Dealbreaker or no? Me I am out

[exhausted]

Gf of two years decides for first time to go with her kid and ex (split custody) to go paint pumkins together for halloween despite my reaction that the situation is inappropriate and crossing the line. It was her kids dads day w her and he invited her to go and she did. To me leaving me to go do a family activity with her ex and kid is crossing the line and inappropriate.
Im out.
Explained to her before i would be out she went anyways then apologized after and now she understands. I said nope not doing that to me im not living a life where im left at home and out doing family activities w her ex. School functions and such im ok w but not this.

Your guys' thoughts if im right are welcome

 

[Die Hard]

So you told her it was unacceptable BEFORE she went and then she went ANYWAY?

In that case, I think you're right about ending things.

I'm just curious what you said to her EXACTLY. Was she aware that you were actually gonna end things if she went? Or did you just say you wouldn't accept it and no possible results were discussed?

 

[exhausted]

So you told her it was unacceptable BEFORE she went and then she went ANYWAY?

In that case, I think you're right about ending things.

I'm just curious what you said to her EXACTLY. Was she aware that you were actually gonna end things if she went? Or did you just say you wouldn't accept it and no possible results were discussed?

I told her that I would never tell her not to spend time with her kid but that the activity with her ex and her kid was unacceptable and inappropriate to me and I am not built for that and I will not do it. She says she hates her ex but wanted to see her kid and I know she hates her ex but that is intimate activity like a family and is inappropriate in a relationship I told her before that I would not be apart of being put in that situation and I would be done. Of course after she calls and calls and leaves messages trying to come by and spend time with me I ignore her so I get hostile messages so I called her calmly and composed as I was before she went and told her a matter of fact it is inappropriate ask if she would like if I would do that with my ex or spend time with her and she said no she apologizes and then won't do it again. I said too late you'll do it again as you did it this time I will not do it it is an absolute deal-breaker for me I will not be left at home while my girl is off with an ex doing things like that.

 

[SteR]

Well you have the right to set your own boundaries in life. If you feel she's violated them then you've made the right decision by walking. There's no objective right or wrong here..

 

[SteR]

Does the lion raise the offspring of another lion?

You think that is natural, or is it compromise?

If so, why?

Time to improve.

It's not for me to say. To each his own. Everyone decides what they're willing to put up with - if OP feels his partner's crossed his personal boundaries then he's good to walk.

 

[guru1000]

OP, I want to congratulate you for walking away from a woman who did not value you enough. The problem here was not the woman, her desire to act, her action, or the boundary. The problem lies in your perceived lower value from which her desire to commit such an act originated.

With each subsequent chase from her to you, your value increases, and hers decreases.
Disappear for 1-2 months. Enjoy your newfound freedom. Then YOU will own the frame, and you can do as you please, whether that be continuance, demotion, or complete exit.

This is not to be taken personally. That's the nature of the "game."

 

[oOh Nasty]

I wholeheartedly agree with your walking. Like guru said, disappear and let her come back begging for you on your own terms. You told her what would happen if she did this, and this is the result. B*tches need to learn.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I also agree with your leaving. We men need to start holding women accountable for their actions. Well done.

 

[exhausted]

Listen mate, you can keep trying to manage a sh*t situation - or you can improve.

She has kids with the fvcking guy. You really expect to be some sort of 'alpha' in this situation? You are a provider.

The very basis of this exclusive relationship is built on complete compromise.

You can micromanage your compromise, or you can leave this b1tch in the dust, and improve your life.

Of course but with compromises there are still boundaries, spending time with your ex, whom you shared a past with and with the kid in a family like intimate way is inappropriate when you have a relationship.
I wont do it, im not a ***** and I wont be left while she does things like that. Im not built like that, I told her before she went it was inappropriate and not fair to put me in that position but she went anyways then tried to "fix" things, apologize and say she will never do it again. Nope, told her and she did it anyways and this is the consequence.

 

[exhausted]

OP, I want to congratulate you for walking away from a woman who did not value you enough. The problem here was not the woman, her desire to act, her action, or the boundary. The problem lies in your perceived lower value from which her desire to commit such an act originated.

With each subsequent chase from her to you, your value increases, and hers decreases.
Disappear for 1-2 months. Enjoy your newfound freedom. Then YOU will own the frame, and you can do as you please, whether that be continuance, demotion, or complete exit.

This is not to be taken personally. That's the nature of the "game."

Well said, you are right I explained to her and most likely if she valued me she would not have gone, she did go, it is also part of her being selfish and thinking since I love her I wouldnt bail when I said I would NOT be put in that situation and be around.

 

[exhausted]

I wholeheartedly agree with your walking. Like guru said, disappear and let her come back begging for you on your own terms. You told her what would happen if she did this, and this is the result. B*tches need to learn.

