zekko said:
It's also interesting that you mention depression. Do you think being depressed is attractive to a woman? I think it can be. The odd thing is depression is almost the exact opposite of being confident, is it not?
Depression is definitely not the opposite of being confident.
Its a return to confidence in spite of misery. Some of my most confident fearless behaviors in the past were when I was feeling deeply depressed. The best way I can describe it is you lose touch with reality and concerns about your social role/image.
Basically, alot of people can do stupid things when they are not thinking clearly. This creates indifference and uncertainty. This can lead to shootings, suicide etc, but it can also lead to a general devil may care attitude, rejecting the world, creating your own reality that combined with taking action is attractive to women. Where things start to head into badboy territory (in my experience) is when other
males start giving your behavior props. This feeds the ego and creates narcissism.
On the flipside depression also creates alot of
body paralysis. You can lose days and weeks lifeless in your bed. Pretty much unable to do anything, your focus and priorities are non-existent. The best way I can describe it is like a "fog" over your brain that numbs all your senses preventing clear thought. So there are pros and cons. I believe the main purpose of depression is to force you to take a serious look at your life and think how to improve it. The side effect is indifference to your
current circumstance.
Anxiety, fear, limiting beliefs etc = lack of esteem/confidence.
Depression = disconnect from, and unhappy with, reality. Re-assessment of options. No real link to confidence and can actually make it go up temporarily. As long as whatever is keeping you depressed persists then the confidence remains. If you make it through you will have a fair share of interesting reference experiences to build sustainable confidence on top of.
Im not advocating depression is the only path to the badboy, its just my journey. Im sure anger, abuse or any form of mental trauma will do just fine to create an indifferent attitude or dark confidence. Ironically for many years I was actually quite pleased with the results my dark confidence was getting. What really brought the switch over for me was watching "fun guys" get stable relationships with the same girl over the long term, while I was getting spikes of chaos and drama. All the while with things I had to address within my own life still boiling away causing unhappiness.
A weird thing that happens to me every so often, and probably because I am susceptible to depression, is that I hit a second lighter wave of depressed and unsatisfied when my relationships and work is too easy. When things start going my way on a subconscious level I begin to miss the drama and chaos, figure that one out ahaha. As an aspiring DJ this is something I try to retrain, I suppose when you are around negative energy and drama inducing girls long enough, that energy does rub off on you.
zekko said:
I'm not the one advocating everybody become a bad boy, that's the pickup gurus. Or worse, their followers who don't really understand what the gurus are saying (most gurus tell you NOT to be a bad boy, just take on certain traits that they supposedly possess).
Yeah, I guess what I'm saying is that you don't have to be a bad boy to be a strong, masculine male who can dominate a woman and treat her with disrespect in the bedroom, lol.
Agree. Pretending to be a badboy, Intentionally trying to be disrespectful towards women to win her approval is the worst possible frame.
Even though you want to become a stable masculine man, I have to admit the uncertainty of a badboy can definitely take a girl for a ride on her highest highs and lowest lows.
Even if badboy is not sustainable or a healthy place for the male to remain its a huge amount of fun for the girls. You could apply the same logic to a slvt. Unhealthy place for the girl long term, but a ton of fun for the guys.
What hasnt really been touched on in this thread is how a badboy does get measurably good results and behaviors, but
its at a cost to the self. Its not the optimal solution for girls. In a way by having a lack of boundaries you could argue badboys pedestalize girls by allowing the girl to bring drama into their life, encourage their negative behavior to continue and use them for entertainment, instead of spending that time getting his **** together.
Even though I am on the path of self improvement not all badboys have a happy ending. One of the other guys I knew years ago that fit into "badboy" managed to reproduce with an attractive women, but ending up dying of drug overdose in his early 20s. Another one is in jail for beating and raping a women. Dark ****. Most badboys
do not escape their own negative feedback loop, especially with so many "yes men" worshiping you around, you just keep spiraling downwards into destruction. I could see myself falling into self-destructive behaviors, fights and decided to pull myself out of it. I still have **** loads of confidence from the experience but its not sustainable by any stretch of the imagination. Badboys definitely get too much idolization as examples of masculine behaviors without really digging deep into
where the energy comes from, where these guys end up afterwards and how the badboy is disrespectful towards himself and too wrapped up in his own ego and crew to get out. Badboys are fun but 9/10 this story isnt going to end well. If we could cultivate the behaviors and emotional spikes a badboy brings to the table that the girls enjoy but with a more positive self view that would be ideal.
TLDR
What I admire about badboys though is how they turn negative energy into sexual energy. (main point of thread) But ultimately, all negative energy leads to destruction regardless of what you do with it.