Daytime Cold Approach Journal

[Dawson Hewes]

In college, never been in a real relationship, socially awkward and terrified around women. So sick of this approach anxiety **** that I've decided to conquer it once and for all, so I've decided to start this journal ... purely for my own motivation. Hopefully I'll be able to keep with it.
Last August when I got back to school was great ... I approached almost more girls in two weeks than I have in my entire life (30 or so). Approach anxiety plummeted. But then a week passed ... **** ... and my lazy ass sat in my room all day. I can't let that happen again.

So, I'm going to basically make it impossible for me to fail. If I don't update this thing every day, then you need to call me out on it, call me a *****, etc.

I still haven't figured out exactly how to do this. I'm going to be working day game. I've heard that the hours between 1 and 5 PM are the best for approaching girls in everyday situations. And I have NEVER approached a girl outside of a school setting ... that has to change.

Things that I really need to improve on:
-Approaching a girl with other people around. I'm afraid that other people with hear my conversation and watch me get blown out. I've noticed, however, that the fear goes away the more you talk to women.

-Kino. I don't touch people. I never have, and the only time I've ever used kino was when I was drunk.

-Talking to ugly girls. Yes, this is a problem ... I have bad eyesight and sometimes accidentally approach ugly girls. Luckily, I've learned to open with something neutral and THEN look at their face.

-Older women. I'm afraid of opening women in public places besides school because I'm afraid they'll be older, married, and it will be awkward. Got to improve on this.

-Expression: Perhaps my biggest problem. Don't smile too much and I never put much enthusiasm into what I say, even if I'm enthusiastic about something ... go figure. I have noticed that approaching girls in rapid succession takes care of this easily.

Right now, my tentative plan for tomorrow is to find three public places to approach women in, and chat up a girl in each place. At the end of the conversation (if there is one) I'm going to either ask for the # or a date. If I do not attempt to close, then it does not count as an approach.

My opener for tomorrow: "Are you single?" Yes, I know it's crappy, but I'm going to be nervous as f*ck tomorrow, and it's better than nothing.

Would really appreciate any tips yall have. I wrote this post pretty hastily and I'll probably add more to it later, but that's all for now fellas.

 

[Credos]

why not just:

hey how are ya? and get the convo going from there. If people ask you what you're doing or bust your balls, just tell them you're just trying to make some new friends cause you're new in town

 

[Dawson Hewes]

Well, today sucked. I did go out, actually, which is better than nothing. I went to the mall. It was pretty crowded ... there were lots of hotties there, but almost all of them were with dudes.

Here's my thing ... I don't like older women. Maybe they would respond better to me, I don't know, but I like fresh *****. There are some older women that I see that I'd like to bang, but I never approach them ... I'm always worried that they'll be married. Cold approaching a woman who is older than college age makes it 10x awkward. And I'm near-sighted, so usually I can't tell how old a girl is ... hell, I'm bad at telling how old people are anyway.

I spotted a girl sitting at a table at the Food Court and asked her where the bookstore was ... she looked to be late 20s, and I thought I saw a ring on her finger so I chickened out on trying to talk to her further. Besides, I thought her boyfriend/husband would come out of nowhere.

After like an hour of walking around, with no luck, I went back to my car to retrieve my glasses. Maybe I should get contacts, because the problem was solved right away ... that's definitely something I don't need to worry about in addition to all this other crap.

Anyway, I saw a lady coming out of the store who looked to be fairly attractive. I said "Excuse me" in a ***** voice, she must not have liked my glasses because she looked up at me and then walked away, the *****. I remember hearing about this happen to other guys, but it's never happened to me before ... it sucks. She wasn't even that attractive anyway! I considered becoming the next Ted Bundy for a while, then I calmed down and went home.

Damn it, I acted like a ***** today. But honestly, I put myself in a bad situation. It was not a good idea to try to make my first public approach when I was so rusty ... tomorrow I'm going to make at least two on-campus approaches (because I'm more comfortable with them) and then make an approach at a bookstore somewhere.

This is going to be pretty tough ... I'm not just trying to conquer approach anxiety, but social anxiety in general. It's not like I can open up dudes at the mall either, and talking to strangers has never been my thing.

As always, be sure to comment and give me any tips, particularly if you have lots of experience at day game.

