Waddup gents? I haven't posted here in a while, but I am back looking for a bit of advice from my fellow "mature men". Lately I have been feeling envious of other guys, particularly guys I know who are in the "community", especially the younger guys. I am referring to the ones that have gotten very successful in a short amount of time, the ones that come around for a few months, then disappear because they no longer need help or info, or techniques, etc. I feel like I missed out, having not found the community much earlier, even moreso that I wasn't born a ladies man. I hear a stories of friends or acquaintances doing things I wish i would have done back in the day. I try not to give a 5hit, but I really can't help but be bothered by other guys' successes with women, and I feel as though the prime time is behind me. Have you guys dealt with this before? How did you get over it? Thank you.
Dealing with envy/regret...??
- Thread starter Drewskie
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SharinganUser
Master Don Juan
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You deal with it by either going out and getting laid yourself, or come to the realization that sex isn't that big of a deal.
I wasn't born a ladies man either, but I really don't give a ****. Honestly, you can't really compare yourself to others, because a)most people are full of ****, and b) there is always going to be someone who is younger and more successful than you. That's just a fact of life. Other people's success isn't something you can control, so you shouldn't worry about it.
You mainly just have to let it go and accept that in the past you did the best with the cards you were dealt. Also don't buy into the idea that you are past your prime, maybe you just haven't peaked yet. I've met many 50yr + guys on my travels overseas who are having the time of their life.
One other thing that helped me is to unplug the television and to stop going on the internet so much. Yes facebook is great for social networking, and yes you can learn a lot from sites like this. BUT ultimately (for me anyway) looking at all the interesting **** on facebook, or reading other people's success on this site (and others), when my life is on downtime it's fvcking depressing.
The time you spend reading/listening to other peoples success stories is time that you could be spending learning to play guitar, dance, or chatting up a nice gal, or whatever the hell it is you want to do with your spare time.
I wasn't born a ladies man either, but I really don't give a ****. Honestly, you can't really compare yourself to others, because a)most people are full of ****, and b) there is always going to be someone who is younger and more successful than you. That's just a fact of life. Other people's success isn't something you can control, so you shouldn't worry about it.
You mainly just have to let it go and accept that in the past you did the best with the cards you were dealt. Also don't buy into the idea that you are past your prime, maybe you just haven't peaked yet. I've met many 50yr + guys on my travels overseas who are having the time of their life.
One other thing that helped me is to unplug the television and to stop going on the internet so much. Yes facebook is great for social networking, and yes you can learn a lot from sites like this. BUT ultimately (for me anyway) looking at all the interesting **** on facebook, or reading other people's success on this site (and others), when my life is on downtime it's fvcking depressing.
The time you spend reading/listening to other peoples success stories is time that you could be spending learning to play guitar, dance, or chatting up a nice gal, or whatever the hell it is you want to do with your spare time.
The universe isn't fair. It simply isn't.
The sooner you make peace with that, the better off you'll be. Guess what, there are probably lots of dudes out there that have more money than you do, are pulling better poon than you ever will and are swinging bigger ****s than you too. So fvcking what?
By the same token, there are also millions of people who don't even have adequate access to food and water, let alone an internet connection. I doubt those people worry a whole lot about "the game" and how much pvssy they can pull.
Just be appreciative for the good things you do have and try to do the best with the things that you do have.
The sooner you make peace with that, the better off you'll be. Guess what, there are probably lots of dudes out there that have more money than you do, are pulling better poon than you ever will and are swinging bigger ****s than you too. So fvcking what?
By the same token, there are also millions of people who don't even have adequate access to food and water, let alone an internet connection. I doubt those people worry a whole lot about "the game" and how much pvssy they can pull.
Just be appreciative for the good things you do have and try to do the best with the things that you do have.
Mike32ct
Master Don Juan
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Great question. I've felt the same way and still do at times. The other posters gave solid advice.Drewskie said:
Remember that it's every man for himself. Does that ladies man give two sh*ts about you? Of course not. So please don't waste one second worrying about him. Focus on yourself and what is realistic for you.
Of course I'll see some hot tall smooth young guy pull some amazing a*s that I could never pull in 1000 years, but it makes no sense to hold myself to that SAME standard. If you are learning golf as a hobby, should you compare yourself to Tiger Woods? No, you can't.
