Dating a girl - Problem with competition

[robojack]

I'm seeing a girl right now who's great, except she's casually dating this other dude who asked her out. She claims that she's been passive when she's with the guy (ie: she doesn't initiate anything), and that the guy's been taking it slow really slow (ie: he tried to hold hands on their last casual date).

Now, her and I, I would like to think are bit more serious. We make out in public sometimes, and we hold hands and have way too many common interests (we both love to cook and exercise, for example). Two dates ago, she said she's not ready for a real relationship (I didn't ask, mind you), but I told her that it changes nothing between us. We then proceeded to make out on the beach. Last date, we made out in an Italian bakery while sharing a gelato during an Italian festival. We've been out on 4-5 dates in total. I avoid the AFC approach as much as possible, and I use C+F rather efficiently.

However, the fact that she's still seeing this other guy is becoming a concern to me. I don't want to sound like a jealous and insecure bastard, but the more I ask, the more it may seem this way (I'm not going to ask anymore, stupid best friend's advice). I want this dude OUT of her life, and I'm doing my best to appear like I don't give a damn and that I'm much more capable and confident than the other guy is (which I truly believe I am).

Some advice would be greatly appreciated. She needs to realize that I'm the only man she needs, and that all other men pale in comparison. But then again, this is a girl who's too nice to say 'no' to anyone, and would give her email to a total stranger.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Just say "NO" to One-itis.

 

[Scoiland]

she loves the attention from 2 guys

Think about if you were in this situation with 2 people you are attracted too

If you get bored with one of them you can to the other one

This keeps her interested but ya you need to make her realize that you are better which is tough in this situation

 

[Jariel]

Here's one of your biggest problems...

'm doing my best to appear like I don't give a damn and that I'm much more capable and confident than the other guy is (which I truly believe I am).

You see, this is a contradiction. You are trying too hard. If you are really more confident than this other guy, you would not bother trying.

So here's the solution that will give you your dignity back and get her interest at the same time...

Refuse to compete.

It's simple reverse psychology. She will chase the guy she stands to lose - I am sure of it!

Don't give her an ultimatum or explain your actions (NEVER DO THIS!), just go ice cold on her without any explanation. Refuse to go out with her once in a while, don't make any move or flirt with her when you do.

And, I have to point out, this other guy might seem like an AFC, but it sounds like he's giving her quite a challenge.

 

[Big Eee Zee]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
Just say "NO" to One-itis.

YESYESYES YES YES YESSSS!

Watch yourself! You are headed into my problem. I also disagree with ^^^ that guy. I don't think he is a challenge, I think she's a B*tch. She sounds just like my last girl. She wants to be happy any way possible, even if it means playing you two against each other. You give her action, he gives her compassion. Do NOT get attached. I dated one of these, and she dropped me when there wasn't even any competition. I'd say two choices-

1.) Take what you can get, suck the relationship dry. You will get what you want and when its done its done. That is good, but the bad side is that it WILL end soon if you do that, and you may get attached. You sound like you're rather attached already, i.e. "I want this dude OUT of her life..."

2.) Do what Jariel said and go cold on her. This is good because it may make her realize that you two should be together and you could have a great relationship. This is bad because it may make her think you are insecure about the other guy and she will yank your chain, or she may just end it there when you stop giving her attention.

You could always keep doing what your doing now, but thats what I did and I got dropped hard. I'd say do something. You sound like your getting set up to be played, but I could be wrong, I don't know her.

 

[Lost In Translation]

i agree with Big Eee Zee

i think she is a b*tch

i like he game plan :

robojack
this is a girl who's too nice to say 'no' to anyone, and would give her email to a total stranger

WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP !!!

you are in some serious $hit if you believe her story that she has to f*c* and kiss every guy who asks her out because she cannot say no

does she stutter ?

n n n n n ...... TRY AGAIN BABY

can't get the O sound out ?

here ! stick this large object in your mouth and as you can see it will make your mouth into a perfect O now when i take it out breath through your mouth and say O now N O

she can say NO !

gives her emails to total strangers ! a good girl would not do this !

and a half decent h0 would give a fake email

YOU ARE IN TROUBLE she is a professional

and your getting played against the other guy

SHE IS CALLING THE SHOTS BY MANIPULATING YOUR EMOTIONS !

she is not LTR material. your only hope is to hook up with other chicks make her jealous and use her tactics against her.

she will be a short term fling max. fb on the side.

DO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH THIS DANGEROUS WOMAN !

oops.... too late !


Lost In Translation

**AUSTRALIAN STREET PIMP**

 

[PVSSY-EATER]

well, we as humans are conditioned to think that we must compete, or beat, or impress, or prove others wrong constantly, and this is the main reason for depression, worry, fear, debt, poverty, disappointment, and all the other negative factors that occur in life.

If we keep the focus on ourselves, we will then see that the only competiton is in destroying and conquering that voice in our heads that tells us, "You are a loser," "You are worthless."

It is all about the mind, and what the hell is going on up there. Do some research on this, I am. I think that is what it comes down to.

That mind alone, is what attracts women, I dont think all this other stuff like being popular, wearing TAG spray, or NLP, or being ****y and funny and being a mystery are as important or play such a major role....as this site and others say it does.

I believe that is the reason why so many are still here and in confusion. I believe that the process and change has not happened in the mind, thus..............they are still where they started.

