Dealing with Girlfriends ex-boyfriend

[transmission]

Ok ill try keep this short.
Background: Both 20, in college. Together ~5 months. She broke up with boyfriend 18months ago.

We have been dating for 5 months, we were seeing eachother for a long time before this but never made it official. Its all been great. But recently she told me her ex-boyfriend is being transferred to the city we live and he contacted her saying he still has feelings for her/is not over her. She was shocked, she told him she doesnt feel the same way and is in a committed relationship with me.
When she told me, I told her that I am happy with the way things are going between us, I trust her and that I have no reason to not trust her and that she cant control her ex's feelings.

Anyway, she has mutual friends with him who I have become reasonable friends with as well. I know she will eventually run into him, me too. Basically what I want to know is the best way to deal with this situation? It kind of pissed me off he would say this knowing she is in a relationship but whatever.

Im not going to tell her not to see him and what not. I am comfortable with myself and I know I am much fitter than he is judging from photos etc, but what I want to know is what is the best way for me to act about all this? (what to say to say to her, boundaries? if he asks her to meet him etc)

 

[seethehoop]

personally, I think you should'nt really react at all. It would prob be for the best for her to meet with him with you being there. Im not suggesting you arrange this but this scenario is better for you as he will probably act like a chode and you will not even be phased by him. At the end of the day she will come home with you and bounce on you all night long. If he still has feelings this will drive him to despair.

If he gets in your face at all, bring it back down. Don't be aggressive, be acertive if needed but do not esclate the situation.

If she wants to meet him on her own then this is fine if its a one off but if it becomes a regular thing then make sure you keep your options open and start to explore them. It works both ways!

What ever you do, control your little green monster, if you get jealous then put a rock round it and sink it. It won't help your cause.

 

[donking]

this is not going to end well. you're concerned enough to post about this here. find another girl.

 

[5string]

I think you did good so far. She did as well by telling you.

Go ahead and trust her until she proves unworthy. If she faulters, so be it. Don't set any boundaries in this situation. It will reek of insecurity to her and she will either lose interest or think less of you as a man.

 

[SoSuave666]

I think you did good so far. She did as well by telling you.

Go ahead and trust her until she proves unworthy. If she faulters, so be it. Don't set any boundaries in this situation. It will reek of insecurity to her and she will either lose interest or think less of you as a man.

Yea bro. What more do you want, OP? She told you, then told her ex she doesn't feel the same way about him. She can't control the message that he sent her, only the way she reacts. I think she reacted pretty admirably....especially compared to the way an lot of women might act in the same situation.

 

[Jair213]

she could also be lying abut her response to the x bf... i would be cautious, i wouldnt let this situation phase me though.. like said previously.

 

[nomoreniceguy12]

I just had something like that happen to me. It ended up being a death sentence and she went back to him. Thats kinda how it started. Same BS its her way of giving you your two week notice.

 

[Jair213]

I just had something like that happen to me. It ended up being a death sentence and she went back to him. Thats kinda how it started. Same BS its her way of giving you your two week notice.

that sucks man..

 

[Jair213]

Dude is just an ex-boyfriend. I had an ex-husband come back for his wife with that sh*t and she's still with me 3 years later. Be secure with yourself as you have and trust her until she proves otherwise. You'll be fine.

its diferent wen your talking about marriage and dating though..

 

[don't]

I'd be carrying a pistol, but then I do that anyway. I'd also get a black belt, but I've had that for 40 years now, so I dont really remember what it was like to have to worry about other people.

 

[Bible_Belt]

If she really wants to be with a douchebag who would cry to his ex over facebook that he wants her back so badly, then they deserve each other.

 

[transmission]

Cheers for the advice fellas.
I haven't brought it up again/broached the subject again, either has she.
So far I have no reason not to trust her and in reality I have zero control over what happens between them, same goes with how he feels about her even after 18 months..... I can only control what happens between myself and my girlfriend.
I know they broke up on good terms, as they were moving to different cities which was the reason they broke up, I guess if this happened to me id still be on decent terms with an ex as well. Its just he hasn't moved on while she has.

I think you did good so far. She did as well by telling you.

Go ahead and trust her until she proves unworthy. If she faulters, so be it. Don't set any boundaries in this situation. It will reek of insecurity to her and she will either lose interest or think less of you as a man.

Yeah your right with not setting any boundaries - I am pretty sure he will ask her to meet up with him, if he does im not going to object, like you guys said, at the end of the day she'll be in bed with me.

 

[perseverance]

You shouldn't have to deal with your girlfriend's ex. He should have been dealt with already by her. If he's still lingering around like a bad smell then I would find this unacceptable and I would ditch this woman and find someone else who doesn't have unnecessary baggage.

However at this moment in time I don't think you have anything to worry about.

 

[5string]

Cheers for the advice fellas.
I haven't brought it up again/broached the subject again, either has she.
So far I have no reason not to trust her and in reality I have zero control over what happens between them, same goes with how he feels about her even after 18 months..... I can only control what happens between myself and my girlfriend.
I know they broke up on good terms, as they were moving to different cities which was the reason they broke up, I guess if this happened to me id still be on decent terms with an ex as well. Its just he hasn't moved on while she has.



Yeah your right with not setting any boundaries - I am pretty sure he will ask her to meet up with him, if he does im not going to object, like you guys said, at the end of the day she'll be in bed with me.

Yea well, if it were me, if she meets up with him, I'd next her on the spot and tell her to find somewhere else to sleep. Refuse to be disrespected and always maintain the ability to walk away under any circumstances.

 

[AAAgent]

You shouldn't have to deal with your girlfriend's ex. He should have been dealt with already by her. If he's still lingering around like a bad smell then I would find this unacceptable and I would ditch this woman and find someone else who doesn't have unnecessary baggage.

However at this moment in time I don't think you have anything to worry about.

I agree with what 5string said orignally and what perseverance said above.

Your relationship should just be between you and her, and you probably weren't/aren't expecting her to bring in this drama. I personally hate ex drama and if she would meet with him, i'd next her right away. You don't want to be stuck in a fight over a woman, it's never worth it physically or emotionally.