Dating a girl, looking to make her LTR, New waters for me, need advice

[Desdinova]

So, we talk, for like an hour, and basically, she tells me that she doesn't have romantic feelings for me. WTF?

Okay, let's go back to what I initially posted:

Sounds like she's fvcking someone else and isn't all that interested in you.

So we've verified that she wasn't interested in you.

Again, you need to be more sexual with women. If you wanna hold off on the actual act of sex, you can get away with it for about a month, (two or more months if you're lucky.) If you haven't fvcked a woman within this timeframe, she will look elsewhere for sex.

So, you can either continue to buy into the whole "develop the friendship first" tactic which will get you a nice female friend like the one you just made, or you can be more sexual with women and define the difference between a friend and a lover.

 

[Rhizzle]

Well, to say she wasn't interested just sounds like BS to me.

You don't make out with someone you're not interested in.

I mean, well, you can find someone attractive, and make out with em, but then realize they aren't a good match and you don't date them.

But with us, we are a good match, and there was obviously attraction, so I think its BS.

She's feeling that empty void and can't explain it.

_______

Also, can you define what you mean, by, be more sexual, even if i'm not gonna act on it at first?

I mean, what I described, i thought I was being.

 

[D_Master]

Rhizzle, I know where you're coming from. If you don't want to have sex with this girl then don't, simple as that. But there has to be some kind of physical interaction on your part so she doesn't think you're turned off by her or you end up just being friends. I didn't read all the posts so you may have addressed that already. I understand how you feel, don't let these "internet pimps" who bash you for your beliefs get you down. To some it's their "job" to seduce women. I saw a post where a guy said he spent 40 hrs. a week talking to girls online and it had gotten him in bed w/ 50 girls or something like that. I don't know about you but I want something that feels more authentic then which sluts did i bag in my mass email.
As for your situation, it's tough since she just got out of a relationship. You may need to take it slow and be guarded for awhile, you may be a rebound or her next LTR, it could go either way at this point. As i said I didn't read all your posts so you may have addressed this, but I would just float a question out to gage her interest like, "could you see this getting more serious?" or something like that where you aren't showing your interest but you get a feel for hers. If she's indecisive thats not all bad, but at least it gives you a feel and allows you to gurd yourself a bit instead of waiting and building up to the "big moment".

Just my 2 cents, hope it helps, stay strong!

 

[Desdinova]

You know how many women I've made out with that I wasn't really interested in? LOTS.

You were the rebound guy. You fulfilled the void she had when her ex left. You gave her the attention that she needed. Now that she no longer needs that attention, she no longer needs you.

You can continue making yourself feel better by lying to yourself that she really was interested. Or you can realize that you were just a stepping stone to help her move away from her ex, and you were used solely to make her feel better and nothing more.

 

[D_Master]

Ok, I went back and read through a few posts and now can add to the above post. He's right, if she says she has no "romantic feelings" for you, you were someone she used for attention, that simple. Or that she really saw you as a friend, but if she made out with you, it was for attention. Its tough to accept i know, I've been there. I made out with a girl on her bed the 1st time we went out only to be stood up a week later. Or a girl i made out with 10 min. after meeting her only to never talk to her again. I remember being over at a friends place and we started making out on the floor while her brother was asleep on the couch right above us. When he woke up we never kissed again, and I'm still friends with her. It happens, people do make out just for the heck of it. Heck I could go on, I have 3 friends that are girls that I know I'll never go out with but it seems everytime 1 of them breaks up with a boyfriend I get some "I need an ego boost" action and I'm ok with that. I'm not bragging but trying to help with your situation as I've been there. If you approach things diferentely and don't approach every girl as your LTR, you will be surprised how it will actually help.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Oh, let me add, on the note of becoming her non-threatening friend, I FELT LIKE, i wasn't letting that happen because I never took an timid AFC approach to her.

As in, I never stood back afraid to touch her, or kiss her.

I would walk in and make contact with an embracing hug, i'd grab her hand and hold it when we were walking, but my arm around her back and shoulder walking. I would always be sure and touch the lower back with my hand, its a very sexual place.

So, I thought I fended that off well.

You have the right idea, but sex is the only way to stave off the friend zone. Sex is the difference between friends and more-than-friends.

And having these 'meaningful talk about our feelings' type of conversations will never get you anywhere with women. Their words mean nothing; words are a waste of time. Whatever they tell you is either wrong, misleading, or will soon change, so it does not matter. Never confess to a woman that you have romantic feelings for her - that makes you boring, too easy, and not a challenge.

