Dating as a single dad is it even possible.

[Starcrusher55]

The real pic has been removed. The vasectomy thing I can see as something that can ward off women. no I won't be broke according to what my soon be x wife sent up to the courts which she let me review beforehand she is asking for 1k a month which is 1/5 my total income and a 40/60 with the kids. not as bad as I have seen. she also makes slightly less than I do which is why the child support calculations are so low. I will still have enough for all my bill + mortgage and still have quite a bit of money on the side.

 

[DSterlen]

That will hurt your prospects for extended relationships, even if you're not planning to get married for a while. A lot of women in their 20s and early 30s at least want to have the option of having kids with some man. The women who will have relationships with guys with vasectomies are single moms who don't want more kids.

I think he's right that, a vasectomy would probably rule you out for an LTR with the vast majority of 20-somethings with no kids. You could meet a 27yo five plus years from now and that would be a big problem for her most likely. You want to be able to give her one.

I would add that fighting for as much custody of your kids (50%) as possible. It will be hard, given that you still have to make a living, but..
•It will make your kids better, significantly.
•It will make you better.
•It will save you giving ex wifey some money.
•You will get mad respect from friends, family and colleagues for being a bad ass.

Bonus:
•You will be more attractive to new women because of literally all of those things.

Bonus 2:
•You will still have 3.5 free nights a week to yourself, which is way more than you did married.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

That will hurt your prospects for extended relationships, even if you're not planning to get married for a while. A lot of women in their 20s and early 30s at least want to have the option of having kids with some man. The women who will have relationships with guys with vasectomies are single moms who don't want more kids.

Whats the alternative? Getting a plate pregnant by "accident", have her throw twins and end up with 5 kids to pay for?

Lets be real, a load of 20 and 30 year olds dont know **** if they want kids or not and his goal for the next years shouldnt be to find a woman that wants kids from him anyway.

And IF he decides in 5 or 10 years that he has found a worthy women to have another kid with and finances are up to it, he can still re-connect the piplines, no big deal nowadays.

 

[SW15]

I think he's right that, a vasectomy would probably rule you out for an LTR with the vast majority of 20-somethings with no kids. You could meet a 27yo five plus years from now and that would be a big problem for her most likely. You want to be able to give her one.

You're absolutely right that a 20 something without kids will exit from an interaction with a guy with a vasectomy. They'll exit as soon as they hear it, even if you're just a few dates into things.

Childless 30 something women will also exit.

Childless women in their 20s and 30s usually want to have a child at some point. Women usually don't give up on having children until they are 40. There are even some 40 year old childless women who want to have children.

I haven't been that inclined to want children. In my mid to late 20s, I was thinking about having a vasectomy. I decided against it. I can market to women that I am open to having children even though I am not that interested in it. All of my relationships have blown up before that became relevant.

If you're dating women in their 30s who are childless, it is better to date the ones who don't want kids than the ones that do if you want some sort of extended relationship (6 months +).

Whats the alternative?

Using condoms. Not impregnating women.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Using condoms. Not impregnating women.

I NEVER had a women asking me if i had a vasectomy before sex, NEVER.

I HAD a lot of women that wouldnt have sex with a condom in an LTR.

Asides from that, vor various reasons, there are A LOT of people out there, born in spite of having been ejaculated into a condom, on a hand or into a mouth.

Reliance on condoms in an LTR is non practical BS.

 

[Stoic]

Single dad here with one daughter. I need to run but quick thoughts.

Yes, you can date. I have 50/50 custody and do just fine with getting lays.

Sometimes younger women will not want to date a single father and will get rejected for that.

Others actually see it as a positive and it's easier to get in the door because of it.

Divorce sucks man. Get through it the best you can.

 

[Glassguy]

is it possible for a man with kids to find this kind of success in dating?

Sure is. Put your kids first. Make sure that you get shared parenting. Make THEM the priority as you only have one chance to be a great dad for them to remember their entire lives. You can still date, but women should not be your purpose now or ever.

should I be focused on trying to find a stable person for another LTR? I am already taking the steps to become the best version of my self I.E working out, focusing on my career and my finances.

LTR? Hell no. Working out, focusing on your career and finances should be your purpose while away from your kids right now.

any experiences you all can share and tips to help increase my odds to get back out there when the divorce is over will be incredibly helpful.

Dont openly "date" anyone while you are still legally married. IDC if your soon to be ex is in a full blown relationship already. If you live in the US, she will take you to the cleaners if she finds out about another woman you are seeing.
If you know of a few women who are recently divorced or casually date, reach out to them. Simply chat them up a little and invite them over to your place. No "dates" in public where you could be seen. Use this as a weapon like I did when I got divorced.
"Yeah I'd love to take you out for dinner but until my divorce is final I wouldnt want people to assume you were the reason for the divorce. Why dont you come over and hang out and have a few drinks and when this thing is finalized we can do dinner".
Use it as a tool. Most women will understand and getting them over to your place drinking is rather easy.

No "dating" until the divorce is finalized. You should be helping your soon to be ex get things moving so that you can rid yourself of a cheater.

FYI- even though you know she has been seeing this guy for a LONG time since they are already in a full blown relationship, and it p!sses you off, just sit back and enjoy the show. It wont last. However you being a great dad and good role model for your kids will last forever. So will working on yourself for the time being.

Good luck.

 

[Lookatu]

The real pic has been removed. The vasectomy thing I can see as something that can ward off women. no I won't be broke according to what my soon be x wife sent up to the courts which she let me review beforehand she is asking for 1k a month which is 1/5 my total income and a 40/60 with the kids. not as bad as I have seen. she also makes slightly less than I do which is why the child support calculations are so low. I will still have enough for all my bill + mortgage and still have quite a bit of money on the side.

