Dating after 35

[StevenR]

I was at a club tonight that was having a fashion show, I went there with some other people from this photography class I am taking. They were allowing us to take photos there. I really felt out of place and intimidated by all the good looking people there. I never liked clubs much anyway but it seemed like every guy was fit and muscular, like they spend all day at the gym or something.

I was about 30-40 pounds overweight last fall and am slowly losing it but I am still not nearly in as good of shape as those guys are. I think I would have to spend literally all day in the gym, plus run 20 miles a day, and eat nothing but oatmeal and veggies and power drinks, steroids, etc. to get like they are with their washboard abs. With all my other commitments(such as making a living) I don't think it is even possible anymore for me to ever get like that again, especially as I get older.

Just how important is being in perfect physical shape to women? I know that hitting the gym is stressed a lot on these boards as part of the path to becoming more attractive to women. Is this the benchmark I have to attain before I can become a DJ? I really do feel I cannot compete with them and it will become increasingly difficult as I get into my mid and late thirties. Are there any 30 something guys here that are able to attain that washboard stomach that women go crazy over? Do you feel like you are less physically attractive than all the 20 something guys at these nightclub places?

I also notice on match.com that 35 seems to be the cutoff for most women whether they are 25 or 32, for some reason 35 is like a magic number, and I am approaching that number fast. Is it because these women also want guys with washboard abs and big, tight muscles and they know that it is much harder for a guy over 35 to attain these things unless it is all he does all day?

 

[Master Bates]

Fvck washboard abs. You don't need to have washboard abs to be in good shape or have an attractive body. Being 35 is no excuse for being out of shape. Just eat right, buy some weights and an exercises bike for your home and use them half an hour each day, and you'll be good.

 

[StevenR]

you think a half hour is enough? you are 26, I do wonder how much more difficult it becomes between say 35-45 to keep weight off then in your 20's. I see more out of shape men in that age range then I do in the 20 something age range and I wonder if it is mostly because they just get lazy or if most peoples metabolism does slow so much that it gets much more difficult even with the same exercise and eating habits they had in their 20's.

 

[lookyoung]

You don't need to have a 6 pack. Very few guys past the age of 25 have a 6 pack. You should workout however. Some woman prefer guys with big shoulders and a chest over a 6 pack. I think working out is very important to the mature man especially at our age. I would recommend anyone over 30 do some kind of workout at least 3 days a week.

As far as your age goes it really doesn't matter. It matters more the way you look and carry yourself. I am 31 and am dating a 21 year old right now. I have dated plenty of girls in the 21-24 range. The key is to be up to date in a fashion sense, and keep yourself young by working out. A man that is good with woman is good with woman period.

If you take a guy who is a DJ at 40 he will be good at picking up 25 year old woman if that is what he is after.

Working out is vital to every man... There is absolutely nothing negative about working out. Your health and appearance improves. I see the guys that I went to highschool with... The ones that never worked out look like they are 40 I still look like I am in my late 20's. pumping iron is one of the best things you could do in your life.

 

[jophil28]

I also notice on match.com that 35 seems to be the cutoff for most women whether they are 25 or 32, for some reason 35 is like a magic number, and I am approaching that number fast. Is it because these women also want guys with washboard abs and big, tight muscles and they know that it is much harder for a guy over 35 to attain these things unless it is all he does all day?

Nah , I am almost 52 and in good shape but my abs went AWOL years ago.
I date women of all ages and right now I have a 20 year old chasing me around a Latin dance Class every wednesday night. She has a good ole fashioned crush on the big poppa.(actually she lied, she is just 19 years old ,turns 20 soon).
Her Dad is a Qantas pilot. She gets tickets for 10% of face value.
I told her that she and I are going relocate to Key Biscayne when I am 55 and we can get a condo and teach dance to retired Americans who need to get off their couch. She said OK, when ?
I tell her that she needs to save her money because she is paying for the condo and I am buying a 60 ft Catamarran to sail from here across to Pamana and then on up to Miami .

So she says ,"' Can I go shopping in Miami -will you pay ?"
I said ,"Sure - every second trip ."
She says ," Versace? Gucci ? "
I say, " Lets start at the Goodwill and work up?" She punches my arm.

( Anyone know where and what the best dept store is in S E Florida ? ) Ha !
Geez I think I have me a keeper...

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...
I was about 30-40 pounds overweight last fall and am slowly losing it but I am still not nearly in as good of shape as those guys are. I think I would have to spend literally all day in the gym, plus run 20 miles a day, and eat nothing but oatmeal and veggies and power drinks, steroids, etc. to get like they are with their washboard abs. With all my other commitments(such as making a living) I don't think it is even possible anymore for me to ever get like that again, especially as I get older.