Also, if you sarge perfume girl, don't use the word 'creepy' or even allude to any negativity. Smile, say hello, chat and laugh with her, and try to separate her good salesmanship from genuine interest in you. Sometimes it is hard to tell.

 

[Interceptor]

You don't make out with someone you're not interested in.

Um..wrong.

If you're talking about Females.

Now if you mean that YOU "don't make out with someone you're not interested in", then that's different.

Just becasue YOU have some rules you live by, does not mean it automatically applies to everyone else, especially females.

Dude, girls give BJ s to guys they have no interest romantically at all, You think they have any qualms about the quaint 'make out' session?

They can fvck guys they don't even know, Rhizz.

OK?

Reality check, buddy.


Oh, Rhizz, learn the difference between being attracted, and being interested.
THEY ARE NOT THE SAME, Rhizz.

 

[silverwolfalpha]

So, I've been on the site here a few months. Been reading and learning and now I'm seeing a pretty cool girl.

We've only been dating about 3 weeks now. I saw her 4 times the first week, but we've slowed a bit since then. But the interest level has only grown.

When we first went out, I misunderstood that her and her ex had broken up about 5 months prior. That was my misinterpretation. It was less than 3 months ago now.

With that said, it is very clear we have good chemistry and there is strong interest., but she is having some issues with "us" and for now is wanting to keep things at a dating level, if that makes sense. Like, she wont stay over with me but the kissing and kinda making outt is very very nice and we're both very into it.

I'm not looking for the sex so I'm fine with the fact that nothing is happening there. However, I would like her to stay over with me. Its not about sex, that will come and I would not want that unless things were going well in an LTR. She knows that, she likes that, nd made it clear that she wasn't ready for that soon either.

So, the thing is, I've only dating two girls ever really. The first, we just sort of were dating, and then it ended in a couple onths. She refused to talk about "stuff".

The second girl, we started dating, and quickly went LTR and it lasted 3 years.

Now, this girl, she seems very into me, but for example, the otther night, when I took her home after our date, I walked her to her door, we went inside, she closed the door, and before I left, this long kissing session started and lasted prob 10 minutes. At one point, I asked her if se wanted me to stay. She said, she couldn't let me do that, and referenced how it had only been 2 and a half months, and she wasn't ready for that.

Also, like, when we go out, she doesn't initiate hand holding, but she is receptive to it. Also, she doesn't really iniiate anything except when she sort of leans over on my shoulder when we're standing or walking, and somtimes sitting on the couch. But I think she is just a very reserved quict, kind of shy girl and wants me to initiate.

When we sit together, or hold hands while walking or driving, I instinctively am carrssing. Whther it be her hand, the palm, or her leg, or back, I caress. Again, she's receptive, but she doesn't really reciprocate. But her kissing, is very active, and she's very into it.

So, I guess I've never dealt with a girl who just wanted to date, and take things slow, and yet be so receptive, but not really initiate.

Is this normal? Should I be worried? I hope this garble makes sense. I'll try to write a more through timeline of events if you guys want me to.

Again, I'm fine with everything going slow, and I'm not looking for the sex cause I wouldn't do that until she was thorough LTR, but I just don't wanna be dating a girl who may be hung up on her ex for many months.

ok, last example, yesterday, I got back into town after christmas and my best friend from college was in town for one day from germany. He lives there now. Well, I txtd her asking her to join us for dinner. I had mentioned before that he'd be here, and would like her to meet him.

Well, yesterday, she basically said, that she didn't wanna go, cause she felt like, her "meeting my best friend" was taking our relationship to a level that she wasn't currently comfortable with. I have been and continued to be patient, and told her I understood, and I appreciate tthe great communication. Which I do appreciate it, and I have been supportive of her and I think we have great communication.

Any thoughts? I guess, my condensed question/issue is, if she needs another month to get over this and be able to spend the night with me and call us bf gf, thats fine. But I don't wanna be sitting here on Valentines and still be "just dating" with no implyed weekends together and such.

Also, note, she has only been living in this state for 4 months now, and doesn't have many friends at all. She is not seeing anyone else, but she has just told me that she has gotten her life into a routine, and she doesn't wanna rush to change that.

Thoughts? Comments?

