Dealing with a chick's qualifying

[milesman]

This is something that I face a LOT of. It comes mainly from black women and any brothers here will know exactly what I'm talking about. Now I don't want to call these women all gold diggers but the vast majority will within the first 5 minutes ask at least 1 if not all of the following 3 questions:

"Where do you work?"

"How old are you?"

"Did you drive here?"

I've had chicks come up to me out of the blue and ask me this **** without any other conversation and a lot of times I blow them out and end up embarrasing them because it's so fu*king AFC and imagine you going up to some chick and stumbling out a "Hey what size bra ya got on?!" just because that's what's important to -you-! Yea you might be handsome but you're gonna get played cuz you have no game.

On the other hand I understand some of the psychology behind these questions because black women are usually on a desperate hunt for a suitable mate much more so then white women so they want to cut to the chase quickly. It's an acknowledged dynamic in our community but I refuse to cut anyone slack or allow a woman to qualify me just because she's in a rush.

So any ideas on how to respond to these questions, because a lot of the time its the 30something sexually starved gals who do this and honestly I want to tap into this source but refuse to tolerate her bs testing.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by milesman
This is something that I face a LOT of. It comes mainly from black women and any brothers here will know exactly what I'm talking about. Now I don't want to call these women all gold diggers but the vast majority will within the first 5 minutes ask at least 1 if not all of the following 3 questions:

"Where do you work?"

"How old are you?"

"Did you drive here?"

Why put down? They are just being direct. At least you know what they are about - thats a plus. You want her to marry you and then figure out she doesnt like your age and salary?

Answer in the very same way:

"Where do you work?"
"Corner of Michigan and 12 mile, there is a little quiet coffee shop there. ..." Proceed to asking her for out for some coffee.

"How old are you?"
"Take a guess"
Then take initiatiatve and give her a guess "You are about ... 20?"
How do you keep in shape?

"Did you drive here?"
Right here with all these carpets and stairs? I would need an acrobatic 4-wheeler...You? decided to fly?

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

Black women are less fun to game than women of other cultures. Alot of them appear to really be on the paper chase. Their questions are sooo loaded. It has been my experience that white women, and other white-washed ethnics have better social skills. I know not all are like this, but in my world this is the truth. I think that black culture is socially limited with well defined roles.-- Not sure if you all can understand that.

 

[milesman]

Yea good post Al...my problem is I feel like (especially when they come out of the gate with the questions) that I'd be 1) giving away my power by answering to blatant qualifying-I feel that at the least I should turn it around and remind them who's choosing whom! 2) Answering those questions takes away from my having the initiative (as you can see I have control issues!). So i'm just trying to come up with some ways to keep the conversation going but also scorn her enough to let her know those loaded questions with the assumption that I don't have my stuff together (which admittedly many of us dont until we're in our 30s) won't be tolerated by this guy.

I think that black culture is socially limited with well defined roles

I'm almost offended by this but I know that everyone is guilty of ignorance.
Like I said, there is a dynamic in our community where well to do black women outnumber the men (MSNBC reported that sisters actually recieved their post secondary degrees at higher rates than any female group in the US this year) so they ARE very forthright by necessity. They don't want to waste their time on a bad man because they don't have many options to fall back on.

So someone unaware of this dynamic may see their Q&A's as gold diggin but it's really that they simply want a mate who is their equal to marry. My problem is they get too blunt sometimes and they'll want to 'interview you for the job' kind of thing. Thus the title of this thread.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

I'm almost offended by this but I know that everyone is guilty of ignorance.

Maybe you need thicker skin. I understand the dynamics between well to do black females and loser black men quite well. I also understand how there are more black females obtaining a college education than blk men; I experienced that at my very short-term matriculation at an HBC---

 

[al77]

Originally posted by SELF-MASTERY
Black women are less fun to game than women of other cultures. Alot of them appear to really be on the paper chase. Their questions are sooo loaded.

It has been my experience that white women, and other white-washed ethnics have better social skills.

Depends how you define social skills... being smooth and dont ask direct questions? Yes, than you are right. In my book though it is just "being smooth".

All women have the same kind of chase. But black women are more open, ie. more direct. I dont get why you want a woman to be very quiet about what she wants? Would it be better to discover what she really wants on teh first date or after a relationship of 3 years?

 

[al77]

Originally posted by milesman
Yea good post Al...my problem is I feel like (especially when they come out of the gate with the questions) that I'd be 1) giving away my power by answering to blatant qualifying-I feel that at the least I should turn it around and remind them who's choosing whom! 2) Answering those questions takes away from my having the initiative (as you can see I have control issues!). So i'm just trying to come up with some ways to keep the conversation going but also scorn her enough to let her know those loaded questions with the assumption that I don't have my stuff together (which admittedly many of us dont until we're in our 30s) won't be tolerated by this guy.

I felt like that before.. until I got that it is better to know her priorities upfront.

1. Dont give away power - answer directly and lightly switch it to somehting else "work overe there.... next to a cool cafe... Lets go check it out"

2. Initiatiave in terms of questions? It is never late to ask her anything...It depends how fast you speak, not on what she said....She asks you: you answer AND at the same time ask her a question about something related but different.

