Deadly dating mistakes

[Glassguy]

There are no magic lines or tricks to enhance attraction other than constantly working on yourself to be the best possible version you can be. However, there are certainly things that you can do that will kill attraction nearly instantly:

1.) Being too available: This goes for texting right back all of the time, giving a laundry list of when you're free to meet up, etc. Women want men who have a purpose. People with a purpose are busy people. Women love attention but they love attention they must earn even more. When a woman is forward and asks me out for a drink, my response now is "Sounds good. Let me check my availability and I will let you know when I can break free". Then I get back to them. Trust me when I say it is a good thing to jerk a woman's emotions when it comes to not being available all the time.

2.) Being needy/insecure/possessive: Women want a hot commodity. When a guy is any of these things (including jealousy) they will walk. They know far too well that when a man acts in these ways it is because he has no other options. And he has no other options for a reason. Any man of high value has women in the pipeline and will walk away from disrespect and simply find someone new. No man of high value is going to waste time checking up on a woman, stalking her social media, constantly asking about other men in her social circles, etc.

3.) Making a woman the priority: When you ditch making yourself and what benefits you for a woman, you just put a nail in the proverbial coffin. Many times men are on their purpose, spinning plates, enjoying the dating life and all of a sudden he meets "the one" (which doesnt exist btw). All of a sudden he is canceling plans with his friends, putting his hobbies and passions on the back burner to be with her. A woman can certainly be A priority but should never be THE Priority. When she is THE priority it will start a domino effect of her losing respect for you.

4.) Being unrealistic- Women can be flaky by nature. How you handle flaky behavior will ultimately decide how she views you in the priority list of her options. If you get all butthurt, call her out, etc. she will instantly dismiss you. If you blow off flaky behavior it shows that you are not phased from it because you have other women in your circle. I advise to never shut a door in connection to a woman unless she is disrespectful, as it never hurts to keep a line of communication open for the future.

5.) Being too committal: You should be letting women validate themselves and EARN more from you as time goes on. When a woman asks me what I am looking for I say "I am recently single and enjoying the dating life. Not looking for anything super serious but not opposed to it over time with the right person". I dont want to eliminate chicks that want a serious relationship because I'll fvck them too, and I dont want to eliminate the casual dater either. What you have to avoid is just handing all of your time and attention over to one woman after a few good dates. Never give anything to a woman that hasnt earned it. It makes you look weak and non mysterious. A woman certainly knows if she has put forth a bunch of time and effort into seeing you. She is well aware of the guys that just put themselves on a silver platter for her when she has done nothing to earn it. It shows the man is pathetic to be honest, and that he has nothing else going on in his dating world.
Make these women WORK for you and your time and attention.

I am recently single after dating a chick for 6 months. As I am sharpening up my game for coming approaches and connections, I thought I would share some of these things that work wonders for me. Just be the opposite of these 5 mistakes and you will find that women with high interest will certainly chase you instead of spinning your wheels and chasing them.

I will keep it to these 3 major dating flaws for now. Feel free to add.

Happy hunting

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Great list...additionally I will add that when things are going great with a woman many times they will do something to see your reaction to it early on, usually within the first few months.

This is actually a good thing because no woman wastes time doing those things with guys they aren't interested in. But many guys freak out and do the wrong thing and blow it, turning a woman who has high interest and is wanting to progress things with you to a woman who loses interest completely.

Two of most common things are going cold and cancelling a date.

When they back off you back off and let them reinitiate things. When they do you don't freak out and ask if everything is OK or if you did something wrong, you just act like nothing even happened.

If the cancel a date just be cool about it but DON'T reward them with extra attention...way too many guys(myself included) have screwed things up because they make a woman feel like its OK they cancelled on them. I'm not saying to make her feel like a POS but you need to at least back off and shut your mouth to let her wonder what you are thinking.

No person wants to do something crappy and feel bad about it and then have someone tell them it's fine and try to make them feel good about it and then give them extra attention. It makes THEM feel worse! I mean who wants a person so into them they can do whatever they want and you will act like a doormat?? Nobody!

 

[EyeBRollin]

This is a solid list. All is true except a piece of #1.

Rejecting incoming advances from women is not how one establishes value through scarcity. I’ve mentioned in numerous posts, that you shall always accept incoming advances from women but counter-offer times that are not favorable to you, or same-day requests. The only exceptions being you are in an LTR and your girlfriend/wife has been misbehaving.

It does not benefit men during the courtship process to outright reject women when the desire is forward progress. Getting the face time is more important than jerking her around (which actually lowers interest level in higher self-esteem women).

 

[Romanemp22]

Also, you have to make yourself a challenge from time to time. Fvck around, flirt with other girls and make her head go only about you. You will be more attractive to her than if you're her puppy dog.

 

[Smartone84]

Even if they're obvious this is a very good list and I like how they're all laid out and explained well. I'd be curious what your two cents are in my latest thread.

