Dealing with anxiety of dating younger women

[49au]

Hey guys, haven't posted in a while. Hope everyone is well.

When I first came here I was a few years younger. Now, I'm about to turn 31 in a couple months.

Despite some setbacks, I have managed to be pretty successful and have dated and/or fukked some pretty hot girls over the last few years. Some solid 8s and 9s in there. Some early to mid twenties, one 18.

I've continued to improve my mind, my body (best shape of my entire life right now), my wardrobe, etc. I'm also beginning to understand what it is that younger women see in an older guy, because I can compare myself at 30 to myself at, say, 27. I feel like my experience, perspective, and value have improved dramatically in just those 3 years.

In light of this, I recently determined that I was going to get even more aggressive about pursuing younger, hotter women. And I have done so.

Obviously, such women are more in demand and are constantly exposed to younger guys. When I was one of those younger guys, this didn't really bother me.

Currently, two of my plates are early twenties, both foreign/exotic and both VERY hot. To me, Latin women are the holy grail and I would love to have the option of an LTR with either of them.

Now that I have crossed the line (no longer a twenty-something), I can already begin to feel a crippling sense of dread and anxiety: Can I really compete (and win) in the long term, against younger guys who are clamoring for their attention?

I also feel that women like this are going to give me a lot less slack. My game has to be tight at all times. Perhaps my assumption that women (especially women in early 20s) view a guy being 30+ as a downfall, so they are going to be a lot less forgiving if you are not solid in every single area.

So far with these two plates I mentioned, I've been very good in person and on calls/text, very strong and confident. Very ****y/funny, masculine, solid frame. Yet privately, I have found myself riddled with anxiety about whether I should be behaving differently with her. Should I really continue to run the same C&F+aloof game I had at 25? Because if I do, then what is distinguishing me from an actual 25yo guy with less mileage?

It doesn't help that a buddy of mine (who is 34) is dating a gorgeous 23 yo... who has become increasingly flirtatious with me. If any "older" guy has it together, he does. Very nice job title and income. Drives her around in a six figure sports car, buys her designer clothes, takes her out to nice dinners. He is also 6'4", very well built, and classically handsome. I have seen him pump and dump countless women too... very aloof and very strong game.

Yet despite all this, and me doing nothing for her other than making her laugh all the time, the way she acts around me can get awkward. She is constantly touching me and I have had to walk away from her more than once.

She's my friend's girl. He and I go back a few years, we have run game together, I value his friendship. No pvssy is worth losing a friend - but this isn't the point here.

The point is that in this particular dynamic, I am the younger guy, and he is the older very well established guy. This makes me wonder if I can/will find myself in a similar situation - dating a prize catch, but constantly having to deal with younger guys who just have more energy and thus more appeal.

I think part of this anxiety will lessen over time if I have positive experiences as a 30+ guy targeting hot young women. In other words, I feel like I've come into a new phase of life and I do not yet have the experience in this new realm to truly feel confident that I can have the outcome I desire.

Yet if I can't get a firm handle on this now, I think it will dampen my success and confidence with hot young women moving forward.

Any perspectives you guys can give me on dating hot, early to mid twenties women as a 30+ yo, I really appreciate. How can I maintain my confidence and not second guess myself? What are they really looking for?

 

[SecondHalf]

I think you have to read your own post and think about a few things ...

What does a HB9 want with a 10 year older guy?
Money or security, for now, until 'more' comes along or to get her family started.

You mentioned you're nervous about younger guys hitting on your 22 year old HB9.
All men will hit on your HB9. It's one of the challenges you take on when you are with one. I won't take one seriously anymore (age relative disclaimer of what's an HB9). It's just too much bother. Have fun sure, go too far out of my way, nope, been there, done that. My 11 year younger HB9 whom I met when she was 22 was what eventually brought me to this site (15 years, then found someone she needed more than me).