 

[btownbuck2012]

here's the deal dude. this sh!t is hard. Cold approaching women is scary at first. if it wasn't everyone would do it. JUST DON'T GIVE UP.

It's easy to get discouraged. I'm not giving give you any tips for 2 reasons.

a. they're not that good, lol

b. you've gotta figure it out for yourself. There is no right or wrong thing to say. There's only your experience and YOUR decision of what works and what doesn't work.

Again, don't give up. Also, instead of saying "I'm for sure doin 2 approaches tomorrow" why not try 1 approach a week. It's easy to get overwhelmed when you're trying to meet some quota. Just be cool, go about your day, and if you spot an opportunity take it. Otherwise, don't worry about it.

1 a week sounds good to me because you want to make this, cold approaching, a habit instead of, again, trying to reach a quota. Make it a-part of who you are.

anyways, my 2 cents

 

[Dawson Hewes]

Well, I haven't updated because I'm a big *****. I keep telling myself, I need to conquer this problem once and for all, I have to talk to girls. But then I feel tired or lazy and I think ... well, TOMORROW I'll go out and do everything perfect.

Tomorrow keeps coming and coming ... and it never happens.

I'm going to set a time frame. I'm going to go out each day, from 2 to 5 in the afternoon, and I'm going to use that time frame to approach women. For the rest of the time, I'm not going to worry about it. And if on my off-time I see a girl that I like and I get the balls to approach, then that's great.

btbownbuck2012: Unfortunately, I can't just approach women "when I feel like it". You're right that everyone is different, and that just doesn't work to me. Also I feel that once a week is just not enough. Hell, I don't even think once a day is enough.

That said, I haven't been very good at keeping to my approach time frame. I did, however, go out and talk to two girls.

Approach #1
Girl coming up to me on sidewalk. Felt really nervous, but I've found that nervousness sometimes helps. Told her she was pretty and asked if she was single. She said no, she was taken, but she seemed flattered. I told her I wasn't asking for me, but for my midget friend who was 4'6 and wanted a girlfriend but was scared to talk to girls because he was afraid they would look down on him. I asked if she had any friends who would be interested in dating a midget. She said they were all taken, but seemed concerned with his plight.
One of the nicest girls I've talked to. She seemed genuinely flattered when I told her she was pretty. If you tell a girl she's pretty and she doesn't respond in a positive way, you don't want to talk to her any further. Of course, not the best opener in the world, but it's straight and to the point and is pretty easy to do if you suffer from approach anxiety.
My body language sucks, but I don't know how to work on that except to try talking to as many people as possible. Since I've started talking to girls, I've noticed little things, like that I put my hands in my pockets and I subconsciously try to make myself look smaller. This will improve with time, I hope.

Approach #2
Stopped this one girl that was walking by. Situational opener. She was okay looking but not as attractive as #1. Asked if she was single. I guess I came across as creepy because she didn't seem flattered. (Asking if a girl is single comes across as pretty desperate anyway). She said she was but was really busy and wasn't looking for a boyfriend right now. I called her out on it and asked if she was just looking for sex. She seemed amused but only allowed a hint of a smile. I then told her I was joking, said "see ya" and walked away.

What I've learned:
-Don't put your hands in your pockets. Try to make your presence as large as possible.
-If a girl says she's single but isn't looking for a boyfriend, always call her out on it, because 100% of the time it means she wants a relationship but doesn't want one with you.

I'm going to go out tomorrow, 2-5. Two campus approaches, then I'll stop by the bookstore for the more literary hos.

 

[btownbuck2012]

.

btbownbuck2012: Unfortunately, I can't just approach women "when I feel like it". You're right that everyone is different, and that just doesn't work to me. Also I feel that once a week is just not enough. Hell, I don't even think once a day is enough.

Why do you feel this way? How old are you? Do you feel like you're running out of time?

The reason i suggested 1 a week as oppossed to 1 a day is that it's easier to make it a habit that way. You want this to be a skill that is with you for the rest of your life, know what i'm saying?

It's easy to say i'm gonna go approach 5 girls today then chicken out and feel like a loser because you didn't meet your quota. Also you're gonna burn out and lose motivation trying to do 5+ a day. trust me. Just work on keeping it consistent. Once a week allows you to go about your life and instead of wussing out when an opportunity PRESENTS ITSELF you can just knock out your 1 approach for that week.

