Dating in the "90's"

[Solomon]

There's been lot of threads popping up lately of how technology/social networking has changed dating, I know I'm a bit younger then most in this section, however I truly didn't start dating till the mid 2000's (by then texting and Myspace had already taking full flight)

to those older what was dating like in the 80's? 90's? or hell even the early 2000's? Was AWing in clubs/bars as astronomical as it is now? Was flaking an epidemic in the 90's?

I talked to a guy who use to be a vendor for a sales company I worked at. He told me the biggest difference in the 90's was that the cost of dating was cheaper and it was easier to go bareback w/ a girl

 

[SoldMySoul]

Seems to me that women in general were more appreciative of the actual date back then. Today, a lot of them will not even say thank you. Must have been raised in the wilderness, I guess.

The older gents here, Like Atom and Jop says it all changed in mid eighties. I have a friend in the real world that concurs with them and he is 49 y/o. Of course my dating started in the late eighties.

 

[hithard]

From my point of view the sluttiness of 2001-2006 was unparallel. Skanks like Britney Spears, Paris, Christina Aguilera really pushed the ho lifestyle.
Man.... So many threesomes and young bi curious girls wanting to be as tarty as possible. Good Times.

The early 90s were kind of tame, but the increase of single parent syndrome was setting up the next lot of people with issues. Dating was meh and status got you everywhere. The whole grunge thing kind of put a damper on the younger girls back then. There were also plenty of damaged goods going around. Things heated up in 97 and 99 was a fabulous year.
All localized and with personal bias though.

 

[seagull]

Before the advent of dating web sites, I am guessing it would have been more difficult to meet people of the opposite sex, so women probably would've been less picky/flaky than they are today.

 

[zekko]

I haven't dated much in the past 20 years, so I can't comment much on how much things have changed.

I can't help but wonder though: Some of these guys who say things were so much better back in the day (like Jophil or some of the other older guys). Did you have more success then or now?

I have a feeling most of these guys are actually having more success now, just because of positive changes within themselves (they've actually grown more attractive to the opposite sex as they've matured), in spite of any negative changes within the female population.

One of the reasons I haven't had to date much in the past 20 years is because I've found it easier to attract the kind of girls I like as I've gotten older. So while I imagine the dating pool of 20 something girls may well be a mess, I can't really complain from my perspective.

 

[saab1981]

when i first started going out, circa 98-99, there was just a lot less AW-ing going on, you could chat with random chicks, have a dance with random chicks, bang random chicks, seemingly a lot easier. Nights out had a good vibe, people were there to just have a good time, whereas now its kind of 'oooh, check me out, i'm so much better than you' - some chicks are so stuck up, that you may as well be a leper when youre talking to them these days.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I can't help but wonder though: Some of these guys who say things were so much better back in the day (like Jophil or some of the other older guys). Did you have more success then or now?

I have a feeling most of these guys are actually having more success now, just because of positive changes within themselves (they've actually grown more attractive to the opposite sex as they've matured), in spite of any negative changes within the female population.

Far greater success then than now, and I don't look a day over 38.

70's - You could get laid at the drop of a hat. Women were discreet, and flaking was completely non-existent. Women considered themselves fortunate to be with a man. I had no game, was a total AFC, and I got laid all I wanted.

80's - First 2/3 of decade, same thing. Extremely easy to get laid, but the AW syndrome was just starting to go mainstream. Girls still appreciative of having a man and no flaking whatsoever. Still an AFC, still always had a woman.

Last third of decade, media had affected women to the point of where the "entitlement" syndrome started showing up.

90's - Not much I can add here 'cause after '92 I had a moratorium on dating.

2000's - "Entitlement", "AWing", flaking, all the stuff we are facing today is now in full swing and growing exponentially throughout the decade. I don't need to tell you, you're living it.

A couple years ago (or less) if one of us older guys mentioned that it was easier back then, there would be a huge outcry from a bunch of 20 year old sages that throughout history women have always been the way they are and that we are facing nothing new. That couldn't be further from the truth. When you live it, you know. I'm glad to see that the younger guys are starting to see that the situation was much better until very recently (40 years in the history of mankind is numerically insignificant). The fact that forums like this even exist is testament to the insanely bad state of affairs between men and women.

