Dating today vs dating in the 90's - 00's

[RickTheToad]

I've just recently got back into dating, and I find it drastically different than when I dated in my teens and in my 20's. I am 36 now, and it's not fun. Seems the goal for the man is to lay the lady, which is fine. The goal for the lady, I have no idea. Ladies seem to line men up night by night and they have the pick of the liter. Whereas men are a commodity. My boss, who's a little bit older than me, been through a divorce, no kids, plenty of $$$, owns multiple locations, decent guy (usually) and is in shape says it's tough for him too.

How is dating better for both sexes nowadays? It seems both aren't happy overall with the prospects. What am I missing? It could be me, and that is fine. I am just trying to get ahold of the dating scene now in 2010's. It seems more as a race to the bottom than a race to find love and/or happiness with the other sex. A co-worker also got an STD from a match BJ (he claims). These things are so different than before, I am not sure if the risks outweigh the rewards. The last three women I dated said their average relationship lasted 6 months, 4 months a 8 months.

Is it normal nowadays for people to just have dozens of relationships every year? I feel out of place in the social scene. I never thought I was ugly, but dating online is horrid. I uploaded my pics to pic rating sites, I was rated above average. I must had messaged 200 women, less than 10% replied. Of those 10%, maybe 6 made it to a date. Of those 6, maybe 2 were 2 dates or more. One made it intimacy; the other flaked (1st time. I popped my cherry), and she wasn't even the really attractive one. She was average, a bit chubby. Not really what I go for, but I thought I'd see what happens. I tried with another lady, but zero chemistry on me to her. Not sure on the reverse. Hadn't heard from her, so I assume the same. Then again, I didn't reach out, as my interest level in her is pretty low. It was so low, I even agreed to split the bill. She got a bit upset that after a round of IPAs and two burgers with fries, I asked for the check, yet she was still hungry. I do not think she thought I'd agree for her to split, but she put her credit card down.

I really do not know what other avenues to go to meet women. I am not going to go to the supermarket and attempt to pickup women. It just feels weird. When I go to the gym, it's usually just men and I either go super early or super late so I can use the machines I want to use.

I'm so lost, it is not even laughable. I just message the ladies online saying either a question about their profile or picture, or ask them how's their week going. Sometimes I get a hit, most times, I do not. I have no issues on being alone or entertaining myself. By now, I am pretty used to it. I tried to reach out to some of my married friends, their wives weren't too keen, so I'm on my own. Which, again, is fine. I always have things to do. However, socially, I'd like to date, I just do not know how to navigate through this new dating dynamic. HS and college was never like this. Socially, no issues. In the real world, in your 30's, it's an actual nightmare. I sometimes wish I should had just stayed in my LTR. I ended it, not her. I just couldn't take the abuse or sexless relationship. I no longer have the abuse, but still sexless.

Looking for direction. If I typed too much, my apologies. I just feel like I am socially boxed in and there is no light or door insight.

 

[Mazer]

I can relate. At our age, women you meet have tons of orbiters or old ex bf's that they are still in touch with.
I have had conversations with women (who I wasnt interested sexually) from OLD and most mentioned that there are too many options for them because of online dating. In the 90's you only met a handful of people through mutual friends or at work and people would settle.

You need to adjust accordingly, always go for sex on the 1st date, there is no such thing as long term happiness with a woman. Satisfy your immediate needs for sex and keep going. Dont stop to think about the **** show called dating, it will be counterproductive and leave you feeling ill.

 

[RickTheToad]

I can relate. At our age, women you meet have tons of orbiters or old ex bf's that they are still in touch with.
I have had conversations with women (who I wasnt interested sexually) from OLD and most mentioned that there are too many options for them because of online dating. In the 90's you only met a handful of people through mutual friends or at work and people would settle.

You need to adjust accordingly, always go for sex on the 1st date, there is no such thing as long term happiness with a woman. Satisfy your immediate needs for sex and keep going. Dont stop to think about the **** show called dating, it will be counterproductive and leave you feeling ill.

It's seems just another way to waste time and waste money. The ladies seem so fake these days, very hard to read their honest true feelings.. Then, they just jet. I had one last year, not through online dating, but through meetup. After two months, she said she found the one she was looking for in life. Three times a charm from me. She slept over the week after and then ghosted. She's now on Match too.