Personally, i find it's easier to strike up a convo when i'm out doing things OTHER THAN LOOKING TO APPROACH. idk tho that's just me. Bottom line is don't give up

 

[macallik]

Good journal. Stop beating yourself up and calling yourself a *****. This stuff reinforces negative thoughts and creates cyclical experiences.

Also realize that each girl has her own individual tastes and views on attraction. I have tried to dance with an hb6 who ran of the dancefloor in front of everyone. Changed clubs and made out with an hb9 in the middle of the dancefloor less than 15 mins later. Don't sweat it if one girl looks at you funny. If you do, you will always have your confidence shut down when you start picking up a little steam.

Anyways good to see an active approach journal. Just keep putting yourself in the field and eventually you will start forcing yourself to approach.

 

[Dawson Hewes]

Well today kinda sucked, but at least I made two approaches. Saw a girl coming up the sidewalk ... it used to be I'd never open up girls that are moving, it was always girls who were sitting down. That means more girls I can open up, but that leaves less room for conversation because they're either in a hurry/were already walking to begin with so that makes it easier to end the conversation quickly.

Approach #2
Couldn't think of an opener. Eventually settled for, "Hey, I think you a cutie. You wanna come to the prom with me?" Stupid. Humorous (I'm not in high school). Girl laughed and said no. Can't remember if she said she had a boyfriend or not.

Approach #3
Still was a little anxious. I still have trouble talking to girls if someone's around to hear the conversation. If I could just get over this anxiety, the number of women I could talk to would dramatically increase. This one was kind of stupid: I held a cigarette in my hand and asked her if she liked to smoke reefer as she walked by. She said no. She then started walked away and I asked if she was single (because I want to get shot down or get a number). She said she wasn't. I asked if she was sure. She said she was positive.
Not a good approach. Opener was terrible. Humorous/different is good. Creepy is not. The girl had glasses and I could just tell she was one of those liberal, nerdy types who sit in coffee shops and read stupid books all day. I think women I don't like subconsciously know I don't like them and reject me as a favor. For some reason, I do well with cuter girls or those that I'm sexually attracted to.

What I've learned:
-If you're going to ask a question as an opener, ask an open-ended question, something that gets a conversation started.

That said, tomorrow I might just try using a direct opener, ask her name and #, and then asks if she wants to hang out. Probably won't work (mainly because I don't have a confident enough frame) but interesting to experiment with.

I'm still working on my plan to conquer approach anxiety. I'm still not comfortable with going to other venues besides my college campus, so I'm going to have to work that in there somewhere. My biggest obstacle is keeping it consistent. Once a week, unfortunately, won't cut it. At least, it's that way for me.
Tomorrow ... 3 girls ... I know I have to go out. Just need to build up the momentum and keep going. Thanks for the support guys.

 

[Dawson Hewes]

Been a long time since I've updated this journal, but have made a number of approaches, how many I'm not sure. But I'm still not improving like I want to improve. My standard target is almost always a girl who's alone, on campus. I use a line like "are you single" or ask to borrow a quarter so I can get a good look at her to verify if she's hot enough to approach. Sounds stupid I know.

Today I went to the grocery store to attempt an approach there, I went out with the intent of just making conversation (I am not used to talking to strangers in public places, at all). Instead I talked to some hot ***** in the parking lot. A really good attempt, both because there were other people who might have been able to hear me talk to her (and surprise surprise, they didn't care and I don't either). And also because I wasn't sure if she was my age or not. One thing is for sure - she was smoking hot. Not single though.

Anyway, I got to the grocery store. Not sure what in the hell to say. I've thought about jokingly asking women if they would buy me food, or beer, just for the hell of it. There was a woman in the fruit section who looked a bit older, I was thinking of asking her if I could interest her in some bananas but I chickened out. Then I almost ran into this smoking hot girl, but no approach there either.

Today was okay, I just need to be out in public a lot more, with a mindset of talking to women.I like turtles

 

[Domo_Arigatoo]

Take baby steps bro
Practice holding eye contact with strangers for a few days
Then practice just saying hi to strangers with a smile
Then practice having short convos with strangers
Then practice having conversations with strangers and be funny, witty, throw your personality in there.
After practicing this for a while, cold approaching women won't seem that difficult anymore.

