Dating Divorced Women (with no kids)

[MtnMan]

thanks guys again for all the varying perspectives. I'm going to play it by ear with this girl and continue seeing my other plate too.

MtnMan,

It would be interesting if you could somehow anonymously run into her ex in a bar, and fish for info, lol.

Hah! I did facebook stalk him, why, I don't know. Didn't find out anything that I didn't already know from her. Seemed very consistent with what she said. He lives in another state now, so chances of me running into him are slim. I would definitely be down for some covert reconnaissance if I saw him at a bar though, would be fun.

Realistically, I don't care that much, and I am quite sure I can figure out what I need to know by being vigilant while seeing this girl. And who knows, this could all be for nothing because maybe I never hear from her again.

I don't have time or energy right now to recruit new plates, but I know that I can if need be, and that is excellent for keeping the abundance mentality. This will help me rationally approach the relationship with nurse girl.

I am supposed to go paddle boarding with her tomorrow, but this will be our third date, and the logistics are pretty bad for the bang. I start to get nervous when the bang doesn't happen as the dates progress further.

I really should have pushed it farther on date 2 when she was at my house, but I just wasn't feeling it. (exhausted from hike and from drinking/banging the other plate the day before) I didn't want to lay down a lame bang, and I wasn't feeling very sexually charged. We did make out for a long time, but we both had to work at 5 am the next morning. She left saying she wished she could stay and do that all night. Good sign, I guess.

Now I am approaching the 1 week mark since I last had sex and the 3rd date is not conducive AT ALL for it. I hope I don't friendzone myself here. I like these active dates, but their logistics are not good for banging, and the weather has been crap lately here too.

 

[expos]

She really doesnt sound like she has much animosity, and seems generally happy with her life, so far my crazy radar has not gone off at all.

Should I just continue on with her, or is the divorced thing a big red flag? I have no experience with such women. What do you guys think?

You will never get the full story. Women love to sugarcoat things so that everything works to their advantage. I think people are like that to some extent.

Her relationship with you will be different from that with her ex. You guys will have different struggles and different degrees of happiness because no two relationships are ever the same.

Continue to date her - but long - like 18 months. See what she is like after the honeymoon phase dies, then you get the real version of her.

 

[sodbuster]

As far as you being worried about her telling you the details of her Divorce, don't. Women will tell you their whole life story.... if you shut up and LISTEN, they will tell you EVERYTHING. Now it may be from THEIR perspective, so look at the other angle. My cousin cheated on his wife.....after a YEAR of no sex. BUT he's the bad guy around town......

 

[MtnMan]

As far as you being worried about her telling you the details of her Divorce, don't. Women will tell you their whole life story.... if you shut up and LISTEN, they will tell you EVERYTHING. Now it may be from THEIR perspective

This is so true. I am always amazed at what women will volenteer if you just let them talk. I honestly don't care too much about the details of the divorce, I just care about wether or not she is a sane woman.

I am going paddleboarding out to an island to camp with her tomorrow night, so I'm sure that will be interesting. Time to enjoy and observe.

 

[VladPatton]

Don't over think it, ride that boat right into the rocks! Sometimes the last thing a divorcee wants to do is get married again, so you might be a-ok on that for a while. Good luck.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

She's had a taste of marriage so I think I would rather be in your shoes than my current plate that is 33-no kids-never married. Damn hyper gammy is strong when they have never experience it.

Camping on the third date! Way to go charmer, don't stress out about how soon to bang but don't draw it out to long. She may be a 4-6 date kinda broad. This should be an interesting field report, good luck man!

 

[Kailex]

Why don't you get into having coitus first before you worry about ANY of these things. If you haven't even gotten laid with her yet, chances are you are DEFINITELY not getting the real her.

As far as her divorce?

She wasn't being honest.

I've only met ONE woman in my life that admitted to screwing her relationship up. And now she's spent years trying to recreate what she lost.

She could have told you all of those things and realistically, she could be BPD, or a low-libido partner, or too consumed with her work, or she loves to "mother" her relationships.

Whatever reason, keep digging, you WILL begin to find out soon enough.

 

[Slickster]

How about burying the past because.....IT'S THE PAST!

Don't talk about either of your past relationships EVER. If she even tries to bring it up tell her you don't want to talk about the past. You are interested in her right now.

Quit trying to judge people based on their experiences with OTHER people in the PAST.

Even worse, using other people's past experiences with other divorced women to influence your opinion of someone.

Form your OWN opinion based on YOUR experiences with her.