To say I am upstream without a paddle is an understatement.

 

[Fzatf]

I've just recently got back into dating, and I find it drastically different than when I dated in my teens and in my 20's. I am 36 now, and it's not fun. Seems the goal for the man is to lay the lady, which is fine. The goal for the lady, I have no idea. Ladies seem to line men up night by night and they have the pick of the liter. Whereas men are a commodity. My boss, who's a little bit older than me, been through a divorce, no kids, plenty of $$$, owns multiple locations, decent guy (usually) and is in shape says it's tough for him too.

How is dating better for both sexes nowadays? It seems both aren't happy overall with the prospects. What am I missing? It could be me, and that is fine. I am just trying to get ahold of the dating scene now in 2010's. It seems more as a race to the bottom than a race to find love and/or happiness with the other sex. A co-worker also got an STD from a match BJ (he claims). These things are so different than before, I am not sure if the risks outweigh the rewards. The last three women I dated said their average relationship lasted 6 months, 4 months a 8 months.

Is it normal nowadays for people to just have dozens of relationships every year? I feel out of place in the social scene. I never thought I was ugly, but dating online is horrid. I uploaded my pics to pic rating sites, I was rated above average. I must had messaged 200 women, less than 10% replied. Of those 10%, maybe 6 made it to a date. Of those 6, maybe 2 were 2 dates or more. One made it intimacy; the other flaked (1st time. I popped my cherry), and she wasn't even the really attractive one. She was average, a bit chubby. Not really what I go for, but I thought I'd see what happens. I tried with another lady, but zero chemistry on me to her. Not sure on the reverse. Hadn't heard from her, so I assume the same. Then again, I didn't reach out, as my interest level in her is pretty low. It was so low, I even agreed to split the bill. She got a bit upset that after a round of IPAs and two burgers with fries, I asked for the check, yet she was still hungry. I do not think she thought I'd agree for her to split, but she put her credit card down.

I really do not know what other avenues to go to meet women. I am not going to go to the supermarket and attempt to pickup women. It just feels weird. When I go to the gym, it's usually just men and I either go super early or super late so I can use the machines I want to use.

I'm so lost, it is not even laughable. I just message the ladies online saying either a question about their profile or picture, or ask them how's their week going. Sometimes I get a hit, most times, I do not. I have no issues on being alone or entertaining myself. By now, I am pretty used to it. I tried to reach out to some of my married friends, their wives weren't too keen, so I'm on my own. Which, again, is fine. I always have things to do. However, socially, I'd like to date, I just do not know how to navigate through this new dating dynamic. HS and college was never like this. Socially, no issues. In the real world, in your 30's, it's an actual nightmare. I sometimes wish I should had just stayed in my LTR. I ended it, not her. I just couldn't take the abuse or sexless relationship. I no longer have the abuse, but still sexless.

Looking for direction. If I typed too much, my apologies. I just feel like I am socially boxed in and there is no light or door insight.

You did the right thing ending an abusive ltr that doesn't even get you sex. Better to masturbate with your self respect in tact.

I'm having some trouble locking down a compatible girl but keep dating with the occasional break. I try not to let it get to me and I've found I don't mind being alone for now. Keep trucking forward and you'll make it work.

Do you ever try bars to pick up chicks? Any luck in person outside of OLD?

 

[Fruitbat]

What has happened in most developed economies since 90s/00s.

Huge levels of world migration.

The majority (60-70%) are MEN coming to developed economies - not women. The women tend to go with their existing partners, very very few single girls in 2nd/3rd world decide to go, alone, to a new country. Many men do.

So, men in our generation in this country are about 60%. This is why women are spoiled for choice. Even if they don't date foreigners, the ones that do, leave another (excuse the pun) slot filled.

This has engendered a seflish and spoiled attitude - or perhaps the natural attitude given these dynamics.

You do not get this nonsense from most women outside the western hemisphere. Turn your back on western women. Date women from less developed countries - they aren't all poor, they just have a different attitude.

Of course, there are good ones here etc, but observe:

I see tons of men all buff from gym, roids, working on career, working on status on and on and on.

Most women today seem fatter, less well kempt and generally lower standard.

