Dealing With A Flake. Should I Re-Engage?

[jamesfromhouston]

Hi fellow DJs!

Recently I met a cute girl during a spur of the moment day approach. This has been one of my few successful cold approaches ever. Since the number exchange, we've gone out several times and had sex. Things were looking bright.

We were meeting almost on a weekly basis. I considered her to be a pretty solid plate at least up to this point.

I say that because although so far I've been the only one initiating the meet-ups; she always replied me very quickly and on days where she was unavailable, she always immediately gave me counter offers instead of rejecting me outright.

I considered her IL to be very high because even during our meets, she was always passionate, touchy and we always escalate sexually. We always have a very good time.

I then went away for work for a week where I did not meet her. Although we have had some light texting/interaction here and there on messages.

Earlier in the week, I tried to ask her out again. Something was different. She took a long time to get back to my messages.

Although originally, she agreed to meet me on the day I proposed. She ended up cancelling a day before with no specific reason offered.

Since we've had sex and I considered her a plate at this point, I didn't take her response harshly. I assumed she was truly busy on that date, so I immediately proposed a different day but again after much delay in her response, she said she can't and vaguely said she had plans with her sister. No counter offer given to me.

I then replied to her "Okay! Hope you girls have a good time!". Left it at that. The biggest irony is since we were texting on iMessage, I could see she left me on unread. The weird thing is she still checks my socials almost religiously. So it's giving me mixed signals.

So now I am feeling very confused and would like to get some opinions:

1) What exactly happened? I am assuming her IL has dropped but things were going so well!
2) I know the general consensus on SS is flake = next but I really like this one. Should I try to shoot an invite again after a few days?
3) Should I wait for an initiation again when every time we have hung out it has always been me initiating rather than her?
3) Has anyone been able to reignite a previously good flake? What was your strategy to make that happen?
4) How would you guys handle this situation?

Would like some wisdom from my brothers.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Go **** a different woman and you won't even care about this bvtch

 

[Learning Curve]

Earlier in the week, I tried to ask her out again. Something was different. She took a long time to get back to my messages.

Sign of her attraction dropping, either to you over-texting when you left for a week, or her speaking to another dude.

Although originally, she agreed to meet me on the day I proposed. She ended up cancelling a day before with no specific reason offered.

Here is where you change all your behaviour and course of action and will explain below.

I assumed she was truly busy on that date, so I immediately proposed a different day but again after much delay in her response, she said she can't and vaguely said she had plans with her sister.

She is avoiding you, you are over-investing.

So it's giving me mixed signals.

Very typical in todays world.

1) What exactly happened? I am assuming her IL has dropped but things were going so well!

Nobody knows what happened, if your game was tight, and you did not over-text then either she found another guy, she got bored, or anything similar, in which you should not care.

2) I know the general consensus on SS is flake = next but I really like this one. Should I try to shoot an invite again after a few days?

No, here is where you completely disappear. You never text her again ever. You arleady tried to set up another date with her having another plans, and her ignoring you.

You are gone, and this is where the power comes back. When you pull-back so hard the point of her realizing that unless she reaches out it's basically over, then she will not respect you anyway.

Pulling back, is the ultimate weapon.

3) Should I wait for an initiation again when every time we have hung out it has always been me initiating rather than her?

I met women like that, and this makes you feel that she is no interested, yet some women are not confident to initiate. This is what i found. But if you do they are all over you.

Since you have been initiating each time, if you ever meet her again considering that she flaked, cancelled and all of the above, you will not initiate on purpose to give her a message, and to see her interest. If nothing happens from her, she does not suggest sex or anything in terms of intimacy the date is over and you are driving her home.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

It’s pretty simple dude you were gone for a week so you lost your turn. The fact that she jumped in bed with you so quickly means she’s willing to jump in bed quickly with any guy that tickles her fancy.

Move along there’s nothing to see here.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

She's looking for fun. You're no longer fun. She found other fun but doesn't like the drama of conflict so she is showing a lack of interest hoping you will get the hint and move on.

 

[Solomon]

I went through something similar early this week(Tuesday) except the chick I hadn't banged yet she flaked on our 2nd date(at mine) stating she was on her period with no -counter offer!
I responded stating "It's ok I understand" she responded "Thank you for understanding" with no counter-offer I called another plate who spent 2 nights from Wed-Fri

If the chick who flakes on me reaches out again wanting to hang out fine-she knows what time it is (Coming to my place)
If she doesn't reach out fine, I have other chicks that I'm working on

Spinning plates really helps to curtail your thirst and allow you to make moves, if you don't have other plates than get some!

 

[Isildur1]

I lost a lot of women when I didn't text back after having sex with them - maybe if I'd invested more through text / after sex they'd still be around - my fault and my laziness didn't keep the relationship going

after sex you want to keep the relationship going - maybe take her out for breakfast the next day to make her feel like its more of a serious thing and that you're not just using her for sex?

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

after sex you want to keep the relationship going - maybe take her out for breakfast the next day to make her feel like its more of a serious thing and that you're not just using her for sex?