P.S. Don't worry about the bang. If you are putting the right vibe out, there should be no mistake of where things are heading.

 

[Colossus]

How about burying the past because.....IT'S THE PAST!

Don't talk about either of your past relationships EVER. If she even tries to bring it up tell her you don't want to talk about the past. You are interested in her right now.

Quit trying to judge people based on their experiences with OTHER people in the PAST.

Even worse, using other people's past experiences with other divorced women to influence your opinion of someone.

I like you and your posts man, but I respectfully disagree here. The past should never be ignored or avoided like it's irrelevant to your relationship today. That sounds like a quaint justification technique for being with a woman who has a questionable history.

MtnMan is just dating her, but I do think this is a legitimate topic. Almost every guy here has agreed that the woman's version of events cannot be trusted, and that they lack the accountability, objectivity, and introspection to change significantly from their past relationships.

One guy's opinion is one guy's opinion; but multiple, experienced, non-blue pill men corroborating the same thing?? Adds legitimacy in my book.

 

[sodbuster]

My ex wife divorced her first 2 husbands... one because he hit her, the other because he wasn't ambitious enough. I ended up being the THIRD assh*le... HER hidden agenda was a BROTHER for her daughter. Even though She KNEW I wanted 2 kids. She THOUGHT she could change my mind.... We did marriage counselling over that little deal. I told her " I told you I wanted 2 or 3 kids, can be with you or someone else.... your call"

BUT, I had an agenda too... She was a good brood mare for my son's....

 

[( . )( . )]

Quit trying to judge people based on their experiences with OTHER people in the PAST.

Unadulterated beta hamster rationalization.

If I have a history of burning down houses are you going to let me rent your place?

You capitalizing "THE PAST" won't sell it either. He has a history of masturbating in front of school children in THE PAST. <-----See?

 

[Çharismo]

Stalker

Made a mistake of dating a single mommie.

I was 21 @ the time and she was about 27.

Long story short we banged about 4 times but every time she would try to force me to *** inside her because even with a condom I would normally pull out. My gut wasn't feeling too right about that and I was thinking of a way to exit out. :woo: (Red flag)

I cancelled a date and she calls me saying "I'm not getting the attention I want from you so we don't need to see each other anymore..." I obliged and felt a sigh of relief. She calls back 5 minutes later saying that she was just "kidding". I basically made a break for it and cut off all ties but made the mistake of trying to reason with her. She blew up my phone non stop and I called her a psycho. She didn't like that too well and starts to scream and shout over the phone. I hung up.

Decided to go to the gym afterwards (where we met) and as soon as she sees me there she starts to curse, scream and shout at me and even wanted to fight me. I make an excuse about how she needs to return my blanket and as soon as she goes to her car I leave and haul ass. Even at that age I stayed sharp. I never told her where I lived but even without a lot of experience I managed to dodge a bullet. She leaves me threatening voice messages and even gets her ex to call me and leave me a message saying "I need to apologize to her."

She is a bombshell and a lot of guys were trying to get with her at the gym but I managed to somehow pull her. She also showed me scars on her body from the implants she had (red flag). I didn't judge because I wanted to bang her. Didn't know a lot of things at that time. She stirred up all types of **** at the gym trying to get me back. Even guys were calling my phone telling me all she wants to do is "smash". Yeah right!!!!

She eventually became a stalker.

I even changed gyms to stay away from her and the calls eventually slowed down. Random text messages here and there. I even threatened to get a lawyer and told her I had everything saved but she didn't back down (I was bluffing). I eventually got my number changed and she recently found me on Facebook. Before it was myspace. I made a mistake of accepting her friend request and boom she starts again. I block her and she sends a long and lengthy message to my best friend. I didn't even bother to read it just made sure I stayed away.

 

[MtnMan]

if anyone is interested in how things are going with mrs. divorcer, I will continue to cataloge my experiences with her over here in my ongoing thread:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=211435&page=6

I definitely have started to get a glimpse into what makes her tick, and I think after another date I might know whether or not to continue seeing her.

 

[MatureDJ]

My attitude is that a divorcee without kids is just about the same as a single woman who has had a LTR - with the only concern being whether she is stable enough to be a proper wife. I would tend to think that a woman wanting to get married again at least knows that she likes being married, and hopefully would learn from her experience.

I have a good friend who married such "sloppy seconds" and it's been great for him.

