Dating multiple women... pros and cons

[Ricky]

DATING MULTIPLE WOMEN

Guys I have been in the enviable or unenviable position a few times of dating more than one woman at a time and getting intimately involved with them. Now for a number of reasons this is good and for a number it is bad.

POSITIVES

1) VARIETY-You quite simply, get to go out with a variety of women. Variety is certainly the spice of life.
2) EGO BOOST- It sure doesn’t hurt the ego to have multiple girls interested in you
3) ATTITUDE- Makes it easy to project the right confident, sexy attitude with a girl when you know you can easily leave her for another. Also helps you learn not to take any **** from a woman.
4) YOUR QUEST TO FIND THE “RIGHT ONE”- Certainly dating a few women increases the chances of you finding someone more compatible. How many times have you heard of an AFC just settling for the first girl that will give him the time of the day? Believe me it happens all the time

NEGATIVES
1) STRESS- Certainly the added pressure of going out with one girl can lead to more stress both physically and emotionally. First keeping it quiet is important and secondly the amount of time and energy spent going out with one girl can be tremendous
2) GUILT- Feeling like a cheater or a man***** is a huge problem.

Overall I have very mixed feelings about dating multiple girls. On one hand I see it as a right of a single guy and also an important thing for him to do to ensure he finds the right one. On the other hand it gets tough when your feelings develop for any of the girls, which inevitably in my case they do pretty damn quickly.

Anyways I’m interested in other peoples thoughts and experiences on this.

 

[xblitz44x]

The best advice that I can give to you is BE HONEST from the beginning. Let the woman know that you are not looking for anything serious right now, and that you are just looking to date and have some fun and see what comes out of it. If she asks if you are dating other people, tell her the truth. If she asks if you are sleeping with other people, tell her the truth. (Some would say it's not her business but if she plans on sleeping with you then it IS her business). By being honest you are going to lose quite a few women because they don't want to be just a number and they want something different than you, but the ones that you keep will be a LOT less maintenece and you can enjoy it guilt-free.

Oh, one more CON that kills me with dating multiple women: Money. Shyt gets expensive.

 

[Ricky]

OK this is good to hear because I do feel guilty

Here is the situation
1) Broke up with a LTR of 2+ years a few months back. It was mutual and my ex still calls me. I have mixed feelings but really don't see myself going back to her
2) Start dating a second girl. I've been on about 5 or 6 dates with her. I have had a great time, although there is a thing or two that bothers me about her. On the other hand I generally have a great time and have plans to continue dating her.
3) Enter girl 3. I met her a couple of months ago and now just caught up to her while away on a business trip. She lives in another town and I met up with her. I had the best time ever with her and really enjoyed her company. We both felt like there was some reason we met and enjoyed our time thoroughly. We both feel bad we are in other towns. She said she would visit and I would visit her. I'm pretty excited about her. I did tell her about girl #2. She is also occasionally dating, but we are pretty excited about each other.
4) I am moving to another city in a few months so all these girls will be in another city from me. Not sure what that will mean but certainly it complicates things.

In the end, I feel guilt, but I also feel great to have these opportunities. How it shakes out I don't know.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Ricky
DATING MULTIPLE WOMEN

NEGATIVES
1) STRESS- Certainly the added pressure of going out with one girl can lead to more stress both physically and emotionally. First keeping it quiet is important and secondly the amount of time and energy spent going out with one girl can be tremendous
2) GUILT- Feeling like a cheater or a man***** is a huge problem.

This is only a problem for guys who imply to a woman that she is the only woman he is seeing. Although I don't profess everything to a woman I am seeing, I never imply that there is a relationship between us. This can be easily done by:

1.) Not contacting her every night or every other nigh.
2.) Not going out with her only on weekends.
3.) Not being available whenever she's available.
4.) Tell her about going out with other 'friends.'
5.) Calling her just to say "hi" and not asking her out.

Why hide and feel guilty? What are you doing wrong? Oh yeah, you're deceiving women, bad move... Be confident and sure of your actions, not all women can handle it but the 'good ones' can.

 

[Ricky]

Thanks for the advice.

