Dealing with a chick's qualifying

milesman

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Black men really have it easy in dating. All they need to do is work toward being something in life, and there will always be available women around who are interested
:crackup: This is funny because it's oh so fu*ked up yet true! But I'm not going to allow this to turn into a thread about race or silly coinphrases. *AND* I don't really think this is a personal issue I feel I have-I'm an overachiever and am HAPPY to let a woman see this...but all in due time. I've got the degree, hit the gym, a great job and may be considered a catch on my own merits but who wants to spill the beans in the first ten minutes how great they are? Actually...most men do but the guys -here- train themselves to do the opposite. Remember the whole mystery thing? Yet sometimes women want to see all the goods before they buy.

Maybe I do have some kind of antannae that sounds the alarm when chicks start to dig real deep, real quick. It does feel borderline like they have h0 intentions. (I'm also seeing it's a sign of high interest.) Nonetheless I think giving into that 'prove thyself' mentality is bad policy. I'm gonna let her figure out how great I am ;), but not prove it just cuz she said to.
 

BriniestOak

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Re: milesman, you're looking at this the wrong way

Originally posted by swampwiz
BTW,
Black men really have it easy in dating. All they need to do is work toward being something in life, and there will always be available women around who are interested, and will seek you out.
That's what you think. I used to think the same way when I came out of college and had a pretty decent job in that I will be able to tell a black woman what I did and she will come after me. Wrong...You still have to have game to pull black women too. Now, when I talk to one, I don't tell them about my job and try to avoid the subject. I also don't tell them a whole lot about me. My conversation focuses mainly on them...works much better.

I am also seeing on this thread where some people think there are a shortage of good black men.....WRONG. First of all, that is something a black woman says to justify why she is single. Most of the time, she has about 2 or 3 men chasing her. Don't believe me? Go out on a date with one and see how many times her cell phone rings and she walks to the side. Also, people seem to think, especially in my community (I'm black) that:

high paying job + nice vehicle + college education = good man

What about the truck driver with an old car and a house who takes care of his responsibilities. Or, what about the guy who has been working at the factory out of high school and is now the plant manager who takes care of his responsibilities. A lot of these men are good men to.
 

So Many Ways

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Re: Re: milesman, you're looking at this the wrong way

Originally posted by BriniestOak
That's what you think. I used to think the same way when I came out of college and had a pretty decent job in that I will be able to tell a black woman what I did and she will come after me. Wrong...You still have to have game to pull black women too. Now, when I talk to one, I don't tell them about my job and try to avoid the subject. I also don't tell them a whole lot about me. My conversation focuses mainly on them...works much better.

I am also seeing on this thread where some people think there are a shortage of good black men.....WRONG. First of all, that is something a black woman says to justify why she is single. Most of the time, she has about 2 or 3 men chasing her. Don't believe me? Go out on a date with one and see how many times her cell phone rings and she walks to the side. Also, people seem to think, especially in my community (I'm black) that:

high paying job + nice vehicle + college education = good man

What about the truck driver with an old car and a house who takes care of his responsibilities. Or, what about the guy who has been working at the factory out of high school and is now the plant manager who takes care of his responsibilities. A lot of these men are good men to.
I agree with what you said. I've seen the same thing.
 

DJDamage

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Read this thread and some of the responses I got helped me.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=99183&highlight=interview

Rollo Tomassi said:
One thing I think is slipping past you here is that women are on different schedules of mating for different periods of their lives. Between the ages of 18 and 27, most women practice sexual behaviors associated with short term mating schedules. Physical attraction and availability of sexual encounters are more important criteria for her intimacy, and sex usually is contained in short term committment or breif encounters (ONSs). That's not to exclude women from getting married or seeking long term potential mates in this period, but it's the criteria for her sexual acceptance that dictates her choices, and a woman at the peak of her attractiveness and sexual availabilty is more prone to base her sexual choices according to physical conditions rather than long term provisioning capacity in a man. Ergo, we see the majority of failed marriages coming from couples married during their 20s. In fact it is statistically verifiable that the younger a couple is when they get married the more likely they are to divorce. It could be concluded that this is due to long term choices being made by immature individuals with no real sense of what constitutes the criteria for long term viability and therefore they rely on their short term breeding shcedule and end up with long term consequences. Thus we have the couple marrying due to an unwanted pregnancy and women seeming more fickle in their sexual selection during Spring Break in Cancun.

What DJ DAMAGE is experiencing is the effects of a long term schedule of mating. It's no secret that women have a laundry list of prerequisites they set as conditions for a man's acceptability into long term intimacy. He must be attractive, financially stable, possess status (some call this power), have a sense of humor, be sensitive to her needs, be decisive, be a good listener, be single (usually), he must initiate, have confidence, have ambition and the motivation to pursue it, be passionate, etc. etc. and the list goes on and on. Men have one criteria for intimacy - she's got to be hot. Attractiveness and sexual availabilty are the only prerequisites necessary for him to engage in sexual behavior with a woman.

