Dealing with annoying lesbian at work

[B80]

Hi all,

So a few months ago a woman joined my team. She used to work in this department a few years ago, so knows half the people and how to do the job.

In the main she's OK, bit she's overly assertive, I'd say aggressive at times. She's a clear lesbian, has short hair, shaced back and sides. She's been married for a few years and even said in passing, she wants to be treated as one of the 'boys'.

Anyway, she has a habit of butting in during meetings, thinking people need some of of assistance when they don't. Also regularly doesn't listen to people properly and interprets things tge wrong way before trying to 'correct' them or me. I let it go a couple of times, then this week when she tried being sarcastic with me again, basically pointing out something I said was stupid, I laughed and said something like if you listened properly, you'd know what I actually said was xyz. She backed down and was apologetic.

Last week she was talking about super hero films and asked if I'd seen one. I politely said I'm not into them, hardly watched any. She went 'gosh, no wonder you're divorced, I used to think you were a good man', lol. Jusmiments before that she started getting noticeably wound up that I wouldn't show her exactly where I lived on Google maps, after it turned out I live near where she used to years ago haha.she must have took offense to that, like I didn't trust her, but was a pretty bizarre situation.I laughed it off, as caught me off guard. Think part of it is humour/banter on her part, tryinh to be one of the lads, but still thought what a thing to say to someone you barely know! Thought wonder how she'd react if I made a comment about her being a lesbian as no man would want her...

She recently told me she's been dealing with mental issues due to lockdown and going by other things she's mentioned, that means anxiety/depression. Due to her being as she is generally and her demeanour, I had already concluded she has issues going on...

I think there's an element of her trying to establish herself in the team hierarchy, coupled with wanting to be seen as man she overcompensates by being overly aggressive.

I'm the main she's OK to chat to, we get a fair bit of down time do talk amongst ourselves on zoom bridges.

She's also complimented me a few times as she's into weight lifting too, says I'm I'm great shape, must do ok with women etc.

Feels like she may be sh1t testing in a weird way, as despite being lesbian and wanting to be more masculine than feminine, she will still have female bio after all. Seeing what I'm made of, will I set boundaries with her.

So I'm interested in how people would deal with this. Aware treading carefully, as although she wants to be seen as one of the men, if I was too assertive with her or 'joked' back in the manner she likes to and she took it the wrong way, I'd be tge one in trouble as she's in a protected group and no doubt mega Corp hr would take her side.

It's annoying as prior to her joining we all got on OK, did tge work, had a laugh, but she's disrupted that. A bit of nuisance/annoyance I'd rather not be around if I'm honest.

Cheers

 

[HaleyBaron]

Already know those types. Ignore her. Stop taking her seriously. And stop conversating with her as if she is an equal. She is a woman roleplaying as a man. Remind her she is still a woman in the end. Take no ****. Don't let your balls shrivel up from a little conflict. You're giving her too much space to be a *****.

 

[Bible_Belt]

A lot of lesbians are very emotionally damaged people, truthfully past abuse from men is common, and I think has to do with their sexual orientation. There are true lesbians, who never will have a sexual thought about a man, but a lot of them drift in and out of the lifestyle. That is something the gay people really hate admitting, because they have always maintained that being gay isn't a choice. The more complex answer is that for some people it is. And that's ok in my mind. Maybe five years from now, this woman will have met the man of her dreams and then seem like a completely different person. She probably has a slight crush on you right now honestly. But forget I said that and never act on it, lest you get fired.

 

[jimwho]

That is something the gay people really hate admitting, because they have always maintained that being gay isn't a choice. The more complex answer is that for some people it is. And that's ok in my mind.

I knew a Mountain bike racer acquaintance. He was a serious competitor that I couldn't catch (on a bike). Normalish kind of guy, A little quiet. Fast forward 7-or-8 years I see him at the (N.Hollywood) Trubadore. A Rock & Role nightclub. He's there with friends Nancing around, limp wrist, totally flaming. To get to the Privy I had to walk past him. We recognize each other with normal how's it goings etc. He backed off his gay dial 3/4 turn while talking to me. Some of the fluttering is clearly a conscious act.

 

[B80]

Cheers chaps. Yeah, I did notice through her actions and what she says about various that she's a bit unstable. She's mentioned about hating her dad, grew up with step brother, so wonder if something happened to her during her child hood. She also said she was really unpopular as a kid, so imagine she had an interesting time during her formative years, which shaped her choices.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Cheers chaps. Yeah, I did notice through her actions and what she says about various that she's a bit unstable. She's mentioned about hating her dad, grew up with step brother, so wonder if something happened to her during her child hood. She also said she was really unpopular as a kid, so imagine she had an interesting time during her formative years, which shaped her choices.

Stay away from women with mental health issues. They are dangerous. You can’t escape her completely because she’s a coworker, so limit your interactions to work-related matters. Do not give her any personal information about yourself.

 

[dustmuffin]

Challenge her to an arm wrestle. : )

 

[B80]

I'm hoping she leaves when contract ends in a month or 2. We're so thin on the ground, but shes demanding a 20k increase and apparently will walk if she doesn;t get it...

Today she was trying to get people to heat her lunch in the microwave, then was accusing me of updating a spreadsheet. Adamant I had updated some fields even when I told her twice I hadn;t. Also slagging off a colleague who wasn;t in the office, basically accusing him of doing exactly what she does - projecting.

Real piece of work, just tiring tbh. Much better vibe in the team before she arrived.

 

[B80]

She successfully applied for an external job, so will be leaving next month.

She soon after told me she was sexually abused by her step brother when growing up...

 

[B80]

Result.

Remember: you are the master of what you don't say. A wry smile and silence.



1. All "gays" will have a history of abuse or trauma or mental illness or substance abuse.

2. that she told a work mate that speaks volumes.

3. She needs a medical professional or euthenasia

Yes, when she told me she applied for the role and had an interview a week or so back I encouraged her telling her its a great company, good opportunity, suits her skillset/attributes etc. She started slagging off the current place and I sort of agreed trying to further cement it would be good move for her. Thought best way of getting her out of my life would be if she moved on without any bad feelings.

Somehow topic around women having harder time in life came up, she said most women she knows have been sexually abused by men at some point. Wonder if thats mainly lesbian friends...

***just recalled it came up after she announced they found the man whio raped a woman in the sea near us recently.