Is your job dependant on fitness as much as theirs? If not, stop wasting your time comparing yourself to people you shouldn't be comparing yourself to, it's silly. Look your best, not their best (unless you're trying to pick up one of them).

 

[My Name is Nobody]

I am signing up to Golds Gym this week. It's about damn time I'm going to get buff and hell yes women care ALOT.

 

[Nelford]

I was at a club tonight that was having a fashion show, I went there with some other people from this photography class I am taking. They were allowing us to take photos there. I really felt out of place and intimidated by all the good looking people there. I never liked clubs much anyway but it seemed like every guy was fit and muscular, like they spend all day at the gym or something.

I was about 30-40 pounds overweight last fall and am slowly losing it but I am still not nearly in as good of shape as those guys are. I think I would have to spend literally all day in the gym, plus run 20 miles a day, and eat nothing but oatmeal and veggies and power drinks, steroids, etc. to get like they are with their washboard abs. With all my other commitments(such as making a living) I don't think it is even possible anymore for me to ever get like that again, especially as I get older.

Just how important is being in perfect physical shape to women? I know that hitting the gym is stressed a lot on these boards as part of the path to becoming more attractive to women. Is this the benchmark I have to attain before I can become a DJ? I really do feel I cannot compete with them and it will become increasingly difficult as I get into my mid and late thirties. Are there any 30 something guys here that are able to attain that washboard stomach that women go crazy over? Do you feel like you are less physically attractive than all the 20 something guys at these nightclub places?

I also notice on match.com that 35 seems to be the cutoff for most women whether they are 25 or 32, for some reason 35 is like a magic number, and I am approaching that number fast. Is it because these women also want guys with washboard abs and big, tight muscles and they know that it is much harder for a guy over 35 to attain these things unless it is all he does all day?

I am a PT personal trainer and 31 years young. You will have to put in some time at the gym and table to get those abs. The minute April hit, the gym got flooded with all ages trying to get the look you describe. More business for me because the members think I have some type of majic formula for abs, but I tell you I had to work hard for mines. I work 3 jobs and workout 4 days a week to hold on to them. I get up a hour early and hit the road for cardio. If I can do so can you and to answer your question, it seems that the women do like a man in shape.

 

[guru1000]

I was at a club tonight that was having a fashion show, I went there with some other people from this photography class I am taking. They were allowing us to take photos there. I really felt out of place and intimidated by all the good looking people there. I never liked clubs much anyway but it seemed like every guy was fit and muscular, like they spend all day at the gym or something.

I was about 30-40 pounds overweight last fall and am slowly losing it but I am still not nearly in as good of shape as those guys are. I think I would have to spend literally all day in the gym, plus run 20 miles a day, and eat nothing but oatmeal and veggies and power drinks, steroids, etc. to get like they are with their washboard abs. With all my other commitments(such as making a living) I don't think it is even possible anymore for me to ever get like that again, especially as I get older.

Just how important is being in perfect physical shape to women? I know that hitting the gym is stressed a lot on these boards as part of the path to becoming more attractive to women. Is this the benchmark I have to attain before I can become a DJ? I really do feel I cannot compete with them and it will become increasingly difficult as I get into my mid and late thirties. Are there any 30 something guys here that are able to attain that washboard stomach that women go crazy over? Do you feel like you are less physically attractive than all the 20 something guys at these nightclub places?

I also notice on match.com that 35 seems to be the cutoff for most women whether they are 25 or 32, for some reason 35 is like a magic number, and I am approaching that number fast. Is it because these women also want guys with washboard abs and big, tight muscles and they know that it is much harder for a guy over 35 to attain these things unless it is all he does all day?

Being 35 does not mean a thing to younger women. Believe me!

How possible is it to attain a cover magazine physique at 35? If you like, Ill send you a link. It requires discipline, training and diet.

I am not going to lie to you. If you are overweight and pursuing women 8 or above in the looks department, you will have a tough time pulling without compensating factors.

This is not a UNIVERSAL law. I can show you many guys where this GENERALIZATION is quite the opposite. However there will always be compensating factors such as social proof, wealth , status or looks.

Physical Appearance is very important to women. Attraction begins with appearance.

You might have had a WAKE UP call going to that club. Because this my friend is REALITY. You see your competition. So you can either surrender or be the best you can be.

It is never too late. START NOW.

You want to be a DON JUAN.

1) Look like one
2) Feel like one
3) Think like one

===> BE ONE.

 

[cedd]

I'm 34, and I have a great body I guess. All women I was with said it and LOVED it !
I have good pecs, abs and shoulders. Not the 6-pack we could see on magazines covers but almost...cause I like eating good things and wine (I'm french)

I NEVER go to the gym though ! jogging and home training only.