 

[Glassguy]

a few things-

@Smartone84 I havent seen your thread but I will take a look

@samspade Some of us are busy and have to check and see when we are free. I know many people that are free all of the time due to no life, no purpose and no hobbies. I am far from that type of person. I dont believe in "iron clad rules" because every situation is a little different. However, I do believe in having a solid frame, being assertive and not chasing. I also believe that the 5 things I listed are almost always in play, especially for many members on here that are newer to frame and high self standards.

@stringpuller no idea what you are trying to say at the end of your last post. A higher value man will always have women in the pipeline, whether he orchestrates that or not. Trust me I dont always have to have a chick. But there is power in abundance.

 

[Barrister]

@Glassguy

Good list. However, I generally find my problem is that I am actually too busy in life to keep a solid plate rotation. I usually can only effectively have two plates max at any one time due to work and my personal life. I simply cannot juggle three different ladies at once without having to schedule dates out 2-3 weeks in advance inbetween seeing them. It makes it very difficult to ever develop great rapport -- but it does have an overall positive effect as they generally cannot wait until the next date with so much time passing. I have tried to have 3-4 plates at once and I just get completely burnt out and it takes away a lot of the enjoyment because I end up not getting to do anything else besides date (no guy-friend time, etc.).

 

[BeExcellent]

A solid list @Glassguy. All I would add is that a man must also exhibit respectful behavior just as a man expects from his woman. Women who are high value will have options and abundance just as men of high value will.

A man who gets sloppy drunk, hits on other women without caring what the woman he is with thinks or who lies is not worthwhile to a high value woman. I will walk away from that kind of disrespect and have done so. Sometimes men who can obtain women easily themselves can also act disrespectful...and a woman worth having isn’t going to accept that.

Sure the man can always get another girl...but not all women are equally desirable, just as not all men are equally desirable.

Responses to behavior must be respectful and calibrated. This goes both ways or one party or the other will walk & rightfully so.

Cheers

 

[EyeBRollin]

A lot of this stuff is situational. I've learned that while it's good to have personal rules, real life doesn't always cooperate with "iron rules" and commandments and that sort of thing.

We always have to run a tight ship. “Rules” like such are good for consistency and the assumption that any woman you meet could stick around long term. Yes, statistically it is unlikely for any one girl, but you do encounter a few in your life with serious long term potential. It’s better to establish all the correct precedents than to worry about changing them later (when they can’t be).

What matters is your congruency and how comfortable you are with yourself. It's not like a girl is going to say "ha, I'll bet you had nothing else to do tonight" if you accept a last minute invitation (especially when it's clear she's in heat, lol). I HAVE had girls try to pry me away when I say I already have plans (but counter-offer), but at that point if a man acquiesces, it can backfire.

Agreed on congruence but disagree on last minute invitation. She loses respect for your time when you accept a same day date. That precedent cannot be undone. This happens subconsciously.

 

[Glassguy]

Agreed on congruence but disagree on last minute invitation.

I will agree to an extent as this can really be a situational decision.

Example- If you are out with friends and a chick hits you up and says "I am with my friends at such and such place, why dont you swing by here", then I see no harm in swinging by. That is a last minute invitation but it makes sense to go if thats what you want to do.

In my experience, if a chick OFFERS a last minute invitation, its ok in a lot of situations to accept it. Granted that you are free and WANT to accept it.

What blows up in your face is when the MAN makes a last minute invitation for the same day because it shows (in a woman's eyes) that he doesnt have much going on in his life.

The worst scenario is this- woman makes an offer for the same day. You agree. She then all of a sudden has something that comes up. "Oh I forgot that my cousins boyfriend's half brothers girlfriend is coming over this evening. Sorry!". And thats ok too. She just showed her hand on who she really is and you eject.

2 years ago I had a chick from my area that was about 10 years younger than me hit me up on fb. We chatted a little bit and she said that she would like to grab a drink sometime. So I said sure, I will figure out when I can get free. She told me that evening was the only day she had free that week and asked if I could meet up. So we met up at a hole in the wall pizza place that has great music, cold beer and excellent pizza. As we sat on the same side of the booth she began kino and before we left, she had me in her SUV blowing me. She was a solid plate for about 3 months. Extremely sexy, amazing body and loved to fvck.

Sometimes its ok to accept a same day meet up but I NEVER offer it.

The point I was making in my original post of this thread is this:

If a woman is shyte testing a guy, she will sometimes ask when he is free. Guy says "Thursday night" and all of a sudden Thursday doesnt work for her. She asks what other nights he is free and he says "well I free Friday night and Saturday night too. Failed shyte test.

This is why I will invite a woman out to JOIN me for a drink on a specific day. It is up to her to tell me a night that works if she counter offers on the day to meet. Once she counters with a specific day, I will accept if I am free. If I accept the day she counters with and then all of a sudden she isnt free that night, I back off.