Btw, it doesn't really matter what you open with, as long as you believe one hundred percent that you are going to get the girl (yeah, harder than it sounds i know)

You could open with, "Did you know that 40 people commit suicide per week in Japan?"
or
"Did you know that my cat has alzheimers?"

DOESN'T MATTER
the more random the better, she'll most likely laugh at how random it was and that's an instant ice breaker, also it boosts your state when you see that she's enjoying herself. While talking, don't ask yourself, "what do i do next..." ask yourself, "How can i make this fun?"

That's all i gotta say, hope it helps on your journey.

 

[oxford comma]

ive never understood going out just to meet girls. just live your life and when you see a cool girl, talk to her. this site is so hypocritical. we preach about not having women be the center of your life, then dudes try to get better with girls by making them the center of their lives. if you're meeting one new girl a week, that is more than enough.

 

[oxford comma]

but i guess when you are completely new to this stuff its only natural to make it a big part of your life at first.

 

[Dawson Hewes]

Domo_Arigatoo, right on. One of the funnest approaches I had was going up to a random girl and asking what her favorite cereal was. It's best not to take this seriously.

oxford, I'm not at the point where I can just talk to any girl I want to. I have to make it an assignment or else it won't happen. I hope one day to get the point where I can just do everything naturally.

I used to get nervous as hell when I would go to public places with the task of trying to pick up a woman. Now I'm just going to get out of my comfort zone, make conversation without the intent of pickup, and get more comfortable with talking to people in general.

 

[Vice]

Good journal. Stop beating yourself up and calling yourself a *****. This stuff reinforces negative thoughts and creates cyclical experiences.

This.

I reccommend that you go out to a nightclub, because you can get in a whole bunch of approaches in a single night, and it's a great way to carry on social momentum for day game the next day: Friday night club, Saturday afternoon mall + insta-date.

Have you tried going direct? I don't agree with all this "what's your favorite cereal" horse sh*t, girls see right through that crap.

Be unapologetic. You know what you want. Go for it. She'll appreciate it more than p*ssyfooting around her. Read a David X book, that'll get your sh*t straight.

/keyboard jockeying

 

[Dawson Hewes]

Yeah, I've been thinking about going clubbing for some time. Hard to find non-ghetto clubs in my area though.

As for approaches, I go direct most of the time. My biggest problem is establishing the right frame/appearing confident and not needy. Just need to stick with it.

 

[Vice]

Yeah, I've been thinking about going clubbing for some time. Hard to find non-ghetto clubs in my area though.

As for approaches, I go direct most of the time. My biggest problem is establishing the right frame/appearing confident and not needy. Just need to stick with it.

Use yelp.com to find a decent club; and stay away from the clubs that are promoted on the radio. They're out there. And be willing to travel; I spend about half an hour driving to my regular spot.

 

[Mike32ct]

Use yelp.com to find a decent club; and stay away from the clubs that are promoted on the radio. They're out there. And be willing to travel; I spend about half an hour driving to my regular spot.

This is golden. I used to go to a club that was about 60 percent women. Once they started advertising on the radio, the sausage started POURING IN. Now, it's 25 to 30 percent women at best. I stopped going there.

 

[Dawson Hewes]

Well, I was looking up clubs in my area and there was one close by that I had heard of ... and it said the best time was Thursday night ... and since this was Thursday night, I said **** it, I'll go ... which is probably the most spontaneous thing I've done in a long time.

Yes, I went alone. But now that I've gone by myself, I don't understand why going alone has such a bad rap ... I sort of befriended a pair of dudes and things were less awkward. The guy/girl ratio was decent.

I opened this one chick by asking if she would buy me a drink, just for a joke. She was like "No!" in a rude voice and stormed off. Dumb *****.

Then the dancing started and I got pretty uncomfortable, since I don't know how to dance at all. Honestly, it kind of disgusts me, this whole grinding thing, it's so stupid. Anyway, no one wanted to dance with me, and I couldn't make conversation worth **** because it was so damn loud, and now I'm back and there's a ringing in my ears and I'm wondering if it will ever go away.

