Dating a single mother Pros and Cons

[electron]

I have the chance to date a single mother, her child, a girl is 2.5 yrs old (she is 19) What are some of the pros and cons of this possible endeavor? I should say that she is "smokin" even after childbirth.....she's hot! I am about 10 years older...so use this is in the equation......I figure most guys her age or slightly older would probably pass on her, due to her circumstances, would you all agree or no? She hasn't been with the father for over 2 years, he is out of the picture.....she did date another guy recently, but they have broken up....he was her age. When I first met her and asked if she was single and for her #, this was the first thing she said....that me and my bf have just broken up.....

Thoughts......? Bear in mind that I am not necessarily looking for a relationship with her or anyone for that matter.....but wouldn't turn it down with the right girl......I do have certain qualities that I like in girls, in that they MUST have looks......at least that is initially important and she has them.....

 

[spanky]

What's up, electron?

Well, I personally have absolutely no problem dating women with children except for the ones with infants. In my own experience, I found it difficult to get far off of the ground in those situation. But I would not have any problem with mothers who have toddlers or older.

As far as the age thing goes, that's a toughy. It all boils down to your personal preference. I find that a woman who is tens years younger than I is usually mving at a different speed than I am moving. If she is showing signs of much maturity, it will still look cool at this point.

Now, the one thing that I urge you to really consider is the fact that she has warned you that she just broke up with her ex. Why would a woman tell you this? Is it because she still has strong feelings for him and just want you to know beforehand? Is it because that he still may be showing up or "hitting it" every now and then even though they are not in a relationship?

I would probably inquire about why she felt the need to inform me since you have stated-

I am not necessarily looking for a relationship with her or anyone for that matter.....but wouldn't turn it down with the right girl......I do have certain qualities that I like in girls, in that they MUST have looks......at least that is initially important and she has them.....

Let us know how it turns out.

 

[stormwriter]

Oh man, i have lots of advice in this realm. Lately, all i've been attracting is single moms and/or chubby women. I've been doing the majority of DJ'ing on the Internet dating sites, cause its like shooting fat fish in a barrel.

A little background on me: i don't really want kids. My best friend says, "If you don't want kids, don't date a woman with kids, or that wants kids!!"
I said, "Dude, that's about 90% of the female population!"
He says, "Then focus on that remaining 10%!"

So, i'm confused as to whether i should date single moms. My other friend said, "you can get hotter women if you open yourself up to dating single moms" cause lets face it, there are some HOT single moms out there.

OK, here's what i discovered from experience:

- They ALL say "i'm not looking for a father for my child. They already have a good father."
Ok, you can believe that, but i dated a single mom for over a year, and she said, "all single moms say that, cause we don't want to scare the guy away, but OF COURSE we are looking to have a family again with a father around!"

- The single moms throw bigger bait on their line, to try and reel in suckers like you and me. Meaning, they will talk and hint about sex almost right off the bat. They KNOW they have to get, and keep a guy interested. I can't count how many times single moms have been the ones to initiate sex talk, and flirt openly. They, (and fat women too) want to get you to meet them, and THEN they hope you will fall for their "great personalities." Thats why fat and single moms are so forward with us guys.

- Let's face it, having kids wrecks most women's bodies. I have been with single moms that were a mess. Saggy boobs and stretchmarks are very common here.

- Some of them have a hard time finding babysitters. I was going to go out on a second date with a hot single mom, but her ex-husband wouldn't let her know until thursday or friday what day of the weekend he would take the daughter. It was his game to continually f**k with her.

- Don't think they are going to f**k you like a hurricane, just cause they are branded with the SINGLE MOM stamp. The uglier ones might f**k you more often and right off the bat, but the hot ones still hold out, in general, cause just like hot chicks with no kids, they get hit on every ten seconds, and can be choosy about who they f**k.

Those are just some of my personal thoughts. I really don't know where i stand about dating single moms. It would have to really depend on the woman. She would have to be EXCEPTIONAL to overcome the fact she's a single mom.

f**k, i just broke my tooth on a butter toffee peanut...

 

[Trapspringer]

Originally posted by stormwriter
Oh man, i have lots of advice in this realm. Lately, all i've been attracting is single moms and/or chubby women. I've been doing the majority of DJ'ing on the Internet dating sites, cause its like shooting fat fish in a barrel.

A little background on me: i don't really want kids. My best friend says, "If you don't want kids, don't date a woman with kids, or that wants kids!!"
I said, "Dude, that's about 90% of the female population!"
He says, "Then focus on that remaining 10%!"

So, i'm confused as to whether i should date single moms. My other friend said, "you can get hotter women if you open yourself up to dating single moms" cause lets face it, there are some HOT single moms out there.

OK, here's what i discovered from experience:

- They ALL say "i'm not looking for a father for my child. They already have a good father."
Ok, you can believe that, but i dated a single mom for over a year, and she said, "all single moms say that, cause we don't want to scare the guy away, but OF COURSE we are looking to have a family again with a father around!"