DO NOT subscribe to a gym club if you know you wont go or 1 time a month... thats waste of money. Rather buy a pair of push-up bars, weights and do 4/7.
if you add some abs workout AND you EAT RIGHT, you will see really good improvement on your body. plus you will get more confidence.

WORKOUT improves your ******d image but does your self-image too.

If you want covers body, you will have to train much harder and make some long term sacrifice...

If you wear fitting clothes (not size L if you are M) it will emphasize your body and women will notice you more.

the rest is Game...

my 0.02

cheers

 

[MotownMack]

A lot of good comments, and I feel like I am more than qualified to add my two cents here. I was thrown back into the dating scene about a year ago at 5'11 280 about a year ago, at 35 years old and have been dating for about the last year and half.

First the good news.

Being 35 does not mean a thing to younger women. Believe me!

This is, for the most part, totally true. When it comes to online dating, 35 can occasionally be a cut off point on some girls profiles. But by and large, there are countless girls out there in their mid 20s (and in some cases early 20s) that very much like dating older men. When I think back to what a jackass I was back then, I am not surprised that a girl in that age bracket might want to date someone a little more mature. Plus, you're usually a little more established, but even if you're not, I wouldn't worry. Status is overrated as means of attracting the average girl, in my experience. Ok, I don't date in West L.A. where this may not always be the case, but usually, as long as you have a job and are not living with your parents or completely financially destitute, it's not an issue. I see a lot of younger guys posting and asking about financial aspects and social status, etc-which to some degree I had before I started dating-and I can tell you it did not help me get laid any more. It may have gotten a few bonus points, but if your game is weak, your game is weak, end of story.

I have to be completely honest-for me, not having had kids-dating is WAY easier now than it was in my 20s, and I've dated some girls 10 years later than wouldn't give me the time of day back then. Youth, when it comes to men and dating, is overrated and can even be a handicap.

However, this is also true:

I am not going to lie to you. If you are overweight and pursuing women 8 or above in the looks department, you will have a tough time pulling without compensating factors.

This is not a UNIVERSAL law. I can show you many guys where this GENERALIZATION is quite the opposite. However there will always be compensating factors such as social proof, wealth , status or looks.

Mind you, I didn't look 280lbs. People would usually guess me around 240 or 250. I looked more like a line backer than a fat doughy guy. But I was still fat, end of story.

As Guru stated, there are some women who aren't as concerned with a little extra weight, and even fewer that really care about washboard abs. Looking back now, I did date some pretty cute girls for being that big, and I wouldn't call myself an especially good looking guy, so don't despair.

However, it can will hurt your game some. It just means you're either going to have to lose it, or bring your game up somewhere else. My vote is for both. I lost about 65 pounds in the last 6 months. In terms of how many more girls find me attractive because of this, I can't say. But I can tell you that my energy and my confidence levels are worlds apart. So, all I can tell you is if women are your motivation for losing weight or just being totally vain, who cares-don't fight it. Use what ever motivation you have at your disposal to get the damn ball rolling. You won't regret it.

 

[Jitterbug]

I know a mid-50 uni professor who goes to my gym. The guy is in great shape WITH a 6-pack. He goes to the gym almost everyday (I go 5-6 days a week and I always see him there) and is a great cook. He pulls women with ease. Many hot young female students have a crush on him. He has a quite notorious reputation around here for nailing those chicks. His divorce a number of years back was because his wife caught him banging one of those in his office.

 

[Mr. Me]

I'm in my early 50's and started working out back when I was around 39. If I tell a person who's just met me my age, their jaw literally drops. And it's not that I'm terribly muscular, but just slender and nicely toned and look much younger than you'd think.

Though it does involve discipline and the determination to do it right and to choose this lifestyle as a priority, and there many compelling reasons why to do so least of all that it's attractive to women, as motivational as that may be (when I was 39 I had a girlfriend, I just did it for me), there isn't any reason to think it's a matter of eating only veggies and living in the gym. In fact, that's a mind set that rationalizes away at the viability of working out efficiently and eating clean. That's the first thing you have to change: your mind.

There's an ebook called "Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle". You may want to read it.

 

[MotownMack]

BTW, Steve- I'm 36, my profile on at least one of the dating sites says I am 35 for this exact reason. Just so I show up in the searches, and after a few minutes of conversation, I will usually reveal my age by saying I screwed up when I registered and it wouldn't let me changed it. Yes, it's a lie, and no I don't lose a wink of sleep over it. If you think that other people aren't fluffing (or outright lying) in their profiles to make themselves look good, you're mistaken.

Anyway, when I revealed my true age, none of them have ever cared.

