Dating in College

[Caldus]

Hey guys,

I'm currently a sophomore in college (only 19). I've dated some women in the past but nothing serious ever happens after that. I've read some stuff on this site and I must say that some people on here have quite some balls approaching lots of women every day. I have to congratulate them on that. So far in college I haven't had very much luck with women but there's no one to blame but me.

I had the courage last semester to meet some girls but not very many. I eventually stopped doing the whole approach thing and just tried to enjoy life (as many tell me love finds you). The last girl I tried was pretty hot and seemed nice. I met her after class one day and I thought it was going great. We were talking and all of the sudden she stands up, turns around and asks me if she has gum on her butt. There actually was some so I said yes and pointed but didn't touch. I kept thinking she was sending me signals by doing stuff like that so I continued to talk to her every day. I eventually got her number and then asked if we could study together one night and she said no. I tried asking her out for coffee later on and she said no. So I gave up on her and moved on.

After reading several threads on here I'm beginning to wonder whether I should try the whole approach thing again. If I did, then where could I go to meet them? I could always try my classes and stuff, but I've never had success in those kinds of situations. I wonder how all these guys here meet girls at the college. I hate just going up to some random chick and saying hi and stuff. Because they know what I'm doing it for and they can sense those desperate vibes. So I decided to stop approaching women after a while and told myself to stop being so desperate.

But do I still need to get out there more and approach more women? Or does love really find you eventually? Thanks. And please, by all means, do whatever you need to do in order to get your point across. Even if that means smacking me or something, LOL.

 

[D'light]

jesus...
thats the exact same attitude i have, taht if i get my life together, girls will come naturally. well so far it hasent worked. i have a 3.7 GPA as an Economics major, work out at least 3 days a week, and dont get plastered at parties, just have enough to loosen up and have a good time... well i dont know what to tell you but it feels good to know im not the only one in this position.

 

[Caldus]

Yeah, I mean I've been trying to enjoy life and all and I think that's the right thing to do. But my question is whether I should still try and approach women as much as I was doing before? Especially women in college. Any advice appreciated.

 

[D'light]

well ill be honest, i approached a lot last year and got a lot of dates, this year i havent had any dates...so i gotta change something, probably start approaching.

one thing that has helped, i joined a club that i absolutely love. ive met so many people and its a great way to network and meet girls. theres one in there who im gonna ask out the next time i see her. we've talked a little nothing big, and i just got back from a ski trip with the club today and she went too. we skiied together for a few hours with also a friend of mine yesterday. so maybe that would be a good way to meet them and not have to cold approach

 

[blue17]

Ya i haven't really gotten anything in college. Meet a few chicks....chat some up, nothing really meaningful develops out of it. Seems a lot harder to meet girls at my college than it was in high school even. Well actually high school wasn't that hard, but i thought it would be a lot easier with so many more chicks at college than secondary school. Atleast most of u guys have clubs. I don't think there are any good extracurricular activities to meet new people at my school.

 

[O Snap]

thats the exact same attitude i have, taht if i get my life together, girls will come naturally. well so far it hasent worked. i have a 3.7 GPA as an Economics major, work out at least 3 days a week, and dont get plastered at parties, just have enough to loosen up and have a good time... well i dont know what to tell you but it feels good to know im not the only one in this position.

Economics major huh, good choice .

I guess it is a little bit easier for me. I am in a couple of groups, so i dont have to worry about cold approaches. IF you have a problem with that, talk to some of the girls in your classes. Your love life is not going to change unless you make the effort!

 

[nishbuk]

My friends...open up the bible (I mean the Don Juan Bible, look at the top of the forum ) and start reading. I'm JUST NOW starting to change my life. I'm in the same boat as you guys, but I'm getting out of it now. I've gotten more numbers than a ever have in my life (not many, but it's a start), and have had a girlfriend, and dated two women.

Seriously open the bible, and go for it. Also, you should DEFINITELY check out the bootcamp thread that alot of us are participating in. It is here:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=65408

I know there is at least one other person other than myself participating, and YOU GUYS SHOULD TOO!

 

[Craig Reeves]

Hm. Maybe you should try LEARNING from your failures intstead of letting them stop you from continuing. I don't know you at all, Caldus, but I CAN tell you where you messed up at in your approach with the girl in your class you were telling us about that rejected you.

I only would have gotten her number if the conversation ITSELF was going well - not just because she SEEMED to be interested in you. Never let HER interest dictate whether or not you get her number or not. If she is boring you or if you aren't really having that much fun, don't get her number. Think back....did you REALLY actually have FUN in your conversation with her, or did you just get her number because you thought she was cute and you thought she was interested in you?