It also deals with the slut shame, I’ve found it to be a good approach.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

I see the general consensus here seems to be. Spin plates & move on which I totally get (flake = low or no IL = therefore next) but do you guys think by adhering to this hard fast rule we sometime miss out by not being more proactive?

 

[Gamisch]

Sign of her attraction dropping, either to you over-texting when you left for a week, or her speaking to another dude.



Here is where you change all your behaviour and course of action and will explain below.



She is avoiding you, you are over-investing.



Very typical in todays world.



Nobody knows what happened, if your game was tight, and you did not over-text then either she found another guy, she got bored, or anything similar, in which you should not care.



No, here is where you completely disappear. You never text her again ever. You arleady tried to set up another date with her having another plans, and her ignoring you.

You are gone, and this is where the power comes back. When you pull-back so hard the point of her realizing that unless she reaches out it's basically over, then she will not respect you anyway.

Pulling back, is the ultimate weapon.



I met women like that, and this makes you feel that she is no interested, yet some women are not confident to initiate. This is what i found. But if you do they are all over you.

Since you have been initiating each time, if you ever meet her again considering that she flaked, cancelled and all of the above, you will not initiate on purpose to give her a message, and to see her interest. If nothing happens from her, she does not suggest sex or anything in terms of intimacy the date is over and you are driving her home.

This 100%.

Take he L and move on. If you hit it right she'll be back. Just don't hold your breath while waiting on it.


If anything, use This situation as leverage to get new women. You either get better due to confidence or worse due to insecurities.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

do you guys think by adhering to this hard fast rule we sometime miss out by not being more proactive?

If you allow someone to disrespect you without consequences, you're deliberately allowing the development of a negative pattern.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

I see the general consensus here seems to be. Spin plates & move on which I totally get (flake = low or no IL = therefore next) but do you guys think by adhering to this hard fast rule we sometime miss out by not being more proactive?

Well based on your anecdotes you are a chick magnet so that should be an issue…right?

 

[Gamisch]

1. It was worth the pain
2. She ain't worth shyte so it's no big loss

Pick your poison.

If you go for 1 just cherish the sweet memories and move the F on.

 

[Solomon]

I see the general consensus here seems to be. Spin plates & move on which I totally get (flake = low or no IL = therefore next) but do you guys think by adhering to this hard fast rule we sometime miss out by not being more proactive?

Every situation is different but in this case, she flaked, and you reached out asking her again (which to me is a no-no if she is truly interested she would have made a counter-offer) at this point what are you doing? you're chasing a girl who lost interest, so yeah if you wanna wait a few days and try again go ahead but IME this has a success rate of 10%

The question you gotta ask is how many times you gotta ask her out for a yes? If she really wanted to see you she would have shown up or did a counter-offer it's as simple as that!

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Another guy is in the picture. One she likes more than you.

Anytime you find yourself in this situation it's always another guy.

 

[BaronOfHair]

I see the general consensus here seems to be. Spin plates & move on...

It's not a coincidence that what dude notes here

between 1:33-3:23, is the case. Art produced pre-2017 is a vast repository of timeless wisdom. Much of which has been all but forgotten today

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Every situation is different but in this case, she flaked, and you reached out asking her again (which to me is a no-no if she is truly interested she would have made a counter-offer) at this point what are you doing? you're chasing a girl who lost interest, so yeah if you wanna wait a few days and try again go ahead but IME this has a success rate of 10%

The question you gotta ask is how many times you gotta ask her out for a yes? If she really wanted to see you she would have shown up or did a counter-offer it's as simple as that!

This was what I needed to hear. Thank you!!

And also thanks to everybody for bringing clarity.

 

[MatureDJ]

Because you have had sex, a single flake is not a killer. However, I would put her on probation such that if she does it again, it's time to bail, at least as being the pursuer; if she contacts you after that, then it's OK - she's at least she's showing some initiative - but typically when the legs close, they aren't going to open again.

How fat is she?

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Because you have had sex, a single flake is not a killer. However, I would put her on probation such that if she does it again, it's time to bail, at least as being the pursuer; if she contacts you after that, then it's OK - she's at least she's showing some initiative - but typically when the legs close, they aren't going to open again.

How fat is she?

She isn't fat. She's a part time model, which may explain why she can monkey branch me so quick. She might have many space monkeys eagerly waiting for their turn after me. This is also why I am more affected than I should be (or more thirsty); just sucks to have a (physically) nice one slip through my fingers. But I've come to greater acceptance at this stage.

Funny little update, I've put her on the back burner based on everyone advice here. She has begun to breadcrumb me slightly on Facebook, liking one of my pictures a few days ago. I've said and done nothing yet.

 

[Chow Mein]

I see the general consensus here seems to be. Spin plates & move on which I totally get (flake = low or no IL = therefore next) but do you guys think by adhering to this hard fast rule we sometime miss out by not being more proactive?

I really don’t think you fvcked her, otherwise you wouldn’t be caught up in this pvssy