- The single moms throw bigger bait on their line, to try and reel in suckers like you and me. Meaning, they will talk and hint about sex almost right off the bat. They KNOW they have to get, and keep a guy interested. I can't count how many times single moms have been the ones to initiate sex talk, and flirt openly. They, (and fat women too) want to get you to meet them, and THEN they hope you will fall for their "great personalities." Thats why fat and single moms are so forward with us guys.

- Let's face it, having kids wrecks most women's bodies. I have been with single moms that were a mess. Saggy boobs and stretchmarks are very common here.

- Some of them have a hard time finding babysitters. I was going to go out on a second date with a hot single mom, but her ex-husband wouldn't let her know until thursday or friday what day of the weekend he would take the daughter. It was his game to continually f**k with her.

- Don't think they are going to f**k you like a hurricane, just cause they are branded with the SINGLE MOM stamp. The uglier ones might f**k you more often and right off the bat, but the hot ones still hold out, in general, cause just like hot chicks with no kids, they get hit on every ten seconds, and can be choosy about who they f**k.

Those are just some of my personal thoughts. I really don't know where i stand about dating single moms. It would have to really depend on the woman. She would have to be EXCEPTIONAL to overcome the fact she's a single mom.

f**k, i just broke my tooth on a butter toffee peanut...

This is why I like to read posts from this guy, man. He brings the real stuff.
It's based on experience. He is not quoting the Bible every other sentence like some mindless freak, and the word AFC is not in the post once.

I say, consider the above quote because it parallels my own views but I am a bit biased since I have a son of my own. I will date a single mom provided that she has her life under control.

 

[electron]

Thanks for the replies, guys....


About her saying "Yeah I just broke up with my BF".... What I got from it was this.......I had apporoached her, and because I saw her with a child, I didn't want to come across as a homewrecker etc.....so I asked her if she was single, to which she replied that she had just broke up with her bf. I think she was interested and just wanted to portray that to me......but I could be wrong haha

 

[BobbDobbs]

Good stuff stormwriter.

I believe women are fair game for dating, married, engaged, boyfriended -- whatever.

But single moms with little kids is a bit different. Now you are potentially messing with innocent kids. They would probably be better off with a new dad.

So if you are pretty sure you don't want to go the dad route (I'm not saying you have to be perfectly sure) then you should probably leave the mom to date guys that are more suitable so that she can more quickly hook up with a husband.

 

[electron]

you should probably leave the mom to date guys that are more suitable so that she can more quickly hook up with a husband.

Do you figure most younger single moms are looking for this?

 

[BobbDobbs]

Originally posted by electron
Do you figure most younger single moms are looking for this?

That's a fair question. I'd guess you'd have to ask them. But take note of what stormwriter said:

- They ALL say "i'm not looking for a father for my child. They already have a good father."
Ok, you can believe that, but i dated a single mom for over a year, and she said, "all single moms say that, cause we don't want to scare the guy away, but OF COURSE we are looking to have a family again with a father around!"

 

[electron]

Interesting, I was hoping to get into the mind of a younger single mother....to know if she thinks much different in terms of games than a girl without child....becuase obviously there wouldave to be difference......I just wanted to know if I should use the same techniques or customize them lol

I guess I wouldn't be adverse to an LTR with someone like this all things considered, it would depend on her of course....

 

[BobbDobbs]

Originally posted by electron
I guess I wouldn't be adverse to an LTR with someone like this all things considered, it would depend on her of course....

Right. But try to decide sooner rather than later. The longer you go the harder it will be to get your foot out of the guilt trap (of abandoning mother and child.)

 

[electron]

I've seen her once......I am still trying to get a read on her and see where she is coming from........I wanted to see if you guys though she would play the same games or be different...

 

[Buck Naked]

If you want to go out and she can't find a babysitter, surprise her at her place with dinner and a movie. After the kid goes to bed, it's smooth sailing!

 

[stormwriter]

I remember when the single mom and i broke up after dating for a year, and then we got back together. The first time i saw the kids again after breaking up, the four year old jumps on my back and says, "Cam, why you no love mommy no more?"

And i forgot to mention that you will NEVER be Number 1 priority on a single mom's list of priorities in life.

And, the women usually don't let you meet the kids really soon until they know you are worth it. I didn't meet my ex-girlfriends kids for the first month. I think a good mom should do it that way, so the kids don't see guy after guy coming in and out the door.

It's hard to say, generally, if single moms are pickier or not pickier because of their life situation. You would think they would be pickier cause they have to find a guy that not only accepts her, but accepts her kid as well.
But, on the other hand, you would think they would be forced to be less picky, by virtue of the fact they bring lots o' baggage into the new relationship.