Your friend, the 6'4" rich, handsome guy...
"Drives her around in a six figure sports car, buys her designer clothes, takes her out to nice dinners...".
He might have had game, but he doesn't anymore, at least not with this chick.

Should I really continue to run the same C&F+aloof game I had at 25?
Whatever works, who cares. In the end, it's what they want from you and the never ending challenge if they can have it, keep it will be what keeps her interest.

Be the best you can be. Never stop looking for ways to augment yourself.

Also, choose wisely. If you get some young chick that lured you by her great looks, sex appeal and wild nature ... well, the rest is obvious.

Forever is a wonderful word to cherish. But just remember where to use it ... "There will forever be an alternative option for you".

SH

 

[49au]

Thanks for your reply.

I think my first post may have done a poor job communicating some of the ideas I'm wrestling with right now.

What does a HB9 want with a 10 year older guy?
Money or security, for now, until 'more' comes along or to get her family started.

The two plates I mentioned specifically, are 6 and 7 years younger than me. Not huge but when they are 23 and 24, it's obviously a different ballgame than when they are 30-31 and I'm 6-7 years older.

In general though, I agree with your statement. We're all self-interested. The problem is that there will always be a guy with "more" who will be willing to take her in, as long as she is hot.

I do think if she is looking to start a family, you gain an advantage because after even one child, her market value plummets (at least in terms of her appeal to alphas and high income guys).

All men will hit on your HB9. It's one of the challenges you take on when you are with one.

Of course they will. 90% of these men, she will have zero interest in. I try to keep this in mind.

This isn't my real concern though. My question is, what "mix" are they looking for? You can be successful yet boring, exciting yet unreliable, a great lover yet ugly as sin.

At what point does a hot young woman say, "There will always be a wealthier, better looking, younger, or more charismatic guy... but this guy possesses the perfect mixture of all these things."

Your friend, the 6'4" rich, handsome guy...
"Drives her around in a six figure sports car, buys her designer clothes, takes her out to nice dinners...".
He might have had game, but he doesn't anymore, at least not with this chick.

I think I should've been more clear here. I have seen him fuk a variety of women, ranging in age and quality, without ever spending a dime or even leaving his house. That's what I meant when I said his game was solid.

This girl he's with now is probably the hottest I've seen him with, though it's close. But he loves that she is so much younger than him.

Yet, I think he's experiencing the same fears that I am, amplified (since he's a little older than me). It's throwing off his game with this girl. He probably subconsciously feels that money/lifestyle is the only way he can keep her interest due to deficiencies in other areas - where someone closer to her age, status, and energy level could likely fulfill her better.

I think the problem here, and why her behavior concerns me, is evident. Are we truly just deluding ourselves when we say that we (at 30+) can not only fuk, but truly dominate, a hot young girl?* Or is it delusional to say that someone of any age could dominate her?

*From the above examples, please exclude girls with severe personality disorders, drug addiction, etc. Also exclude (for the guys) mega-rich Christian Grey types.

Should I really continue to run the same C&F+aloof game I had at 25?
Whatever works, who cares. In the end, it's what they want from you and the never ending challenge if they can have it, keep it will be what keeps her interest.

I think that "whatever works" is too simplistic of an answer. The second half of my question there is important. What "works" to get you a quick lay may not work to establish a relationship where you can (to some extent) train a narcissistic young 9 to be yours.

Also, choose wisely. If you get some young chick that lured you by her great looks, sex appeal and wild nature ... well, the rest is obvious.

Eh, it is.

"Bad girls ain't no good, and the good girls ain't no fun."

 

[donking]

I find the best defense in this case is to look young. I'm 32 now and I just went to Vegas and got carded. I would not look out of place with a 22-24 yo.

Still, even "older girls" in the later 20s require a lot of effort. My curr girl is 28 and I still have to train her to behave properly.

