dating nightmare

[nightrider]

Hi all,
this is the first time I post. I thought I'd get your advice on my particular dating difficulties (sorry for the long post). Even though, I've read a lot of material, my dates always seem to be exceptions rather than follow the rule.

I'd like to know how you would have acted on this one particular date:

I met a girl on the Internet a few weeks ago. We exchanged pictures (I consider my self a 7, and her a 8) and finally she invited me at her place on a saturday night. I refused the invitation, and said I was busy (even if it was not true), so we finally met on a sunday night. OK so I arrived at her place, and we started talking.. The conversation was light and funny at first. She actually sat quite close to me on her couch.. showing me her pictures albums and talking about her job.

Ok so here's the bad part... after 2 hours (the evening was getting late).. I felt it became kinda boring.. and she never touched me but stayed close. So I tried to apply the first kiss,.. by getting close.. but she told me "why are so nervous?"... There I spilled my guts and made an ass of myself, and told her that I was nervous not knowing whether she wanted to kiss me also or not... She told me in an arrogant way.. "well I never touch someone on the first date.. We don't even know each other.. and I prefer to become friends first" Of course, I decided to leave, since I could see how unconfortable We had become. Of course, she hasn't talked to me since and I've not tried to contact her also since I figured that I'm already dead in the water.

So what do you think... do you think I would have had a chance by being more withdrawn.. or she was only not interested from the start.. Any advice is welcome.

 

[Stu951]

By the looks of it you should of worked more with this confidence aspect. As she detected you were nervous, remember chicks can read body language very well. I think you rushed into it and made a wrong choice.


I would of dealt with this situation alittle different, went to her house and being C+F and confident it usually helps as it's more of a natural ability of mine. I personaly wouldn't of touched her the first time we hung out. I usually work second-third time holding hands it's a good way to build up to a kiss, other forms of touching is easier too.

I think you floored it when you told her about the kiss stuff, and really discouraged her. Wait for her to call back or talk to her and keep us updated and if you do anything with her try to ignore that ever happened she could become a good friend that you can just gain experience from talking to women.

 

[skinnydart]

she detected you were nervous

No, I think he told her he was nervous!

There I spilled my guts and made an ass of myself, and told her that I was nervous not knowing whether she wanted to kiss me also or not...

 

[StringShredder]

I think by the time this guy told her he was nervous, she already knew long ago. He basically just confirmed it to her. For most of those two hours, she already knew ``this guy wants to touch me and kiss me, but is nervous''.

When you are nervous around someone, it's contagious. The other person becomes uncomfortable too. That person wants a way out of the discomfort and will think and say anything to relieve it.

She's probably thinking ``We've been sitting here for a long time. I know he wants to do something but is nervous. I originally wanted to do something before we got here, but now I don't. Why is that? How do I explain that so I appear consistent to myself, and externally also, and don't make the guy feel too bad? I know, maybe I'm just the type of girl who just doesn't do anything on the first date. My actions for the last two hours are certainly consistent with the behavior of a girl like that, and it's not a bad way to be---people generally approve of girls like that! Yeah, so that's what I will say. And he will understand that's why nothing happened, since nothing could have with a girl like me, so he won't think it's his fault, and so everything will be good.''

Basically, the girl puts on a convenient self-image as someone who doesn't touch on the first date, in order to bring the psychological discomfort to an end. She's not just saying it; to an extent she may even believe it---at the moment! And she will stay in that character for the rest of the night, to remain consistent.

 

[nightrider]

I think, you're pretty much on target with this one, although it hurts to hear it!

Originally posted by StringShredder
I think by the time this guy told her he was nervous, she already knew long ago. He basically just confirmed it to her. For most of those two hours, she already knew ``this guy wants to touch me and kiss me, but is nervous''.

When you are nervous around someone, it's contagious. The other person becomes uncomfortable too. That person wants a way out of the discomfort and will think and say anything to relieve it.

 

[Royal Elite]

Listen pimpen you better manupulate this situation to get what you want. Call her up tell her some story about being out of town or really buzy and thats why you didnt call. She didnt diss you she just said Im not comfortable being your sex slave yet. Call her up again, and act like nothing bad happen and get another date ASAP!

 

[PoloBlue]

you tried to make your move too soon, I would never try that on the first date.

you could try calling her one more time, if she seems uninterested forget her.

 

[alboh]

As you yourself said, the mistake you made was talking about kissing. Usually I try to keep that stuff under the table -- talk about normal stuff and keep the physical communication reserved to body language etc. This is related to how you don't ask a girl if you can kiss her. Hope that makes sense, I'm hungover and my writing skills are lacking

If you want to see her, by all means call again. Don't sweat it, don't presuppose what she thinks of you until she actually tells you, because you will always assume the worst! It's almost certainly not as bad as you think. Guys do dumb sh1t all the time on dates, girls are used to it. One mistake is not game over.

 

[Double]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh she has to touch you first!!!!nooooooooooooooooooooo u lost the point. but maybe you can still win the game...call her up ...if she is interested go for another round....if she makes excuses...move on!of course she was interested but she wants a confident man blablablabla u know the deal....MAN LISTEN you need to see that as "training"....you are not a DJ yet but you will become one with training ok?!gogogo!!

 

[jean laurent]

There I spilled my guts and made an ass of myself, and told her that I was nervous not knowing whether she wanted to kiss me also or not...

Mood killing stuff. Looking back, would you really expect a girl to melt into your arms after that exchange? Pretty unlikely.

Anyway, put this one down to experience. Next time you'll know better.

Do you still stand a chance with this chick? Who knows. Maybe, maybe not. The thing is, you've made a pretty weak first impression, which, depending on the chick, can be hard to overcome. If it seems you've blown it, oh well, you've earnt some experience, which is the important thing at your stage.