When we know this and discuss it, we can be a part of the change back to normalcy. When we deny it or stuff it under the rug (I'm not saying that you're doing that, zekko), we become paralyzed and helpless to make societal changes. And when that happens, we become like clay, molding ourselves to accomodate an awful state of affairs, the dancing monkey syndrome being a good example of that. Instead, we should be the engineers of change and take back our rightful place of leadership in the world.

 

[Colossus]

I'm glad there is a place like this where men are actually cognizant that AWing, flaking, and entitlement has reached epidemic proportions. Things have not always been this way! Even if we arent old enough to have lived it we can see it intuitively.

 

[squirrels]

You know what? F**K dating.

"Dating" is almost as platonic as the "friend zone" these days. It's been analyzed, programmed, and done to death. There is no room for innovation, no room for personality. People can go on a "date" or two "dates" and know just as much about the person they're "dating" as they did when before they met them.

Back in our parents' time, a "date" was just a situation for two people to get to know each other. Sometimes dinner, sometimes a movie...the whole plan was just to find an excuse to be together with someone and get to know them.

Now it's down to a hard science. It's like a damned chess-game.

As soon as you "ask a girl out" in a traditional date sense, her mind falls into "date mode". You are now no longer seen as a masculine entity, but as a component in a machine. The "date" itself is the focus, not your interaction.

People go on dates with the idea that if they "successfully complete" enough dates, they will eventually be happily married.

The truth that I've seen is that women look at a "date" as just another event on a calendar...something else they HAVE to do that takes time away from what they WANT to be doing.

Just some observations. I dunno whether it got bad in the 90s or the 00s or whenever. I think it was a little looser during the Britney/Paris era when women of "status" were okay with being themselves and enjoying themselves, even if that meant coming off a little "slvtty". None of the "dates" I went on during that time period felt like "dates".

Now I find myself going on "dates" just for the sake of staying "in practice"...what I'm really practicing is how to "date", not how to "seduce".

I need a frame shift.

 

[5string]

When a guy asks a gal out on a date, what he's really doing is saying "I'm pretty sure I'd like to have sex with you".

If the woman accepts, what she's saying is "I might potentially have sex with him".

 

[SoldMySoul]

You know what? F**K dating.
The truth that I've seen is that women look at a "date" as just another event on a calendar...something else they HAVE to do that takes time away from what they WANT to be doing.

This right here boys is fvcking A spot on!!! Look at it like this: They make you jump through hoops because if you are attracted to them they know you want that golden taco!

I am even seeing the less desirable act in this manner. Her mentality: "I am doing a favor going out with him... Let me check my phone... I am going on several more this week... Me and the girls are hittin' the club tomorrow. what shoes will I wear... He is going to have to work this!!! I need a fill in.... I am not paying for anything tonight... He will though.... so will the rest of them.. no need to say thank you afterwords because he owes me"

No wonder cheap dates like coffee dates are becoming popular!!! In the day, you would go to eat and a movie because SHE Did appreciate it.

It used to be fun when more women appreciated dating. Just as my man above pointed out, just another calendar day for them.

You get the point!! If I gonna chase something, it damn well be worth the chase, ya feelin' me?

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

In 1993 a number close was actually significant because it meant she was giving you a personal landline number you could call, not a nebulous cell phone number with caller ID. I think guy's these days still think a number close means something, it doesn't. In 1995 a kiss close was somewhat significant, but not a guaranteed lay or implicative of anything beyond a flirtation. Now it's almost necessary for a girl to make out with a guy in order for him to get the message.

There are a lot of 80's and 90's era dating holdovers that young men still think are applicable today. Which is kind of silly when you think about it. I would've laughed my ass off if a 40 y.o. guy told me that dating rituals in the 70's were still applicable in the 90's back then. I met Mrs. Tomassi at a gig I was playing in 1995. No cell phones, no IM, no internet. Compared to 2010 that was the wild west as far as dating was concerned. There was no SS, and if you owned a book titled "How to Pick Up Girls" you were obviously a loser who'd mail ordered it from an ad in Hustler. Basically you were on your own to figure things out.

In the 90's feminization had reach it's apex. I know that comes off as a bold statement, and probably a lot of guys would disagree with me because of the dating environment they find themselves in now. However, I say that because it was the wild west and feminization was unchecked and normalized. Go back and watch any of the sitcoms or movies from that era and pay attention to the mannerisms of men and women. Seinfeld, Friends and Fraser are good ones to observe. All the time you do, remember there is no internet, there is no global consortium of men comparing experiences about women's observed behaviors and their motivations, and there is no way to unplug from the Matrix beyond one's own character and insight. Compared to the mid 90's, the mid 2000's was the age of enlightenment for Men.

