Dating in America vs dating in Australia

[Greasy Pig]

One thing I'm curious about is that in America (from watching American movies an tv shows) it seems people can date multiple people simultaneously and it's no big deal. In fact, it almost seems expected and that you have no right to be jealous or upset.
And it seems ok to tell a date that you are dating other people.

But in Australia, I've found women to get really upset if they find out you're dating multiple women, even if you are just seeing them casually and even if you're not sleeping with them yet.
For instance, if you took a girl on a date one night and she saw you with a different girl the next night, she'd get angry and never want to see you again, even though you both know there's nothing serious between you.

I had a friend go to America recently and an American guy took her out to dinner and they organised to go out again that week.
The next night, she was walking around and saw this guy in a restaurant with another girl and she got really upset and sent him a text saying something like: "I hope you had a good night with that blonde. Goodbye."
He wrote back asking her what her problem was.

So is it really that different between the two countries?

 

[betheman]

same in the UK, we tend not to have many multiple daters, its a bit of a no no over here

 

[zekko]

It is fairly common to date more than one person in the States, as long as it is kept very casual. Especially for young adults.

Having said that, not everybody here dates multiple partners, and misunderstandings happen. People of both genders can get the wrong idea, become involved, and think the other person is involved also. But they're not, and then when they find out they are dating someone else there can be hard feelings.

I think it is actually more common to "serial date", date one person at a time instead of multiple people. Most people have the aim of pairing off. That's my perception, anyway.

 

[Warrior74]

Be careful focusing on and comparing cultural norms. It's easy to fall into the trap of allowing one's cultural mores and conventions to define and control you. Society's rules are often designed to keep your instincts in check as well as cost you a lot of money.

Determine for yourself what you want to do, and then do it. And don't try to hide it. Just be who you are and make no apologies for it.

I can tell you from limited personal experience that women are women--no matter where you live in this world, you'll likely find very few women who are "OK" with men who date mutiple women.

Yup. This. I'm American and have never known a woman to be HAPPY or OK with you dating other women. But, to paraphrase Rollo, they want a man who could date other women.

I've had women who would not believe I was single when I was running tight game. I assume the logic goes : If he's making me feel so attracted to him, then other women must be attracted to him like this ergo, he probably has a girlfriend or a bunch of girls he's dating.

Also, getting caught out with another girl, that guy did the right thing. You never feel bad about it, it's good game to put it back on her as you've promised her nothing and she's not the boss of you. I bet your friend was "upset" but also got excited a bit. Did she tell you the rest of the story? What happened later? I'd be surprised if she broke it off completely with him. I'm willing to bet she at least saw him or went out with him again.

 

[Nutz]

I'm a catch and the women HATE when I date other women. They always want to get monogamous really early on, basically as soon as we start hooking up.

 

[Jitterbug]

I can't see any difference comparing my dating experience here with that of our American brothers. My scene is exactly like a typical SWPL scene in Nth America.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear GP,
Never been to the States,but I see no reason why it should be much different....I got many of my values from Yankee movies and my kids get theirs from the same place...basically we are the same religious background and have with the exception of the Afro-Americans,who probably stick to themselves, a similar migration pattern...Having lived in Britain,I can say the dating scene is Identical....We are just lucky having Orientals rather than the mix that Britain has...In fact these days I would not give a Woman with Western values the time of day!

 

[Zarky]

nah, American chicks are not cool with knowing "their" men are dating others. They're women FFS.

 

[seasonedplayer]

I am an Australian living in the states and can confirm the dating cultures are different. In Australia you cannot date more than woman at a time whilst in the us, it is common. This is partially explained by the fact that in Australia, women have the upper hand bc there are more eligible guys around (no offense to American guys intended). In the states, there is a shortage of guys (most are out of shape, don't dress well) so decent looking guys get away with more

 

[zekko]

In the states, there is a shortage of guys (most are out of shape, don't dress well) so decent looking guys get away with more

Yeah, but that's balanced by all the out of shape women.

It's not just guys who spin plates, though. A lot of unattached women date multiple guys as well, especially women who are very attractive. They have numerous guys interested in them and they explore their options. The key is that it is all kept very casual, and usually these girls are pretty young. Eventually they will find some one to settle down with.

But most women are probably serial daters. They date one guy at a time, even if it's only for a week. There's a classic question: "Who's your boyfriend this week?". A lot of women can go through more men this way than guys can go through girls by spinning plates.

 

[sarasd]

American Women

I don't anything about Australian women, but I would imagine communication is key. If you went on one date that really means nothing. In the states I would say unless you have spoken about dating exclusivley then you're both free to date whomever. Usually seeing someone is just seeing them and it doesn't mean you're not seeing other people(but who has time??). I would define the progress of a relationship below. I am from California so we tend to be more liberal in thinking.
1. Dating or seeing each other, but not exclusively. This can go on months or years.
2. Talk about it and decide to date exclusively, but it doesn't mean you call eachother BF/GF or BF/BF or GF/GF etc...
3. The official get together once it's talked about and you can be committed to just each other, BUT......(drum roll)......At anytime one or both parties can move backwards to steps 1 or 2 or ask for an open relationship(meaning you're the main relationship and it's OK to sleep with other people, but not date them).