 

[MotownMack]

BTW, Steve- I'm 36, my profile on at least one of the dating sites says I am 35 for this exact reason. Just so I show up in the searches, and after a few minutes of conversation, I will usually reveal my age by saying I screwed up when I registered and it wouldn't let me changed it. Yes, it's a lie, and no I don't lose a wink of sleep over it. If you think that other people aren't fluffing (or outright lying) in their profiles to make themselves look good, you're mistaken.

Anyway, when I revealed my true age, none of them have ever cared.

 

[thedeparted]

The answer is... don't waste your time online.

 

[StevenR]

Thanks for all the replies, I was a little out of it last night too, but I meant what I said and I want to get rid of this weight, it is frustrating. I have a body type where it is difficult to get slender but when I work out at the gym I build muscles fairly easily. I still think it would be much easier to be a naturally skinny guy even if It was difficult to get buff, and I could eat more of what I wanted to eat without getting fat because frankly I enjoy eating good food. But it is worth some sacrifice since I also enjoy good sex, I guess I can't have both all the time.

However, it can will hurt your game some. It just means you're either going to have to lose it, or bring your game up somewhere else. My vote is for both. I lost about 65 pounds in the last 6 months. In terms of how many more girls find me attractive because of this, I can't say. But I can tell you that my energy and my confidence levels are worlds apart. So, all I can tell you is if women are your motivation for losing weight or just being totally vain, who cares-don't fight it. Use what ever motivation you have at your disposal to get the damn ball rolling. You won't regret it.

wow! 65 lbs in 6 months? That is like 6lbs a week, I am currently losing about 1-2lbs a week riding my bicycle 3x a week and trying to eat somewhat healthy. I started in october and have been doing this since except that I unfortunately gained a few pounds back over the holidays when I went to visit my folks for xmas. I had a couple of buffalo burgers for dinner tonight I don't know if that counts as healthy since they are still burgers, but I was hungry after my bike ride and they were delicious. Women are half my motivation for losing weight, on my last bloodwork my doctor told me my cholesterol was a little too high because I am overweight, so avoiding angina and heart attacks in my future is my other motivation.

Steve- I'm 36, my profile on at least one of the dating sites says I am 35 for this exact reason. Just so I show up in the searches, and after a few minutes of conversation, I will usually reveal my age by saying I screwed up when I registered and it wouldn't let me changed it. Yes, it's a lie, and no I don't lose a wink of sleep over it. If you think that other people aren't fluffing (or outright lying) in their profiles to make themselves look good, you're mistaken.

people lying on match.com com? no way! you mean to tell me the average height of a guy here on the west coast isn't really 6'1"? I actually took a random sample of over 100 guys just for the heck of it when I saw so many taller men on there and cannot believe there were so many people who were as tall as they claimed. I looked up the average height of a male in the US and it is 5'9.5", which would mean the average man must be cheating by 3.5 inches! Either that or there are a bunch freakishly tall guys in my area.

 

[mrRuckus]

You're making a mistake thinking you have to "spend all day in the gym" to be decently in shape.

If you don't have 30-45 minutes 2-3 times a week, your priorities are screwed up. Work smarter, not harder. I have a six pack and i don't go more than 3 days a week. And i work a desk job.

Heck a few high intensity 15-20 min interval sessions if you're strapped for time will start taking off fat.

What's more important than your health? Surfing plentyoffish?

 

[azanon]

Re: 6-pack/washboard abs: One is born with them (or not born with them).

I only have one "curve" in my abdominal muscles. I could do sit-ups and crunches until I'm blue in the face and starve myself (to burn off all the fat on my abdomen), but I'll never have washboard abs.

Firm/visible abs vs weak/not visible abs are the only two choices in your control.

 

[StevenR]

Steve-

Pull up on the stick! At your age you have many options!

Look, you don't have to own every DJ tool at the hardware store to be a man. Sure, the more tools you have, the more options you have when it comes to women. BFD!

Your frame on the fitness thing is out of whack!

Being a DJ means doing things on your terms because you want to improve yourself for you. If you're doing it for the ladies you're cutting into your own DJness. Man up and do it for yourself.

What you have to determine what level of fitness you want and how much time you can devote to it. Sure, you'll have to work a little harder than when you were 20. But it is still possible to improve your health, fitness and physique.

I would rather work on my photography and brush up/learn how to play the guitar again, among other things, then to spend all my spare time in the gym. But what is going to get me the most girls, developing my musical and artistic skills and becoming a great artist or having washboard abs?

That is the choice I have to make, and if girls were not in the picture the choice is obvious, I would spend enough time exercising to remain reasonably fit and healthy, for my health, but not so much as to look like a male model. Then I would spend the rest of my time developing my skills in areas I am interested in. I also make money and supplement my income now with my photography, selling stock and artistic images. So it pays financially to develop that skill further as well.