Dealing with an Adult Bully?

[bigjohnson]

Judo is more for sport than self-defense.

You could take weapons training that includes weapon retention training. But anything that improves your physique is likely to improve confidence.

 

[Interceptor]

Guys, you may think my language is a bit harsh.(This is not aimed at any ONE individual in particular) And believe me, really m trust me on this...I apologize for my candidness beforehand. I am not trying to hurt anyone's feelings...I'm trying to help you all be Men.


But think of me as your big brother OK?, a guy who has been there, done that and wants to give you advice.


Stop being a little pvssy.

You're going to meet the wrong guy, he'lll realize you're a *****, and he will fvck you up.
And it will be easy for him...
Because, well.... you're a pvssy....who can't fight.
And instead, takes advice from people who have never been in life or death, or even physical confrontations where they HAD to bash another guy's face in.

You may find yourself in one situation. And you will quickly realize "Goddamn. That guy totally kicked my a$$. I wish I could've learned how to fight. Now I feel stupid, and I'm fvcking embarassed for never taken this into consideration."

Don't be pvssies.

I'm sorry, guys...but pretending, or running away, or ignoring, or trying to "make a plan" on what to do is totally...pvssy behavior.

Read this list (I know some of you may laugh, but that only means you are NOT getting the POINT I'm trying to get across here)

A Masculine Man, and especially an Alpha Male (whom excels at these traits) is the following:

Lover

Provider

Hunter

Warrior


Why would any real man think about not learning how to fight? Not thinking Self Defense is "necessary enough"?
Training for a worst case scenario is IN YOUR BEST INTEREST, Gentlemen.
You fight, only because you have been given NO OTHER CHOICE.
And please, don't try to use the "law" as an excuse to not learn how to reallly defend yourself (the overwhelming majority of RBSD systems include a comprehensive explanation of how the law/s work in regards to countless scenarios) , or think that the Police wil be there with you every step of the way and rescue you.

God help you when/if you find yourself in a "now way out" situation, with your back to the wall, and you don't even know how to make a fist.
God help you then...
"cause you know NO ONE will come to rescue you.

Are you guys understanding the underlying message I'm trying to give you?
This is going to get you really deep, deep inside your subconscious...if you're reacting to this...that means you've got to get this situation under control.
Look again at those Masculine traits I wrote.
Which one are you missing??
Think about what I'm saying here.
It's not all just about "fighting", or dealing with a "bully".

THere's much more at stake here, guys.

 

[SamePendo]

Ideas please!

Add: Pull down his jeans/pants. Grab his butt. Mess up his hair. Slap his cheeks lightly. Mess up his shirt, wedgie. Especially do these when he's talking to a woman!

 

[Doggystyle]

doesn't matter how big anyone is, kick em in the balls and there going down!

 

[Reyaj]

ok well I see I have mixed responses from everyone which actually just leaves me as ambivalent as I was when I wrote this post.

Some things people have suggested:

1.) Fight only if you have to
2.) **** him up at all costs
3.) Take self defense classes
4.) Don't fight at all


Now my opinion is that yes fighting should be a last resort. The thing is that this guy that I'm dealing with is much more physically built than I am. I used to be good friends with him and I've actually seen him fight a few times in person, and both times he bloodied the people he fought against and even knocked one of them out.

He is like 6 foot 3, benches nearly 400 pounds and is physically fit. He was a star wrestler in high school. Other than the wrestling he has no other formalized fighting skills ie: boxing or any other martial art. But his size, strength and wrestling skills have been enough so far to get him passed anyone he is faced. He has never lost a fight and believes he can beat anyone.

So yeah the truth is I'm just as mad at him as he is at me. He owed me some money and decided not to pay me so his girlfriend basically convinced him not to pay me etc.. and to spend it on her instead and the dumb moron listened to her. So I basically called the girl a gold digging ***** and thats when it got ugly....

So last week he basically texted me and said that if he sees me I'm going to get hurt. I just ignored this of course....

He is a little bit of a mental case and has anger issues.

So the point is I'm physically out matched against this guy. But yeah if I get pushed or something like I said my instinct might take over and fight.

Now is it worth it for me to start fighting and get beat down or is it smarter to just take the push and try to walk away and maybe have my health in tact?

I am going to take some self defense classes... but like I said with this guy being such a beast I don't know how much it can really help me......

 

[Nighthawk]

Show the text to the police and tell him you've done so. Even if you end up fighting the guy (which you must if it comes down to it), this will clear you of any potential legal issues.

I'm generally in the fight-your-own battles and don't expect the police to help camp, but in this situation you have clear evidence of intent to commit a crime and you should use his dumb mistake against him. What exactly did he say?

 

[bigjohnson]

God help you when/if you find yourself in a "now way out" situation, with your back to the wall, and you don't even know how to make a fist.

God help you if you're in that place and all you have is a fist, big fella. Fighting is for sports and kids. If you have to defend yourself it's about killing and that's not something to do for fun or to undertake lightly.

For Jayer:

You really need better friends, or maybe to improve yourself and then get better friends. Your "peer group" sounds like a bunch of losers and morons.

 

[john_1234]

Ok so there is this guy I have beef with over a girl who basically has told people that if he sees me somewhere he is going to kick my ass.

This guy is a lot bigger and stronger than me and I really dont want to fight if I dont have to. If he tries to talk **** to me to get me to fight I am adult enough to ignore it but my question is this as 1 example.

