Dealing w/girlfriend's sexual past...

[streetpizza]

Hey,

I've been dating this girl for about a half a year now (She's 21), and I'm ecstatic to be doing it. I go to a small university and belong to a greek organization, and when we started dating, I knew two guys that had hooked up with her. I got past that, I guess... but as time goes on, I continue to learn things about her sexual past, although I have not had a conversation with her about it. As the the number of people that I know of that have been inside of her grows, I am beginning to have doubts about the relationship. At first, I thought she'd been with 4-6 people, comparable to me. Now, I'm thinking more like 8-10. Emotionally, I want out. The old male ego is hurt, I guess you could say.

Mentally, and logically, I wish I could block the emotional crap out. 8-10 guys may be a high number, but its not excessively high. Its not as though she's having trains run on her or anything. I'm ecstatic about her: she's hot (always a plus), sweet, and likes to get drunk and have naked fun time.

I guess that's the situation:
-Estimated 8-10 penises inside of her (maybe higher)
-Been with 5 people that I know of, 2 of which I know personally
-But, at the same time, she's a wonderful girlfriend, and not the type to cheat (which would really drive me nuts).

I'm a pretty rational person, so I am probably going to go with what I think rather than what I feel and stay with her, but I guess I am asking if anyone has been in a similar situation and done something that helped them get past it?

 

[girlsarecrazy]

Man. My old girlfriend was 16 and she's been inside 4 guys. It drove me nuts when she mentioned their names. I am pretty good friends with 2 of the guys too. I get very discomfortable when her name is brought up around me and one of those guys when we hung out. It's just something you have to get over. I dunno man. That is why some religion's save sex until marriage so you two are PURE. But w/e it's life. Just something you gotta deal with.

My situation is a little different. I know all the guys she's been with and they all have been apart of a relationship. I know it wasn't from ONS or just random hook ups.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I don't know what's worse:

1. The fact that your so called friends are discussing their interactions with your girlfriend.
2. The fact that you are continuing discussions with them.
3. That you are making a judgment call on what other people are telling you.
4. That you are blaming your pride for your feelings as opposed to any other reason.
5. That you haven't talked to her about this.

Guys always complain about women who pass judgment on them from the words of their girlfriends without giving them a chance.

I'm sure as hell glad that I'm an old fart and I don't need to endure BS like this any more.

 

[streetpizza]

1) Who said I ever intentionally engaged in a discussion regarding details of past or present interactions with the parties involved? Also, who said all of them were my friends? You are making unfounded assumptions...

2) See above.

3) I'm making a judgment off of reliable information that I never intended to acquire, and personally wish I did not acquire.

4) And what would you suggest I attribute the feelings to?

5) She would be entirely offended if I brought up anything about this. Girls make presumptuous jumps like that. You ask about her sexual past, she thinks that you think she's a slut.

I may be making a judgment about her, but I am certainly not acting rashly on that judgment. In fact, I would prefer to just treat her the same way I usually do, get over it, and never have her know I had a doubt in the world. You may think that its cowardly to not let her know how I feel currently, but in plain and simple words: this isn't her problem, its mine. She shouldn't be distressed over my feelings about anything she did before we even met.

Finally, for someone who is tired of enduring "BS" like this, you sure as hell made the choice to read and reply to the topic, and apparently raise your blood pressure in the process.

 

[Friendly Otter]

Eight to ten? That's perfectly normal.
With all respect; this is not an issue.

Estimated 8-10 penises inside of her ... not to mention all the bodily functions week after week throughout her life. Let's visualize that too while we're at it. That's like, eewww!

But that's life; not everything looks great. I'm looking at it this way: if this is a nice girl to hang out with and you can't get past her having had ten sex partners, then she deserves better. I promise you, ten years from now you will think this is nothing.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Well bro things she did BEFORE SHE WAS WITH YOU should be left in the past, unless they were GLARING red flags about her character. Honestly its very rare to find an attractive young girl who hasn't been with at least 3-5 guys around your age range.

My feeling on the matter is if you enjoy her and you guys get along very well, don't ruin it over things that happened before you. Now if she has character issues, then having a large # of partners might explain a little bit about herself and her insecurities. Doesn't seem that way from what you posted, so get over it and enjoy your relationship.

PS: All hors never give up their hor degree, so if she's a true hor then your fuvked by just being her bf. I'm not saying that's the case, just stating the possibilities.


PIMP

 

[JohnJones]

I can sympathize with the issue. If you were a b/f of hers in 5-6 years, you probably wouldn't think much of it at all because it would be distinctly in the past. But because it's all in your present and you are looking at these dudes every day, it grates on you.

Here are a couple thoughts:
1) If she is a catch (ie, these dudes would want to date her, not just bang her) then these dudes are looking up to you, not chuckling at you (not that you care, but that may help the pride issue).

