Hello guys,
My, it's been four years since I've been here. I'm 37 now and as much as I'd rather not be, I guess I'm nearing the ''mature man'' status.
I don't think I'm meant to be in a long term relationship. I've tried but I always end up being attracted to other women after a while. Being chained to a person doesn't end up feeling natural to me. I love to explore different women, different bodies. You might say that it's because I'm not in love, and you'd be right.
Perhaps if I were in love I'd want to stay with the same person but I don't. It's ok, those things just happen and can't really be forced.
We all try to fill our lives with things to make them worthwhile, meaningful and purposeful (talk about using synonyms). Some people buy lots of things, I don't. I seldom buy anything or go to shows or sport games or whatever. It's just not my thing.
My thing is women. I've tried sleeping with escorts for the first time this year, 3 of them. It's pretty steep though so it's not something I want to pursue. I used to think sleeping with escorts was so bad but I changed my mind with time. Two of them were pretty bad but one of them was awesome.
My hair has turned white very rapidly. I used to dye it but haven't done so for a while now. I look much older though, probably 45. I feel freer that way but nowhere near as attractive as I used to be. You might say I'm insecure about my appearance that way.
I also realized that I used to pick up women solely with my looks. I never really knew how to talk to women. I used to think I was good with them but really it was just my looks doing the work for me.
I've since restarted getting in touch with women online on a sex-oriented website and I'm getting a lot of rejections. A good lesson in stoicism you might say but I still get affected by it. Way too much.
I think I should pursue rejection until I can get over it, like you'd get over a fear or something.
I live a pretty lonely existence and women bright up my day. I'm fine with just sex that doesn't lead anywhere. Love seems illusive to me, something you'd find in a book or a romantic movie crafted by imagination. Most people I know seem miserable in a relationship and I don't envy them. I see guys pushing trolleys and more often than not I feel sorry for them.
You might be wondering I'm writing all of this. I don't know, I feel like context can help sometimes understanding people.
Anyways, I want to put my ''stories'' here for you guys feedback. I just recently reconnected with my father who was never a ladies man. I also used to be friends with women instead of men but I've changed about that.
Anyways, I feel like I still have a long journey ahead of me. Maybe you guys will provide support for a stranger, maybe you won't. You won't know if you won't try.
My, it's been four years since I've been here. I'm 37 now and as much as I'd rather not be, I guess I'm nearing the ''mature man'' status.
I don't think I'm meant to be in a long term relationship. I've tried but I always end up being attracted to other women after a while. Being chained to a person doesn't end up feeling natural to me. I love to explore different women, different bodies. You might say that it's because I'm not in love, and you'd be right.
Perhaps if I were in love I'd want to stay with the same person but I don't. It's ok, those things just happen and can't really be forced.
We all try to fill our lives with things to make them worthwhile, meaningful and purposeful (talk about using synonyms). Some people buy lots of things, I don't. I seldom buy anything or go to shows or sport games or whatever. It's just not my thing.
My thing is women. I've tried sleeping with escorts for the first time this year, 3 of them. It's pretty steep though so it's not something I want to pursue. I used to think sleeping with escorts was so bad but I changed my mind with time. Two of them were pretty bad but one of them was awesome.
My hair has turned white very rapidly. I used to dye it but haven't done so for a while now. I look much older though, probably 45. I feel freer that way but nowhere near as attractive as I used to be. You might say I'm insecure about my appearance that way.
I also realized that I used to pick up women solely with my looks. I never really knew how to talk to women. I used to think I was good with them but really it was just my looks doing the work for me.
I've since restarted getting in touch with women online on a sex-oriented website and I'm getting a lot of rejections. A good lesson in stoicism you might say but I still get affected by it. Way too much.
I think I should pursue rejection until I can get over it, like you'd get over a fear or something.
I live a pretty lonely existence and women bright up my day. I'm fine with just sex that doesn't lead anywhere. Love seems illusive to me, something you'd find in a book or a romantic movie crafted by imagination. Most people I know seem miserable in a relationship and I don't envy them. I see guys pushing trolleys and more often than not I feel sorry for them.
You might be wondering I'm writing all of this. I don't know, I feel like context can help sometimes understanding people.
Anyways, I want to put my ''stories'' here for you guys feedback. I just recently reconnected with my father who was never a ladies man. I also used to be friends with women instead of men but I've changed about that.
Anyways, I feel like I still have a long journey ahead of me. Maybe you guys will provide support for a stranger, maybe you won't. You won't know if you won't try.