He hangs around the same basketball court I do, so what if he sees me there and starts fouling me real hard during a game. Should I just not even play a game if he's playing? If he starts fouling me should I just leave and walk away?

What if I see this guy somewhere else and he just bumps into me really hard or pushes me?


I dont let anyone disrepect me like that but I know that by fighting it is just going to cause a bigger mess. I dont want to get in trouble with the law or anything let alone beat down.

Does a push or a bump equal assault? See if I were to fight back I know I couldnt grapple or wrestle close with this guy because he is a huge. Benches something like 400 lbs. My chance would be to land a quick punch.

The question is should I do it? How would you all handle the situation?

I don't know how old you are, but I'm sure you're out of high school since you refer to this dude as an "adult bully." It's a simple solution: keep your distance from him. You know where he hangs out. Don't go there. If you were in high school you'd have no choice. But you're an adult and you choose where to hang out.

 

[Reyaj]

John thats kind of what I've been doing.... but it bothers me!

Why should I have to change my life because of him???? Its not fair

 

[PeterNorthisawesome]

Has this helped you? I have a problem with assertiveness and always worry about the possibility of getting in an aggressive situation and panicking.

I want to take Judo, but I have heard mixed things about it. E.G. Judo is more for sport than self-defense.

Judo is pretty good for self-defense, a better martial art would be Ju-Jistu or Aikido. You can always get yourself a gun, if sh't hits the fan.

 

[PeterNorthisawesome]

John thats kind of what I've been doing.... but it bothers me!

Why should I have to change my life because of him???? Its not fair

Stop being a b itch please... I bet you actually enjoying playing the victim.

 

[Reyaj]

no its true though I don't care. I'm going to go where I want to go. If he's there well we'll just see what happens.

 

[bigjohnson]

I cannot imagine avoiding people and places because some guy threatens to kick my ass. What kind of advice is that?

I cannot imagine going to places and routinely interacting with people who tolerate that sort of activity. I would avoid both like the plague. That is good advice.

If the threat seems credible and unavoidable (he's really hunting you down) it's time for 911. We claim to live in a civilized society after all.

 

[Reyaj]

Espi this is exactly how I feel.... which is why its bothering me so much.

I know the smart thing is not to engage but my pride definitely is hurt if I let someone push me around. Thats what happend on the basektball court with that kid who was playing dirty. I kept my cool because I knew I was out numbered but I felt like **** afterwards.

 

[john_1234]

What is the difference between high school and adult? The potential for extreme violence is random in both scenarios...high schoolers fight and very occasionally kill each other. Adults do the same. The only difference is a youth gets off easier, for the law does not "try a youth as an adult."

I cannot imagine avoiding people and places because some guy threatens to kick my ass. What kind of advice is that?

I feel it's advice for mature people who are self-reliant and don't feel the need to prove themselves to others.

In high school, you're on lock-down from morning to noon. spots to hang out are limited. you're bound, I mean surely going to run into the dumbasses you have tension w/. You'd have to deal with it because you have no choice. Outside of high school on the other hand, you're not on lock-down. spots to hang out are in abundance, pretty much unlimited depending on location. Out of the hundreds of possible locations to hang out, I personally think it's an unwise decision to hang out w/ people who hate on you. You have a choice in this matter and if **** hits the fan, blame yourself because you chose to surround yourself w/ dumbasses

This reminds me of Marty from Back to the Future series. In the first episodes, he chose to walk away from negative situations at first... but once Biff uttered, "Chicken" or "Coward," Marty's pride and immaturity got the best of him... and the **** hit the fan. In the final Back to the Future flick, Marty grows and is no longer affected by the haters. Marty's new found maturity and self-reliance becomes evident and he's a better person because of it.

 

[beastmaster79]

are you black?

 

[Nighthawk]

Marty was right to stand up to Biff.

 

[theunflushables]

Yeah martial arts is cool and all but what you need to learn is Irish fighting. If you learn to fight like a hooligan you can't loose. Go straight for the balls, when he doubles over knee the face (extra points if you break his nose), when he hits the ground work his legs over so he can't get up and chase after you. Other than that, I suggest tools.

Fighting dirty means fighting to win. And everybody loves a winner.

 

[Jariel]

If you stick up to him, you'll never have to worry about him pushing you again.

Exactly! Bullies prey on those who give off the victim mentality because they're easy targets. They see they have control, so they abuse it and get off on it. He's the master and you're his b1tch. If you stand up to him, you take away his control and it does nothing for his ego.

Whereas pushing you around, playfully insulting you and roughing you up falls in the bounds of "playful behaviour", beating you up is a serious matter. Most bullies don't want to take it that far because they're cowards and hate confrontation.

 

[Jariel]

My friend has a huge bulldog at home. At one time I used to be afraid of her and she would bark at me, follow me around and growl, and sometimes even back me against the wall. It was my instinct to back off and I was scared of provoking her and making her more mad, so I used to try and hide or run away or ask my friend to lock her up.

Then one day I noticed how my friend spoke to her. He stood tall, stood right upto her and raised his voice. Even in the midst of a barking frenzy, that dog would stop and sit as soon as my friends spoke to her.

Next time I saw her, I did the same thing. Instead of backing away, I took a step towards her, stood tall and told her to sit. She instantly obeyed and sat there looking intimidated by me. Ever since I started doing that, she shows me respect and affection every time I see her.

You will find that bullies aren't so different.