Dealing with flaky chicks you DON'T want a relationship with

[STR8UP]

At risk of getting flamed here, I'm going to go out on a limb and ask for some opinions.

So here's the question. How much leeway do you give to a chick who you simply want for sex?

Met this chick a couple of months ago through friends, thought she was hot. Hung out a couple of times, finally get her alone and find out she's got some "issues".

I'm not going to go into detail, but after that night I ruled her out as relationship material. Still wanted to tap that a$$ though, and it turns out the chick likes me so I ended up sealing the deal the other night.

Been out with her in a group setting one time since then, and at the end of the night she asked me if I wanted to do something a couple of days later. I agreed, and we made plans to hang out one night after she went to dinner with her friends.

That night I texted her, turns out she was still at dinner and said she'd call later. So 11:30 rolls around and she calls saying that she ended up going out for a drink after dinner with her best friend, and that her friend wanted to leave soon and she wanted to head over to my place after.

I agreed, thinking alright, after midnite....it's a straight up booty call, no prob.

1 am, nothing. 2 am, nothing. I finally went to bed.

She texts me the next day saying she was sorry. She said she got pretty tipsy and stayed till closing with her friend. Later in the day I texted her back saying "Hmm...stood up twice. I usually don't stick around for #3 but if you can think of a way to make it up to me I might be able to convince myself to forget about the first one" We had tenative plans a few weeks before and she never called back. not really getting stood up, but I counted it as such.

She apologized again saying she would make it up to me, and that was the last I talked to her a couple of days ago.

So if you aren't looking to get into a relationship with a chick, how much flakiness/ B.S. would you put up with?

I'm the kind of person who puts a lot of value on my time, so that part of me has a low tolerance for disrespect when it comes to that and I feel like cutting that sh!t before she has a chance to do it again.

The other part of me knows that I'm not looking to get serious with this chick and I know how some people have little concept of how other people MIGHT value their time a little more than they do their own, so I'm willing to give a little.

I think I've established that I don't give too many chances when it comes to a chick pulling a no call/ no show, so we will see how that works out.

As far as I could tell up till this point, this chick was really into me and probably wanted a relationship. After the flake out it makes me think differently. Maybe we're on the same page and she just wants to fukk? Yea right. Maybe she is spinning a bunch of plates? Doubt it, but possible.

Oh well, gonna play it by ear and see what happens. Any suggestions on dealing with these kinds of chicks?

 

[lookyoung]

Yes, I would say never let a girl verbally know about her flaking. Let your actions do the talking. When you tell a girl I don't put up with this disrespect it makes you sound like a whiny loser. In a situation like that I would not call her and pretend like nothing happened. ( GF are the exception). I would probably act a little distant towards her.


Remember never take flaking personally. Its part of the game.

 

[Mindtrust]

Same thing happened to me on saturday night..

I arranged early on saturday afternoon for a woman to hook up with me at home late on that night. She even called me a few times when she was out drinking saying she will keep me updated with the situation, as she was out with friends and they were heading on to a club a little later.

Once 2am came I headed to bed, knowing she wasn't coming over, I havn't heard a ****ie bird from her since. Last time she called was at 11:00 to say she was off to a club.

I know this girl was tipsy before she even went out, so my guess is she just jumped in a taxi and headed home a very drunk lady come 2am. She had been drinking for over 10 hours at least.

Could of been a number of reasons why she did this, but it's the lack of respect that she didn't bother to let me know what she was doing, that is her give away. I know now that im a plate she is tossing and im not a main priority to her.

Just a game of show and tell, she tells me nothing but shows me everything.

In responce, she just goes down in my list of priorites now, I wont get in touch, I will keep my distance. Best answer to give is show her you are not bothered in anyway, play the game. Take days to respond to her texts, show her you have other priorities.

For me though, I don't look too much into these situations anymore, after all, where just wanting to shoot up them, nothing more. I dont over analyse.