After a while I stepped outside for a cig, then I came back and tried to make conversation with this one set. Of course I had to yell at them and of course my breath smelled like smoke lol, so this girl told me to go to the bathroom and wash my hands. Honestly, this last girl I talked to actually sounded the nicest, but there was no way in hell I was going to let this girl watch me wash my hands like a *****, so I just left.

The club I went to appeals to high school/college kids, so the girls were lame. I mean seriously, some girls weren't dancing with dudes at all, they were dancing with their girlfriends the whole time, even though dudes wanted to dance with them, and I watched them leave with their girlfriends.

Even though I'm always filled with contempt for today's generation after going to one of these things, I'm sort of glad I went, because at least that fear is gone, and I know what to expect and hopefully I can find a guide on picking up women at clubs that I can apply to my situation. Finally, I just want to say that compared to clubs, day game is like 100x easier. Sure women don't expect to be picked up in public, but at least you can have a decent conversation.

Oh, on a related note, I saw a girl in my neighborhood who had to be in elementary school, who was dressed like one of those skanks at the club ... boots, miniskirt, etc. No doubt her mom thinks she looks 'sexy'. What is this world coming to.

Gah. I hope this ringing in my ears goes away soon.

 

[Vice]

This is golden. I used to go to a club that was about 60 percent women. Once they started advertising on the radio, the sausage started POURING IN. Now, it's 25 to 30 percent women at best. I stopped going there.

Thanks, glad to see that this wasn't only isolated to my area.

But now that I've gone by myself, I don't understand why going alone has such a bad rap ... I sort of befriended a pair of dudes and things were less awkward. The guy/girl ratio was decent.

Don't befriend dudes. As soon as you walk in, ENGAGE a pair of girls. IMMEDIATELY.

I opened this one chick by asking if she would buy me a drink, just for a joke. She was like "No!" in a rude voice and stormed off. Dumb *****.

This was more than likely a weak frame (judging by the tone of the rest of your post) combined with that just being a poor way to open. Take it as a lesson learned.

Then the dancing started and I got pretty uncomfortable, since I don't know how to dance at all. Honestly, it kind of disgusts me, this whole grinding thing, it's so stupid. Anyway, no one wanted to dance with me, and I couldn't make conversation worth **** because it was so damn loud, and now I'm back and there's a ringing in my ears and I'm wondering if it will ever go away.

I usually don't dance, but when I do, it's if my instinct tells me that the girl is DTF and I'm going to get a good makeout session in with me touching her in ways that I know to my core will get her wet.

As for not being able to hear the girls, I have a solution for that. But you'll have to read the next paragraph

After a while I stepped outside for a cig, then I came back and tried to make conversation with this one set. Of course I had to yell at them and of course my breath smelled like smoke lol, so this girl told me to go to the bathroom and wash my hands. Honestly, this last girl I talked to actually sounded the nicest, but there was no way in hell I was going to let this girl watch me wash my hands like a *****, so I just left.

Next time it's too loud in the club, PHYSICALLY MOVE a girl from the loud area to the quieter area. Just get her attention by tapping her, and nonverbally have her follow you out to the smoking area.

And I'm under the impression that you might be afraid of your own voice; I know I used to be. Then I realized that I need to increase my volume more than the average guy since my voice is so deep. Conversely, I can quiet a little when I get some interest so they have an excuse to lean into me "to hear me better", and by hearing me better I mean making out a minute later.

The club I went to appeals to high school/college kids, so the girls were lame. I mean seriously, some girls weren't dancing with dudes at all, they were dancing with their girlfriends the whole time, even though dudes wanted to dance with them, and I watched them leave with their girlfriends.

Translation: YOU were lame. They don't want to dance with beta dudes that weakly ask them for drinks and don't have the balls to physically move them to a quieter place.

Even though I'm always filled with contempt for today's generation after going to one of these things, I'm sort of glad I went, because at least that fear is gone, and I know what to expect and hopefully I can find a guide on picking up women at clubs that I can apply to my situation. Finally, I just want to say that compared to clubs, day game is like 100x easier. Sure women don't expect to be picked up in public, but at least you can have a decent conversation.

This generation's (translation: my generation) dysfunctions are PERFECT for picking them up. They have weaker values, and are easily influenced by the media, which can easily be taken advantage of my catering to their easily predictable mindsets.

Hope this helps; I know you're new to this, keep going out. Internalize what you learn, and don't expect to be a rock star by next week.