The second mistake you made was that you masked your date request as a STUDY date. This is a NO-NO. You should have told her that you just wanted to hang out with her. You see, if you MASK a date request it makes it TEN times easier for her to say NO. The reason why is because you are taking away the intrusivness of the situation. "I'd like to hang out with you" is much stronger and much harder for a any woman to reject than "Can we study together?". All she has to do is say something about how she doesn't like studying, or make up some kind of excuse and your screwed. PLUS she will automatically see you as a wuss. I'm not saying this to discourage you. But the only way you will ever learn or get better is through failure and redesigning your game until you get it right.

After reading several threads on here I'm beginning to wonder whether I should try the whole approach thing again.

Absolutely. That is the ONLY way you will truly get better is through EXPERIENCE. You learn by doing. ESPECIALLY in the dating world.

I hate just going up to some random chick and saying hi and stuff.

That is because you're not used to it.

Because they know what I'm doing it for and they can sense those desperate vibes.

You WANT women to think that you are interested in them as a woman. You WANT them to think that you are approaching them as an attractive woman. The only way you'll come off desperate is if you are hiding things, such as your interest. Now I'm not saying to walk up to her and worship the ground she walks on. I'm not talking about showin interest with your MOUTH, show it with your eye contact and attention to her.

So I decided to stop approaching women after a while and told myself to stop being so desperate.

You'll only become even MORE desperate the longer you are NOT approaching women.

My answer is YES. You will only become more desperate, depressed and frusterated if you obstain from approaching women.

 

[belividere]

You guys are probably in the best situation that you will ever have when it comes to meeting girls in your life right now. I hope that you realize this soon and take advantage of it.

 

[Caldus]

Yeah, part of the problem is that I didn't enter the dating world until last year. I was one of those nerds in high school but I'm trying to get out of that.

I realized quick that dating is much different these days than I thought and that I needed to work on some things. Looks like I need to hit up the bible for a while and see how that goes.

I think you're right about that last woman I tried. I shouldn't have tried to cover it up like that but I kept thinking that I would look desperate if I just said "let's get coffee" but I realize now what I did wrong. Oh well, gotta keep trying.

But seriously, where do I meet these girls? Just girls in my classes? I've never been successful with meeting a girl from a class. Every time I made friends with a girl, it was always somewhere else.

 

[Aru]

I'm a sophomore in college and I'm currently dating a girl that I met in my Choir last spring (and we shared 2 semesters of the same physics class). We just started hanging out and it went from there.

I met this one girl at the swing dance club on campus. She is insanely hot and sweet. After a dace party one friday night the entire group of us (about 25) went out to eat at a restaurant and this hottie 'saved' me a seat next to her. I was the life of the conversation at the table and our mutual attraction was so strong that 2 or 3 of the other girls close by were attracted to me because of this (Pook's theory: FUN factor is so strong, some females can become interested in you soley for this) and were suddenly all over me.

I've got a kickass female friend that is 'one of the guys' in my regular group of blokes. She and I were initally into one another, and the attraction is still there to this day. We met in the crossover lounge in the dorm.

I know a dozen or so girls that I have met in various other places that would be easy to date if I were so inclined.

Here are some helpful tips:

*There are girls in your classes*

DUH! This should be obvious. Go talk to them, don't hit on them, just talk to them. Let them warm up to you and strike whenever you're ready and the iron is hot

*There are girls in your dorm*

Unless you are in an all male dorm. Don't let this valuable opportunity go to waste. There all kinds of girls to get to know in your dorm and they are by and large single. 3 of my buddies and I went through one of the girls halls in our dorm one night last year and just randomly started chatting with girls in their rooms. You'd be surprised how friendly and chatty girls are! We ended up hanging out in this one chick's room for most of the night (we attracted a group of guys and gals) and played a great game of strip poker. It's not hooking up but fun is fun, am I right?

*Be aware of your dorm's functions*

There is always stuff going on in the dorm's designed for people to meet one another. Activities, movie nights, games, etc. Take advantage of it.

*Try your hand at dancing*

I just started swing dancing this year and you wouldn't believe how many hot eligible girls are there. Also, if you didn't already know, girls LOVE to dance. It's fun, there is plenty of kino involved, and it makes them feel feminine (submissive, you LEAD). If all else fails, give her a smile and spin her.

*Try your hand at singing*

Most campuses have both auditioned and non-auditioned choirs. I take a one credit hour choir each semester. In addition to being a great hobby and passion of mine, it is a great place to meet girls. Half of the choir is women! Chat with these girls, it pays off big time (it did for me *GRIN* ) !

