Dating a girl who had childhood trauma from a crazy mom

[AbaGanov]

Been seeing this girl for a while, on the surface she is great,kind and ticks a lot of my boxes in a women.

However she did reveal to me that she grow in a house with a ****ed up mom who traumatize the **** out of her, the mom have Borderline Personality Disorder. she told me some really insane stories about her childhood and that mom really damaged her.

She is and was going to therapy for a long time, but she admits she is far from being healed from that.

my question, do you any of you guys have an opinion or experience with this? should I abort ship as this can get bad down the line considering her past?

 

[RangerMIke]

Yes... run. Run fast and do not stop.

My ex was the same way, great girl... checked all the boxes... however, she had a mom that totally fvcked with her head. Eventually all that cr@p rises to the surface. Trust me... therapy only works to fix a person so they can function in society.... it does NOT fix relationships. DO NOT think you can fix her... she has to fix herself.

There are plenty of women raised in normal circumstances that you can really build something lasting. Could this work out? Well sure... you can also win a game of Russian Rolette.

 

[GT40]

Run like hell. Or spin her as a plate. Do not get involved with her.

 

[Willie Naylor]

Or spin her as a plate.

Do not get involved with her.

If he spins her as a plate, he'll be involved with her.

OP, the answer here is to run. far. far. away.

 

[Robert28]

Run like hell. Or spin her as a plate. Do not get involved with her.

If you make women like this a plate and they figure out that’s what they are, they’re likely to stab you in your sleep. Not kidding.

 

[wifehunter]

If her mom is still in the picture, and she's not making progress on recovery...

GTFO!!!

My mom was crazy, but she's out of my life. I'm now in a position to look back and see all of the craziness. The worst part is my dad supported her craziness, knowing full well that there was a problem. He was too weak to stand up to her abuse.

It's hard to see all the craziness, if you're in it. Your mind is too busy trying to comprehend the foolishness. This blindness is caused by confusion. It can happen to anyone.

 

[Francis]

Just about every bad / crazy / abusive person I've ever known has come from a dysfunctional, neglectful or abusive environment. It's a big part of what makes them that way. It doesn't happen out of thin air; this isn't a special case. They're still resentful about it, but they also use it to justify everything they do wrong. They're the entitled victim who's been wronged so anything they do wrong isn't actually wrong.

A lot of times they bring this up so they can excuse everything they're about to do wrong, and all their mood swings, unpredictable behaviors, etc. They know they have problems and are likely going to mess up relationships... it's what they do. The bait they often use to lure the unsuspecting is pity. There was a great article I read about this, where they mentioned "pity for themselves, their inability to take care of themselves, and their victim routine". All cluster B's get you to feel sorry for them because of their terrible upbringing.

I've also found these people to be charming and fake, so those are things to look for. Beneath it all they are usually empty and miserable, and looking to get revenge on people.

 

[darksprezzatura]

You can empathise and have sympathy for her.

I suggest to prioritise yourself over women.

As a man on his own purpose, you need to align everything in your life to work for you, not against you.

Accept that you find her hot and that's it.

Accept that there are other girls as hot who are stable as well.

You know what you got to do.

 

[Black Widow Void]

This gal is actually miles ahead of some of the people that responded to your posting.

I say this because (unlike some of the above forum members) she recognizes her baggage and is trying to improve upon it. You'll notice some of the above members are projecting and unable to look at a bigger picture.

As long as she isn't constantly (she's a female and so it's a given that it will happen at times) blaming others for her behavior, I'd keep her around.

Introspective people are a rarity these days (it's even more rare with women). She sounds like the type of gal that I'd personally make time for.

Good luck on this.

 

[TheCharmingGuy]

This gal is actually miles ahead of some of the people that responded to your posting.

I say this because (unlike some of the above forum members) she recognizes her baggage and is trying to improve upon it. You'll notice some of the above members are projecting and unable to look at a bigger picture.

As long as she isn't constantly (she's a female and so it's a given that it will happen at times) blaming others for her behavior, I'd keep her around.

Introspective people are a rarity these days (it's even more rare with women). She sounds like the type of gal that I'd personally make time for.

Good luck on this.

BWV, I personally wish there were more people like you on this forum. There’s too many whiny people that abandon ship at the first sign of trouble. “She didn’t respond to you within an hour? DUMP! She didn’t immediately offer to pay and insist on at least half? DUMP!! Every few weeks there’s a night when she’s too tired for sex? DUMP!!! She has spoken to another male in her entire life that wasn’t related to her? DUMP!” But I digress. If someone has a problem with their personality that just makes them human. If you meet a girl with no problems that just means she’s hiding something much deeper. Most problems are handleable. It’s the discretion to deal with these problems that makes you a man and not a boy.
Now if she blames you for any of her problems, yes, dump that. But not before.

 

[jimwho]

I'm thinking if she's harmless and quirky with bouts of strange behavior, or dangerous in anyway, you're the only one here that can make a judgment to walk away or not. Try not to make any long term arrangements of any kind and enjoy the "ride" if its good and positive. One other note.. If she's a nut don't let her get hooked on you and walk now.