She flipped afterward, I told her before she went I did not agree with it it was inappropriate and crossing a boundary with me and I would walk if she went, we got off the phone being done and she went to the activity then called me 4x and messaged me trying to see me and being mad at ME for bailing on her. later talked to her on the phone to get her to stop her hostile messages, I was calm before and calm after speaking to her, and asked her why she was md at me for her actions which resulted in what I told her I would do. She apologized and said she would never do it again, I said too late you did it once and will want to again when other activities arise, (didnt tell her this but i know me putting up with it would enable her) she begged me saying would I stay with her if she said she would never do it again I said yes you will do it again so no I am done.
I will not be left at home while my girl is off with her ex and kid doing family ****, it is wrong.
I have gone to a dozen soccer games, done school activities with him there and minded my business but I will not sit back while she goes off and does those things, inappropriate.
Im not made like that.

 

[exhausted]

This is the idea that each experience is individual. Therefore, we can't possibly comment.

Kind of pointless.

Don't raise another man's kids. OP is only 36 for goodness sake, and he has been LTR'ing a girl for 2 years with lovechildren from another man.

There is a better way, a better life. We each set our own value in this game, to a large extent.

I think he can do a million times better. It baffles me that guys can come on a forum like this, and set their sights so low as to micromanage a single mother. Hence, I haven't even bothered getting into relationship management on this thread.



You care more about this relationship than she does. Where does that lead? What does that say about the state of your game?

Improve.

Im 38 now. I have raised a kid on my own for 17 years now and got burned when I was 28 pretty bad, i stayed single for years and spun plates like a king then met this girl a few years back, felt compelled that I was meant to do more than just bang girls and switch them in and out. So I was with this girl for a few years, I have been fantastic in every way, she is always a **** up and emotional and irrational though always was respectful in this manner though for some reason thought she was in the right to go do this activity with her ex and daughter even with me telling her it was inappropriate to me and I would be gone. Did it anyways and then was mad I was gone, couldnt fix the situation and I am sure is probably mad at me, even though this was her choice to go through with it. She has always been foolish never considering consequences even this time when I told her what they would be.
You are right I can do better and have many times, I guess at 38 I am just lazy with having to go spit game and make moves, I am more content to have easy ***** around or just hit the gym and hang with my German Shepard which is more enjoyable then dealing with these irrational ****ty women.....

 

[The Duke]

She says she hates her ex but wanted to see her kid and I know she hates her ex

I wouldn't buy this. Talk is cheap. Actions always speak louder than words. Judge by her actions.
1. She knew you didn't approve and did so anyways. Strike #1 she disrespected you.
2. A person that hates another does not hang out with that person regardless of a kid or not. Strike #2 she isn't being 100pct honest.

 

[exhausted]

She says she hates her ex but wanted to see her kid and I know she hates her ex

I wouldn't buy this. Talk is cheap. Actions always speak louder than words. Judge by her actions.
1. She knew you didn't approve and did so anyways. Strike #1 she disrespected you.
2. A person that hates another does not hang out with that person regardless of a kid or not. Strike #2 she isn't being 100pct honest.

Agreed. I know she hates this dude by all the complaining but doesnt matter u dont do family activities with an ex. Crossing the line. I explained my case and she still went.
Then figured It would be ok because she loves me.
**** that.

 

[ubercat]

I'm with Dee Sade on this one. Do what a chick would do use this girl as a convenience while your lining up other plates. At your age you can do much better. It sounds like the girl wasn't that great you just wanted some stability and family life.

 

[Bible_Belt]

hang with my German Shepard

My German Shepherd is a chick magnet. Women love her. They approach me constantly whenever I walk her in public.

 

[exhausted]

I'm with Dee Sade on this one. Do what a chick would do use this girl as a convenience while your lining up other plates. At your age you can do much better. It sounds like the girl wasn't that great you just wanted some stability and family life.

I cant even do that call it stubborn or pride but cant be with a girl who does what she did. Just not in me.

 

[exhausted]

I also agree with your leaving. We men need to start holding women accountable for their actions. Well done.

Why do girls these days not take our word, do what they want anyways then expect everything will be fine?
The generation of ***** men thats why

 

[CMNILS87]

Why do girls these days not take our word, do what they want anyways then expect everything will be fine?
The generation of ***** men thats why

Because women don't have boundaries or they're not super scared of losing their man.

Take for instance, your GF was dating Ryan Reynolds. She wants to go for a girls weekend to vegas to party with her single friends that Ryan knows are sex up the clubs. Ryan says it's not ok with him for her to go to vegas, dress slutty, get attention from other males, and put herself in a state of emotional play with alcohol and men all around. Do you think said GF would respect his wishes because he has so much value or not give a **** and go anyway?

GF would tell her girlfriends and they'd say he's an ******* and no fun, but deep down she'd respect him even more

 

[exhausted]

How about your own actions!?

You have had an exclusive relationship with a single mother for years! What message does that send?

Sort your own act out first, before you start getting mouthy about other guys.

well my point was that the generation of badass men and women respecting those men is gone, due to politics among many other things, social media, the feminist movement and such.
Meaning the programming of both men and women is just not quality anymore.

I am not disagreeing with you but why is dating a girl who has a kid so bad?
Clearly I have learned my lesson but I am opting for some guidance, along with maybe a verbal ass whooping to keep me on track. It isnt easy to let go of someone you love, but that line was crossed in a completely inappropriate situation.

I am all ears...

oh also, I am 38 and she is 29, so clearly my experiences are diff from hers as far as expectations I suppose.