Women flaked and Attention Whøres were present, but not in such identifiable ways as now. With the rise of the internet and social media I'm of the opinion that ALL women are AW's to varying degrees, and they've always been so. However now the technology is such that they can more actively indulge in their attention obsession from both sexes, so it appears as if women have become more self-important. I'd argue they were always this way, but lacked the outlet to entertain it. It's ironic that the girls in the 80's and 90's who were so repulsed by the nerdy computer geeks are the same 40 somethings sitting in front of their computers fo hours at work soaking in the attention of their "Friends" on FaceBook today.

 

[CrashOverRide]

When a guy asks a gal out on a date, what he's really doing is saying "I'm pretty sure I'd like to have sex with you".

If the woman accepts, what she's saying is "I might potentially have sex with him".

Pretty much lol... Well put sir

 

[CrashOverRide]

In 1993 a number close was actually significant because it meant she was giving you a personal landline number you could call, not a nebulous cell phone number with caller ID. I think guy's these days still think a number close means something, it doesn't. In 1995 a kiss close was somewhat significant, but not a guaranteed lay or implicative of anything beyond a flirtation. Now it's almost necessary for a girl to make out with a guy in order for him to get the message.

There are a lot of 80's and 90's era dating holdovers that young men still think are applicable today. Which is kind of silly when you think about it. I would've laughed my ass off if a 40 y.o. guy told me that dating rituals in the 70's were still applicable in the 90's back then. I met Mrs. Tomassi at a gig I was playing in 1995. No cell phones, no IM, no internet. Compared to 2010 that was the wild west as far as dating was concerned. There was no SS, and if you owned a book titled "How to Pick Up Girls" you were obviously a loser who'd mail ordered it from an ad in Hustler. Basically you were on your own to figure things out.

In the 90's feminization had reach it's apex. I know that comes off as a bold statement, and probably a lot of guys would disagree with me because of the dating environment they find themselves in now. However, I say that because it was the wild west and feminization was unchecked and normalized. Go back and watch any of the sitcoms or movies from that era and pay attention to the mannerisms of men and women. Seinfeld, Friends and Fraser are good ones to observe. All the time you do, remember there is no internet, there is no global consortium of men comparing experiences about women's observed behaviors and their motivations, and there is no way to unplug from the Matrix beyond one's own character and insight. Compared to the mid 90's, the mid 2000's was the age of enlightenment for Men.

Women flaked and Attention Whøres were present, but not in such identifiable ways as now. With the rise of the internet and social media I'm of the opinion that ALL women are AW's to varying degrees, and they've always been so. However now the technology is such that they can more actively indulge in their attention obsession from both sexes, so it appears as if women have become more self-important. I'd argue they were always this way, but lacked the outlet to entertain it. It's ironic that the girls in the 80's and 90's who were so repulsed by the nerdy computer geeks are the same 40 somethings sitting in front of their computers fo hours at work soaking in the attention of their "Friends" on FaceBook today.

I'd have to say you are pretty accurate in what you wrote Rollo..... Something is going to have to give eventually to get things back to more primal roles.... I'm not sure what exactly..... The fact is that the majority of the men today still haven't been unplugged from the Matrix. This is evident when you see them comment on girls facebook pictures with such supplication such as "Hot!!!!" or "you should model honey" etc..... Of course these men don't realize that they are only aiding in perpetuating what is already a full blown epidemic!

Perhaps when the majority of men do become unplugged this balance will start to shift back to normalcy...

 

[Crissco]

I'd have to say you are pretty accurate in what you wrote Rollo..... Something is going to have to give eventually to get things back to more primal roles.... I'm not sure what exactly..... The fact is that the majority of the men today still haven't been unplugged from the Matrix. This is evident when you see them comment on girls facebook pictures "Hot!!!!", "you should model honey" etc..... Of course these men don't realize that they are only aiding in perpetuating what is already a full blown epidemic!

Perhaps when the majority of men do become unplugged this balance will start to shift back to normalcy...

Exactly!! People dont realize there just feeding to the fire. Great info in this thread, keep it coming guys!

 

[Atom Smasher]

Rollo makes some good points. I want to be clear and reiterate that women have always had these entitlement/AW tendencies since the beginning of time, but they were often constrained by societal mores, common sense, and a rightful understanding of the leadership of men. The problem we face today is that they are entirely without restraint now.