As a woman ages these conditions shift and become re-prioritized according to her physical attractiveness and capacity to compete with other women for acceptable men's attentions. They insticntively know that as they age their sexual marketability decreases, while a man's capacity to meet her conditions for her (and other women's) intimacy increases (or at least should mature better). This then serves as an establishing operation for her to reorder her conditions, better maintain her physique and/or devlop mental/social schemas which constrain men into their own conditions. In order to better ensure the broadest pool of eligible, "Husband Material", men while simultaneously competing for men's attentions with other, generally younger and more attractive females, older women have devloped social contrivances to covertly and psychologically convince them (and younger women I might add) it is their responsibility to embody what they believe is entitled and expected from them. Thus we have these contrivances thrust into popular consciousness -

Men ought to marry/date/breed with women their own age.
Men shouldn't discount single mothers as viable marriage options
Men should respect the careers women choose

All of these contrivances in their many forms serve the latent purpose of keeping an aging woman established as competitive "Wife Material" regardless of the personal choices and the responsibilities, liabilities and the consequences these choices may have in the long term for her that will include her potential mate.

Most often these messages are delivered to a man in the guise of shame. Shaming a man into accepting, internalizing and embodying these entitlements-as-breeding-function is a genetic bonanza. How often do we read in print the "Men are infantile for marrying/dating women 8-10 years their junior" shaming ploy in popular media? All this amounts to is a latent plea for sexual acceptance after a woman has reached her sexual expiration date or is enduring the consequence of the choices she's made in her youth and finds fewer and fewer men are willing to share them with her. "Men are afraid of commitment, threatened by intelligent career women, protective of their fragile egos" etc. all of these amount to social shaming contrivances to better place older women on a (realatively) level playing field with younger, more attractive women they are forced to compete with.

I would advise you be less concerned with how well you live up to the conditions of women in exchange for their intimacy and more concerned with how well she performs to your conditions. This is where the PRIZE mentality becomes preminent and serves you into the long term. A woman in this stage of life has far more at stake to lose in the long term, and men in your position only increase in their provisioning value as they get older. Her sexual commodity is what will be decreasing as your capacity for providing long term security provisioning will be increasing. She is in the weaker position and she knows this subconsciously, use this to your own benefit and do not allow her to shame you into thinking her expectations are the deciding factor in long term success of a relationship.

You hold a royal flush in your hands, don't let any woman convince you to fold.
 

wayword

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Francisco d'Anconia

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swampwiz said:
...Black men really have it easy in dating. All they need to do is work toward being something in life, and there will always be available women around who are interested, and will seek you out.
That's sad...:rolleyes:
 

DoubleA

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Milesman,

I've had this happen to me before. And believe me, here in DC Metro black women seriously see to qualify the man they deal with. Most are very educated and independent.

BUT they're minds aren't right in certain areas. I hear those same questions because I believe the questions thy ask are the most important to them. Esp whn bragging to GF's and whatnot.

The truth is with black women they don't have many options when dealing with most black men. Most of us are in jail or DL. But I personally still don't allow them to QUALIFY ME.

Why??

Because I AM THE ECCENTRIC. A 32 YEAR OLD BLACK MAN WITH NO KIDS.

NO KIDS. I currently rent, have a decent job, have a car. Most of the clowns they meet have two or three kids by two different women. I don't. So I call the shots on who I CHOOSE to deal with. They can't tell me shyt. I don't live with my folks or any roomates. I'm looking to buy next year. The only chick who could qualify my azz is Marla Maples or any other woman bringing MORE or EQUAL to the table. Btw, "single" is one of the words needed to describe her.

Self-Mastery is right, you better learn how to adjust to these questions. If not, hey, they're are other women out here and I sure there's one you'd be happy to deal with.

Remember you still have choices especially when you're a single bachelor with no baggage...
 

DoubleA

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Franco,

You're right. You may not be able to stop a woman from testing you..but you can make them check that SHYT at the front door.

Miles,

Once again you deal with who you choose too. If they ask the question, GO OFFENSIVE and ask her questions such as,

Her: Do you have a job?

You: Yeah, don't you have one? (Look at her like she lost her mind.)

Later on, ask her.."Is this an interview? If so, let me ask you a few questions.." (Then ask her the same questions but get more specific..instead of asking about the job ask her "How much do you make?" She'll get irritated. Explain to her just like you asked her a question that was too personal since you two don't know each other, she came at you the same way.

Man, let these women understand that you're a man first and foremost, not a punk azz kid, that will tolerate any disrespect.

Word.
 