On the other hand, if I met a cute interesting lady (even with average looks), but we have fun and hook up, I had a great night.
By all means do the self-improvement stuff so you gradually get better, but you can only do what is realistic for you RIGHT NOW.
I totally understand how it hurts to feel like you "missed out." I get that too, but I didn't know in my teens and early to late 20s (about women and "game") what I know now. There was no way I COULD have known. The Community was in its infancy and/or didn't exist, plus my dad and friends never told me sh*t about women. (I'm not sure they knew either.) Like the other poster said, you did the best you could at the time.
But going forward, feel free to be a little selfish and focus on YOU. Do what is fun and realistic and interesting to YOU. I still get hit with envy sometimes, but I'm working hard to snap myself out of it immediately because it serves no purpose. Your successes might be more or less than other guys', but you should still enjoy them and be proud of them because they are YOURS. You earned it, nobody else.
The real mistake that you are making is not recognizing the fact that you are in your prime NOW! Your early and mid 30's is the best time to be successful with women. Especially the young ones!
The wisdom and confidence that comes with experience is something that most 20 somethings simply do not have.
Don't waste another minute being envious or complaining.
You should be having the time of your life right now.
The wisdom and confidence that comes with experience is something that most 20 somethings simply do not have.
Don't waste another minute being envious or complaining.
You should be having the time of your life right now.
penkitten
Master Don Juan
drewskie, were you ever a fan of the show lost?
if so, i want you to imagine the island of lost as sosuave.
if not, this analogy is going to be completely lost on you.
imagine that sosuave is the "island". the majority of the people that come here, never meant to end up here, and didn't know it was out there in the first place...but just kinda surfed the web and accidentally stumbled upon the place. only a handful actually searched to find it.
once you enter the "island", you are "broken" and you can not leave the island until you are "whole". ( doesn't matter if they fly away, submarine away, leave on a freighter or die.... leaving is leaving in this case)
some people are not going to need to see everything before they can leave. others have to meet everyone and make a connection and then they can. some will find all the "stations" (let's call the stations forums and bible and hall of fame) and learn about them and then leave.
some will get stuck in a time warp loop and need several years before they can leave.
some will choose never to leave the island at all.
some will choose to remain/ or visit after they have no need to be on the island as mentors to the other losties that need guidance.
no one can determine how long someone else stays.
there may even be a fellow member who is much like the others ben, trying to get others to stay for the sake of the community. but eventually when it's your time to go, you go.
and for the sake of this analogy, you can consider pook like mr echo who came in with some wisdom and faith and left very quickly.
i'm sorry that the best way for me to describe it was to use a tv show. i have no idea how long you will be on the forum before it just clicks and you won't need it anymore. there are several members that chose to stay here just to guide others long after they didn't need the forum.
and i want you to keep in mind that several leave this forum too soon and they usually return with lots of questions.
please don't be envious of them. things will click with you when they do.
if so, i want you to imagine the island of lost as sosuave.
if not, this analogy is going to be completely lost on you.
imagine that sosuave is the "island". the majority of the people that come here, never meant to end up here, and didn't know it was out there in the first place...but just kinda surfed the web and accidentally stumbled upon the place. only a handful actually searched to find it.
once you enter the "island", you are "broken" and you can not leave the island until you are "whole". ( doesn't matter if they fly away, submarine away, leave on a freighter or die.... leaving is leaving in this case)
some people are not going to need to see everything before they can leave. others have to meet everyone and make a connection and then they can. some will find all the "stations" (let's call the stations forums and bible and hall of fame) and learn about them and then leave.
some will get stuck in a time warp loop and need several years before they can leave.
some will choose never to leave the island at all.
some will choose to remain/ or visit after they have no need to be on the island as mentors to the other losties that need guidance.
no one can determine how long someone else stays.
there may even be a fellow member who is much like the others ben, trying to get others to stay for the sake of the community. but eventually when it's your time to go, you go.
and for the sake of this analogy, you can consider pook like mr echo who came in with some wisdom and faith and left very quickly.
i'm sorry that the best way for me to describe it was to use a tv show. i have no idea how long you will be on the forum before it just clicks and you won't need it anymore. there are several members that chose to stay here just to guide others long after they didn't need the forum.