Do some research on this, I am as well....I just dont think that being a nice guy, a jerk guy, a gay guy, a jock guy, a metrosexual, hetereosexual, fvck it...homosexual or any other kind of sexual is what it is that REALLY attracts the woman, I think it is the mind, and you guys are doing this ****y funny, mystery stuff, but I think because your mind is programed a certain way, that is the reason why you get laid..,..I dont think ****y and funny or being a mystery, or waiting three days to call, or talking with a low voice tone or skipping on one foot had anything to do with it....but thats my opinion.

 

[Scoiland]

Originally posted by PVSSY-EATER
well, we as humans are conditioned to think that we must compete, or beat, or impress, or prove others wrong constantly, and this is the main reason for depression, worry, fear, debt, poverty, disappointment, and all the other negative factors that occur in life.

If we keep the focus on ourselves, we will then see that the only competiton is in destroying and conquering that voice in our heads that tells us, "You are a loser," "You are worthless."

It is all about the mind, and what the hell is going on up there. Do some research on this, I am. I think that is what it comes down to.




That mind alone, is what attracts women, I dont think all this other stuff like being popular, wearing TAG spray, or NLP, or being ****y and funny and being a mystery are as important or play such a major role....as this site and others say it does.

I believe that is the reason why so many are still here and in confusion. I believe that the process and change has not happened in the mind, thus..............they are still where they started.

Do some research on this, I am as well....I just dont think that being a nice guy, a jerk guy, a gay guy, a jock guy, a metrosexual, hetereosexual, fvck it...homosexual or any other kind of sexual is what it is that REALLY attracts the woman, I think it is the mind, and you guys are doing this ****y funny, mystery stuff, but I think because your mind is programed a certain way, that is the reason why you get laid..,..I dont think ****y and funny or being a mystery, or waiting three days to call, or talking with a low voice tone or skipping on one foot had anything to do with it....but thats my opinion.

so what exactly are you researching ?

 

[robojack]

Thank you for your advice, ppl. I'm definitely beginning to feel like a damn pawn in her stupid game of 'Who can entertain me better?' The more I think about this, the less I'm attracted to her and the less needy I feel.

I have two months left of summer left, and if in that time we don't progress, I do plan on nexting her. At least this way, I will have had some fun myself, while not prolonging what could be a ridiculously pointless pursuit.

 

[So Many Ways]

I would guess that over 90% of single attractive women are at least seeing someone else when you meet them.

Don't worry about that. Worry about yourself only. You should be seeing more than one woman anyway.

 

[robojack]

I'm Asian, oneitis is hard-coded into my blood.

 

[Big Eee Zee]

Originally posted by robojack
Thank you for your advice, ppl. I'm definitely beginning to feel like a damn pawn in her stupid game of 'Who can entertain me better?' The more I think about this, the less I'm attracted to her and the less needy I feel.

I have two months left of summer left, and if in that time we don't progress, I do plan on nexting her. At least this way, I will have had some fun myself, while not prolonging what could be a ridiculously pointless pursuit.

Good attitude! As soon as you care less than the other party, the power has shifted back to your side. Now, don't start to hate her just cause she's seeing someone else, but become less attached. It might make her come around. Hell, it's what I'm trying right now. I'll let you know how it goes.

 

[Faded Image]

Originally posted by robojack
I'm seeing a girl right now who's great, except she's casually dating this other dude who asked her out. She claims that she's been passive when she's with the guy (ie: she doesn't initiate anything), and that the guy's been taking it slow really slow (ie: he tried to hold hands on their last casual date).

Now, her and I, I would like to think are bit more serious. We make out in public sometimes, and we hold hands and have way too many common interests (we both love to cook and exercise, for example). Two dates ago, she said she's not ready for a real relationship (I didn't ask, mind you), but I told her that it changes nothing between us. We then proceeded to make out on the beach. Last date, we made out in an Italian bakery while sharing a gelato during an Italian festival. We've been out on 4-5 dates in total. I avoid the AFC approach as much as possible, and I use C+F rather efficiently.

However, the fact that she's still seeing this other guy is becoming a concern to me. I don't want to sound like a jealous and insecure bastard, but the more I ask, the more it may seem this way (I'm not going to ask anymore, stupid best friend's advice). I want this dude OUT of her life, and I'm doing my best to appear like I don't give a damn and that I'm much more capable and confident than the other guy is (which I truly believe I am).

Some advice would be greatly appreciated. She needs to realize that I'm the only man she needs, and that all other men pale in comparison. But then again, this is a girl who's too nice to say 'no' to anyone, and would give her email to a total stranger.

From what I understand, your girl is a Female Don Juan. Why do i say this? She can date you and him without having a casual relationship, isn't that's within the lines of what a Don Juan does. She tells you these little things about this guy to keep you at bay. Besides her, only God knows what she tells you or the other guy about each other. You need to ask yourself, is he the only other guy she's dating? I suspected my wife of seeing one other person and boy was I wrong. Turns out, she had the other guys thinking they were the only one as well. I was a chump then and three years later i can hold my own and of course this site had a hand in that recovery.

Dude you can learn alot from this girl like i did from my wife.
Now, my seperated wife and I can just sit tell crazy stories about the opposite sex which is increadible cause other guys who are excellent with women tell her things that i can use for my progress (i'm way over her now). What you could do is go cold like others have suggested or just counter her with an attack of your own (i.e. date another girl). If this girl see you as being any type of dating partner, having another girl will quickly make up her mind for her. What ever you do, just don't let the other guy get to you cause it'll make you do AFC type things if he does.

Peace "B"