Latinoman

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milesman said:
This is something that I face a LOT of. It comes mainly from black women and any brothers here will know exactly what I'm talking about. Now I don't want to call these women all gold diggers but the vast majority will within the first 5 minutes ask at least 1 if not all of the following 3 questions:

"Where do you work?"

"How old are you?"

"Did you drive here?"

I've had chicks come up to me out of the blue and ask me this **** without any other conversation and a lot of times I blow them out and end up embarrasing them because it's so fu*king AFC and imagine you going up to some chick and stumbling out a "Hey what size bra ya got on?!" just because that's what's important to -you-! Yea you might be handsome but you're gonna get played cuz you have no game.

On the other hand I understand some of the psychology behind these questions because black women are usually on a desperate hunt for a suitable mate much more so then white women so they want to cut to the chase quickly. It's an acknowledged dynamic in our community but I refuse to cut anyone slack or allow a woman to qualify me just because she's in a rush.

So any ideas on how to respond to these questions, because a lot of the time its the 30something sexually starved gals who do this and honestly I want to tap into this source but refuse to tolerate her bs testing.
My girlfriend actually asked me similar questions. Couple women (prior to her) asked me similar questions too.

Personally...I prefer when they are that direct. You see? I have no issues answering those questions...as long as the interrogatory does not extend for another day.

I don't fault women for qualifying men. After all...looks are not everything.

And I like women that have "high standards". After all...I'm the prize.

Also, that opens the doors for me to ask DIRECT questions too without sugar coating them.
 

Latinoman

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SELF-MASTERY said:
I think that black culture is socially limited with well defined roles.-- Not sure if you all can understand that.
That might explain why we see white, black, asian, and latinas dating Black men. Correct?

Black culture is not socially limited with well defined roles. Black culture simply have not time to be phucking around. Especially their quality women: they want a MAN that is WORTHY.
 

Latinoman

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SELF-MASTERY said:
Maybe you need thicker skin. I understand the dynamics between well to do black females and loser black men quite well. I also understand how there are more black females obtaining a college education than blk men; I experienced that at my very short-term matriculation at an HBC---
Listen...there more black women obtaining a college education than ANY OTHER women in the U.S.

That's what he said.
 

Latinoman

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Okay...I don't blame black/white/latina women for wanting a man that they deem "worthy". Especially if that woman is of equal "caliber".

However, of all the groups...I noticed that black women tend to be the more that want the most from a man...to the point that they want a man that brings a LOT more to the table than them. And personally I believe that's unacceptable.

Any woman (regardless of ethnicity) has the right to have a quality man...IF she is also a quality woman.
 

logicallefty

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Latinoman said:
Okay...I don't blame black/white/latina women for wanting a man that they deem "worthy". Especially if that woman is of equal "caliber".

However, of all the groups...I noticed that black women tend to be the more that want the most from a man...to the point that they want a man that brings a LOT more to the table than them. And personally I believe that's unacceptable.

Any woman (regardless of ethnicity) has the right to have a quality man...IF she is also a quality woman.

Hmmm. I'm actually getting sick of white women, to tell ya all the truth. So lovin this thread here...

But am I reading it correctly? Am i hearing that a white boy who has his own vehicle (2 of them actually), a stable full time job, an above average size home in the country, and even a little extra cash in the bank, would be enticing to a black woman??

I find black women very attractive, but for some reason, any I have tried to move on haven't been interested.

Any tips???
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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Latinoman said:
Okay...I don't blame black/white/latina women for wanting a man that they deem "worthy". Especially if that woman is of equal "caliber".

However, of all the groups...I noticed that black women tend to be the more that want the most from a man...to the point that they want a man that brings a LOT more to the table than them. And personally I believe that's unacceptable.

Any woman (regardless of ethnicity) has the right to have a quality man...IF she is also a quality woman.
I've noticed the same thing from black women. It's rather apparent whenever they are heard saying "I want a man to treat me like the queen that I am..." Pfffffttttt.... Has anyone ever heard this request from any other ethnicity? I have nothing against a proud woman if she has specific aspects that merit that level of respect; it's another thing altogether when it's demanded without substance. Sounds as if they're acting like a AMOG for the female gender.
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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logicallefty said:
Hmmm. I'm actually getting sick of white women, to tell ya all the truth. So lovin this thread here...

But am I reading it correctly? Am i hearing that a white boy who has his own vehicle (2 of them actually), a stable full time job, an above average size home in the country, and even a little extra cash in the bank, would be enticing to a black woman??

I find black women very attractive, but for some reason, any I have tried to move on haven't been interested.

Any tips???
My suggestion is to consider black women who themselves aren't "in their cultural clique." Contrary to popular belief (as posted in other threads) they don't "hate" white women, the prefer other blacks. I believe the reason for this is because it's more socially acceptable in the culture, similar to some Asian cultures.