Girls know this in these situations. Sometimes you hit lucky sometimes you dont.

Roll onto the next one, it's all fun.

The joy's of being single

Mindtrust

 

[afrojiggles]

being alone is greater than having abimbo with room temp to stroke every day

 

[STR8UP]

Yes, I would say never let a girl verbally know about her flaking. Let your actions do the talking. When you tell a girl I don't put up with this disrespect it makes you sound like a whiny loser. In a situation like that I would not call her and pretend like nothing happened. ( GF are the exception). I would probably act a little distant towards her.


Remember never take flaking personally. Its part of the game.

Yea, might have been a better move to just let it go, but she did contact me apologizing so I thought I might as well take the opportunity to let her know she's gonna have to stay on her toes if she does want any of my time.

It's funny cause this chick is all over the map. Might have something to do with her "issues", but she displays super high interest one minute, then blows me off the next. Wierd. Guess I just have to play her game and get what I can out of it. I doubt if that will be the last time I see her naked.

You're right about the distant thing as well. Ball is in her court now. I'm sure I will be seeing her for a birthday party tomorrow night (the girl that introduced us) so we will see what happens.

This chick is pretty much a freak. I'm almost thinking that I need to deal with her as such and cut right to the chase and make everything revolve around sex, especially since I don't want any kind of a relationship with her.

 

[Vulpine]

You know, I had been getting a lot of that "flakiness" lately, and I finally got fed up.

I seriously started breathing fire on chicks that pulled this behaviour with me. I know some will say "don't do that... that shows you were affected", but you know what, of course I was affected: they were plans with ME. So, I give women both barrels when they don't have any regard for my time.

What I found was that with the younger women, they didn't even "realize" what they were doing. Of course, they knew what they were doing, but they failed to put themselves in my shoes and see the disrespect and how it made them look. Essentially, they went ahead with whatever flake plans because they were oblivious to the fact that there could possibly be any repercussions. These chicks were genuinely shocked when I tore them a new ass for being flakey.

Which, boggles my mind. Society (and how women treat men) is so facking jacked up that people don't even know when they are being rude and/or disrespectful. Mind you, I mean the younger generations. Younger people are so used to seeing 'men' rolling over and letting women walk all over them that they assume that it's "just how things are". These chicks have been getting away with sh!t all their lives! They've never even been spanked by their parents! WTF!!!!!

So, what I'm getting at STR8UP is if you are going to "keep the chick around", you better straighten her ass out. I don't know you, your game, or your style, but make her understand XYZ.

I'm a fan of the "Shut the fux up and listen, because what I want is what I want: you need not speak in order to hear what I want." method. That is, dictate to her the rules.

When I call, you call back. When you agree to be somewhere, you be there, or don't agree to be there in the first place. When I go out of my way, you thank me. When I smell smoke, you better have your phone open, 911 dialed, and ready to hit send when I yell "FIRE!"... Or, fux yourself right the fux on out of my life!

Whatever your rules are, explain them, otherwise you have no right to be slighted. Chicks will get away with whatever they can get away with until laws are made.

 

[Throttle]

i think part of the reason women expect to get away with this stuff is b/c so many guys allow them to. demonstrating that you are different, and that expectations with you are different communicates to them that you are not "that guy" (every guy they've ever dated/slept with).

v>> i wouldn't tell them it's what you want, or that it's rules for dating you (maybe you didn't mean either of these literally but you implied both), i'd just lay it out as "this is the way it is, so get on board or get out."

ly>> you're advising head games ("act distant") and worried about "how you'll sound"... nothing to worry about with this method, it's much quicker & you know whether to move on or not right away. you tell her once to set her straight, and if doesn't get you anywhere, you lose her like a bad habit.

 

[Vulpine]

i think part of the reason women expect to get away with this stuff is b/c so many guys allow them to. demonstrating that you are different, and that expectations with you are different communicates to them that you are not "that guy" (every guy they've ever dated/slept with).