 

[SteR]

Well all I can say is when I was in my early to mid-twenties, it seems all the stunners were dating older guys. I'll be damned if I'm in my early thirties and I start saying the younger guys have it easier.

I keep hearing if a man gets his things in order then his 30s are his prime. I think all you can do is just make sure you're trying to be the best you can be. If she walks, she walks. At least you'll be in top condition to find another one...

I am curious to hear from more of the older gents though.

 

[Colossus]

You need to understand that younger girls are flakes and cannot be relied upon. You CANNOT take them too seriously, no matter how much they pine for you and say you are the biggest stud on earth, or you will lose your sanity.

Young women (we'll say 18-23 for your age), are charming, sexy as can be, nubile, usually have low mileage, and can be a lot of fun. But, they also dont know what the fvck they are talking about half the time and cant reason their way out of a wet paper bag.

Young women are looking for these things, in no particular order:

Fun (c0ck is included here)
Attention/validation (Attention reinforces their primary asset--beauty. They also need to be told they are smart and responsible and people take them seriously [big lolz, btw])
Resources (money to facilitate fun and comfort, because they generally aren't yet capable of producing their own resources)

Think about these and you will see why they are attracted to older guys.

By all means have fun with them and enjoy their youthful charms, but I am telling you in all seriousness, do NOT take them seriously until they are at LEAST 25-26. And even then, with caution. This mindset will fix any of your game anxiety issues. Remember, you are already ahead of them in the game of life. You are smarter, wealthier, stronger, wiser, and generally just a more awesome person. All they have is looks and charms.

 

[Solomon]

49au I always respected your game you're one of the few guys here who shows and proves.

Can't wait to get to your level mate

Respect

(NO **** RIDING)

 

[49au]

Thanks, Solomon. I do think I've had moments of clarity and added value to the forum but it seems to me that I'm often lost and looking to the Manosphere for guidance.

There will always be stupid "should I wait 30 minutes to text her back" threads, but I get so much value from this place. There are posts/threads on here that have helped me build a foundation.

My dad is a very kind man, but a complete beta when it comes to women. He taught me things like "be sensitive", "fight for her attention", etc. Without this forum (and brilliant bloggers like Roissy, Roosh, Rollo [sensing a pattern here?]) I probably would've been stuck knowing something was wrong with my approach to women, but not knowing specifically what it was.

 

[Solomon]

Thanks, Solomon. I do think I've had moments of clarity and added value to the forum but it seems to me that I'm often lost and looking to the Manosphere for guidance.

There will always be stupid "should I wait 30 minutes to text her back" threads, but I get so much value from this place. There are posts/threads on here that have helped me build a foundation.

My dad is a very kind man, but a complete beta when it comes to women. He taught me things like "be sensitive", "fight for her attention", etc. Without this forum (and brilliant bloggers like Roissy, Roosh, Rollo [sensing a pattern here?]) I probably would've been stuck knowing something was wrong with my approach to women, but not knowing specifically what it was.

I've seen the women you have dealt with (back when you posted pics) trust me mate you're doing better then 80% of the forum.

All i know Is when I deal with "9's" (No such thing as 10's in my book) I turn into back into a AFC because i start romanticising them in my head and they can smell it.

Whatever happend to that one doctor lady you were dealing with? did you call it off?

 

[49au]

By all means have fun with them and enjoy their youthful charms, but I am telling you in all seriousness, do NOT take them seriously until they are at LEAST 25-26. And even then, with caution. This mindset will fix any of your game anxiety issues. Remember, you are already ahead of them in the game of life. You are smarter, wealthier, stronger, wiser, and generally just a more awesome person. All they have is looks and charms.

Great thoughts. The last part, I just smiled.

A few years ago I moved to south FL, and met a lot of party girls.

I've watched some of these girls, and the exes, FBs, and plates of both myself and my friends, over these last few years.

Seeing it for myself - the process of these formerly smoking hot pieces of azz aging (some more rapidly than others) and falling from their pedestals - drove it home in a powerful way. Looks will fade, they will lose their power.