Although there are many black families who don't mind interracial dating with their own, it's the masses that pose the most turmoil. The other blacks on the street that whisper behind the couple's back and give glaring stares of disapproval. There's not many who can put that type of pressure aside. In most eyes it would mean separation from their roots, as if they were silently denouncing their culture.

This is why I suggest keeping an eye out on the women who don't define themselves by their culture. Women who define themselves as individuals, ones who would not necessarily define themselves solely as being "a strong Black woman."

These women would be use to deviating from the norm, defining their lives by their own standards and not by the societal norm, much like how DJs differentiate themselves from the masses. DJs are denounced by AFCs on a regular basis for "bucking the system" and so do these women who stand on their own.

Will it be easy to come across these women, probably not. However we all know that if you look just above the masses you may see the few that stand above the rest.
 

Latinoman

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Francisco d'Anconia said:
My suggestion is to consider black women who themselves aren't "in their cultural clique." Contrary to popular belief (as posted in other threads) they don't "hate" white women, the prefer other blacks. I believe the reason for this is because it's more socially acceptable in the culture, similar to some Asian cultures.

Although there are many black families who don't mind interracial dating with their own, it's the masses that pose the most turmoil. The other blacks on the street that whisper behind the couple's back and give glaring stares of disapproval. There's not many who can put that type of pressure aside. In most eyes it would mean separation from their roots, as if they were silently denouncing their culture.

This is why I suggest keeping an eye out on the women who don't define themselves by their culture. Women who define themselves as individuals, ones who would not necessarily define themselves solely as being "a strong Black woman."

These women would be use to deviating from the norm, defining their lives by their own standards and not by the societal norm, much like how DJs differentiate themselves from the masses. DJs are denounced by AFCs on a regular basis for "bucking the system" and so do these women who stand on their own.

Will it be easy to come across these women, probably not. However we all know that if you look just above the masses you may see the few that stand above the rest.
EXCELLENT points!
 

milesman

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Well look what I lurked onto!

Rereading myself after a year I sense I had some sensitivity and maturity issues!

Rollo, I can completely relate. I think the bottom line is that you and I are in the minority (in terms of personal development and I'm sure initial approach if you're also using this site) and BW by default launch into the "insta interview" out of necessity. Yes other races do this too, just minus the "insta" part lol. But you know through experience I'm seeing it's a result of getting approached by the large number of knucklehead BM out there with zero game and jacked up everything lol (yes, I'm our harshest critic lol). So I acknowledge their hesitation and my pace usually slows when getting their interest. In my social circles they know I've seen them but I pay them little attention and let them work a bit. They get men swarming them all day, everyday...but the undesirables. Then they see your value and will hesistate to qualify. So yea, I'm sensitive to their plight and I switch up the game accordingly but when I do sense the interview coming I'll just gloss over it and not give it validation. Or I'll tell em I'm a garbageman or something and they pickup that I don't play that ****.

Francisco-
Yes, I also notice the egos BW get from constantly qualifying and shooting guys down. It's funny and they act tough but the truth is most are raised with traditional church values of submission etc and they're mad they can't find (so they *****) a man worthy of submitting to. Once you break through the facade though, they're softies.
 

Nighthawk

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Women will still try their qualifying shyt-tests if you were King Of The Universe. 'Huh, so what about Dimension X, you ain't shyt there.' etc.
 

Hitman10000

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They're being direct but you shouldn't summarize that most women are like that, perhaps the women that are attracted to you but yet want to know more. In my books that is a good thing because they're sizing you up. Don't listen to the chumps on here that say these women are gold-diggers or even you consider most women to be. Sure some of them are, but some of them just want to see how you got your sh!t together.

Do a search for "Job Interview Process" and believe it or not, Dating is almost exactly like the Job Interview process except you can be more casual about it. Women are logical persons, I saw a Shezz (which I immediately added him to my ignore list since I forgot he posted really dumb crap) post that Women are emotional and not logical as well as other dumbasses that say the same thing. They're logical just like us. They don't want to date us, so they stand up to your dates or not respond to your emails/phone calls. If they don't feel comfortable they cross their arms or say No to you. Seems pretty logical to me.
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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milesman said:
... Francisco-
Yes, I also notice the egos BW get from constantly qualifying and shooting guys down. It's funny and they act tough but the truth is most are raised with traditional church values of submission etc and they're mad they can't find (so they *****) a man worthy of submitting to. Once you break through the facade though, they're softies.
Y'know I have a theory about this. Now this is off the top of my head and not proved true like most of my posts; but I think that their whole ego thing is just a sh1t barrier so as not to allow a guy access to their feelings. Reason being is that they know that they can't handle the pain of getting hurt. Also, when they have been hurt they wouldn't show it, they would rather show anger as a false showing of strength. What do you guys think?
 
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