:yes:

v>> i wouldn't tell them it's what you want, or that it's rules for dating you (maybe you didn't mean either of these literally but you implied both), i'd just lay it out as "this is the way it is, so get on board or get out."

Ok, I don't mean "literally list rules" or "wants"... yes, I did mean to imply them.

I meant, issue demands. ...because until those demands are met, you are going to continue holding your time for her, and attention to her, hostage - perhaps even kidnap her happiness, too.

You know, push/pull, punishment/reward, "we tend to desire that which elludes us", blah bleh blay...

 

[grinder]

Its costs vs. benefits. Only you can determine the costs and benefits.

Believe it or not, the psychologically healthiest and most DJ thing you can do is exactly with Vulpine suggests: blast her, call her sh*t and lay it out crystal clear that you will absolutely not tolerate it.

Hell, what do you have to lose: not a damn thing but a headache you don’t need anyway.

And this will work to cut down on the flaking, but, unfortunately, usually you have to keep doing it because they revert back. The question is, do you have the energy to keep calling her sh*t?

It’s hard when they are hot. A few months ago I went through this with a girl that, I’m pretty sure she was just a total air-head, I mean, not super bright, and I know her flakiness was not on purpose, but if finally was just too much.

The light bulb finally went off over my head one day waiting on her for lunch. I was thinking, where is she, what is she doing, why is she late. Then, I got real pissed when I realized the dialogue in my head was all about her. The scarcity principle was working in reverse against me! Goddammit that pissed me off.

 

[STR8UP]

You know, I had been getting a lot of that "flakiness" lately, and I finally got fed up.

I seriously started breathing fire on chicks that pulled this behaviour with me. I know some will say "don't do that... that shows you were affected", but you know what, of course I was affected: they were plans with ME. So, I give women both barrels when they don't have any regard for my time.

I was honestly pretty pissed when she pulled that sh!t. I couldn't let her get away with it clean, so in this case it was either completely blow her off for good (in which case I get no more a$$), or at least acknowledge that I don't tolerate that kind of behavior from women and see where it goes.

Haven't head from her yet and I'm not going to be calling her. I clearly stated in my message that I was making an exception for her and that she has to figure out a way to make it up to me, so I need to follow through with my words and EXPECT her to make it up to me in order to get back in the game.

Hell, even if she is seeing someone else or met another dude that night or whatever, we all know how guys have a tendency to fukk things up pretty quickly so she'll be back eventually. I pretty sure I didn't burn my bridge with this one.

When it comes down to it she's disposable anyway. I purposely didn't go into detail about this chick cause you all would probably tell me I'm insane for even being around her, but lets just say that aside from having a pretty face and an a$$ that could make a grown man cry she doesn't have much to offer me and could actually turn out to be a real problem if I'm not careful.

What I found was that with the younger women, they didn't even "realize" what they were doing. Of course, they knew what they were doing, but they failed to put themselves in my shoes and see the disrespect and how it made them look. Essentially, they went ahead with whatever flake plans because they were oblivious to the fact that there could possibly be any repercussions. These chicks were genuinely shocked when I tore them a new ass for being flakey.

That was one of my first thoughts with this one. She's 26 and although she has a master's degree and all she is far from having her sh!t together. Like you said, she is probably just the type who doesn't see it as a big deal. Problem is, I'm the opposite, with men AND women.

So, what I'm getting at STR8UP is if you are going to "keep the chick around", you better straighten her ass out. I don't know you, your game, or your style, but make her understand XYZ.

Yea, the more I think of it, I know I need to follow through with what I said to her. If she keeps it up I will eventually get tired of it and it will be over anyway, so what do I have to lose? I'm not one to play the whole "make plans with three different people and choose which I want to follow through with at the last minute" kind of thing. I've known people throughout my life who were like this, and it's pretty sh!tty if you ask me.