These girls I've observed include plenty of top tier.

Very few of them got engaged or married, and now they're high mileage with declining SMV.

I've been working on internalizing this to the point where I can treat really hot girls the same as anyone else, basically seeing further into the future with her and realizing she may drive me wild now, but in 3 years she'll be maybe 70% as hot, and I'll be chasing after someone younger.

 

[49au]

I have gotten back together with her not once but twice since I first came here whining about her.

Both times I cheated on her with multiple girls. It just didn't feel the same to me.

Currently she's not one of my plates, but as long as I stay NC she always seems to pop up every few months and I sleep with her for some period of time.

Anyway, this last time it ended because I went to a strip club one night with friends, and there was this hot Colombian stripper. I got some dances from her, and while she was grinding on me she started licking my ear and biting my neck really hard. I just went with it, she was really hot.

So I get home and see that I have multiple bruises on my neck. The next morning, she's calling me because she's supposed to come to my place.

I had to tell her about the bruises. She said she didn't believe the story, thought it was another girl, and told me it was over.

I said ok, and genuinely felt bad about hurting her, though it was a hilarious situation. I didn't contact her.

Next day, here come the text messages about how I don't care? How can I not care? Why am I not fighting for her?

Exhausting.

 

[49au]

Mauser96,

I do think it's easy to game and fuk hot younger girls. What I am trying to think about is dating one consistently and with some relative stability. I understand that these girls are going to be flaky, but I don't want a girlfriend my age or just a couple years younger. At this point in life I am interested in an LTR with potential for marriage, solely because I want to have kids. The age range I need to be looking at for that is early 20s, mid 20s at most.

 

[Jitterbug]

If you want a young girl who's commitment-minded, you need to look outside of the Anglosphere / Western countries, and probably should live outside of it too.

 

[49au]

And why rule out a nice 28 or 29 year old?

I have reached the point where I know I want to have kids within the next few years. 28/29 is too old to allow for a period of dating, engagement, marriage, honeymoon, and multiple pregnancies.

In short, I want fresh eggs.

 

[glass half full]

Like said before, be very careful who you pick, and their aspirations in life. I went this route, and ended up being used, and then the story proceeded to get much worse. Make sure her family is well off, that she isn't using you. And that she isn't a people pleaser, or manipulative. Watch who she picks for "friends". Is this going to lead you towards what you really want? I think you get the idea.

 

[zekko]

I'm also beginning to understand what it is that younger women see in an older guy, because I can compare myself at 30 to myself at, say, 27. I feel like my experience, perspective, and value have improved dramatically in just those 3 years.

You say this, and it is a valid point. However, the rest of your post indicates that you do not really believe it.

constantly having to deal with younger guys who just have more energy and thus more appeal.[/B]

I'm 53, and this is something that I've just started to notice this past year. I don't have the energy I used to have, and it's starting to affect my drive and enthusiasm. At age 30 though, that was definitely not an issue.

I tend to agree with Colossus that if you are looking for a mother of your child, 18-23 year olds are not the most reliable. However, Desdinova says women older than this are ruined and damaged, so who can say? When you are looking for a quality woman, you are always going to be looking for the exception to the rule, no matter what age they are.

If you find the right girl, there is a good chance she will serve you well, for a time. I'm afraid I'm too cynical to believe in forever anymore - not when it comes to women. They are too prone to being swept away by the winds of change, to go where the wind blows.

 

[tryst type]

Younger chicks are trouble. Like previously mentioned they're in it solely for fun and especially go for older guys who have their own place, good income. This is partially due to being the center of attention from their friends. Bragging rights as they date younger guys who still live at home and work at mcdonalds.

In the long run they rarely commit to older men, they have their kicks and move on. Think social media, they have a.d.d. and will latch on to the next thing that makes them look good to others via pictures, statuses, etc.