I have always been a bit conflicted about dating multiple women, but as a life strategy it is actually a good thing. I mean some people spend more time planning their vacation then deciding on who to have a relationship with for the rest of their lives!

So dating more than one woman will help you decide what type you like.

 

[backbreaker]

i keep a rotation of 4 women; 2 I am pretty serious with, 1 just for sex and one that I see every once in a while just incase one of the other 3 fall.

The best advice I can give is to lay your groundwork. Spend some nights by yourself even when you don't have much to do, so when you don't want to be with that one girl, she won't think something is wrong, because you always like to be alone, that's you right?

 

[thezenmachine]

I don't want/need to sleep around with multiple women, so I just prefer to date one at a time, plus with my job and other obligations, I just don't have that much time on my hands to do that sort of thing even if I wanted to.

 

[Ricky]

Yeah the amount of time is a big issue. However, I spent alot of time finding and building the right career. I feel I owe the same effort towards dating and possible getting in a new LTR with another girl. If this requires me to go out with several girls to find the right one for compatibility, so be it.

There are alot of differences in terms of not only how guys and girls see dating more than one person, but also individual people.

One of my friends is adamantly opposed to what I'm doing
Two of them I've mentioned it too agree that it isn't such a bad deal.

Everyone else just thinks I'm a womanizer!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Ricky
Yeah the amount of time is a big issue. However, I spent alot of time finding and building the right career. I feel I owe the same effort towards dating and possible getting in a new LTR with another girl. If this requires me to go out with several girls to find the right one for compatibility, so be it.

There are alot of differences in terms of not only how guys and girls see dating more than one person, but also individual people.

One of my friends is adamantly opposed to what I'm doing
Two of them I've mentioned it too agree that it isn't such a bad deal.

Everyone else just thinks I'm a womanizer!

People are going to snipe at you just because they assume that you are seeing several women only to have lots of sex. That's not necessarily a bad thing but you did say that seeing them is just a means to find the right one for a LTR (funny how people seem to overlook that). No matter what anyone says, you need to do what YOU are comfortable in doing to achieve your goal.

I am a self proclaimed 'Man Wh0re' and I will 'see' any woman that keeps my interest and amuses me. Maybe one out of every 20 or so that I meet I even consider as a LTR however I don't mind hanging out with the rest because we have common interests. The bad thing is that each would have only one or two of the interests that I have so I have to rotate them just to satisfy all of my interests. Since we do enjoy each other's company we eventually become 'closer' friends. So be it, as long as she's having fun too why not?

The one thing that people who see only one person at a time seem to miss is that by seeing only one person they inadvertently put undue expectations on them in hopes that they are the one. This is better known as 'One-itis' and is the detriment of most AFCs. Think about your friend that opposed to what you are doing, 10 to 1 he's an AFC, am I right? Simply put, 'seeing' multiple people at once spreads your interest around and not on just one person. It enables you to go with the flow and enjoy just trying things out.

 

[Metaphysikal_Lover]

"When you date only a few women you will fall prey to misconceptions and bitter downward spirals of attitudes which will block your ability to meet other women. When you date a lot of women you have the ability to learn more about what does and doesn’t work for you. You have the option of finding those traits that you desire vs those that don’t work for you. Thereby you learn to take control of your whole dating life."

--The Dating Truth (ebook)

 

[Desdinova]

Don't overburden yourself with women. Make some time for yourself. I found 4 at once is too many. 3 was a nice number.

You think you know stress, try having two women you're dating in the same bar as you.

Do what's right for you. If you're goal is to have a meaningful LTR with a good woman, it's nothing to feel guilty about when you're weeding out all the lousy women. Dating is a way to pass time until you find an ideal woman for a LTR.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Metaphysikal_Lover
"When you date only a few women you will fall prey to misconceptions and bitter downward spirals of attitudes which will block your ability to meet other women. When you date a lot of women you have the ability to learn more about what does and doesn’t work for you. You have the option of finding those traits that you desire vs those that don’t work for you. Thereby you learn to take control of your whole dating life."

--The Dating Truth (ebook)

Looks like another worthwhile piece of literature to read.

