Dealing with failure inside your social circle

[CuddleJunkie]

So let's suppose you try to game a woman inside one of your circles, and you fail, not on an horrible way, but through rejection, and you made your intentions CLEAR.
So how do you guys deal with this?

I ask because I'm moving to a new city starting next summer and I would be interested on trying this inside of one of my social circles, BUT I would like to minimize the impact because there are some cool people there that I could continue on visiting from time to time.

 

[Tictac]

Why do you anticipate failure?

 

[CuddleJunkie]

I don't anticipate failure, but I consider it as a possible, and useful outcome. You have to fail in order to learn.

Maybe I should have been more specific. I'm talking about how your value inside the circle will be lower after failure than it was before, and how to minimize this effect, if possible. Also, I don't care THAT much, I'm moving for good, but still I would like to keep contact with a few persons.

 

[Atom Smasher]

By conveying a flippant and "breezy" (for lack of a better word) attitude about it, and if someone mentions it, just say a minimal "balls" with a sly wink.

 

[Von]

You have to play it cool.... make her clear what you want but if she reject you... make it like its not personnal and you have other options... all in respectable manners

It will be awkward at first, she might be cold for a while than you'll have a ''friendship'' .... I write ''friendship'' she'll be nice to you but never expect her to make a move unless she changed her mind.

 

[Lozboss]

Its tricky as news general travels.

If rejected:

you just got to be confident and not care. You were a man who WAS interested and now this woman has no value to now she's rejected you.

I'd be polite but withdraw my attention from her and pursue other leads. Don't be friends- don't be friendzoned to make it easier on your social circle- that will drop your value.

 

[fastlife]

Learn to look at rejection as something that's inherently funny--because it is, it's like, This girl is rejecting me? That's hilarious.

If you don't care, no one else will either.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Thank for the replies guys. So basically is taking it the same as a normal rejection, through humor. It might be useful to relate with the other guys now that I think about it.

 

[wifehunter]

simple... Laugh, and just don't "pay" her any attention anymore. She doesn't deserve it. Go on about your business with your friends.

 

[BeExcellent]

You are a pragmatist here, which is good. Just ask her to drinks or whatever with the same attitude you'd ask someone if they want a cup of coffee or if they want ketchup with their fries, low key and without really caring about the outcome.

If she goes then you escalate on the date as appropriate. If she doesn't then you just treat her as a member of the group just as before.

You don't start ignoring her if you didn't before (that would be weird and would reflect poorly on you), you just be cool, be normal.

As long as you have the right attitude the dynamics in the group will be fine. If she goes out with you, you win. If she declines but you are unaffected then she knows you have an interest and she might be receptive in the future (you win), if she is never interested & you are cool, then people in your circle know you are available to date, they might introduce you to someone else, and you win.

Your attitude is the determining factor irrespective of the outcome. Good attitude = good outcome.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

You are a pragmatist here, which is good. Just ask her to drinks or whatever with the same attitude you'd ask someone if they want a cup of coffee or if they want ketchup with their fries, low key and without really caring about the outcome.

If she goes then you escalate on the date as appropriate. If she doesn't then you just treat her as a member of the group just as before.

You don't start ignoring her if you didn't before (that would be weird and would reflect poorly on you), you just be cool, be normal.

As long as you have the right attitude the dynamics in the group will be fine. If she goes out with you, you win. If she declines but you are unaffected then she knows you have an interest and she might be receptive in the future (you win), if she is never interested & you are cool, then people in your circle know you are available to date, they might introduce you to someone else, and you win.

Your attitude is the determining factor irrespective of the outcome. Good attitude = good outcome.

****ing good post, thanks a lot.

"You don't start ignoring her if you didn't before", yes. This is one of differences between gaming inside your circle and doing so outside, I guess. Also, I didn't think about they introducing me to free girls lol, I might try this before I think I would.

 

[kenpiffyjr]

Hey @BeExcellent im going downtown to throw a few Stellas back, come on down with me girl

 

[fastlife]

Another thing you might consider building into future social circles--or even this one if it's pretty new or you're able to take some time away--is to be 'that guy.' I'm a pretty private person overall, and hardly a manwh0re; but all my friends know how I am around girls that are unclaimed & attractive.

So if I escalate hard on some girl one of my homegirls or one of my friends' gfs introduces me to, well @fastlife is just being @fastlife--and that's probably what they bring their girlfriends around me for in the first place. Congruence is huge.

 

[RangerMIke]

Just don't take dating too serious. Dating is supposed to be fun. I was at a party the other night with a women and I ran into a friend who introduced me to his fiance (who I will call Danielle)... Now this is funny. He broke up with Danielle a year ago, and started seeing a woman I will call Anna... Later he ended up back with Danielle. During their 'break' I was hooking up with Danielle. The women I was at the party with was Anna.... So was it awkward? No not at all because we are all grown-ups.