The key is communication and seeing if this person is what you want and need.
I don't know if that is different than Australian women, but there you go for a California woman. :rockon:

 

[Zarky]

C'mon guys, are you that narrow-minded that you're going to make blanket statements about "All Americans..." or "All Australians..." That's some silly sh*t.

If there's one thing you should learn in life it's that there are a whole lot of differences between people.

 

[Stagger Lee]

I am an Australian living in the states and can confirm the dating cultures are different. In Australia you cannot date more than woman at a time whilst in the us, it is common. This is partially explained by the fact that in Australia, women have the upper hand bc there are more eligible guys around (no offense to American guys intended). In the states, there is a shortage of guys (most are out of shape, don't dress well) so decent looking guys get away with more

America is a winner take all society especially nowadays, actually cut throat. A small percentage of the best looking men monopolize most all the women and also a small percentage make a large sum of the money.

That said, American women generally don't want to share a guy with multiple women and will usually make a stink about it if they see it. But women want their cake and eat it too. They all expect only a top percentage looking guy when there are not enough to go around one-to-one. Obviously the only way most of them can get a top percentage guy is if they are sharing him if even unbeknownst.

It's not that women are OK with guys dating multiple women at all, it's just American women are so hypergamous that they refuse to date within their league that one-to-one pairing would require.

 

[Trump]

Can't generalize, depends on the woman.

I would say American woman don't want you to actually date other girls, but they want you to be able to get other girls at any instant, and they want other girls to want you.

I've never met an Australian girl, but would think its the same. What girl wants a guy so into her that he cannot get any other women? They say its sexy to be adored and loved but in reality it's about money and how many women want you.

And I guarantee that Australian girl would have done the same thing if not worse the next night if she met a 6'1 guy who was a doctor.

 

[glass half full]

Careful not to think that what they show in American movies is "how it really is". And most definitely in that respect. Now maybe it's different somewhere like NYC or the like, but no woman I have ever known would like that at all.

Another thing they show that isn't true is the tendency of men in movies to continue pursuing a woman when she clearly isn't interested, and eventually winning her. In reality that is purely a pipe dream, and will irritate an American woman, and she will tell her friends too. And yes that is bad!

 

[Colossus]

In my experience it's kind of "dont ask dont tell" with regards to dating multiple people here.

I always ASSUME she is, at least in the beginning, and frankly so should she. Sometimes a girl will outright ask me, but that's uncommon. I never ask them, I just go by their interest level.

And Espi hit the nail on the head that women are women the world over.

 

[seasonedplayer]

In my experience it's kind of "dont ask dont tell" with regards to dating multiple people here.

I always ASSUME she is, at least in the beginning, and frankly so should she. Sometimes a girl will outright ask me, but that's uncommon. I never ask them, I just go by their interest level.

And Espi hit the nail on the head that women are women the world over.

That's exactly right. In NYC, the girl you are dating expects that you are dating other women but will never ask questions. As I previously said, dating is a market, American men are generally dorky so normal guys have the upper hand over women. On the other hand, Aussie men generally dress well and there are many with rugged good looks so its much harder for men in australia to date multiple women, let alone get away with it

 

[englishman]

I've lived in the U.K and Canada for roughly the same amount of time.
In the U.K. it was a no no to date multiple partners.
Here in Canada it is considered OK for both men and women to date multiple partners.
To me though it seems fvcked up to just call it 'casual dating' and have to be OK with it, I think call it what it is, the women has all her options open, fvcing one guy, milking anothers wallet and getting sh1t bought off another.
Hard to take em serious.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

Depends on the female. Some will stop returning your calls if they find out you're dating others while others won't.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

You´re right Espi

Be careful focusing on and comparing cultural norms. It's easy to fall into the trap of allowing one's cultural mores and conventions to define and control you. Society's rules are often designed to keep your instincts in check as well as cost you a lot of money.

Determine for yourself what you want to do, and then do it. And don't try to hide it. Just be who you are and make no apologies for it.

I can tell you from limited personal experience that women are women--no matter where you live in this world, you'll likely find very few women who are "OK" with men who date mutiple women.

To the main poster, how can you be sure all women there are like this or if it´s a particular woman you met? Anyways, it´s always better to show what you have in mind to women. Unfortunately, it doesn´t mean they will act the same. People have their own agendas and mind their own business. In matters related to sex women will always be a puzzle to solve. They won´t come to you and say they want sex. At least that´s what I have experienced. As for me, I´m willing to move to other countries, you know, I want more chances of finding available people (read it nice women) as well as work opportunites.