 

[Maverick001]

Originally posted by Metaphysikal_Lover
"When you date only a few women you will fall prey to misconceptions and bitter downward spirals of attitudes which will block your ability to meet other women. When you date a lot of women you have the ability to learn more about what does and doesn’t work for you. You have the option of finding those traits that you desire vs those that don’t work for you. Thereby you learn to take control of your whole dating life."

--The Dating Truth (ebook)

Exactly. I totally agree.

If you're the only one wound up about dating multiple women at once then get over it or get past it and date only one woman at a time. Do what works for you.

Don't concern yourself with what other people think. Any of your friends that think that you're just a womanizer are just jealous, plain and simple.

Go get 'em.

Cheers,
Mav

 

[Ricky]

OK I think the problem is that I quickly become intimate with some of these women, so maybe that is when it becomes more serious.

In any event I think the mental stress of juggling is the biggest part.

Not to mention I have an ex that is trying to get back with me too, so the 3 girls calling in 1 hr thing was a bit crazy.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

This applies to my 'Rule' - never consider monogamy until 25 or older - in that, depending on your own personal leanings, you may in fact want to have sex with many partners to understand what it is you want (or don't want) from a later long term relationship, but more importantly you have to understand that your personal value/sexual marketability will increase the longer you hold off from monogamy (marriage or a girlfriend). Assuming you progressively better yourself during your 20's, the older you are as a guy the more access you'll tend to have to more desirable women in the long or short term. This is born out in statistical evidence as well; increasingly men are postponing marriage until after 25 in light of current marriage stats and it's also statistically shown that marriages joined in at early ages (18 to 24) tend to end in a divorce rate of 80% or more.

Monogamy is a dream-killer. It's also important to remember that the responsibilities and expectations that a long term relationship represents translate into personal limitation on yourself, whether you personally recognize them or not. It's the rare case that a guy goes on to bigger and better things after marriage and needless to say it's an uncommon, understanding partner that's willing to make concessions for a guy to persue personal ambitions while attempting to maintain a relationship. And even this is only if the ambition's potential translates into more security for her in the long term (such as becoming a Rock Star vs. becoming a Doctor). That said, guys, more often than not, will readily and willingly limit themselves in their ambitions in order to 'keep the peace' and maintain a consistent intimacy (i.e. sex) with their partner.

So as I say, hold off from monogamy until you're out of college, or at the very least, when you're personally in a position of some kind of achievement. This is usually after the age of 25 and I'd go so far as to say to hold out until 30 in most cases since this puts you at an advantage in regards to sexual selection. Understand the limitations that come with a relationship, for some men you may have to learn from experience in this regard, but be sure you do learn. The world is full of men who never reached their full potential because they never got this.

 

[Ricky]

I'm 31 and you are right on Rollo.

Amazing how some women really do limit us. I hope I have a gf that pushes me to do my best as I do the same for her.

I really like one of the girls alot better than the other now. But there are a number of reasons for that. If I had just stuck with the one I'd be extremely pissed today because she was a real b i t c h to me.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Just curious, but if you need a woman to 'push you,' are you actually ready for any type of commitment? And what is this about women limiting us? Don't you mean that you've allowed women to limit you? C'mon fellas, be responsible for your own life. You are the one the chose to limit yourself, you are the one that chose not to push yourself, you can't blame our life or lack of it on women.

 

[Ricky]

Francisco, yeah I dont need a woman to push me. I guess what I should have said is I don't want one that will try to or even in any way limit me.

Yes we shouldn't let them limit us. I do know some guys who are at the beck and call of their wives and yes it does limit them.

How many guys do you know that are too busy to even find time to workout because of all their wives honey do lists? I know alot and it's sad.

 

[Bonhomme]

The only real "con"

The only real 'con" to dating multiple women is if 2 or more of them are more-or-less in a "dead heat," and things are getting pretty intimate. Then it can be difficult to choose.

 

[squirrels]

See this post:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=65106

For a reason why you should be dating MULTIPLE women until you're SURE you've found one that can, and more importantly WANTS to, satisfy everything you want from a chick.