*Get involved in clubs*

I went to this philosophy club with my friend one time. There were plenty of girls there. I knew nothing of philosophy so whenever I 'contributed' to the discussion it was always a witty remark to get the group laughing. Girl sitting next to me asked me for coffee after talking with her for a bit when the meeting was over.

*Go to parties*

While I am not much of a partier, these places are ripe with girls out looking for fun. Go, have fun, and talk to some girls.

*Get to know your friendly cashier lady*

I frequent an on-campus late-night express eatery. There are several cute girls working there that I am on a first-name basis with. I'm willing to bet you've got cute girls working at your dining facilities. Instead of just ordering, why don't you make friends with them.

*Work out much?*

There are so many babes in the gym, there is really nothing useful to say. Get to know them!

Look dude, if you're complaining about finding girls on campus, then you aren't looking to hard. Also, if you were reading carefully, you'll notice that the underlying theme of my suggestions was to be friendly and make acquaintances with girls. In my experience, cold-pickups, though flattering to the girl, do not yield good hookups. Or perhaps I'm just better at making acquaintance with a girl I see consistently and then creating the opportunity to hang out with her.

Good luck, hope this helps.

 

[Aru]

Ooh! One other thing I failed to mention:

Don't forget the laundry room!!

(There is a story I won't even get into about this....)

 

[Caldus]

Thanks Aru. You're a life saver. I already have plans to join the tennis team since I enjoy tennis. I was thinking about some kind of dancing club too since I want to get better at dancing.

I think the best way to meet a girl is at some kind of school club. That way there is already common ground for the conversation. I remember joining a club a while back and met some great people there because we just seemed to click well right away.

I've tried meeting some girls nearby my apartment but they just don't seem to want to talk to me or anyone for that matter. They are pretty antisocial and stay in their apartments all the time. Same deal with my roommates. They are antisocial and never want to even talk. So I'm struggling to slowly get a better life here on campus. It's not even about getting a girlfriend for me anymore, I just want a better life here. I think joining clubs will really enrich it.

I mean sure I still want a girlfriend but I realize that I don't have much of a life myself but I'm working on it now. I'll try striking up a conversation with some girls from other classes too just for practice I suppose. Also to overcome my fear of thinking that other girls in the class will think I'm a loser if I get rejected by a girl in there. It's a dumb one I know but hey you gotta fight it.

I'm not going to do one of those DJ boot camps right now. I'd rather just try to get more of a life here on campus for now before trying to get some women. Hopefully I'll meet some cool women at the clubs I plan on joining.

Again, thanks for your post. All I need to do now is stop procrastinating and start changing **** now. No more staying in my room all night.

 

[wjh]

I think there's a core philosophy being missed here.

You must pay attention to the attitude possessed by the Don Juan.

I agree with the nishubunk and CR.

Good goin guys.

 

[Caldus]

You guys are freakin' amazing. Now time to check out this bible...

 

[SheepSter]

Caldus you should concentrate on wanting a woman, not on needing one.

 

[Double J]

I definitely agree that clubs are a great way to meet girls. I met my high school g/f in a business club trip, and we had many occasions to chat with each other and establish a good level of rapport before hooking up. In college I've met some chicks in a club I'm in as well.

If you want to meet girls in class, you definitely have to take the initiative to go up to them and strike up a conversation - usually they're not going to do it themselves. All it takes is just talking about something minute - a test, a math problem, etc - to open doors.

I also agree that cold approaches (without receiving prior signals) usually don't work well. Caldus, if you want to meet more girls in classes/clubs, do it for the sake of getting to know more people, and don't worry about the outcome (will she like me or not, etc). That comes later. The problem is that if you worry too much about the outcome, you're setting yourself up for disaster if things don't turn out accordingly.

 

[AverageFC]

I'm a college sophomore too, but a lot of stuff at college contradicts what the Bible says to do, which leaves me confused.

I've said this before, but I go to a college of roughly 2000 people. It's like a live-in high school I swear.

The Bible says to call after a few days, to only see the girl once a week or a few times, etc.

But at a college like mine, frankly that's not possible.

You run into the same people every day somewhere or other. Every day. So not calling is gonna look ****ed up if you see the girl and havent called her yet.

Every relationship/dating I've observed(and these relationships work too) the couples are glued at the hip. The girl is over at the guy's room almost daily. Inseparable.

 

[Aru]

Yes and how long do those type of relationships last exactly?

 

[Caldus]

Well that's the thing, I don't "need" a girlfriend and I know that. I would like to have to one but I can live without one. But I would rather get out there more and see what's out there.

Double J, you're right. I should stop thinking about results when I meet girls in classes and just do it for practice you know? That would be a good idea.