There is a GLUT of men here. Much better to date women who are happy to have a decent guy, than end up like a lot of the men in PUA. Acting like a performing monkey for female whims. You don't need to bother with the fake tan, 18 hrs per week lifting, reading books on frame et al. You can just enjoy your life without having to model yourself on what some fickle, spoiled western woman desires, nor do you end up a slave to her whims.

 

[Smartone84]

I've just recently got back into dating, and I find it drastically different than when I dated in my teens and in my 20's. I am 36 now, and it's not fun. Seems the goal for the man is to lay the lady, which is fine. The goal for the lady, I have no idea. Ladies seem to line men up night by night and they have the pick of the liter. Whereas men are a commodity. My boss, who's a little bit older than me, been through a divorce, no kids, plenty of $$$, owns multiple locations, decent guy (usually) and is in shape says it's tough for him too.

How is dating better for both sexes nowadays? It seems both aren't happy overall with the prospects. What am I missing? It could be me, and that is fine. I am just trying to get ahold of the dating scene now in 2010's. It seems more as a race to the bottom than a race to find love and/or happiness with the other sex. A co-worker also got an STD from a match BJ (he claims). These things are so different than before, I am not sure if the risks outweigh the rewards. The last three women I dated said their average relationship lasted 6 months, 4 months a 8 months.

Is it normal nowadays for people to just have dozens of relationships every year? I feel out of place in the social scene. I never thought I was ugly, but dating online is horrid. I uploaded my pics to pic rating sites, I was rated above average. I must had messaged 200 women, less than 10% replied. Of those 10%, maybe 6 made it to a date. Of those 6, maybe 2 were 2 dates or more. One made it intimacy; the other flaked (1st time. I popped my cherry), and she wasn't even the really attractive one. She was average, a bit chubby. Not really what I go for, but I thought I'd see what happens. I tried with another lady, but zero chemistry on me to her. Not sure on the reverse. Hadn't heard from her, so I assume the same. Then again, I didn't reach out, as my interest level in her is pretty low. It was so low, I even agreed to split the bill. She got a bit upset that after a round of IPAs and two burgers with fries, I asked for the check, yet she was still hungry. I do not think she thought I'd agree for her to split, but she put her credit card down.

I really do not know what other avenues to go to meet women. I am not going to go to the supermarket and attempt to pickup women. It just feels weird. When I go to the gym, it's usually just men and I either go super early or super late so I can use the machines I want to use.

I'm so lost, it is not even laughable. I just message the ladies online saying either a question about their profile or picture, or ask them how's their week going. Sometimes I get a hit, most times, I do not. I have no issues on being alone or entertaining myself. By now, I am pretty used to it. I tried to reach out to some of my married friends, their wives weren't too keen, so I'm on my own. Which, again, is fine. I always have things to do. However, socially, I'd like to date, I just do not know how to navigate through this new dating dynamic. HS and college was never like this. Socially, no issues. In the real world, in your 30's, it's an actual nightmare. I sometimes wish I should had just stayed in my LTR. I ended it, not her. I just couldn't take the abuse or sexless relationship. I no longer have the abuse, but still sexless.

Looking for direction. If I typed too much, my apologies. I just feel like I am socially boxed in and there is no light or door insight.

Welcome to the awful, difficult, non-genuine, disgusting world of modern day American dating. In the 90's and 00's online dating was considered taboo. NOW it's considered taboo if you're not online, and when you go online, "uphill battle" is an understatement. Women years ago would go on a date and it would be, well, a DATE. You'd get all dolled up, you'd get excited, you'd meet a lady out, maybe even pick her up, and it would be a thing. These days dates are now more "interviews" than ever before, whether anyone wants to accept that reality or not. The difference between dating now as opposed to the 90's and 00's are women who aren't 100% sure about you after the first date don't go home being super open to giving you a second date. Instead they go home to 25 messages from other dudes they just got in that DAY. Sure most of these dudes are creepy and have bad game, and online dating is just as bad for women as it is men, but my point is, a good looking girl can have a decent date every single night of the week if she wanted today. THAT is why you won't see endless responses and THAT is why you will struggle. The women aren't necessarily "fake", it's just that they have many, many more options today, and men to date are no longer scarce for them. That's the unfortunate reality. On top of that, even 30 is also no longer considered "old" for a women IMHO. As long as they're relatively attractive, the attention will be flowing in for them on their Okcupid's, Match.com's or whatever it may be. It has NOTHING to do with you as a person, man. You sound like a great guy. What you need to do if you want any chance online is go out and take the best photos you possibly can with a good camera, and even then it still will not be a breeze. Other than that, it's hitting bars or lounges which I would suggest over online any day as long as you have a wing.