and i want you to keep in mind that several leave this forum too soon and they usually return with lots of questions.
please don't be envious of them. things will click with you when they do.
penkitten
Master Don Juan
drewskie, were you ever a fan of the show lost?
if so, i want you to imagine the island of lost as sosuave.
if not, this analogy is going to be completely lost on you.
imagine that sosuave is the "island". the majority of the people that come here, never meant to end up here, and didn't know it was out there in the first place...but just kinda surfed the web and accidentally stumbled upon the place. only a handful actually searched to find it.
once you enter the "island", you are "broken" and you can not leave the island until you are "whole". ( doesn't matter if they fly away, submarine away, leave on a freighter or die.... leaving is leaving in this case)
some people are not going to need to see everything before they can leave. others have to meet everyone and make a connection and then they can. some will find all the "stations" (let's call the stations forums and bible and hall of fame) and learn about them and then leave.
some will get stuck in a time warp loop and need several years before they can leave.
some will choose never to leave the island at all.
some will choose to remain/ or visit after they have no need to be on the island as mentors to the other losties that need guidance.
no one can determine how long someone else stays.
there may even be a fellow member who is much like the others ben, trying to get others to stay for the sake of the community. but eventually when it's your time to go, you go.
and for the sake of this analogy, you can consider pook like mr echo who came in with some wisdom and faith and left very quickly.
i'm sorry that the best way for me to describe it was to use a tv show. i have no idea how long you will be on the forum before it just clicks and you won't need it anymore. there are several members that chose to stay here just to guide others long after they didn't need the forum.
and i want you to keep in mind that several leave this forum too soon and they usually return with lots of questions.
please don't be envious of them. things will click with you when they do.
if so, i want you to imagine the island of lost as sosuave.
if not, this analogy is going to be completely lost on you.
imagine that sosuave is the "island". the majority of the people that come here, never meant to end up here, and didn't know it was out there in the first place...but just kinda surfed the web and accidentally stumbled upon the place. only a handful actually searched to find it.
once you enter the "island", you are "broken" and you can not leave the island until you are "whole". ( doesn't matter if they fly away, submarine away, leave on a freighter or die.... leaving is leaving in this case)
some people are not going to need to see everything before they can leave. others have to meet everyone and make a connection and then they can. some will find all the "stations" (let's call the stations forums and bible and hall of fame) and learn about them and then leave.
some will get stuck in a time warp loop and need several years before they can leave.
some will choose never to leave the island at all.
some will choose to remain/ or visit after they have no need to be on the island as mentors to the other losties that need guidance.
no one can determine how long someone else stays.
there may even be a fellow member who is much like the others ben, trying to get others to stay for the sake of the community. but eventually when it's your time to go, you go.
and for the sake of this analogy, you can consider pook like mr echo who came in with some wisdom and faith and left very quickly.
i'm sorry that the best way for me to describe it was to use a tv show. i have no idea how long you will be on the forum before it just clicks and you won't need it anymore. there are several members that chose to stay here just to guide others long after they didn't need the forum.
and i want you to keep in mind that several leave this forum too soon and they usually return with lots of questions.
please don't be envious of them. things will click with you when they do.
Victory Unlimited
Master Don Juan
Great analogy PENKITTEN.
And YOU know how much "I" love a metaphor. :yes:
Yeah, I think it's ironic that a lot of people, either "on here" or in real life have to get LOST before they can "find" themselves. But sometimes it's a very necessary step in becoming a better man (or woman).
And YOU know how much "I" love a metaphor. :yes:
Yeah, I think it's ironic that a lot of people, either "on here" or in real life have to get LOST before they can "find" themselves. But sometimes it's a very necessary step in becoming a better man (or woman).
Er... I just turned 40. Could we up that a bit to between mid-30's and mid-40's please? :trouble:Slickster said:
In answer to the OP's question - take no notice of other people. You're old enough to be your own person with your own vibe. You have something which they don't currently - age and maturity.
Two bulls, father and son, standing at the top of a hill. Son sees a herd of cows standing at the bottom of the hill. Says to father "Let's run down and f*ck one of them". Father replies "No. Let's WALK down, save our energy and f*ck ALL of them". Something like that anyway.
I'm sure you can somehow twist that anecdote for your own benefit.