2) Take the pressure off yourself by not assuming that this relationship will go on forever. Every day with her is a day that you are electing to hang with her. If you're having a good time today, then just go with it.

3) Lastly, get her to do all kinds of horrible, horrible things with you. It works wonders.

 

[NewMan]

-Estimated 8-10 penises inside of her (maybe higher)
-Been with 5 people that I know of, 2 of which I know personally

and likes to get drunk and have naked fun time.

These 2 go hand in hand.

so you've got a HOT chick who likes to have fun and fvck. Stands to reason she's done it before with people she knows.

That fact that the decision to do it with 5 people in the rough social circle (you know these people) - is perhaps a poor judgement call by her.....


This is going to eat you up, if you continue to dwell on it. So the question you have to answer is - can you deal with knowing who she's banged, knowing that your probably going to dump into these people....

It can be a tough thing to put aside - our ego's are powerfull things.

Bottom line though, you can probably have some prime fvcking time with this little hottie. I wouldn't throw that away. I'd have all the fun I could, while I could.... chances are, this isn't going to last long term.

 

[far from average]

Mentally, and logically, I wish I could block the emotional crap out. 8-10 guys may be a high number, but its not excessively high. Its not as though she's having trains run on her or anything. I'm ecstatic about her: she's hot (always a plus), sweet, and likes to get drunk and have naked fun time.

Well, 8-10 is pretty high for a 21 year old. It's not shocking or appalling by any means, but it's high. Now, I want you to tell me WHAT about this is giving you problems. Why does it trouble you? It's only a few higher than yours, but is that the problem? Or is it that you feel you won't measure up to the others? Or even that you suspect this is the tip of the iceberg? I mean, it is one thing to find something distasteful; it's another to let it bother you like this.

 

[d9930380]

Girls shag like guys - get over it

I hate to say it mate, but girls lie about how many they've been with.

It's probably higher. If she ****ed you on the first date (at a party - I would guess) and your two buddies on one night stands then don't be suprised if it's a lot more.

Get her and yourself a test!

If you like her then forget about it, I know it's the male ego, but the day when you find virgins is long gone. Most hot girls shag like hot guys. Most ugly people don't because they can't and that's why they pretend to be all ****ing pure.

That's the world we live in now!

 

[Latinoman]

I didn't read any of the posts.

So, my opinion is based solely on the topic and on what I've seen and what I believe.

I am convinced that the past is very important. Especially on issues such as morals and values. Just remember, that people have different morals and different values.

I am convinced that on issues such as sex, the past is a clear indicator of the likelihood that person will engage in certain behavior. It is called trends.

If a woman disregarded society as well as values and decided to engage in a gang bang...you can rest assure that that woman has little constraints on issues such as sleeping around. For her sex is just an act. What would happen when later in the relationship that woman (the one in my example) faces hurdles? What's the likelihood that woman will sleep with another man if she was a woman that didn't care about sleeping around and engaging into one night stands?

Those are the things a man should think when dealing with a potential LTR.

The "past is past" is pure crap. I know that. Everybody knows that. The past is what shape us as people. And it is what makes what we are in our present.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

1) Who said I ever intentionally engaged in a discussion regarding details of past or present interactions with the parties involved? Also, who said all of them were my friends? You are making unfounded assumptions...

2) See above.

3) I'm making a judgment off of reliable information that I never intended to acquire, and personally wish I did not acquire.

4) And what would you suggest I attribute the feelings to?

5) She would be entirely offended if I brought up anything about this. Girls make presumptuous jumps like that. You ask about her sexual past, she thinks that you think she's a slut.

I may be making a judgment about her, but I am certainly not acting rashly on that judgment. In fact, I would prefer to just treat her the same way I usually do, get over it, and never have her know I had a doubt in the world. You may think that its cowardly to not let her know how I feel currently, but in plain and simple words: this isn't her problem, its mine. She shouldn't be distressed over my feelings about anything she did before we even met.

Finally, for someone who is tired of enduring "BS" like this, you sure as hell made the choice to read and reply to the topic, and apparently raise your blood pressure in the process.

Unlike most people (ehem) my blood pressure doesn't go up by just idle words and unlike those same people, I say what I need to say to the person most likely to give an accurate answer.

 

[Silquee Smoove]

Hey,

I've been dating this girl for about a half a year now (She's 21), and I'm ecstatic to be doing it. I go to a small university and belong to a greek organization, and when we started dating, I knew two guys that had hooked up with her. I got past that, I guess... but as time goes on, I continue to learn things about her sexual past, although I have not had a conversation with her about it. As the the number of people that I know of that have been inside of her grows, I am beginning to have doubts about the relationship. At first, I thought she'd been with 4-6 people, comparable to me. Now, I'm thinking more like 8-10. Emotionally, I want out. The old male ego is hurt, I guess you could say.