Giving a woman a laundry list of free evenings is an attraction killer. That is what men need to avoid.

 

[Lookatu]

That is a last minute invitation but it makes sense to go if thats what you want to do.

In my experience, if a chick OFFERS a last minute invitation, its ok in a lot of situations to accept it. Granted that you are free and WANT to accept it.

I agree with this and it's partially based on personality types too. For me I'm free, flexible, adaptable and spontaneous. I look for someone to be the same too. So if the tables are turned and I call up a chick last min and see if she wants to hang out on an hour's notice and she's not busy, I want someone that flexible too. Sometimes its ok to put the ego, strategy, power play, suspicions aside and just enjoy it for what it is.

If it turns out to be a shyt test from her and you fail it, oh well. Her loss. I don't succumb to those childish games from girls like that. If she has to shyt test you this early on for stupid reasons, she will ALWAYS shyt test you for stupid reasons going forward with you in a relationship and do you really want someone like that?

 

[BeExcellent]

As a chick I see both Glassguy’s perspective as well as Lookatu’s perspective. I am a busy woman but I like spontaneity and keeping things light and unscripted even inside a relationship.

Furthermore there’s another thing at play too...and it’s nuanced. I date desirable men that have options. Always in the ambiguous beginning I understand that he’s got his options (up to and including sex), and I have my options as well. So everyone is essentially in plate status...but as two people gravitate toward one another emotional attachment begins and other plates begin to fall off. This usually happens organically/naturally in my experience over time.

So when a playboy clears the deck for me to allow me more bandwidth and more time with him...I respect and appreciate that MORE, not less. And I make similar investment. These are men who know how to run a rotation and could easily spin a rotation up (they usually have latent orbiters and a fan club well established) if the developing relationship with me breaks off, they will do exactly that.

In the early phases you always need to establish yourself in her eyes as a sought after man. The best way to do this is to actually BE one. Have a life, have self esteem, genuinely have stuff to do. From there you can do most anything and you’ll be OK as a desirable man. If you are busy, you’re busy, if you are free you’re free.

The trouble is for men who don’t know what real abundance is...who don’t know how to spin up a rotation...if you are having to ACT a certain way to project a certain value, you’ve already lost and women will figure that out.

Glassguy does not have that problem because he IS an intrinsically high value sought after man with options who knows how to handle women.

Become like that through your own life ambitions and purpose. I am typing this sitting here taking a break from my workday...while my guy is sitting at his desk across from me conducting a conference call for his employees. We spend a great deal of time together, both work remotely, and keep it pretty spontaneous. And he has other women who hit him up...and there are other men who hit me up too. We are both transparent about what is going on and we both actively choose each other...but it’s more organic and less expected.

So apply the rules laid out in the OP as good guideposts. But understand the nuance that experience and intrinsic value confer.

 

[bcude]

"I am recently single and enjoying the dating life. Not looking for anything super serious but not opposed to it over time with the right person". I dont want to eliminate chicks that want a serious relationship because I'll fvck them too, and I dont want to eliminate the casual dater either.

I have the same approach saying "i'm recently single so i want to date and have fun. If i happen to meet someone i click with i would be open for something serious in the future" and it seems to backfire for me with chicks i've just matched with on OLD who bring it up. When they hear me say it they immediately assume i'm not looking for anything serious so i fall into the 'fvckboy' category, and they respond with "i'm looking for something more serious than you" and it fizzles out. Naturally women starting from 30 years old.
Since so many men on dating apps ask for sex, i think most women are tainted by this and think they'll just get pumped'n'dumped.
They want to know that you're serious but you can't really say that you're serious because then you exhibit low value.
I imagine it needs some tweaking.

 

[Lookatu]

I have the same approach saying "i'm recently single so i want to date and have fun. If i happen to meet someone i click with i would be open for something serious in the future" and it seems to backfire for me with chicks i've just matched with on OLD who bring it up. When they hear me say it they immediately assume i'm not looking for anything serious so i fall into the 'fvckboy' category, and they respond with "i'm looking for something more serious than you" and it fizzles out. Naturally women starting from 30 years old.
Since so many men on dating apps ask for sex, i think most women are tainted by this and think they'll just get pumped'n'dumped.
They want to know that you're serious but you can't really say that you're serious because then you exhibit low value.
I imagine it needs some tweaking.

I spin it a little differently when a woman asks me what I'm looking for.
"An LTR is the ultimate end goal and that's my focus but I realize it may not happen overnight. Until then, I like to meet good people and have a good time. "
If the gal you match with seems like more than a ONS potential, I sometimes add this too: "I'm over the ONS or hookup phase and looking for something more concrete and someone I can build something with hopefully"

This often shuts down their hamster wheel on potential fvckboy type or getting pumped and dumped.