Dealing with a doormat girl. What to do?

[youngmack]

Basically i am messing with this girl who is a doormat. Im guessing she has very low self esteem and is very insecure. We've only been talking for a few weeks and i already fvcked her two days ago. Shes the traditional type. loves to take care of her BFs (but also lets them walk all over her).

She told me her all her ex's hurt her so im guessing they realized she is a doormat and took advantage of her. She always tells me how she scared of the future because she really has fallen for me and that she connects with me on a deep level no one has ever connected with her. She says this is the fastest shes ever gained feelings for someone. She also says that shes kinda clingy to her Bf and always missed them a lot when they're not around.

Thing is i also started to like her too and even thought about getting in a LTR with her. She has all the good qualities a guy would want in a girl(super smart, fun as hell, loves to cook and clean for her BF etc.), but im kinda nervous to get into it because i dont wanna invest emotionally and then end up regretting doing so. Whenever i hang with her she makes me forget about my oneitis and i also realized that since I've met her i'm starting to forget about my oneitis all together.

Also if we do get in a relationship it will kind of be long distance,,because shes going up to Syracuse university and ill be staying in my hometown which is 8 hours away.

What should i do? I aint even gona front i do kinda want a LTR with her. Do i talk to her and try to change her to become a more self respecting girl or what?

 

[sid_company33]

In my opinion, such obedient girls are hard to find ( I'm not suggesting against the abundance mentality) in today's time, and honestly, I actually want my next girl to be one of those types, its just gets tiring and annoying dealing with *****es after a while.

I think you should go for it!

 

[Redempti0n]

Long distance sucks. Not really worth it. But you can give it a shot,sure.

 

[Upside]

IMO, dating a girl who is a doormat is much more relaxing and chill than dating some uptight chick but it doesn't mean there aren't drawbacks. Mainly, she'll eventually begin to whine and moan that you don't text/call/communicate enough or will complain that you don't try as hard (even that really varies). Take it from a man who dated one for two years. The biggest issue I ran into is that as I spent more time with her (going from once a week...twice a week...3 times a week....etc) the more my absence mad her sad. Now we all like the idea of a girl missing us, but doormats will waste your time whining about it to you as opposed to understanding and giving space.

Sexually speaking, I find doormats more reserved but MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH more willing to please you in the sack. She might not want to ever do anal, or she may not the best/most frequent girl to give BJ's, but she WILL focus on YOU when it gets to the main event.

 

[youngmack]

IMO, dating a girl who is a doormat is much more relaxing and chill than dating some uptight chick but it doesn't mean there aren't drawbacks. Mainly, she'll eventually begin to whine and moan that you don't text/call/communicate enough or will complain that you don't try as hard (even that really varies). Take it from a man who dated one for two years. The biggest issue I ran into is that as I spent more time with her (going from once a week...twice a week...3 times a week....etc) the more my absence mad her sad. Now we all like the idea of a girl missing us, but doormats will waste your time whining about it to you as opposed to understanding and giving space.

Sexually speaking, I find doormats more reserved but MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH more willing to please you in the sack. She might not want to ever do anal, or she may not the best/most frequent girl to give BJ's, but she WILL focus on YOU when it gets to the main event.

Mad true when i was at her crib the other day and we were about to fvck she told me she doesn't like the idea of giving blow jobs and would never do anal. Aight so i guess i'll give it a try. Ill let her bring up the relationship thing and hopefully i dont regret this

(Also shes been raped by her stepfather when she was like 9 and been through a lot when she was younger, do you guys think that traumatic experience will come back to bite me down the line?)

 

[Sonny Knight]

Mad true when i was at her crib the other day and we were about to fvck she told me she doesn't like the idea of giving blow jobs and would never do anal. Aight so i guess i'll give it a try. Ill let her bring up the relationship thing and hopefully i dont regret this

(Also shes been raped by her stepfather when she was like 9 and been through a lot when she was younger, do you guys think that traumatic experience will come back to bite me down the line?)

nigga you have damage goods!! you didn't hit the jack pot

have fun until the party is over

 

[Die Hard]

http://sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=164551&highlight=borderline

 

[DJ Bax]

The people on this forum throw bpd around way too often in my opinion.


