Dealing with an older highly defensive woman and breaking the coldness "pattern"

[No1]

Guys

There is this girl at church that I know for a couple of months now. She is in her early thirties but she is very HOT and young looking. I am currently at my late twenties( only a couple of years difference). When we first met we had some really good conversations always smilling and looking at me from a distance.

Things in the beginning where ok but after I started to make some efforts to get to know her better she started giving me some **** tests(not callings, not responding to my e-mails etc) and going totaly cold. I know that she was also dating some guys from church but after 1 or 2 dates she would leave them, but they will always stick arround. I didn't even had the chance to date her. She gets asked out allot from other guys....and she "accepts" their invitations.

I was trying to approach her to get to know her as a friend but I felt I was going nowhere so one day I told her that I didn't understand what her problem was and that the 2 of us could spend some nice time together. She responded back that she didn't have any "feelings" about me and that she just wanted to be friends.

After that I went totally cold on her for a couple of months and I could see her getting VERY jealous when I was talking to some other girls at church. Ignoring her was the ONLY game I was willing to play on her. Finally I tried to approach her again and she seemed very happy to start talking to me again.

Unfortuently, I see the same pattern forming again and whenver I am starting seeing that I am RUNNING away to stay away as far as possible from her. Right now for the last couple of months I haven't seen her due to the Summer recession but I know on September she will approach me again all "happy" to see me again....Here we go again....

I know that she will go back to her original Pattern but I need to find a way to BREAK it. The question is HOW to do this?

I was thinking the "defensive" approach where when she approaches me I ask her that if she is "snobbing" me she should stay away from me. I know for a fact that this girl REALLY likes me
I am a very secure, mature and handsome guy and all of the girls I have dated before REALLY liked me but they where too easy to pursue. This girl can also have whoever she want's.

I have to find a way to bring her castle down...one way or the other. I beleive for once in her life she has met her "equal"......

I talked with a good friend from highschool who is a psychologist now and she said that she avoids me maybe because she knows she can "fall" for me. She dates the other guys because there is no chance they can score on her.

What do the DJ's think?

Thanks

 

[Slickster]

She is the typical HB who has guys crawling over themselves trying to get with her. She has no time for these guys. Maybe for some attention but that's about it.

What she really wants is the guy she can't have.

Its really simple - be that guy.

Your ignoring routine works right? But it doesn't really get you anywhere. You sound like you've been trying too hard to pursue this gal. You sound even a bit obsessed in your post.

She KNOWS you want her and that is why she is shutting you down. She can smell it in every conversation you have with her.

It might be hard but forget about the possibility of having her. When you talk to her imagine that she is ugly and could never have a chance with you. She's just another chick. Which is true anyway. Treat her that way and all the sudden you become different than all the others.

It sounds like you just have to shake up her idea of you.

 

[No1]

You are almost correct. I have showed her some interest but not as much as you think. I never call her, she never calls me. I e-mail her maybe once every 3-4 months. Otherwise I see her at church. Allot of times I thought she was just snobbing me or playing with me and I was willing not to pursue her. However she was always comming back to me after some time of no contact to see how I was doing. I also acted diffrently that the other guys when I asked her what was her problem with her hot-cold deal. At first she wouldn't look me in the eyes for some time but after that she would approach me all smilling and calling my name. Also allot of times she would ask me about personal things that I tell my aunt who tells her mother(they are good friends). She seems she is having her mother ask my aunt about me. I never told her this information because I wanted her to ask me directly.

I feel like a fisherman who is trying to catch a fish and the same fish comes over and over again but doesn't catch the bait. I need to find the right bait for her.

I hope she gets married or something and let me in peace

She is TOO much for me and trying to think her logically doesn't make sense to me.

 

[WaterTiger]

Okay, here's MY take on the situation.

First of all, she's a "Church Girl", with all the moral hoop-la that goes with it.

Her MOM is relaying info from YOUR Aunt??? HOLY CRAP! What's she saying??? "Oh you know No1! He's always dating girls, this one and that one! But he won't settle down!" And then HER mom tells her what a Player you are. Your girl thinks...

Player (lying, cheating dog) + Church Girl (responsible Christian) = TRAIN WRECK

My advice would be to play a sneak trick. Tell the girl that you want to buy a small gift for your Aunt...and you need a woman's opinion. Then you have an excuse to spend time with her, show her that you aren't the player that rumor has made you out to be.

(You can take it from here, right?)

 

[No1]

Originally posted by WaterTiger
Okay, here's MY take on the situation.

First of all, she's a "Church Girl", with all the moral hoop-la that goes with it.

Her MOM is relaying info from YOUR Aunt??? HOLY CRAP! What's she saying??? "Oh you know No1! He's always dating girls, this one and that one! But he won't settle down!" And then HER mom tells her what a Player you are. Your girl thinks...

Player (lying, cheating dog) + Church Girl (responsible Christian) = TRAIN WRECK

My advice would be to play a sneak trick. Tell the girl that you want to buy a small gift for your Aunt...and you need a woman's opinion. Then you have an excuse to spend time with her, show her that you aren't the player that rumor has made you out to be.

(You can take it from here, right?)

I don't tell my aunt sh!t....Only my very close friends and cousins know about my private life. If that girl want's to find out about me why doesn't she ask me????

She is a "little bit" of mama's girl.

 

[WaterTiger]

Why doesn't she just grab her balls and come ask you what's up? Because then she'd be a GUY!

Women do things differently. We want to find out ALL about our next potential victim...er...boyfriend BEFORE we make a move. If she came and asked YOU, it would let you know she's into you. Then if you turn out to be a drooling idiot...she's stuck with the messy LJBF speech.