The genie is out of the bottle, and it's men who let the genie out, simply for fear of rejection and unpopularity. Men have throughout history been a controlling, constraining force, until 40 or 50 years ago when they collectively became spineless. We are the products of that era, and we are doing mankind a great service by paving the way for a better world where respect for men is restored.

The die for all this was actually cast in the 1920s. And no, I wasn't around then. In the teens and 20s women started making a stir, but that became somewhat suppressed by the great depression and then the war. The 50s brought a temporary fallback to women knowing their place after many of them had to work in factories to support the war effort. They just wanted a normal, traditional home life. But that was only a consolidation of force which was released with a fury in the 60s. The 50s were like a riptide that was retreating and garnering power for the coming explosive tidal wave.

We, men, on this forum and others similar, are the vanguard of the new movement to take our power back. We need to keep discussing and to help unplug as many men as possible, and to teach our sons AND daughters. And hopefully we will pull together in more cohesive fashion because we should be brothers-in-arms fighting together for a noble cause, not KJs just bickering back and forth.

I see the tide changing, men, and it is starting with us. Let's keep this purpose in mind moving forward. For too long men have thrown up their hands in defeat saying "That's just the way it is".

No, "the way it is" is against nature; an abberation that nature herself will correct. Nature ALWAYS wins against social contrivances. We can, if we're smart, leverage nature to speed the process. Let's look at it as an honor to be a part of the change from lunacy to normalcy.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

If you had a five liter 'stang and a Boyz II Men tape, you were GOLD.

But yeah, I wish facebook and all this social media crap would just go the way of the dodo.

 

[jophil28]

Men have throughout history been a controlling, constraining force, until 40 or 50 years ago when they collectively became spineless.

So why did men cave so easily ? Men's action and efforts have been behind every significant invention, military victory, social advantage, and technological change throughout history. It is not if we lack substance intelligence or commitment to a cause.

However, now most younger men I know ( and some older gents) eagerly proudly and actively promote women's "empowerment" at the expense of their own.
Huh ?

 

[hithard]

So why did men cave so easily ? Men's action and efforts have been behind every significant invention, military victory, social advantage, and technological change throughout history. It is not if we lack substance intelligence or commitment to a cause.

However, now most younger men I know ( and some older gents) eagerly proudly and actively promote women's "empowerment" at the expense of their own.
Huh ?

Deep down all straight guys want pu$$y on tap. These guys have no game, so do what they think will get them laid.

 

[Atom Smasher]

So why did men cave so easily ? Men's action and efforts have been behind every significant invention, military victory, social advantage, and technological change throughout history. It is not if we lack substance intelligence or commitment to a cause.

However, now most younger men I know ( and some older gents) eagerly proudly and actively promote women's "empowerment" at the expense of their own.
Huh ?

I look at it from a spiritual perspective, which will not go over so well here, but that aside, I believe it is simply the fear of rejection; the fear of offending. Read: The fear of loss of access to the golden taco.

I think the triggering factor was when women got the right to vote. From then on, politicians felt they had to pander to the female voter. That factor snowballed into the "empowering" of women in response to a handful of loudmouth women who villified men. The media jumped on-board, and that was the final blow.

You touch on a point that I've been pondering within the past few days. Just look around... everything you see, every piece of infrastructure, every building, every house, every object within those structures has been designed and built by men, with a statistically insignificant number of exceptions. This entire world is built and maintained by men (although women are making inroads into maintenance). And yet they clamor and chatter away about "equality" and run around with an arrogant, entitled attitude.

And men (we are the exception) sit around and watch and accept this toxic shaming that is occuring. Men are supposed to be ashamed for being men... don't dare step out of line or you'll be labeled and ......


Wait for it......


REJECTED!


Rejection is the achilles heel of men. Most of us, even us older guys, were brought up with a subtle message that there is something shameful about being a man, something dirty, unrefined and savage. This is subtle but it's there. It's up to us to reverse this, and I'm beginning to believe that we can. We need to make it our purpose to do so. As I said, we should see it as an honor that we are the generation (loosely defined) who is becoming aware and taking steps to restore sanity.

Well, that's my brain eruption for the day. I've got to go get an epidural in my spine. Some woman who was texting rear-ended me at 40 mph while I was stopped at a light.