Man, you're getting off easy. Congrats. I think if these terms hold, you'll be in a good position overall.

It sounds like she knows she lost whatever feelings for you and decided to go with someone else with no fault from you and is being very fair about it.

 

[Glassguy]

Wont it be mind blowing to her when you are not resisting but actually helping the divorce process streamline lol

 

[2Rocky]

re: Vasectomy.

Sperm Banks....Keep a few shots on Ice. JIC.

Semen Storage Private Home Collection Kit CryoChoice GLP8 Private Sperm Storage - Preserve Fertility Pre-Vasectomy

Private Sperm Banking: Preserve Your Future Fertility. Prepare For Vasectomy, Cancer Treatment, Military Deployment, Hormone Therapy, Fertility & Insemination Procedures.

cryochoice.com

 

[Lookatu]

re: Vasectomy.

Sperm Banks....Keep a few shots on Ice. JIC.

Semen Storage Private Home Collection Kit CryoChoice GLP8 Private Sperm Storage - Preserve Fertility Pre-Vasectomy

Private Sperm Banking: Preserve Your Future Fertility. Prepare For Vasectomy, Cancer Treatment, Military Deployment, Hormone Therapy, Fertility & Insemination Procedures.

cryochoice.com

This is the better method IMO if you don't mind the $150-$300/year maintenance fee. Because even though you can reverse a vasectomy later, it doesn't mean you're going to have as healthy or active sperm when you get older. That is if you still want any more kids...

I have a theory that you and your partner's current healths at the time when you conceive partially can determine the health of the child. Totally anecdotal but I noticed this in my kids.

 

[2Rocky]

I have a theory that you and your partner's current healths at the time when you conceive partially can determine the health of the child. Totally anecdotal but I noticed this in my kids.

Epigenetics is the study of how heritable changes in gene expression (active versus inactive genes) that do not involve changes to the underlying DNA sequence — a change in phenotype without a change in genotype — which in turn affects how cells read the genes.

Basically what happens to the mother during pregnancy programs her offspring in future generations.

The Famine Ended 70 Years Ago, but Dutch Genes Still Bear Scars (Published 2018)

Babies born during the Dutch Hunger Winter became adults with higher rates of health problems. Now researchers may have found the genetic switches that made it happen.

www.nytimes.com

I think anyone looking to start a family today should definitely make conception a planned experience. Had I, I would not have started my family at 23.

 

[Lookatu]

Epigenetics is the study of how heritable changes in gene expression (active versus inactive genes) that do not involve changes to the underlying DNA sequence — a change in phenotype without a change in genotype — which in turn affects how cells read the genes.

Basically what happens to the mother during pregnancy programs her offspring in future generations.

The Famine Ended 70 Years Ago, but Dutch Genes Still Bear Scars (Published 2018)

Babies born during the Dutch Hunger Winter became adults with higher rates of health problems. Now researchers may have found the genetic switches that made it happen.

www.nytimes.com

I think anyone looking to start a family today should definitely make conception a planned experience. Had I, I would not have started my family at 23.

Couldn't read the whole article as it requires login but interesting nonetheless.

 

[Stoic]

OP, curious why you couldn't get 50/50? That would mean less child support and more time with kids.

 

[speed dawg]

Man these b*tches are ruthless. 3 kids, and she blasts off with a co-worker. Unbelievable.

But nonetheless, it's the reality. Best advice I can give you right now (and you seem to already have accepted this) is that she's gone and ain't coming back. Once that's internalized, it's much easier to get back.

Like everybody else has said, don't try and get into a competition with her regarding who can move on fast enough. Just stay away from her except for the parenting duties. Unfortunately you also need to accept that there will be frustration there, because you're not going to agree on the parenting/discipline, and one of you will be an enabler.

Getting ass should be far down your list at the moment. Rub one out, go to Vegas, whatever you have to do until your mind clears.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yeah of course it is possible. Meet, have fun and fvck. Then see where it goes from there.

 

[ERB]

Never tell a female that you have had a vasectomy! Ever! Get your equipment clipped now so you can recover from the procedure. The crazy women out there that will trick a man into pregnancy is more than one can imagine. If you are in another LTR and she becomes pregnant, you’ll know that she has been behind your back. Save your sperm if you have any thoughts about future offspring.

Good luck brother

 

[Starcrusher55]

OP, curious why you couldn't get 50/50? That would mean less child support and more time with kids.

The issue with 50/50 is keeping her happy I am in the military and I deploy. when I deploy she can change custody to full time which will murder my bank. but as per her as long as it's 60/40 she won't take me to court while I am deployed and leave it at the 1k a month. I know I can win 50/50 because I am currently in a non-deployable status but that ends July next year. my other alternative is to get out of the military but I will lose my pension retirement benifits. so in short she kinda has me by the balls on that one.

 

[Stoic]

The issue with 50/50 is keeping her happy I am in the military and I deploy. when I deploy she can change custody to full time which will murder my bank. but as per her as long as it's 60/40 she won't take me to court while I am deployed and leave it at the 1k a month. I know I can win 50/50 because I am currently in a non-deployable status but that ends July next year. my other alternative is to get out of the military but I will lose my pension retirement benifits. so in short she kinda has me by the balls on that one.

Got it man. I've been through divorce. Not particularly fun. Good luck brother.

 

[Lookatu]

Never tell a female that you have had a vasectomy!

I agree.

Yeah we don't wanna see you on a Maury episode. LOL