Mentally, and logically, I wish I could block the emotional crap out. 8-10 guys may be a high number, but its not excessively high. Its not as though she's having trains run on her or anything. I'm ecstatic about her: she's hot (always a plus), sweet, and likes to get drunk and have naked fun time.

I guess that's the situation:
-Estimated 8-10 penises inside of her (maybe higher)
-Been with 5 people that I know of, 2 of which I know personally
-But, at the same time, she's a wonderful girlfriend, and not the type to cheat (which would really drive me nuts).

I'm a pretty rational person, so I am probably going to go with what I think rather than what I feel and stay with her, but I guess I am asking if anyone has been in a similar situation and done something that helped them get past it?

Been there done that, in regards to this situation.

First, some very good points were raised by Latinoman and d9930380.

Second, if you are going to have intercourse with her, you seriously need protection or to have her tested. Don't put your own health on the line for her, most relationships don't last as long as they used to, and it seems like this will be a short-term relationship, so protect yourself first and foremost.

And lastly, if it bothers you that much, don't have vaginal intercourse like all the other guys, go for anal or oral. This also protects you against a possible pregnancy, since you will know what you did with her.

This is real practical advice for all DJ's to keep in mind when sleeping with a girl that has had many partners. Protect yourself!

 

[Royal-tiger]

It only shows your insecurity. Why does it matter how many guys she had been with as long as she is NOW true to you and the relationship is mutually superb?

Be smart and strong. Insecurity could very well kill the relationship because sooner or later it will show through your behavior.

 

[ShizamDaMan]

This just illustrates to never ask about a girl's sexual history. You will NEVER like the answer.

Gotta put it all in the past though man, I've ruined so many sure relationships cause I worried about the guys a girl had been with years ago.

 

[everywomanshero]

This is the most AFC post of all ****ing time man. Congradulations! You're worried about shyt that has not one god damn thing to do with you or that even happened during the course of your relationship.

Maybe you should start watching soaps because you might as well have a ****ing vagina. Stop thinking like a girl and be a man. Who gives a shyt if she got it beat up rough style by a wigga with mad ***** eating skills before you started corking her bottle dude? Are you for real?

 

[Adrian]

This forum only begins to worsen over time. It's loaded with more fvcking idiots that the last time I can remember. I really hate to see AFC's giving out horrible advice to someone who is really in need of it.

First of all streetpizza her sexual past is bothering you for a reason. For a reason beyond the BS excuse of your fragile male ego or just your insecurities. You have a right to be insecure about this entire situation because IT IS a problem whether you'd like to admit it or not. Don't lie to yourself and say it isn't because deep down inside you sense something abominable within her and the entire situation. You don't even know how many she's had but maybe she carries the belief that 8 - 10 guys isn't slutty and she would lie about the real number to hide her true nature from you. If there really isn't anything wrong with it then why would she have to lie about it? To spare your "male ego"? That's bullsh!t...

All I have to tell you is that your logic is clouded and you are trying to fool yourself into rubbing off the entire situation as if it's nothing. This is a big reason why b*tches play games with AFC's. Because they let them get away with it. The AFC knows deep down inside something is wrong but once becomes hypocritical and further convinces himself that she "loves him". Your logic is clouded because you have feelings for her and you happen to really like this person. I made the same exact mistake you have quite a number of times as well as taken advice just like the ones posted on here. I don’t want you to commit the same mistakes I have so I'm going to tell you right now... hate me now and thank me later but... she is a wh0re and that relationship isn’t going to last. When you sense a problem and it really bothers you it’s happening for a reason and a logical one at that. Don’t believe the hypocritical comments stating that the “past is nothing” because it is especially when it comes to her sexual past, otherwise it wouldn’t be bothering you. Sorry for being inconsiderate of your feelings regarding your girl but this type of woman is NEVER worthy of love. Fvck this hor for the time being and find yourself a real woman in the process if what you want is a relationship. Wise up a little bro.

P.S. Make sure you use protection. Latinoman proves a valid point as well as a few other people in here.
Read these and I’m sure they will help you get your mind together. I’m sure there are others you can find with sound advice.
http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove_250/297_relationship_expert.html
http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith/42_dating_advice.html

 

[TheFlyingMan]

I agree with Adrian! my past experience does too! listen to adrian!

 

[Royal-tiger]

Damn!!

This forum only begins to worsen over time. It's loaded with more fvcking idiots that the last time I can remember. I really hate to see AFC's giving out horrible advice to someone who is really in need of it.

Judgemental idiots who self-proclaim themselves to be the god almighty are so repulsive. Maybe Adrian you need to tone down your arrogance. That way you will learn something and stop tearing other people down.

Learn and you shall grow!!

 

[Nightwing]

Why have a relationship with this girl if it bothers you. Just keep her around as a fvck buddy and focus on school?