Dating Someone on a "Sexual Hiatus"

[davewe]

I've gone out a couple of times with a woman who I definitely like and the feeling appears mutual. At my age, this has become rare. I date for sex or the hope of sex but I'd say the odds are 50:1 that I actually feel a strong connection to someone.

The fact that this woman is good looking, with a nice body, is smart, and a writer (as I am) has amplified the attraction.

However, she's a bit of a new ager (as I must admit I am too) and is seeing a Shaman to make some major changes in her life. The Shaman has her temporarily avoiding several things, including sex! Now I knew this before the first date, so it wasn't like I was blindsided.

After the 1st date, I emailed her and playfully suggested she tell the Shaman that "even convicts get conjugal visits." She loved that.

Date 2 was last night and had it not been for the Shaman, I would have invited her back to my place and I think there's a strong possibility she would have said yes.

I definitely don't want to stop seeing this woman because of the restriction, but unfortunately she does not know how long the restriction will continue. Weeks, months - who knows!

So what do I do? Date others while waiting for the curtain to lift with this one? Forget her? I really don't want to do that.

OTOH, at my point in life I do not want to date someone for months without sex. Life is too short for that.

Opinions?

 

[5string]

davewe....you just said it, "life is too short". Move on brother.

Some of the new age stuff is interesting to me and portions actually make sense. But seeing a Shaman? WTF? I'll just bet there are very few true Shaman's and that most are posers. She sounds a bit strange from what you said, however, you seem to dig her. So what do you do? Put her to the side for now and go get a woman who is receptive to your needs. Maybe she'll get with it again in the meantime. It's either that, or find your own Shaman and become celibate yourself.

I never heard of a New Age Friend Zone. Interesting.

 

[zekko]

Ask her who's more important, the shaman or you?

Personally, I would see this shaman business as a red flag. Relationships are complicated enough without an unseen third party controlling the strings. Two people should be able to work things out together without a third person getting involved. Kind of reminds me of Jophil's tales about his girlfriend and her therapist.

If you really like the girl and can't wait for the sex, you could always keep her in your rotation while you get it elsewhere.

 

[davewe]

All:

Thanks for the responses. These are the type of answers I figured I'd get. I certainly will not stop my dating life waiting for her.

I do agree that the Shaman thing is a red flag, but only if I were pursuing a long term, monogamous relationship. I ain't getting married again; nor am I monogamous, which I thnk she already knows. I want fun and connection. I've already done the till death so us part thing (twice).

Zekko: I don't think after 2 dates I can ask her to choose the shaman or me. Maybe after a little more time. I do think it's reasonable to ask how long the restriction might apply, so that this isn't some opn-ended thing.

 

[davewe]

I also liked samspade's suggestion that I tell a woman I'm on sexual hiatus and see how she reacts. Sounds like a fun, and perhaps fulfilling game.

 

[jophil28]

You can take two different approaches here.
1) Don't waste your time and energy on a woman who has removed herself from the world of sexual involvement .
2) See this as a challenge and an opportunity to sharpen and execute some good 'game'..

I note your age too and I am assumimg that this women is a 50 something woman who is on some kind of journey of "self discovery". I met a few of those. They usually have had a disaster of a personal life and either decide to enrol in some fluff degree course as a mature age student, or they get involved in all that "new astrology " drivel.

WTF is a Shaman ?

 

[Zarky]

No offense but it would be the ultimate weak move to go, "So honey, how long till we get to.. uh you know.. er.. when is your 'sexual hiatus' over?"

I mean why even bother with that? If she'd told me something like that I'd have said, "Honey, call me when you're done with that silly **** and I'll buy ya a dozen oysters." And then forget her and move on. If she calls, great, if she doesn't, you're too busy dating other women to care.

 

[Jitterbug]

I thought women that age are currently into the "eat pray love" BS? Where's the love???

 

[jophil28]

Second time asked here - WTF is a Shaman ?

 

[davewe]

Second time asked here - WTF is a Shaman ?

From wikipedia:

Shamanism is an anthropological term referencing a range of beliefs and practices regarding communication with the spiritual world. A practitioner of shamanism is known as a shaman.

Shamanism encompasses the belief that shamans are intermediaries or messengers between the human world and the spirit worlds. Shamans are said to treat ailments/illness by mending the soul. Alleviating traumas affecting the soul/spirit restores the physical body of the individual to balance and wholeness. The shaman also enters supernatural realms or dimensions to obtain solutions to problems afflicting the community. Shamans may visit other worlds/dimensions to bring guidance to misguided souls and to ameliorate illnesses of the human soul caused by foreign elements. The shaman operates primarily within the spiritual world, which in turn affects the human world. The restoration of balance results in the elimination of the ailment.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Sounds like the shaman has a lot of power over this gal.