Your post may as well have been me. I'm 33 years old, relatively decent looking, OWN my own apartment in a beautiful neighborhood, have a great job with great benefits, a nice car, good family and friends, a big d-ck and an overall solid attitude about life and yes, even dating somehow, still. I have been online for 6 years now. Out of those 6 years I have probably been out with close to 100 different women. Not crazy really if you think about it. That's an average of a little over one date a month. I've had good phases of date after date, and I've had dark phases of absolutely nothing for a while. I've gotten a good amount of lays, some hot, but ultimately, I have only met about FOUR women in these 6 years that I truly liked. And of those four, only ONE, that's right, ONE, that I wanted something long term with that eventually didn't work out. Why didn't it work out you ask? Go read my post "The Most Brutal Blowoff of All Time" if you dare have the patience.

So yeah, it's hard, and I feel you. Be happy you only just got started now and not when I did. Be happy you had someone in your life for quite a while. Ultimately the key is keeping a good attitude, which I ended up getting back after I lost it for a while, as a lot of these experiences have helped shape me into a true DJ where I can now say my game is more razor sharp than ever before and this keeps me going. I'm still confident that one day something will work out for me, but I will not lie in telling you the dating game today is simple, bc it's anything but. Best of luck.

 

[QuadDeuces]

The guy who cares the least fuks the most women.

 

[RickTheToad]

The guy who cares the least fuks the most women.

I'm getting there.

You did the right thing ending an abusive ltr that doesn't even get you sex. Better to masturbate with your self respect in tact.

I'm having some trouble locking down a compatible girl but keep dating with the occasional break. I try not to let it get to me and I've found I don't mind being alone for now. Keep trucking forward and you'll make it work.

Do you ever try bars to pick up chicks? Any luck in person outside of OLD?

Thanks. It was an absolute nightmare. Not really in to the bar scene. I am not a big drinker, messes with my workout regimen. Beer = lots of calories and sugar. Trying to stick to a low sugar diet.

I do not mind being alone, I just wonder if eventually I may lose my mind for always being alone. Alone (basically) at work. Alone at home. I've read a lot of books saying this is good. I'm even starting to not really want to go out aside from work, grocery and gym. Not depressed, a bit discouraged about the lady thing, but I have a good job. A good side hustle. Nice apt and money in the bank. Just wish my social life was better on point. Sucks being near friendless in your mid-30's. This is the complete opposite of me as a child, teen and college student. Not sure what happened aside the fact that everyone grew up, married and have their own lives/family. Feels like I am trapped in a social isolation box.

What has happened in most developed economies since 90s/00s.

Huge levels of world migration.

The majority (60-70%) are MEN coming to developed economies - not women. The women tend to go with their existing partners, very very few single girls in 2nd/3rd world decide to go, alone, to a new country. Many men do.

So, men in our generation in this country are about 60%. This is why women are spoiled for choice. Even if they don't date foreigners, the ones that do, leave another (excuse the pun) slot filled.

This has engendered a seflish and spoiled attitude - or perhaps the natural attitude given these dynamics.

You do not get this nonsense from most women outside the western hemisphere. Turn your back on western women. Date women from less developed countries - they aren't all poor, they just have a different attitude.

Of course, there are good ones here etc, but observe:

I see tons of men all buff from gym, roids, working on career, working on status on and on and on.

Most women today seem fatter, less well kempt and generally lower standard.

There is a GLUT of men here. Much better to date women who are happy to have a decent guy, than end up like a lot of the men in PUA. Acting like a performing monkey for female whims. You don't need to bother with the fake tan, 18 hrs per week lifting, reading books on frame et al. You can just enjoy your life without having to model yourself on what some fickle, spoiled western woman desires, nor do you end up a slave to her whims.