 

[Willie Naylor]

BWV, I personally wish there were more people like you on this forum. There’s too many whiny people that abandon ship at the first sign of trouble. “She didn’t respond to you within an hour? DUMP! She didn’t immediately offer to pay and insist on at least half? DUMP!! Every few weeks there’s a night when she’s too tired for sex? DUMP!!! She has spoken to another male in her entire life that wasn’t related to her? DUMP!” But I digress. If someone has a problem with their personality that just makes them human. If you meet a girl with no problems that just means she’s hiding something much deeper. Most problems are handleable. It’s the discretion to deal with these problems that makes you a man and not a boy.
Now if she blames you for any of her problems, yes, dump that. But not before.

I agree with you, mostly. There are certain things that are an automatic Next, one of which is prior abuse in any way.

Unless OP wants to spend a lifetime going to therapy sessions with this chick and waking up in the middle of the night to this chick's night terrors and 'bad dreams,' he should run from this one.

If he stays involved with this one, she'll eventually become needier and needier with him. She'll have hot-to-cold moodswings occasionally, and he'll be back here creating a thread where he asks all of us how to break it off with this chick.

All this having been said, OP will likely be involved with this chick, someway, for another 10 years or so.

Experience has taught me that, when people ask for advice, they're hoping to get validation from others that says what they're currently doing is okay.

 

[2Rocky]

Did she offer you a permission note from her therapist?

Seriously, We all have trauma and we all have a degree of disorders that if traumatized will manifest itself. What do her actions say? Is she using her past as an excuse for her behavior? If so I say NO-GO.

But if she has her life together, and has grown from the experience no reason not to have fun.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

All that really matters is how she acts around you. You'd be hard-pressed to find someone that doesn't have some kind of trauma...that part is moot.

 

[Francis]

This gal is actually miles ahead of some of the people that responded to your posting.

I say this because (unlike some of the above forum members) she recognizes her baggage and is trying to improve upon it. You'll notice some of the above members are projecting and unable to look at a bigger picture.

As long as she isn't constantly (she's a female and so it's a given that it will happen at times) blaming others for her behavior, I'd keep her around.

Introspective people are a rarity these days (it's even more rare with women). She sounds like the type of gal that I'd personally make time for.

Good luck on this.

If I'm included in that list of "some forum members", there is no projecting. It's the experience I've had in being surrounded with dysfunctional people for many years. That's exactly how they acted. And you can see the same thing mentioned on various articles & so on. This isn't how I act around or treat other people.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I am not into psycho analyzing. Go by how she acts. If you can’t deal with her, abort.

Men, her mental health is not our responsibility.

 

[Black Widow Void]

If I'm included in that list of "some forum members", there is no projecting. It's the experience I've had in being surrounded with dysfunctional people for many years. That's exactly how they acted. And you can see the same thing mentioned on various articles & so on. This isn't how I act around or treat other people.

When you make blanketed statements, but they only pertain to your personal experience, you reveal more about yourself - than you may realize.

Judging by the characteristics, the OP described, this gal doesn’t necessarily fit the stereotype.

instead is making knee-jerk postings, you might first step outside your personal experiences... and look at the bigger picture.

 

[Francis]

When you make blanketed statements, but they only pertain to your personal experience, you reveal more about yourself - than you may realize.

Judging by the characteristics, the OP described, this gal doesn’t necessarily fit the stereotype.

instead is making knee-jerk postings, you might first step outside your personal experiences... and look at the bigger picture.

Not about to get into a big argument, but the irony isn't lost there. Just about everything you read on here is a result of the user's personal experience or things they've witnessed, or other stereotypes. They haven't had success in [location], therefore all girls in [location] are x, y, z. They saw a tall guy get approached but not short guys, therefore only tall guys get approached. Guys from [country] have no chance. Girls after a certain age are x, y, z. Or during their x years. All girls want x. You can't be nice or you're doomed. The list goes on and on. Not even beginning with the fact that it's all nonsense and doesn't match the reality of what's out there, or what some of us have experienced.

I've even mentioned a couple times that what I (or anyone, for that matter) says is based on personal experience; that we all have our own views and so on.

Either way I stand by what I said; it's what I experienced. And gave my opinion. It's not a "projection", and I am well aware of what that means.

 

[Alvafe]

for the op it will dpeend on one single little thing, is her mom in the pic and she still listen her?

that is all, if she does then run, if not and keep contact to a minimum it will be probation and the first little crazy you quit

 

[bat soup]

Been seeing this girl for a while, on the surface she is great,kind and ticks a lot of my boxes in a women.

However she did reveal to me that she grow in a house with a ****ed up mom who traumatize the **** out of her, the mom have Borderline Personality Disorder. she told me some really insane stories about her childhood and that mom really damaged her.

She is and was going to therapy for a long time, but she admits she is far from being healed from that.

my question, do you any of you guys have an opinion or experience with this? should I abort ship as this can get bad down the line considering her past?

I'd look at her behaviour and attitude instead of making assumptions based on amateur psychology. Some people go through a lot and become stronger and wiser because of it. Other people get broken and never get fixed.