If you remain unattached, might be a fun challenge trying to wean her off the shaman.

What is the shaman's definition of sex? If there's gray area there, start with that! Have her try to say "it's not sex" while she's got your love missile in her mouth.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

"I need to be comfortable with a guy before I have sex with him" = Filibuster

"I'm trying to do the right thing this time and not rush into sex" = Filibuster

"I'm not looking for a relationship right now" = Filibuster

"All the guys I've dated lately only wanted me for sex" = Filibuster

"Can we go get pizza before you take me home?" = Filibuster

"I'm on a sexual hiatus of self-discovery" = Filibuster


NEXT.

 

[Kailex]

If you have to bargain or negotiate for sex even before doing it the first time, then it's not worth it.

I echo the sentiment of NEXT.

 

[Jitterbug]

The description of the Shaman sounds like one of those con artists who would use spiritual chick cracks to sleep with dumb women.

 

[Mr.Positive]

The description of the Shaman sounds like one of those con artists who would use spiritual chick cracks to sleep with dumb women.

How does one become a shaman? Pretty powerful guy if he controls this gal's sexuality. In fact, the shaman is probably banging her.

What the OP needs to do, is become a shaman himself. "out shaman" the shaman.

Become the biggest swinging **** shaman out there, and he could have this gal and some of her friends too.

 

[Solomon]

Ha!

I'm in a similar situation with a girl who isn't putting out, does it bug me? It did initially and still does, but I got other "players" (plates) on the team, so I don't focus on her much, had dinner with her last night no ass, It doesn't help either that we haven't seen each other in a month (she works a lot etc)

I'm not dropping her or "nexting" her yet, I'm just keeping her on the back burner and waiting, actually this kind of fun for me, I think deep down if I boned her right away I would lose interest, sometimes you gotta go for the long game gentlemen

 

[jophil28]

Davewe, you might like to pass this to your lady friend -

" The living are conscious that they will die, but as for the dead, they are conscious of nothing at all." Ecclesiastes 9:5 NWT.

If you friend subscribes to the Christian tradition, she cannot support the idea the the dead are waiting in limbo, purgatory or any other imaginary place. These were inventions by various religious groups (including THe Catholics ) to control the congregations by offering the comforting belief that their dead loved ones were not really dead and gone. That allowed priests and other self appointed intermediaries to claim that they could talk to the "spirits" - for a small fee or donation of course.
The Eastern religions also realized the power of perpetuating this belief and so it thrives to this day.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Dave,
I once progressed matters with a weird bird like that....eventually she invited me to her place.....her bedroom was strange as,painted black all over,fish nets from the ceiling,glass balls hanging down,weird surreal pictures....She invited me to hop into the cot while she slipped into something Sassy....two minutes later she turns up at the Door cell phone in hand,started screaming what the hell was I doing she was phoning the police which she proceeded to do telling them some garbled story about being molested...I didn't wait around I just grabbed my tweeds and ran past her in the altogether,jumped in my car and was off into the night...I drove for ten minutes or so,found a Park and got dressed....never heard any more about it..Women like the ones you describe are really not worth the candle Dave.

 

[Zarky]

I got other "players" (plates) on the team, so I don't focus on her much, had dinner with her last night no ass

That's fine, as long as you're not paying for dinner. If a chick wants to buy me dinner and then not put out, I'm cool with just the free meal.

EDIT:

Oh, and great post Yeah Ok, but I think that any man who would date a woman who up-front told him she would not have sex with him is only suitable for extreme bootcamp, if anything. Even when I was 18 years old I would have scoffed at a chick saying such a thing to me. No adult man should do anything other than laugh and leave if a woman tries to place conditions like that on a rel'p.

 

[davewe]

Oh, and great post Yeah Ok, but I think that any man who would date a woman who up-front told him she would not have sex with him is only suitable for extreme bootcamp, if anything. Even when I was 18 years old I would have scoffed at a chick saying such a thing to me. No adult man should do anything other than laugh and leave if a woman tries to place conditions like that on a rel'p.

I knew the woman in question a little before the 1st date and so despite her "restrictions" we decided to go out get to know each other better and see if there was a connection. As simple as that. I certainly wouldn't have done it if she'd been a total stranger or a pickup from a club.