Yea, it's like shooting fish in the barrel it seems. I know a few single moms which are cleaning up in online dating. Attractive, a bit, but they have some other dudes kids. A few even have different kids from different fathers. It's unreal.

I've learned, ladies do not want a decent guy. What they want changes with the wind. That's fine, as it's their choice. I've been told that ladies look and make fun of the guys who message them online with their friends. I do not see how anyone gets anywhere with online dating aside from the companies that actually own the services. I read somewhere that one company owns 90% of all the dating sites. It's a cash cow.

Welcome to the awful, difficult, non-genuine, disgusting world of modern day American dating. In the 90's and 00's online dating was considered taboo. NOW it's considered taboo if you're not online, and when you go online, "uphill battle" is an understatement. Women years ago would go on a date and it would be, well, a DATE. You'd get all dolled up, you'd get excited, you'd meet a lady out, maybe even pick her up, and it would be a thing. These days dates are now more "interviews" than ever before, whether anyone wants to accept that reality or not. The difference between dating now as opposed to the 90's and 00's are women who aren't 100% sure about you after the first date don't go home being super open to giving you a second date. Instead they go home to 25 messages from other dudes they just got in that DAY. Sure most of these dudes are creepy and have bad game, and online dating is just as bad for women as it is men, but my point is, a good looking girl can have a decent date every single night of the week if she wanted today. THAT is why you won't see endless responses and THAT is why you will struggle. The women aren't necessarily "fake", it's just that they have many, many more options today, and men to date are no longer scarce for them. That's the unfortunate reality. On top of that, even 30 is also no longer considered "old" for a women IMHO. As long as they're relatively attractive, the attention will be flowing in for them on their Okcupid's, Match.com's or whatever it may be. It has NOTHING to do with you as a person, man. You sound like a great guy. What you need to do if you want any chance online is go out and take the best photos you possibly can with a good camera, and even then it still will not be a breeze. Other than that, it's hitting bars or lounges which I would suggest over online any day as long as you have a wing.

Your post may as well have been me. I'm 33 years old, relatively decent looking, OWN my own apartment in a beautiful neighborhood, have a great job with great benefits, a nice car, good family and friends, a big d-ck and an overall solid attitude about life and yes, even dating somehow, still. I have been online for 6 years now. Out of those 6 years I have probably been out with close to 100 different women. Not crazy really if you think about it. That's an average of a little over one date a month. I've had good phases of date after date, and I've had dark phases of absolutely nothing for a while. I've gotten a good amount of lays, some hot, but ultimately, I have only met about FOUR women in these 6 years that I truly liked. And of those four, only ONE, that's right, ONE, that I wanted something long term with that eventually didn't work out. Why didn't it work out you ask? Go read my post "The Most Brutal Blowoff of All Time" if you dare have the patience.

So yeah, it's hard, and I feel you. Be happy you only just got started now and not when I did. Be happy you had someone in your life for quite a while. Ultimately the key is keeping a good attitude, which I ended up getting back after I lost it for a while, as a lot of these experiences have helped shape me into a true DJ where I can now say my game is more razor sharp than ever before and this keeps me going. I'm still confident that one day something will work out for me, but I will not lie in telling you the dating game today is simple, bc it's anything but. Best of luck.

I hear you man. It's pathetic. I even reached out to a chubby lady, but cut face, and I was sidelined. I think I hit a new low there. Gave me her number, then never responded. Hard to keep the line when all one receives is rejection. Ladies seem to like my photos. Well over 96 match likes with the photos. So, I am at a loss. The game has certainly flipped from men to ladies; which is fine. However, it doesn't seem like the ladies are getting what they want either; aside from attention, which I still do not get nor understand the logic behind that.

 

[Macaframalama]

There is a great deal of opportunity out here in all of this cluster fvckery that is modern dating. A man can be a fresh breath of air and easily set himself apart and ahead of the pack today. Easier than ever. Not too awful long ago men were still dueling over women and preservation of honor. I think the important things are to have a small handful of unwavering principles that define who you are as man, yet dynamic enough to float the spectrum of black and white or red and blue, outside of your principles and the awareness to be able to calibrate efficiently and accurately. Also, possess a wide enough skill set, that will put you in proximity with women that you may find interesting and attractive and vice versa. I always have and probably always will be able to murder in party settings. There comes a time, when one grows tired of that lifestyle and I'm beyond past that point, but I know it's there if need be. Back in the real world of Monday-Friday and 9-5 it's crucial to be aware, that it is game time, all the time and be ready to pounce. The opportunities are much further and in between, but they are there. Gaming, lifting weights, hunting, etc aren't just guy things anymore. There are plenty of women out here with a wide array of interests. Find things you enjoy and create situations, where you are able to shine. Converse with everyone and suck people into your frame of positivity and you will have no issue of finding ppl who want to be a part of your life.