If she can find out all this before hand she can know for sure whether or not she actually wants to give you a chance. If she's interested in you, you can rest assured that she's asking everyone from the kid who lights the candles to God Almighty about what you're like.

(Just a little warning...your Aunt probably knows more about you than you think she does! Your cousins let stuff slip. Bank on it!)

 

[No1]

Originally posted by WaterTiger
Why doesn't she just grab her balls and come ask you what's up? Because then she'd be a GUY!

Women do things differently. We want to find out ALL about our next potential victim...er...boyfriend BEFORE we make a move. If she came and asked YOU, it would let you know she's into you. Then if you turn out to be a drooling idiot...she's stuck with the messy LJBF speech.

If she can find out all this before hand she can know for sure whether or not she actually wants to give you a chance. If she's interested in you, you can rest assured that she's asking everyone from the kid who lights the candles to God Almighty about what you're like.

(Just a little warning...your Aunt probably knows more about you than you think she does! Your cousins let stuff slip. Bank on it!)

My grandmother years ago had told me "Do not make bets with women for anything because you will always loose". And she was right. In this case this girl is acting as:

1. A very shy person when she is dealing with me because she likes me but on the same time maybe she is very hesitant to date a "younger" guy. On the same time she is the kind of person who dosn't seem to trust guys very easily.

or

2. A heartless "attention b!tch" who wonders why I am not approaching her like her other "guy friends" and needs to reaffirm herself that she still has the looks to keep the younger guys on her tail.

Which of the 2 is she????

At times she will complain to me that I don't even look at her...and the thing I have told her is the following: If you give me an inch, I will give you a mile. But if you take an inch from me you will lose a mile.

I am not treating her differently that of what she is treating me. When she is treating me nice I treat her nice. If she is THIS upredictable I am even more.

I don't think this is my problem but her's. She is the one to tell me that she needs.

BTW Since when women make moves? And if they make WHAT kind of moves.

 

[Tao of Steve]

the doctor has a prescription for you:

next her.

You have already developed one-itus for her, and if you continue, it will get worst. You have never even went out with her even once, yet you have spent months thinking about her, and are planning ahead months in advance when you see her again. she LJBF'd you right away. these are sure signs of 1-itus.

You should be out talking to dozens of girls, getting 3,4,5, 6 numbers a week. just the fact that you are mulling over in your head possible scenarios about a girl like this shows that you are not out dj'ing and meeting girls.

when you have few prospects, you sweat over and spend hours thinking about one girl. if you had 8 #'s in your pocket, and were activley talking to 4-5 girls, and had 2-3 showing high intrest level in you, you would have forgot about her.


dont pay another thought to her.

go out and talk to many girls.


she has power over you as it stands now.

 

[WaterTiger]

Dr. Tao of Steve has a splendid point.
You haven't even asked this chick out yet. ASK HER! You don't have many shopping days left 'till Christmas!

*If she refuses, then dump her totally.

*If she agrees then you'll soon find out if she's just shy or is an attention ho'.

Women "make a move" by saying HELLO. We see a cute guy and instantly tap into our Girlfriend Network about who he is, and if he's available. When she comes over and greets you...she's interested. What you don't see is the flashing neon sign over our heads that says:

I said Hello!
Ask me out already!

 

[gentleman193]

"I said Hello. Ask me out already."

That is the f-cking most retarded thing I ever heard. By that measure there are about 8 thousand women who wanted me.

I just went out to 7-11 about two hours ago (~2am) and met two women at various points along the street who said hi. I don't think they wanted a strange guy asking for their number in the middle of the f-cking night.

Remember, you like the 3 stooges, too. This does not make you a reliable source of female insight, wt.

 

[WaterTiger]

Originally posted by gentleman193
... By that measure there are about 8 thousand women who wanted me.

I just went out to 7-11 about two hours ago (~2am) and met two women at various points along the street who said hi. I don't think they wanted a strange guy asking for their number in the middle of the f-cking night.

So you bought your beer & chips and went home alone. If it's 2 in the morning, and she says "Hi!" she's looking for something!

If she didn't want you to notice her, she'd put her head down and ignore you. ESPECIALLY at 2 am.

But this is only my opinion, others may differ.

 

[No1]

Originally posted by WaterTiger
Dr. Tao of Steve has a splendid point.
You haven't even asked this chick out yet. ASK HER! You don't have many shopping days left 'till Christmas!

*If she refuses, then dump her totally.

*If she agrees then you'll soon find out if she's just shy or is an attention ho'.

Women "make a move" by saying HELLO. We see a cute guy and instantly tap into our Girlfriend Network about who he is, and if he's available. When she comes over and greets you...she's interested. What you don't see is the flashing neon sign over our heads that says:

I said Hello!
Ask me out already!

WaterTiger

I like your points of view. However, I posted the same question in the forum of Seducingwomen101 and "Chick" responded back that this girl isn't interested at all. My point here is the following. If a girl is 32 years old and she hasn't dated anybody seriously for the last 6-7 years you know that something is wrong. I always was dealing with her in a very nice manner, I was most of the times polite, honest I never gave her more of what she was giving me. This meaning that I was always treating her as an equal and I was mirroring her actions. If she was nice to me I was nice back at her. If she was cold I was cold also.

Or maybe I should have layed down my coat for her to cross the mud..spot like most of the stuck up guys would have done. This is NOT me.

It is going to be her loss and NOT mine. Unfortuently I can't help her to solve her own problem. She has to help herself. That girl is TOO attached with her mother. It is very difficult for me to appoach her when her mother is around.

Unfortuently, she is in a life period right now where the guys her age or older are looking for "younger" than her girls for a family. She is looking to settle down.