Chicks will get away with whatever they can get away with until laws are made.

True, but most chicks aren't like that if they are interested. And thats the strange thing about this one. She's got the deer in headlights look, all the buying signals, she even told our mutual friend that she's REALLY into me.

Maybe she's just more of a mental case than I realize.

 

[STR8UP]

And this will work to cut down on the flaking, but, unfortunately, usually you have to keep doing it because they revert back. The question is, do you have the energy to keep calling her sh*t?

My tolerance is pretty low, but I'm a sucker for a nice ass, especially when it's attached to a chick that's as freaky as this one.

Hell. I was in her bathroom taking a pi$$ the first night I went to her place. I was standing there looking around while I was trying to get the hose going, and on her bathroom counter what do I see? Amidst a bunch of makeup and other girlie things there's a big purple dildo, standing there at attention. Got out of the bathroom and said "Nice toy", then she proceeds to show me pictures of her "naked party" where there are a bunch of topless chicks running around the apartment in their panties.

If I can manage to work out a steady sexual relationship with her I can see lots of opportunities to enlist other females in our escapades. ESPECIALLY now that I have a business relationship with a local strip club!

For all I know she ended up licking her friend's pu$$y all night long the night she stood me up. Fine by me, but a quick phone call would have been nice.

 

[lookyoung]

[/U]

=Vulpine]I'm a fan of the "Shut the fux up and listen, because what I want is what I want: you need not speak in order to hear what I want." method. That is, dictate to her the rules.

VULPINE
I used to be that guy that would tell girls this. I don't use this method anymore unless it is someone I am totally serious about ( GIRLFRIEND). I have found that girls that are FB or girls you want to fvck are just not worth it. I have lost some fvcks because of this attitude.

I used to be the ultimate macho type of guy. To this day girls that used to know my social group and my xfvcks will say... All the girls used to say your an Azzhole, but your a misunderstood azzhole.

I am 30 years old and don't loose my cool like I used to. With woman or with life in general. I find it best to just keep your cool in all situations. Woman usually don't react postively to guys that react emotionally.

IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO LET YOUR ACTIONS DO THE TALKING......

 

[lookyoung]

Sorry delete double post.

 

[STR8UP]

I am 30 years old and don't loose my cool like I used to. With woman or with life in general. I find it best to just keep your cool in all situations. Woman usually don't react postively to guys that react emotionally.

IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO LET YOUR ACTIONS DO THE TALKING......

I don't condone "losing your cool" over pretty much ANYTHING, especially women. But making it clear that you aren't down with someone disrespecting your time is a different story.

I drove the last chick I was dating NUTS by not getting wrapped up in her drama. She would get all bent out of shape about me talking to another chick, and I would walk away. Then she would call up the next day and apologize, at which time I informed her that it was "ok" because "I know it will never happen again"

Let a woman know where you stand by giving her indirect ultimatums. Don't say "don't do this or else". Instead say "I will let you make this up to me because I'm confident that this will never happen again."

Worked with the last chick.

 

[Throttle]

IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO LET YOUR ACTIONS DO THE TALKING......

This only works if she reads your actions correctly. Sometimes there are no subsititutes for the right words in the right tone with the right attitude.

Nobody's advocating he lose his cool, in fact, there's few things more effective than a properly delivered statement of consequences from a man who means business.

I drove the last chick I was dating NUTS by not getting wrapped up in her drama. She would get all bent out of shape about me talking to another chick, and I would walk away. Then she would call up the next day and apologize, at which time I informed her that it was "ok" because "I know it will never happen again"

this always works, if you keep your head about you, and she's sane. and if she's not sane, she's history. in which case, it still works.

 

[lookyoung]

Nobody's advocating he lose his cool, in fact, there's few things more effective than a properly delivered statement of consequences from a man who means business.