My brother!!! welcome to the good life. Thank god i have found another DJ like me. How think out side of "women are just for sex" box and more "women are also human box".
Alot of DJs on this site suffered the effect of the circle. Where they got hurt by a ***** and turned into players themselves, dont listen to them.
I respect that you can b in LTR 3 years and not have sex. I truely do.
For advice: first take it slow. MAKE sure shes proper and not a ***** who will hurt you. Talk to her friends. research her past. See if shes cheated. Does she drink alot? smoke? drugs? they are normally not the LTR type.
Is she still contacting her EX? is she a virgin?
consider her value and compare it to yours. Then decide if shes worth LTR.
Dont you just love chemistry. When you get close to her. And that smooth, warm kiss? i remember it. I love it. I mean we don't think "can we get sex now" whilst we do it right? lol
good luck. PM me if u want advice. LTR expert here cos i am in 1.:flowers: :yes:

 

[Rhizzle]

Guys, to spite the fact that the basis of this thread is more or less about a failure and setback I've experienced, at the very least, today, I've taken another step forward.

I just got back from lunch. There's this sandwich shop in the shopping plaza next to our office. Me and a few of the guys walked over there for lunch today.

There was this STUPID hot girl working there today. I didn't think she had been there a while.

So, we ate, and after we left the table and paid, I just walked over to her and started talking. It was short and sweet cause the information led to her saying she was 18. No, I didn't ask her age, but she was saying she was a student at tech and that she was 18.

Well, again, I know you guys will come in and bash, I don't care.

I basically ejected myself at that point cause I'll be 28 in 2 days and thats just a bit too much age diff.

If she had been 20, I'd have continued and asked for the digits. I may should have anyway, but it felt weird.

For those of you that see this, and havn't read this thread, I'm not after sex, and not lookin for a random hookup, and so, for my purposes, 18 is too young.

The victory today, was me walking over, and talking to her.

I would have NEVER done that before finding this site and hopefully it will just lead to more and more approaches and with that should come success.

I admit I was nervous, but I command a calm and collected demeanor, and so I just smiled, and spoke with poise and composure.

 

[Interceptor]

The victory today, was me walking over, and talking to her.

I would have NEVER done that before finding this site and hopefully it will just lead to more and more approaches and with that should come success.
I admit I was nervous, but I command a calm and collected demeanor, and so I just smiled, and spoke with poise and composure

Rhiz, a lot of guys don't realize that there are essentially TWO Courses for a decision to take.

In other words, every decision you make is either Destructive, or Constructive. It is Positive, or Negative. It helps keep us on our goal to Happiness, or takes us farther away from it.

When you approach a female, even if she 'rejects" you ,it is STILL a Positive decsion.
Why?
because you GAIN experience.

THAT Experience then can be mined for information that will help you get closer to achieving success.

It is Positive because if you have the right outlook it will take you one step closer to fulfillment. Whenyou achieve your Goals, you BUILD Self Esteem.

But when guys do NOT approach, they do it because they FEAR.
What little bit of Ego they have is in DANGER!
So their negative self talk tells them to STOP! or they will destroy their self image.
So in protecting their Ego, they are making a Destructive decision.
They are not "protecting" anything.
They are trying to maintain an illusion , rather than having the COURAGE to make a decision to GROW.
What happens when you purpsosely decide NOT to GROW?
You die.
So in essence, the guy that decides to "protect" his Ego, is in fact killing himself and REGRESSING.


that decison if looked upon correclty, will help you BUILD Self Esteem.
Self Esteem helps you BUILD Confidence.

Approacing a woman and engaging her , even if it doesn't turn out "perfect' (like it NEEDS to BE Perfect ) is still a positive, Growth inducing decision.



Rhizzle, buddy, you did good, man.

We're proud of you.

 

[Rhizzle]

Thanks for the support and words of encouragement.

The girl that I went and talked to was 18. Me and all my coworkers were certain she was at least 22 if not 24.

She was a totally smoking HOT blonde girl.

But, at least I went and talked to her.

 

[wheelin&dealin]

I went out with a girl 3 times and she wasn't into having sex, so I never called her again. What... did she think I was just there to keep her company?? Either get down or go home, babe. If a girl doesn't want to have sex with you by the 3rd or 4th date, then don't waste your time.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I went out with a girl 3 times and she wasn't into having sex, so I never called her again. What... did she think I was just there to keep her company?? Either get down or go home, babe. If a girl doesn't want to have sex with you by the 3rd or 4th date, then don't waste your time.

yes! Finally, someone who understands.

 

[Rhizzle]

Hey Wheelin', thanks for not even reading the thread you were posting in.

If you had, you would have seen that I didn't want sex from her at this point regardless.

Not that I don't want it, but I have my beliefs.