If you're truly looking to be serious with a younger girl I advise finding one who's lived a fast life, maybe been married and divorced or just had multiple really bad relationships and has pushed her mind to mature to something more stable. She'll be far less interested in the glitz and glamor and wanting something more real and less about impressing others.

Also, being anxious around them isn't going to help. If anything reframe it that all young chicks are anxious around you because you're such a catch. Heck assume it till it becomes real.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

some say that time is a man's best ally but it is a woman's worst enemy, but I would say that the guys who are successful at pulling chicks left and right in their late teens to early 20's have it the easiest because when guys are in that age range they can sort of get away with being irresponsible, lazy, still be living at home or be unemployed, depends mostly on their parents at those age, have more freedom and less responsibility, but once guys get their act together like you say in their 30's, don't get me wrong that will still make it much significantly easier for guys to get laid, attract women, it's just that they will be attracting women in a different way then the way guys attracted women when they were in their late teens early 20's, because once you get your life together, you have less freedom and much more responsibility and they say it is harder to meet people because you're not in school anymore at that age, but overall to stilll sum it up, I guess we should feel very lucky to be born male because of this

 

[49au]

Great points everyone.

Seeing a theme about these young hot women "using" older men.

I believe one thing to keep in mind here is that we can actually be worse than they are in this area.

Honestly, I have coldly discarded a lot of women after just a few or even one fuk. I'd say that many here are the same. Usually these are women I had to take the time to figure out and seduce, girls who had their guards up with me. They're left emotionally vulnerable and wondering why they aren't good enough; I've already got another girl in my bed.

The girl that Solomon asked me about previously, she had me by the balls for a while.Back in the day, I would get turned on just thinking about her. As time went on though, I lost that. She still turned me on, but it wasn't overpowering like before. I was done with any notion of wanting to be with her long term... I felt I had used up everything she had to offer me. A girl I once wanted to marry (few years ago), I perceived as "too old" when she recently pushed me about the issue.

I think it's just a part of the cycle, and we project a lot of our own tendences desire onto women, sometimes to a fault.

I'm not saying that the "women use men" point is invalid; they certainly do. But aren't we using them too? I certainly am.

My expectations may be different than some here. Speaking honestly, I am disgusted by the idea of the white picket fence and a life long marriage. I'm basically looking for some Grade A genetics to combine with my own, to give my children every possible advantage in life. Kind of the sexy sons theory of evo psychology, but in reverse.

I am not opposed to marriage in that limited context.

I hold no illusions that such a relationship can - or should - last more than a few years. As long as I can get that out of her, I'm satisfied. So my thoughts in this thread are toward that direction. I'm just trying to figure out the dynamics of getting a prize girl under control to the point where despite her remaining flaky, vapid, insecure, etc. she does not cross the line into physical cheating. I can deal with all kinds of stupid behavior: sh!t tests, beta orbiters, etc.

I'm not looking for her to be my best friend either - how could a younger woman who hasn't been through or accomplished a fraction of what I have, really relate to me? And how could I truly relate to a completely different creature?

This may not be everyone's cup of tea - some may want a more substantial emotional connection, or even a lifelong marriage. To each their own.

Frankly speaking though, if I married a beautiful 25yo when (for example) I'm 35, if she decides at 35 to divorce me and go be "free", I say... don't let the door hit you on the way out. I'd rather be a successful, experienced, healthy 50yo man than a divorced 35yo woman with kids.

 

[potato]

You’d be surprised the numbers of young women who will readily date older men. In my twenties I was dating women five years younger and in my forties I was dating women twenty years younger. I've never seen much of a difference between wooing a woman twenty years younger than wooing one my own age.

There was one. When we met she was 23 and I was 46. She seemed to get a kick out of being half my age. As I've gotten into my fifties; women in their twenties seem too young, too much like girls. Nonetheless, I do find myself, from time to time, flirting with young women, some as young as 18 or so.