Well that depends how high her interest level is toward you. (READ PLAYER69 THREAD ON INTEREST LEVEL IN TIPS SECTION). If you have been on a few dates with a girl, and are trying to bang her there is no way I would recommend this. I have learned that woman of today do not react well to stern verbal demands. The only exception is when a woman has an extremely high interest level in you.

Now if this girl was my GF or a prospect to be my GF than I would put her in her place. Because if she has a high interest level in you than she will put up with stern verbal demands. However I still recommend going the action speak louder than word route.

 

[Throttle]

well maybe that's where we part company. i'm ONLY interested in dealing with gals who have (or with sufficient work could have) a very high interest level in me. because anything less opens you up to head games, and i hate head games (just watch what the o.p. is putting himself through). no amount of head is worth head games.

it may also be b/c not among my life's goals is banging as many chicks as possible. to me, they're all pretty things (well most of 'em) that have a nice warm place to put your thing. one that is sufficiently attractive and comes with a very good attitude (as defined by Doc Love) is all that i need. i suppose that's trashed as "one-itis" around here. if that makes me "less of a dj," i can live with that.

i suppose someone should step in and explain why having collected 37 trophies is more deeply fulfilling in the long run than any lesser number, like, say, 36.

 

[lookyoung]

Throttle- I agree 100% in you saying that you want a girl with a high interest level in you. I would prefer that a girl has a 90% or higher interest level in me. A few girls that I banged had a 90% or higher interest level in me, but the majority of the girls that I have banged fall in the 70%-85% category.

When a girl has 90% or above interest level in you than there is very little you can do wrong. And the lower interest level a girl has the more head games she will play. Interest level is the most important thing in having success in a relationship. For me personally I need a girl were her interest level is slightly above mine.

And has far as the notches on the belt. I agree as I have gotten older I will take quality over quantity any day.

 

[Vulpine]

lookyoung, it sounds to me like you pander to your new prospects.

So women don't react well to men who demand to be treated with respect? Yeah, I've seen that, those poor babies, you must be an axxhole. Boy, I wish I had a nickel for every time I've been called "azzhole".

I've stopped seeing those women because, well, I stopped bowing to women with a princess complex.

OH NO! I must be an axxhole because a woman doesn't want to treat me with respect!

Boo-fuxxing-hoo!

WTF?

Dude, the problem with "actions speaking louder than words" sometimes is that women are, uh, oblivious. That is, they aren't paying attention often because they didn't know they should be -

I want to say "self-absorbed" here; as in "women are too self-absorbed to pay attention to your actions". Or, "modern women habitually have no regard for the walking dildos that are modern men - so what is there to pay attention to, exactly?"

What complicates matters is the fact that there are so many stupid azz books out there, tv shows, and whatnot that encourages and promotes women acting like self-absorbed retards without any regard for men.
-----
Man, I love yelling. Sometimes a good, clear, raised voice is what is necessary to snap women out of their media induced comas.

But, I never have to raise my voice about it... women just don't facking matter. Lose my cool? Nay, I sayeth unto thee, nay.

 

[wayword]

Which, boggles my mind. Society (and how women treat men) is so facking jacked up that people don't even know when they are being rude and/or disrespectful. Mind you, I mean the younger generations. Younger people are so used to seeing 'men' rolling over and letting women walk all over them that they assume that it's "just how things are". These chicks have been getting away with sh!t all their lives! They've never even been spanked by their parents! WTF!!!!!

Most hot American girls have been spoiled rotten by a series of AFC daddies, boyfriends and our feminist society their entire lives. It can then be a real pain to have to retrain these byches from scratch, if that's even possible.

Now, compare this to a foreign woman like Natalie Glebova, who was raised under less-privileged circumstances in Russia and had to actually make something of herself.

Not only was she Miss Universe...but she earned a technical degree, was a champion gymnast, plays classical piano, wrote a best-selling book, etc etc. Now, an American girl who looked like this...would have simply become a drunken party hor from between 17-30.

Let's face it - feminists and AFCs created these monsters!