 

[Smartone84]

Back in the real world of Monday-Friday and 9-5 it's crucial to be aware, that it is game time, all the time and be ready to pounce. The opportunities are much further and in between, but they are there. Gaming, lifting weights, hunting, etc aren't just guy things anymore. There are plenty of women out here with a wide array of interests. Find things you enjoy and create situations, where you are able to shine. Converse with everyone and suck people into your frame of positivity and you will have no issue of finding ppl who want to be a part of your life.

Very well said, with regards to simply trying to maintain a good frame if nothing else, although truth is I've only had ONE non-online date in the last two years. It's just difficult once you get older. It's nothing against the man himself, but it's just the way it is. Even if my friends all weren't in relationships or married, heading to the club or bar pick up scene on a Saturday night is just passé for someone my age, unless I walk in there looking like Ryan Gosling. For me the best possible chances are basically happy hours after work or rare chance encounters in a public place be it a supermarket or a train (NC'd an HB8 a few months ago on the way home from an online date there), but yeah, overall it's not easy.

 

[RickTheToad]

What is this frame you guys are talking about? Again, out of the game for over a decade. I do not know this terminology. Also, what does AFC mean?

 

[Smartone84]

What is this frame you guys are talking about? Again, out of the game for over a decade. I do not know this terminology. Also, what does AFC mean?

Frame is basically short for frame of mind/confidence, typically with regards to your thoughts on women/dating as well as your perception of yourself in general, etc.

Average Frustrated Chump - Slang for loser boy who hardly has any game or none whatsoever and struggles with most if not all things involving women

 

[Macaframalama]

It's just difficult once you get older.

Yea, I won't deny that. I went to the bar for the first time in over 4 years to a buddy/co-worker birthday party. Had a really good time and did as good as I ever had in the bar scene. Stayed up smashing a chick I met, until 4'ish a.m. Long story short, I was hungover for 2 days and never fell asleep on time this last week due to my sleep pattern being off, so this week was a rough work week. I throw bonfire get-togethers and do small house parties from time to time, but this partying like it's your birthday chit is too much anymore. Outside of that type of scene, being hyper-aware and talkative to everyone is super important to my game. Do they have any kind of activities or clubs you can get into where you're at? That might be worth looking into.

 

[Poonstra]

What is this frame you guys are talking about?

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/help-me-understand-frame-better.247746/

Here you go

 

[Fruitbat]

An example of frame from my recent experience.

GF got very bratty with me for a couple of days.

Things have been very good for a long time. I started to forget the fundamentals.

So for a day or so I fawned "what have I done wrong? How do I fix this?" DID NOT WORK

(before the usuals chip in, I didn't actually say this, but this was the mindset)

Remembered how this works.

Went out and got hammered and came home late. Spent the next 2 days calmly not giving a fvck - not rude, not "revenge". Just got on with my life and didn't rise to any bait. Didn't run to fix.

Got a flood of loving and good behaviour.

Just need to remember this when it strikes - the hardest thing is when it's been good for a while and they catch you off guard.

Women test you, unless you're a rock star.....the right response is DNGAF, but not in a callous way, I think DNGAF is wrong - I prefer GOWI.

Get on with it. Don't let them derail your life with their tests/moody behavior. As soon as it strikes, just please yourself. Don't take revenge, don't react.

So much of this forum is garbage and some of it is really true.....

The answer is usually not in testosterone. It's not all about domination. It's about MATURITY. Emotional maturity which they rarely have. That's what we're for.

if her emotions are calling the shots, you're both fvcked and she knows it.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Yeah I tend to approach women today as if EVERYTHING they do and say is wrong. Sure, it turns a lot of feminists off, but I don't want any feminists in my life.