Again, I am not getting - ok, some black women are too direct: do you want them to be quiet, shy and dont ask any questions? It is much better what she is after in the very beginging...

 

[milesman]

@ SM

That's why I said I was ALMOST offended...but not quite. I don't let ignorant comments bother me thanks

Plz reread the thread topic...this is about -individual- chick's actions and how to respond to them, not what how you think a whole -group- acts based on your admittedly LIMITED experiences with few.

Those type of generalizations are a sign of an ignorant mentality. Sorry, but you can't save face after that one. Anyways, stick to the topic, I'm not here to educate anyone except when it's something I might know about hos

@ Al,

Yes, I want open communication and to know what she's looking for, but many times chicks will be so serious about weeding out the losers that they will ask questions in a very calculated tone and one that implies assumed superiority. Your basic ***** pedastal I guess. It could be all in my head but yea good stuff. I'll try to give a little and turn it on her.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

All women have the same kind of chase. But black women are more open, ie. more direct. I dont get why you want a woman to be very quiet about what she wants? Would it be better to discover what she really wants on teh first date or after a relationship of 3 years?

I appreciate honesty and respectfully being direct, but it is something different that black women do that comes off as disrespect.... I guess you have to experience it to understand where I'm coming from. I'm all for questions like where do you work, did you attend college, what kind of car do you have (kind of a goldie q's.) The more she gives me to talk about the better....

Plz reread the thread topic...this is about -individual- chick's actions and how to respond to them, not what how you think a whole -group- acts based on your admittedly LIMITED experiences with few.

I understood the premise, but added something about my 25 year experience as a black man.

I dont understand how my experience is limited-- I am black, live in a black neighborhood, and my experience is what I've written about.

Ignorance??? I believe means without knowledge.. Living where I do and growing up black gives me knowledge of the social dynamics of black social interaction and how it limits the role of the individual...

 

[milesman]

Yup, good observation McK. I guess the key is to fire back on her as much as she on you until she submits and assumes her rightful role.

Uhh SM, that's great that you're a black man but you still get to wear the dunce hat for saying that a whole culture is deficient (your own at that)

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

wear the dunce hat for saying that a whole culture is deficient (your own at that)

hmmm Im calling it as I have scene it. I'm not saying all black ppl submit to those defined roles, but most do......

I agree that firing direct questions back is the best approach.

 

[Ever onward]

"Where do you work?"

I'm a male gigolo

"How old are you?"

How much do you weigh?

"Did you drive here?"

I took the bus

Don't let her qualify you. That comes off as you need her approval. But at the same time, don't get over emotional, that is insecure. Deflect her with humor.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by SELF-MASTERY

I agree that firing direct questions back is the best approach.

Not alway, I mean not with all kin dof questions...
Example:
She: Do you have a gf?
He: No. Do you <have a bf?>?
She: No.

Dull, right?
How about this:
She: Do you have a gf?
He: Seven... and a half.
She: Ummm.. I mean currently?
He: No, Since you applying for this position, let me ask you...

Different, isnt it? Much better than in the first dialogue?
Firing direct questions back is ok, but dont overdo it just cuz you want to give her a hard time... answer with a "twist", attemp saying saying c&f or at least not trivial...

 

[al77]

Originally posted by Ever onward
"Did you drive here?"

I took the bus

...and take a small model of a bus from your pocket and give it to her
... or a photo of a really cool bus.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

at the risk of sounding racist, one-third of all black males age 18-35 are either in jail, on parol, or on probabation (FBI crime stats). sisters have slim pickin's and it stands to reason why they probe moreso than others.

my brother (white boy) is going out with a black chick, she's cool. but she's a professional, and she interviewed the hell out of him initially.

 

[ER!C L!VE]

Originally posted by TooColdUlrick
one-third of all black males age 18-35 are either in jail, on parol, or on probabation (FBI crime stats).

Statistics are culturally biased u racist :crackup:

:woo: Get funky now!

 

[scordate]

IMHO there are 2 issues to these kinda questions;

one, where black women might be justified to ask these questions, simply because there is more weeding to do ?

second; more important in general terms, the power fight between man and woman.

first one I am not qualified to have an opnion on, the second; only answer with C&F stuff


did I drive here ? hey sugar, cant you at least try to be a little bit less obvious ?

/ scordate

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Ever onward
"How old are you?"

How much do you weigh?

I actually like this one. I'd use this reply if she was attempting to qualify my by just my possesions.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

at the risk of sounding racist, one-third of all black males age 18-35 are either in jail, on parol, or on probabation (FBI crime stats). sisters have slim pickin's and it stands to reason why they probe moreso than others.

True, and I understand why they probe, but GOD do they scrutinize. I find myself attractive to the 35-45 demographic of black females. They seem to be more interesting and well rounded.

 

[milesman]

Haha yea I'll put that one to use.

Yes you're right Scor. Ultimately it comes down a woman testing a man...regardless of social events or anyother garbage. Women who do this off the bat need to be put in check. I love women who are open about their intentions but I don't want to set a precedent where she feels she can grill me whenever (especially early on) and have 'accept or deny' powers based on my answers to her fu*king checklist. Yea we all have one but I think we relationships (ONS or longterms) come more through shown actions more so than words. Good stuff here tho.