 

[vorbis]

I'd agree with MatureDJ

Some seriously contradictory advice in here.
Unless you're dating someone who's 22 or younger they're going to have some "history"

People are complaining about her being in a relationship for 8 years.
The alternative would be being single for 8 years which would be a big red flag!
The majority of "quality" women that I know are in relationships and are rarely single for prolonged periods of time.
This stuff is binary, her history either consists of relationships or short term hookups (unless she's a nun)

If you don't want any history then date ages 18 to 22 / 23.
That's going to be quite limiting especially as you get older.

 

[Slickster]

One guy's opinion is one guy's opinion....

I guess so.

I kind of believe that every relationship is unique. I also believe that people grow from their experiences. So if I meet a super cool chick who I'm connecting with and everything is clicking right and she meets my super high standards, then I'm not worrying about why her and her ex broke up. The end result is that it's working. That's all that matters.

In my experience bringing up old relationships with new chicks sabotages everything.

 

[pipeman84]

Relationship miles are like highway miles while c0ck carousel miles are like city miles. One might be better than the other, but high mileage is still not desirable. A woman who was in a long term relationship (8 years) invested a great deal emotionally in her man. She will never be the same again for subsequent lovers.

^^Very interesting take and my gut feeling says it's true. On the other hand, an argument could be made that she learned from the mistakes made in previous relationships.

This reminds me of a case of a good looking chick (she's into trail running) that I've stumbled upon on FB a few years ago and then again yesterday...didn't even know she was with somebody, now there's a baby and a guy in the picture...so I dug a little bit and it looks like she was in a relationship with a fellow runner (started when she was about 25 and ended 3 yrs later) then she got into another relationship with another runner and now 5 yrs later they have a baby together. This made me wonder, did she settle for the second guy (she knew him already while she was with the first guy and secondly the age thing, she was approaching the wall)?

I tried to put myself in the shoes of this 2nd guy...so she traveled the world and said 'i love you' for 3 years to the first guy, now she's doing the same with me, how believable is this? The thought of it just didn't sit right with me. What do you guys think? She's undesirable high mileage or learned from her previous relationship?

 

[SW15]

I'm glad @pipeman84 brought this topic back up. Starting around age 30, most men will start to have dates with divorced women. I have had dates from divorced women with no children. All of the lifetime dates that I had with childless divorced women were arranged via website or swipe app. It would be possible for that to have happened to me via stranger approach too.

YouTube personality Wheat Waffles accurately classifies what men want in longer term relationships from women. There are 3 factors: Hot, Young, and Undamaged. Divorced, childless women are not undamaged. A childless failed marriage to your namethan a failed, childless non-marital relationship.

Relationship miles are like highway miles while c0ck carousel miles are like city miles. One might be better than the other, but high mileage is still not desirable. A woman who was in a long term relationship (8 years) invested a great deal emotionally in her man. She will never be the same again for subsequent lovers.

This is a great analogy. The carousel type notches will do the most damage while extended, non-marital, childless relationships will do the least damage. At the end of the day, there's still some damage. A woman doesn't get to 30 and unattached without some damage. Childless, divorcees will have some amount of damage. Each situation deserves its own exploration. The woman's own actions did likely contribute to her childless failed marriage. Almost no women would be blameless in that situation.

She only told you part of the divorce story. She didn't tell you the part how she was a constant power tripping biatch and homeboy got tired of it so he went drinking and played video games with his buddies. Meanwhile she shut the golden vag doors in retaliation so he found him some elsewhere.

My ex wife cheated on me...do you think she ever tells new guys that fact? Hell no she omits it 100% of the time.

The best thing you can do is just take your time. Ride the brake. Drag things out and don't hurry into anything. Eventually her true identity will surface. I wouldn't worry too much about her being divorced.

I agree 100% with this. Your ex-wife definitely omitted her affair when describing her past marriage to you. No woman is going to be completely honest as to why she has a childless failed marriage.

I would be open to dating a childless divorcee but it's likely she's more damaged and less likely to be a good relationship candidate than an unmarried, childless woman of the same age with failed non-marital relationships.

 

[2Rocky]

This is a great analogy. The carousel type notches will do the most damage while extended, non-marital, childless relationships will do the least damage. At the end of the day, there's still some damage. A woman doesn't get to 30 and unattached without some damage. Childless, divorcees will have some amount of damage. Each situation deserves its own exploration. The woman's own actions did likely contribute to her childless failed marriage. Almost no women would be blameless in that situation.

Curious if this "Damages " a man in your experience?

 

[SW15]

Curious if this "Damages " a man in your experience?

Ask women. In a lot of cases, women prefer divorced men to never married men.

I think a divorce, even a childless one, does damage a man.