She can't help the fact that she was sexually abused when she was younger, it probably affected her but don't punish her for it.

If she treats you right (which it sounds like she has done nothing wrong at this point) then you have no reason not to give her a chance.

The long distance aspect sucks though, it sounds like she has issues with not getting enough attention (like most girls)
and since she will be so far away I would have doubts about her going
somewhere else to look for some immediate attention.

 

[youngmack]

Lol i thought about her being a damaged bpd girl but too be honest i really dont wanna believe it or want that to be the case cuz sh1t its hard to find a traditional b1tch like that.

I mean she did say all the past experience shes been through has made her a much stronger person and she does write in her journal as a way to express her self and relieve some stress.

 

[Die Hard]

Lol i thought about her being a damaged bpd girl but too be honest i really dont wanna believe it or want that to be the case cuz sh1t its hard to find a traditional b1tch like that.

Yeah, I'm sure reality is gonna change just because you don't like it...

Do yourself a favor, read up on BPD and Cluster B. This is gonna be a painful and frustratng experience for you anyway, but if you start educating yourself right now, you might be able to reduce the pain and frustration.

Good luck.

 

[Upside]

(Also shes been raped by her stepfather when she was like 9 and been through a lot when she was younger, do you guys think that traumatic experience will come back to bite me down the line?)

It will one way or the other. There is a huge difference between a girl who is naturally reserved and a girl who has the traumatic memory of sexual abuse as the root of her reservation. Some chicks can deal with it and move on...but most will have it affect much of their remaining lives.

 

[youngmack]

Soo confused now, really dont know whether i should give it a chance or dub it

 

[Die Hard]

She's no good and you know it. But unless you find another girl to occupy your thoughts with, you can't forget about this one and you will eventually cave to the temptation of "giving it a chance".

So you either make a pledge to yourself to find another girl (a BETTER one!!!) or you might as well give into the tempation of this piece of trash right now...

You are gonna do the latter and it's gonna be a disappointing experience, so make sure you get through the experience suffering as little damage as possible. You can do that by preparing yourself well, meaning you read up about BPD and Cluster B nutcases.

So stop whining and get to it. You have to stand up on your own two feet, we can't hold your hand through it.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Soo confused now, really dont know whether i should give it a chance or dub it

I have not heard of a single girl who was sexually abused and/or raped in her childhood and who turned out sane. Every single one of them had severe emotional and mental issues. Keep in mind that theses issues do not always surface in the early stages of a relationship. Sooner or later, get ready for the tears to flow after having sex one day.

It may be possible for her to turn out perfectly normal, but that situation is unlikely statistically speaking. With that said, you're only 17. I don't think it is a bad idea to at least give it a shot. You're so damn young. You have your whole life ahead of you for dating. If she turns out nuts in a few years, you're still 20. PLENTY of time for more dating.

For me personally, I'm approaching 30. I want each girl to count. I wouldn't want to take that risk. But you're in a different boat.

 

[youngmack]

Damn iight i guess ill just use her as a fvck buddy for the time being

 

[Die Hard]

Sure you are... You are totally not connected to her emotionally, so it should be no problem for you to treat her just like a fvckbuddy, right?

 

[youngmack]

You guys were right especially die hard. Ended up getting into a relationship with her and a week later (today) she admitted To making out with a guy at his house.More probably happened.

I feel really fucced up right now. Couldn't get any sleep at all and cant think straight. How dumb and naive of me to not listen to you guys.Learned my lesson . Trust no girl ever again.

 

[youngmack]

Thanks bro. Whats a good way for me to get over this? It just wont leave my head

 

[zinc4]

you weren't even with her that long...look on the bright side it could have happened after a few years together...you will experience this again and in a much bigger relationship..take the pain and realize you too were still relative strangers and she has issues to deal with of her own...i wouldn't take it personally it would have happened to any guy with her...life goes on meet others...

 

[youngmack]

Fvck yo this is starting to eat me alive again. I was going great for this past month but now sh1t is starting hit me again. Been hitting the gym hard, getting ready for freshman year of college,been going to toastmasters but damn i been thinking about her more. We weren't even together for long at all.

When I used to read about BPDs I used to think you guys were exaggerating but these people can seriously fvck you up. How can she be so heartless