And oh yeah, the ex-boyfriend was always in the picture. He never paid child support, so i foot the bill for everything. He was always calling, and as soon as he found out she was dating again, he was questioning her about me, and him getting jealous was bothering her. I remember numerous time her yelling at him over the phone, and then she was in a bad mood the rest of the night.

But Electron, it seems like she is fresh off the breakup, so she might need some time to collect herself REGARDLESS of the fact she's a single mom, ya know? And is her boyfriend she just broke up with the father of her kid? That is VERY important, cause she might go back with him. (you know, to make an "ideal situation" for the child, to be living with the mother and father.)

So, it's a lot to think about, man. I, after even a year, never warmed up to my ex's kids, and it was obvious. The kids could sense it. Before i would play with them, i would make them put Purell on their hands so i wouldn't get their gross germs on me. haha, stuff like that. And once they drank off my glass or can of pop - it was theirs. I wouldn't drink after they did. gross.

 

[electron]

The guy she has recently broken up with is not the father....she hasn't been with him for 2-3 years apparently......she is 19....this last bf was some other dude....I didn't ask too much about him (recent BF) other than the bare necessities so to speak

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by electron
I have the chance to date a single mother, her child, a girl is 2.5 yrs old (she is 19) What are some of the pros and cons of this possible endeavor? I should say that she is "smokin" even after childbirth.....she's hot! I am about 10 years older...so use this is in the equation......I figure most guys her age or slightly older would probably pass on her, due to her circumstances, would you all agree or no? She hasn't been with the father for over 2 years, he is out of the picture.....she did date another guy recently, but they have broken up....he was her age. When I first met her and asked if she was single and for her #, this was the first thing she said....that me and my bf have just broken up.....

Thoughts......? Bear in mind that I am not necessarily looking for a relationship with her or anyone for that matter.....but wouldn't turn it down with the right girl......I do have certain qualities that I like in girls, in that they MUST have looks......at least that is initially important and she has them.....

You can pretty much tell where the single mom's head is at by the way she behaves about her child/children. If she rushes you to meet and get close to her child, she is looking to snatch a new father for her child in most instances. If she is cautious about you getting close to her child and seems hesitant to have you spend time with her kid, then she isn't looking for a new father figure for her kid. As far as her just being 19, that's pretty irrelevent, especially if you're talking about a single mother. A 19 year old single mom is going to most likely be a lot more mature than a 23 year old without a child. When you have to be responsible for another human being you grow up fast.

I'm a single mother who is a wicked commitment phobe...I tend to avoid getting involved in serious relationships for a number of reasons...mostly because I'm set in my ways and am used to being the sole authority and not having to consult anyone before making decisions. At times I think I'd like to settle down with someone, but I find that I'm far too picky. The LAST thing I want is for someone to play father to my kids. Ideally, anyone I got serious about would be friends with my kids and they would all respect and like each other, but ultimately, my kids are my responsibility.

Basically...if someone is trying to rush you into the "daddy" role, then that's what her goal is. If she's not rushing, then it's really not fair to assume that this is what she's up to.

 

[( . )( . )]

dating ? what for? your 29 shes 19 what could she possibly have to offer you but pu$$y.

mind you i would still hit it, but a relationship..bahh

 

[billyjames]

Been there-donre that.
Unless she is a total coont.
She's looking not only for lovebut for a good daddy for her kid(s)
Now,being that she is so young she may think she wants just love,the latter part will seep in soon enough.

You make up your own mind man.But,all the emotions will rub off on the child good or bad.And,this will effect everything.

Good luck!

BillyJames

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by billyjames
Been there-donre that.
Unless she is a total coont.
She's looking not only for lovebut for a good daddy for her kid(s)
Now,being that she is so young she may think she wants just love,the latter part will seep in soon enough.

You make up your own mind man.But,all the emotions will rub off on the child good or bad.And,this will effect everything.

Good luck!

BillyJames

That's not always the case, but sometimes it is. This is why it's really important to pay attention to whether or not the woman is eager for you to get to know her kid/s. For instance, I won't bring a guy home unless I am certain he is ltr material. The only exception I make is if the person and I are friends and he has already met and knows my kids. But in that case, the guy and I already know each other well enough to know how compatible we are. There are a lot of women who, indeed, are looking for someone to take care of them. But there are also many who are simply looking for someone to spend time with. Sometimes it's difficult to tell the difference and sometimes guys (and women) overlook the obvious warning signs because they want this person to be "the one". In my experience, the most difficult thing about dating someone with kids (both male and female) are dealing with jealous exes.

 

[electron]

would renting a video be a good or bad idea for a second date with this girl? I took her out for dinner, drinks movie the first date......thing is every time she goes out she has to get her sister or mom to sit for her....

 

[MR_PERFECT]

Originally posted by electron
would renting a video be a good or bad idea for a second date with this girl? I took her out for dinner, drinks movie the first date......thing is every time she goes out she has to get her sister or mom to sit for her....

It's not your job to worry about who's watching her kid, that's her problem.