glass half full]

Brothers? Do you mean actual brothers or friends?

I too hate this bull****. It is normal for other men to do this. However, most normal people are useless ****heads who know the only way they can compete is through putting others down.

I would dissuade from learning violence as a way to solve issues. Name me a truly great man who is respected who flies to violence? None. Sure, there's feared men out there. Society does not promote feared men to real power.

Feared men, MMA dude, etc are big fish amongst other men and losers. If you have no other way to compete, your fists are all you have.

Some women will indeed wish to fvck that man, maybe most. In the same way all men want to fvck the dizzy blonde chick. Do we actually respect them? If ploughing as many vag as possible is your bag, so be it. I view men with big interests in fitness, muscles and fighting as women who obsess about tit jobs and make up - living a life for the approval of the opposite sex. Healthy balance is what's required.

Outsmarting people is what wins the real deal. Removing you from those situations before they develop.

I have a best friend who seems to have a penchant for flirting with women, often attached women. I'd invite him out to meet my girl IF he had HIS girl there. Never alone. Just don't meet these guys with your GF. Avoid. If they play up, just sigh and act like your dealing with little upstarts trying to knock out the champ. If you want women who are happy with you violently confronting people, good luck with those cluster B hags.

Getting violent shows you have easily pushed buttons, you are easy to control and a tool for wiser men to exploit. Not a true leader or a decent man.

One man, was General Patton during WWII. Think anybody wanted to fvck with him?
I can think of a few local men who took care of things that way. I see your point, but sometimes that's the only recourse. Been there and done it.
You think people pushed Mafia guys around back in the day? Think again...

 

[Fruitbat]

One man, was General Patton during WWII. Think anybody wanted to fvck with him?
I can think of a few local men who took care of things that way. I see your point, but sometimes that's the only recourse. Been there and done it.
You think people pushed Mafia guys around back in the day? Think again...

We are talking at cross purposes. Would I want a woman who is into mafia men or local hooligans? It's not just about how hot they are.

Nobody pushed any of these people around, but other than Patton (who was a very successful man) the rest are not for "decent" women. The kind of women who want overt stereotypical angry/tough guys are trash, in my opinion, as are men who lack the brains to pursue value through their brain.

Depends on what you are in the game for.